THE REVAN: Jaden Amnesia
by WeShouldntWriteWeShouldDance
Summary: (DSM!Revan/Bassie, Rated M, and lots of twists built-in.) It ain't gonna be your Grandad's KotOR write-through, guys. Everything you know is wrong. I COMMAND MORE READS AND REVIEWS!
1. Chapter 01: Prologue Over Taris

**A/N:** No nonsense. The story of KOTOR I_,_ DS!Male Revan, Revan/Bassie romance – and also a warning up front: Everything you know and expect from the game from henceforth out is a LIE and may _**or**_ may not happen. I don't get why people always write stories that are just _the game_ when if I wanna see that I can just _play_ the game. So it's gonna be different here: **THE REVAN: Jaden Amnesia** is going to be better than the game, the way it ___should_ have been from the beginning. There will be as many changes as I can fit in, and blood, swearing, and possibly sex, so rated M for MMM-MMMM, read it.

**A/N 2:** I (originally) shortened this chapter alot. Was gonna write it as the whole Endar Spire, but come on, guys. We all know who Revan really is and what happened on the ship. So that part and the chapter is short cuz I cut all that was useless, but dont worry, the story'll be long.

**A/N 3: 5/31/13 –** Okay Guys, I'm honestly getting dispapointed with you here. This story's been up for months and Im up to 50000+ words – not _too_ shabby I should've been thinking – but not _one_ reader's willing to give me a review? _COME ON_, guys! Show some support here.

Well anyway I read Chapter 1 again and figured maybe the reason nobody's reviewed is because they get turned off from the boring first chapter. I've rewrote the _Endar Spire_ part of it again, but _this_ time it's much more different from the game and hopefully epic enough to set the tone of the story better than the original Chapter 1. **So READ! AND REVIEW! PRETTY PLEASE! ! !**

* * *

In space, no one can hear you dream. That was good, because my dream was getting really trippy.

"Jaden... Jaden, wake up." Said a voice. It was a girl's voice. A pretty ones.

I couldn't wake up though, I was asleep... Who wasn't smart enough to get _that?_

Couldnt even open my eyes, so everything was dark. I was just kinda stuck in my mind with my thoughts, but I didnt have much of those. Only thing was... Who was in my bed with me and why was she trying to wake me up?

I tried to toss and turn, but there was nothing I could only just barely made my head turn. What was going on? Was I a prisoner? Where was I? I- That's right, I was on my ship. I'm a smuggler. I smuggling in the Corellian run, near the hottest star.

"Come on, Jaden, I've got you. Hang on a minute, I'll just buy you a drink"

Problem was, I noticed I was sweating. A lot. And my blankets were all wet. If whoever was in my bed had invaded, and _pissed_ in my _bed..._

"Jaden, wake up. It's past oh-two-hundred hours and we are under attack."

_Attack?_

I slammed bolt-upright so hard that I cracked into the ceiling and stared out into the window. Ships were shooting at it so that wasn't good. "**MAN THE BATTLE STATIONS!**" I screamed and shaking my fist. "**NAAOOOOWWWW**"

Problem was, I was still asleep. So I decided to wake up.

* * *

First thing I noticed was my bed had caught completely on fire, and the voice of the woman was a sexy intercom computer voice that was actually my alarm clock. _Nobody_ could sleep through this bullshit, but _somebody_ was definitely gonna pay.

The door into my room blasted in like a grenade, and a guy ran backwards thru it shooting out into the hallway with a blaster pistol. Must have been one hell of a party.

Then I realized the bed was on fire.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" I said. "Fuck, _fuck, **FFFUUCK!**_" And screaming I rolled off of the bed and put out the fires on me. Who knew how long I'd had been cooking?

The guy with the gun was wearing a Red "REPUBLIC" Shirt, and ran over to me. He was younger than I did but had white hair in a crew's cut, like everyone else on the ship except me since I'm a rebel.

"YOU!" He shouted. "You, are you all right!"

"IM ON FIIIIIRE" I shouted back and put out the flames by rolling around but the floor kept shaking and swooming artound from explosions or something. I gasped and looked down. "Who are you? I said.

"What do you mean, _who am I?_" Trask shouted angrily. "I'm Trask Ulgo, your bunkmate here on the ship!What's wrong with you?"

I looked down. Neither my crotch nor any particular part of me was exposed, because I always slept in my red smuggler's-jacket & other clothes unless I wasn't alone which technically apparently I hadn't been if I had a bunkmate but I didnt remember but i had to suppose I was dressed to be ready okay.

"I was just on _fire,_ you _**cock!**_" I yelled, looking at the bed. "I-"

But the bed wasn't on fire anymore. In fact, its sheets had turned into a lump of ice and frost.

Trask glanced at it. "Bed on fire? Must have been hit by a Sith bomber. Listen, the Endar Spire is under attack! We gotta get out of here!" He shouted.

He helped me stand up to my feet. "What's the Endar Spire, and who's Bastila?"

"Did you hit your head out of the bunk, or what? Bastila's the captin of the ship! _This_ shi!p The Endar Spire! Now hurry up, we're under Sith attack! We gotta get outta here. Bastila's a Jedi and she's on the bridge because she's the captain so we gotta go get there and make sure she gets off of here alive and we can escape then too!"

"Jaden, please wake up." The alarm clock said.

"Shhuuuuut THE _**FUCK**_ UP!" I yelled and threw the alarm clock against the window. It exploded into a useless cloud of metal and plastic and battery pieces until the exact instant where a Sith helicopter flew nearby and shot a missle into it. Oh boy.

"RUNNN" Trask runned and we ran out into the hall and smashed the door shut behind us before the air could suck us out. We stumbled around into the hallway and got out our guns just as some Stih troopers came into view and aimed at us.

"These Sith must be the advanced boarding party!" Trask shouted. "Unlucky for them we're just about to _crash_ **that** party! You took and oath to protect Bastila and our ship when you got signed onto the Endar Spire, now it's time to make good on that and get the the bridge! FOR THE REPUBLIC!"

I didn't remember signing any bullshit oath and i wouldn't have anyway since i didn't believe in the Republic but I did believe in killing people who crossed me, and if the ship really was about to explode I might as well have done what Trask said in order to get out of here all right. So we shot those Sith troopers and I let him lead the way through some more corridors. There was hardly anyone around except dead Republic dudes and there was an atmosphere of dangar.

"How come _I'm_ leading the way?" Trask shouted as we waded through the smoke of a collapsed air vent. "Don't you know the layout of this ship too?!"

I thought about that as we waved our arms windmill-like to sweep away the steam. "Look get off my back man," i yelled back so he coudl hear me. "I'm not a soldier like yo uguys, I'm a smuggler. I used to smuggle up the Corellian Run and stuff so the Republic hired me to be like a scout or something since I was too smart for them to actually arrest me. I'm not used to sharing a ship so there!"

"Well okay, I guess that makes sense then."

We came to a door. It was locked. Trask ran up to it and tried to open it at the computer. "Damn it!" He shouted. "It's not recognizeing my outer lock! The Sith mus thave hacked into the network secujrity grid!"

"Let me try." I said and took his place. Next to us was a T3 utility droid trying to pick up some trash because there was a trash can near by. I was able to slice the door open with my security knife because I know some backdoor sinto Republic systems.

"Nice job! How'd you know all that?"

"Well, I-" But too late because the T3 droid exploded and showed us with SPARKS! "**AAARRRGH!**" I yelled. "**FUCK!**"

My red smuggler's jackat had caught on fire _again_ and this time it wouldn't go out.

"HANG ON THERE, PARTNER!" Trask shuouted, and he ran to the wall. He punched his fist into the bulkhead and used it to rip out a water pipe, and it doused me with it.

I glubbered and spat it all out – it was _salt_ water! "Thanks, I croaked, and we had to move on.

* * *

Republic battlecruisers apparently have 25 sub-decks. Luckily we found a staircase that would allow us to bypass them and get up to the level with the bridge, but it was a long way up and the stairs were slippery. We kept hearing people dying and shooting up the place thru the walls, so every time we passed a door leading into one of the sub-decks, I locked it to be sure.

At some point i looked out the window. A triangle-shaped Sith Cruiser loomed outside, blasting the crap outta the Endar Spire, and behind it we saw a huge gray planet spiraling behind it. "Trask, what planet is that!" I said.

Trask was so shocked that he face-planted into the stairs at my feet. "Did you smack your head or something! That is the planet Taris. THAT planet!" We were ambushed here because we're trying to ambushed Darth Malak. He shouted.

He was just about to get up from the stairs when suddenly there was a huge burst of static in my ear and I slipped, and knocked him with me down two levels and we slammed into the durasteel floor. As I leaned against the wall and tried to get up I heard a voice in my ear – it was a headset microphone thing! Forgot that I was wearing it. "Who the fuck-"

"This is Carth Onassi, Acting Captain and Ensign of the Republic Cruiser Endar Spire. This is not a Endar Spire is under attack by Sith. We are under attack. All Hands to the Escape-Pods! This is not a drill. I repeated this is NOT a DRILL!"

"No, damnit!" Trask shouted as he hauled himself up past me. "That was Carth Onasi! If he says things are bad then they're BAD! We gotta get to the bridge before its too late! It might even **BE** too late for all we know! Now let's go!"

27 levels later we were at the top of the stairwell, but the door was locked again and ray-shielded. "Oh, come on," I muttered. "Hang on here Trask, let me see what I can do here." And he stood behind me and pointed his blaster down the stairs in case as I pulled up the control panel.

I had only one security knife left – it ought to do the trick, but the computer was off. "Need to get this thing powered up again," I said, and I opened the fuse box and A DUDE JUMPED OUT OF IT AND AMBUSHED US!

It was a Sith trooper in full combat armor, and he leaped out onto my shoulders and started punching me in the head from above. I tried to scream but he was armouring me in the face so I only grunted and fell back, and we smashed into Trask and rolled down one level of the stairs.

When we came to the rest the Sith was still punching me, and I'd dropped my blaster pistol. Trask was still triyng to climbup the ladder to get to his own gun. The blows were getting heavier and harder and it was hurting. I wouldve seen spots if I could see anything other than this Sith fucker's crotch.

I tried to reach up and block his attacks, but he was too high for me to reach. I would've been screwed if I hadn't remembered the security knife in my pocket – I grabbed it and slashed it upward, and felt blood fall onto me. He slowed down a but and grunted, tried to thrust me back onto the ground, but I braced myself against the wall and a safety rail and shoved myself up to my feet again. Then I pitched myself froward, crushing my stomach against another rail, this time the once around the center gap of the stairs because they went up kinda circular like that. The Sith trooper lost his balance and fell screaming down 24 floors to his dead.

I retched and coughed down after him, then helped Trask join me again, and handed him his blaster.

"Thanks for saving me."

"Yeah, whatever."

Back up at the top of the stairs I did some screwing around with the fuse box, and this time Trask covered the door because we could hear more fighting behind it. I flipped the fuse and power came back on, but the console kept ignoring my button presses.

Then I got an idea and stabbed my security knife into the fuse box itself. It was my last one so it had better worked, but it does and the thing unlocked the door with a ding.

Trask ran up to the door and kept his blaster up. "Hold on!" He shouted quietly. "There's something behind here!"

"Yeah, like the next fucking room maybe" I said and kicked the thing down with my foot.

Behind the door was the most beautiful, sexifest girl I had EVER seen in my life. She had brown hair. She was fighting a dude wearing black, but... There were no guns, they both had swords with blades made out of **lasers!** His was red and hers was blue. They were slashing and blocking and chopping at each other oblivious to us.

"WIPERS its a Dark Jedi!" Trask shouted. "Stand back we'd only get in the way!"

"What I can just shoot him, he's standing right-"

The floor beneath them then exploded like a firecracker the size of a bantha. Smoke infiltrated my lungs and Trask's lungs and we gagged for about a minute and a half. "Come on! We gotta get through here!" Trask said pulled me along. We puffed and fumed, managing to blowing some of the smoke away from our nostrils.

I looked back. There were two red person-shaped stains onto the walls – blood. "Dumbasses," I growled coughing a lot. "Should've known better than to bring swords to a gunfight."

And we moved on. There was a hazing mess of steam and melted vapor all around us and I slammed the door shut behind us out into the next hallway. "Hope the escape pods are close" I said, lighting a cigarette. There were some more Sith troopers, and Republican dudes fighing throughout the corridors, but the Republic troops kept dying before they could help us, and Trask and I had to shoot them ourselves.

"Not bad!" Trask shouted. " I think we make a good team! And hang tight, we're almost to the bridge... From there we'll be able to get Bastila to the escape pods."

We went into another room and there was two doors. "Hang on, there's something behind here!"

"Wait trask stop! That's the wrong way!"

"Whoosh!" went the door. I gasped and almost swallowed my cigarette but had to spit it out anyway because on the other side was another man, bald with black, and he had a laser sword like the people before, but it was like _two_ of them at once! It was an evil smile that he held the energy sword-thing with, and he shot an evil laugh at Trask and me that richochetted across the walls and made the lights go all dim and spooky like itwas all inside my brain or something.

"DAMN ANOTHER DARK JEDI! Get thru the other door to escape pods, I'll hold him off GO GO GOGOGO!" Trask shouted and ran thru the door, slamming it shut behind him and it exploded in a shower of confetti sparks.

I didn't need to be told twice. I kicked the other door and it opened, and I shot down the hallway behind it.

* * *

There was a huge ship sewer system that I had to get thru, first, though. I was wading in through knee-deep ship-sewer water except when there were metal grills above them that I could walk across, when they weren't on obviously. I kept hearing epxlosions, and occasionally that Carth guy would shout reports to me about the ship status thru my earpiece, telling more and more about the crew getting killed and the ship taken over. I got sick of his voice interrupting my jumping so I threw the earpiece into the water and watched it sizzle and break.

"Idiot," I muttered about Trask. "What was wrong with that guy?" I said as I kept going on, weary of any space crocidiles. I'd never seen one myself but I had heard stories of unruly crewmembers getting fed to them in the ship sewer. "Why didn't he listen to me? Why did he go to the door that was obviously the wrong one?"

Something stirred and bubbled inside the waters. I thought maybe it had been a dianoga like before but instead it was a dead guy, floating.

"Hrm." I kicked the corpse out of my way and it sunk to the bottem. Then I was able to move on. I followed a certain collection of wall pipes so I didn't lose my way.

"And why didn't he listen to me and was going to jump to his dead at that 'Dark Jedi' guy? Was he just an idiot?"

I followed the pipes for a while more, and thought about all the kinds of people I had been seeing around in these past six weeks of being assigned to this ship. "I guess he was," i muttered.

The door onto the other end of the sewers didn't work. I banged the thing and emptied my entire clip of shots into it, but that did nothing because it was a ray-shielded door. "All right, fine, asshole,"

I said and started to backtrack. About a hundred feet back I saw a maintenance vent and after blasting it open crawled up. It opened into the bathtub in an empty officer's crew quarters, and I climbed out into his bathroom, and walked into his quarters.

It was ransacked and full of scars from blaster-fire, plus papers and random items scattered around in destruction, so there was no time to look around for stuff to steal. I ran out into the corridor and again down the hallway, and this time I knew it was to the bridge.

* * *

"ATTENTION JADEN AMNESIA!"! Echoed a voice over the intercom. "HUH!?" I shouted.

"It's me, Carth Onassi," Maybe you've heard of me" It repeated. "I'm following you on the security cameras. Bastila's escape pod has escaped! You and me are the last ones alive on this ship besides the Sith! I need you to get here to the bridge and help me get outta here, the Sith have barricaded the place and you need ot get threu here so we can get the last escape pod!"

"Okay, whatever," I said back and came up to the second-last door. I could hear people talking on the other end of it.

"We almost have the bridge door open, Sir."

"Good!" Said another voice. "I sure hope we don't get ambushed from behind this time. Soon we'll ahve the bridge for glory!"

"Jaden," whispered Carth over the intercom this time so the Sith cioulndt hear him. "That's the Sith squad trying to take over the bridge. They're about to blast the door! There's a whole squad, you dont stand a chance alone. But in the same room as you there's a computer console, you could use it to access the security systems and-"

My ears turned off at that point. Who the fuck did this guy think he was, saying I couldn't handle this? I reached into the pocket and grabbed the three frag grenades I'd had, pulled out the tabs with me teeth, and threw them into the next room. Then I heard the mayhem of exploding body parts and the two doors were blown off, and I walked through their incinerated remains into the next room, where there was Carth Onasi himself.

"Oh, hi" He said sheepishly. He was a man with a considerable beard, and he wore an absolutely hideous jacket. "Look, there's no time to explain. We gotta get into the bridge because the Sith are about to take it over." And he took out his own blaster pistol, it was heavier than mine. "You ready?"

"Whatever," I said and kicked the door to the bridge, and it opened.

We ran in screaming like mad ready to shoot but then the door slammed and double-locked behind us with electricity, and we looked forward to the men confronting us... And gasped.

* * *

Behind them was the forward windows of the ship, and the consoles sparking. Out the window we could see again the spinning planet of Taris... And in front of it, in the bridge standing there... Was six Sith troopers and...

"TRASK~!" I barked. "The hell you doing here?! I thought you were dead!"

"Yes!" Trask shouted. His voice was deeper than before and around him instead of the military uniform of the Republicans he was clad in black robing and some silver armor and he was taller now, too. "There have been a lot of things going on since you left me to die! As you can see I survived, and now we find ourselves on different sides!"

Carth looked at us. "You two know each other!?"

"We shared a room," I said straightly.

"That Dar Jedi who 'killed' me, his name is Darth Bandon. Now I have become his APPRENTICE IN SITH!" Trask shouted for the bridge to hear. "You dont' understand, do you?"

"Uh, no. What's a Sith?"

"Enouguh talk!" Trask said. "Your awareness has weakened you! Now defend yourself!"

And he drew a sword and charged us, but before that his squad of Sith opened fire. Carth and I ran in opposite directions, diving and jumping and spinning behind control consoles as they exploded from being shot at. We returned fire and the bridge lit up like smoke and fireworks on Republican Day, and Carth shouted "WE MAKE A GOOD TEAM, HUH!?" over the noise.

I rolled my eyes behind cover. "YEAH!" I shouted back even though I was going better than Carth, all of my shots were headshots and he only shot for center of mass. Soon enough all seven of the Sith troopers were dead and it was just down to us and Trask, who stood at the front console now with his sword out.

I laughed. "Are you kidding me, traitor, bringing your pussy _sword_ to a gunfight?"

"I havent yet earned the right to a lightsaber, but once I chop you two up into Republican hamburgers and serve you to my master on a plate of silver hadrium I will have done so!" Trask shouted and he pulled a blaster pistol on me.

I ducked real quick for cover to reload, then popped up again from cover. Trask pulled his blaster on Carth and fired, winging him in the shoulder, and Carth dropped his gun and dived behind a glass screen. "Puny Republic _**men**_," Trask said, spitting on Carth.

Then I jumped up and started shooting back at him. I hit him twice in the armor as I ran toward him, then vaulted over a few consoles for a point-blank headshot but he swung at me with the sword. Almost cut out my throat but he didn't, but I dropped me blaster pistol and went flailing.

He aimed at me with then the blaster and fired twice, but I found a wrench on the floor and threw it at his head, and it crushed the blaster. We fought a lot more after that and it was very tense, we were beating the hsit out of each other and alarms kept blaring and Iheard voices like the alarm clock saying stuff like "Severe damage sustaining, gravity well danger!"

Trask was about to shoot me again when Carth got up from where he was hiding. "DIE YOU TRAITOE!" He screamed and dived at Trask, but missed and slammed his head into a control console. It made the whole ship lurch so that Trask's blaster shot missed, and he dropped the pistol with a clunk onto his other foot. Then I noticed that the doors were now all triple-locked and force-fielded.

"Hah!" Traask shouted, and he smacked me in the face so I fell down amongst the rubble. "Now you fools are trapped in here with me and no weapons! You have not got a chance!"

"yeah, just keep telling yourself that, buddy," I said grabbing my blaster pistol and shoot him in the face. It blasted a nice black hole through his head and he fell backward onto the main control panel, crushing through it and smashing the entire thing into a sparkling, useless pile of wreckage.

I got back up and shook my head. Trask had double-crossed me and gotten what he deserved – if only deserved from being stupid enough to bring a sword to a fight with guns against _me._

I went over to Carth and pulled him up. He was half-dazed and bleeding from the forehead but he would live. "What's going on?" He grumbled, drooling on himself and his beard was covered in spit.

"I accidentally saved your life I guess," I said. "But we need a way to those escape pods..."

Then I noticed the rumbling that had been getting louder ever since Carth had smacked his head. He was hobbling over to a sink on the other end of the room and started washing his face. "Carth, what did you-" I looked down at the console and saw a big lever that was smeared with his blood. Under it was a label that said "CRASH INTO PLANET"

"**CARTH!**" I roared. "**YOU FUCKING NITWIT!**"

He ran back and looked at it and gasped. "We gotta get outta here!" He shrilled and started trying to elbow-slam The Doors back open but it was no good, they were force-fielded and there was no way to overrisde them.

Outside Taris got bigger and bigger. I dragged one of the Republican corpses off of the captain's chair, then sat down in it and lit a cigarette.

Carth looked at the floor and slumped down into it. "Better strap ourselves in, I guess." He said. Well you already know that I'm Carth Onassi. So whats your name?

I grimaced at Carth. Somehow I could tell from him that we were not yet going to get along, assuming we didn't die a horrible flaming death in crashing, of course. "Call me Jaden." I said, blowing smoke like the computers. "Jaden Amnesia." Carth laughed and I felt like punching his face in. "Hah! What kinda name is that!" He guffawed.

Then we got caught into Taris' super-gravity field, and as the planet-city started to zoom up toward us we were plastered into the back of the pod by cosmic forces. We couldn't hear anything, we were just suspended there like super-glued.

Not my best moment, getting magnetized by super-G forces to the captain's chair of a ship about to exploding-land next to a weird guy I'd Never met before. I looked out thru the big windshield-thing at the front of the bridge and saw the planet of Taris zooming up towards us, still spinning. Saw a few escape pods out there too but they weren't going anywhere near where we were.

The ship started to glow red-hot outside from the space friction as we broke in thru the cloud covers. "Carth, right?" I said. "How am I supposed to know I can trust you? I dunno you at all."

Carth looked over at me. " I'm a soldier of the Republican Army like you. We're all in this together because we all took an oath. Don't worry! Republic warships are the safest things to crash in, and if we survive the crash-landing we'll find a way out of this. I'm sure you've had worse."

"Actually I'm a smuggler," I said, and I have to admit I didnt know how much worse it'd get.

* * *

I actually was asleep the next thing I new, with my head's ears ringing. I was having one tripped-out dream. In my dream there were two people fighting with laser swords kinda like the people we had seen on the Endar Spire but not quite because it was on a starship bridge instead of the corridors and the woman was sexier and Coruscanti and her laser sword was yellow. She cut the guy's head off and it all disappeared.

There was also a dream of a guy made out of shadows standing in a room with me,and he was smiling but I couldn't see his face at all beaus he was standing in the darkness of nowhere and had a cloak with a hood on over his face anyway. He smiled at me.

Then I actually did wake up. I was on a bed, no blanket though, and in a room where the lights were dim. Most nothing else in the room except of a door, violet rug on the floor, and a dirty window out onto a dingy planet-sized city, And Carth leaning against the wall.

I leaned up to the looking at him, then let myself fall down again. "Ugh. Please tell me Im not dead yet." I asked.

"No, you're not dead" said Carth rushing over to me. I looked down, and fortunately I at least still had my clothes on. "We're in an abandoned apartment on Taris. We got smashed up pretty bad when the apartment crashed, but I was able to Haul us over here before the Sith troops could show up. You've been asleep for about four days now. Yelling in your sleep too, must have been some crazy nightmares."

'Bwuh, and my nightmare has only _begun_," I grolwed. "Who are these Sith everyone keeps blabbing about?"

Carth turned his head at me. "What do you_ mean_ who are the Sith? Do you somehow have amnesia now? Like your last name, _Jaden_ Amnesia?"

I glared back at him. ""Of course not! I can remember everything of my life, except for maybe the last six months and my head hurts really bad whenever i try to remember before that! Now shut up and answer my damn questions! Why does nobody on the fucking ship want to answer question?"

"Well anyway the Sith are like these Evil Jedi who are trying to take over the galaxy. They have an Empire called the Sith Empire and it used to be led by an Evil Sith named Darth Revan but now it's let by his apprentice Darth Malak because Revan Is Dead. "

"That's really interesting." I got up and started checking my red leather jacket's pockets. "Now where are we?"

"We're on Taris right now. It's a planet-sized city, that is also shaped like unto a planet, and it's powered by a miniature artificial star at the centre, and it's under Sith quarantine, with nobody allowed to leave it except for the Sith. They know some escape pods have crashed here from the Endar Spire, so they're looking for us. There's no way the Republic can rescue us so we can only get outta here by ourselves. But first we need to find Bastila."

"Urg, and who is Bastila again?"

"What do you _mean_ whose Bawstila? She's like the Jedi who killed Darth Revan, and she has this special power called Battle Meditation that can be used ot change the course of war-battles, and we have to make sure she gets off-planet with us because we know she's gotta be somewhere since her escape pod must have crashed safely like ours did. How do you not know all this stuff?"

I stood up, and shoved Carth backward a few steps and he stumbled, for good measure. "Look, _get off my back,_ man. I'm a smuggler who lives on the edge, I wasn't on this ship for your bull-shit revolution or for Jedi crusading. I was _hired_ for _money_ like _normal people_ to get on with my life, and I dont know every damn detail about your Jedi fairy-taled shit. I have useful things to think about."

Carth stood up again with his fists. 'Don't you talk to _me_ like that, you outlawed schumuck, or-"

"Or _what_, you'll shake yer puny fists at me?"

Carth scruntched up his face."

We have no time for this. Im not in the mood for fighting you, since it seems for now that we're partners. If you say we need to find this Jedi lady to get outta here, I'm game. So where are we?"

Carth kept talking (because he loved to talk as I'd soon learn) but still glared at me a lot, the bastard. "I told you we're on the planet-"

"_WHERE on_ Taris," i said checking my blaster-pistol. Only had a couple of clips left. Started to smoke a cigerrated.

"We;re in an abandoned apartment of the Upper-City. This is where the rich upper-classmen live, and middle-class citizens too, almost all of them humans. The Sith rule the planet of Taris from here. Fortunately for us as long as we keep our heads down the Sith won't likely notice a couple of grunts like you and me."

I decided to let Carth comparing himself to me who used to smuggle spice across the Corellian Gun-Run slide.

"So anyway while I scouted around abit as you sleeped I heard that some escape-pods crahsed in the Under-City – all of them except ours in fact. We gotta get down there and look around, in all likely Bastila is still there somewhere."

My head still hurt but I wasn't in the mood ot bitch about it to a strange. "well then let's get on with it." I said. "Before I start regretting this all more and more."


	2. Chptr 02:Taris Avenue, the City of CRIME

To A/N 3: Again. Sorry Chapter 1's below-average good. Promise it ramps up, starting now.

* * *

"_**MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS GET UP AGAINST THE WALL! NOW! THIS IS A RAD!**_" boomed the Sith Trooper Sergeant in the hallway right outside our secret apartment-door. He toted a blaster-pistol and was flanked by two humanoid-combat machines with also weapon and they were shouting at three Alien duros, who are Blue aliens with red eyes.

"But we have done nothing wrong sirs! We are swearing to you. This was a raid just yesterday! When will-"

**BWOM BWOM BWOM BWOM BWOM**

That was the sound of six laser shots going into the alien's eyes and he fell dead and burned onto the floor.

"Now _THAT_ is how I deal with alien scums who talk-to their mastieurs." The rest of you onto the rwall before I lose my...

Carth and I were standing behind the Sith and I started to back away. "Wait a minute" said Carth "We can't let him get away with that."

I tried to pull him after me. "Carth are you out of your mind, that guy's crazy, he'll shoot at us too! We gotta"

"HOLD ON A MINUTE!" Said the Sergeatnt, spinning around to point rifrle at us. "What the hell is this, mere humans hiding with aliens! Wait, REPUBLIC FUGITIVERS! KILL THEM!"

So they got at us, but Carth and Me shot them too. The aliens screamed and ran back and forth as red lasers sparkled the corridor, and luckily for me the Sith and his droids couldn't aim that well while they were angry. A couple more shots and all three were dead.

I coughed as smoke from the holes in the walls started to choke us. "You three goes away," One of the aliens said. "We'll get rid of the boides. We owe you that much for saving us."

I deserved more than that but was in no mood to argue. Carth followed me out into the Upper-City streets, with gigantic balconies and skyscrapers, platforms of rails and train stations criss-crossing the skies, and some of them even going side-ways or up and down the building walls. It was ridiculously complicated-looking, but we were more interested in not running into the people of the crowds.

Carth & I found a merchant, because we had some money and needed extra gear for when we'd be fighting. And also information. He was a man.

So what can you tell us about the Lowercities, " asked as I bought some blsater clips, medpacks, and odds and ends. "We have business that will take us down there and we need ot know how dangerous it is."

The Merchant-Man looked at me. "Well I never been down there myself but you'd have to be crazy to go down there. You see, the place has been overrrun by swoop-gangs, and they fight it out a lot. Two main rivalring gangs, the Black Vulkars and the Hidden Becks. You can't walk two sectors down there wihout running into a scuffle between them. They fight and fight and fight, and almost anyone who isn't part of one of them gets caught in to the cross-fired and killed. Wish the Sith army was big enough to go down there and wipe them both out. Really though you shouldnt wanna go down there. But there's better places for information to get up here in the Upper-City than a mere Human Mercahnt such as myself," He said.

I bought the stuff and told Carth not to say anything. "Like what? I said."

"Like the Uppercity Cantina," The Merchant said pointing away. "Go down a couple blocks, take a right, and you're there. Tons of people from all over Taris, except those stinkin' filthy aliens of course."

"Hey,what's the matter with you?" Carth growled, 'Aliens are people too with rights and -"

"What are you?" Merchant said shiftily, scratching his beard with aglare. "Some kinda alien-sucker or something?"

'I" Said carth.

"Shut up, Carth," I said. "We're going, thanks for the help man."

I shook Carth as we walked away. "What's wrong with you, man?" I said. "We gotta _blend in_, like _you said so,_ _remember_?"

"But we cant just let injustice like that fester and-" Carth started.

I just laughed. "Stay alive long enough in the real world, buddy, and you'll find _plenty_ of justice I'm sure," I said sarcastically.

'Halt, Citizen." Said the posh Sith trooper, elitely. "You have to

Wait, excuse us? " I asked. "This is a public elevator!"

"Not since the Governor says so it isn't, you little _filth_." growled the Trooper. "Only Sith soliciters or people with _Sith Papers_ are allowed down into the Lower-City. We have to crack down like this on Rebel and Criminal activities."

"Your kidding at us, right?" Asked Carth, getting up in his face.

"No." Said the Sith, pointing the gun back at his face.

"Well look," I said pushing Carth back, "How do we get these _Sith Papers_, then?"

The other soliders looked at us. "If you actually _were_ supposed to have them you'd have them already, dirt-sucker. Now get outta our sights." They also had their laser rifles out.

Carth & I got away after that. "Smooth one staying undercover, Carth." I growled.

"All I did was stand up to the Sith!" He argued. "It was worth a _shot!_"

"Yeah," I said, "And it'd _get_ you shot if I hadnt been there. Well anyway we need to find two things now. One, we need a Sith Disguise, a some Sith Papers, or Some Other Way Into The Taris Lowercity (so from there we can get to the Undercity). Two, we need more information to make certain of whatever else we need to know About the Undercity, so I think I know where to go for that now."

So after that we went into the Sith Office. There were employees and soliders and we had to not look suspicious. I walked into the Office Room where there was the Sith Boss and asked him about the Black Vulkars and about the Hidden Beks. "So what can you guys tell us about the Black Vulkars and the Hidden Beks?: I said. "Me and my partner might end up in the Lowercity and we so need to know about them in case of dangerous."

We stood there. Well," The Sith boss said from the chair behind his desk, "Both of them are the two largest gangs in all of Taris City. They are probably about four-hundred-&-thirty-three-thousand men and women as members, not counting children and aliens, but their hideout-bases are staffed by only a couple of dozens, tops. They are armed and dangerous criminals who have no respect for the law and have killed many people including each other. Unfrutunately for us the Sith Army is not large enough to go down there and wipe them out but I wish that we could have enough soliders to do it, but the Governor _has_ found a solution."

The Sith Boss got up after saying that. He reaching into his mouth inside of his helmet with two fingers, and pulled out a tooth from his mollars. Carht raised his eyebrows & was startled. I looked at him. "What's the matter, you never seen that before?" I said incredulously.

"Yah" the Sith Boss said with a lisp because he had one less tooth now. He got up and pushed a little switch on the tooth and it started to project a holograph into the air. "It's a digital holo-projector tooth. I lost my last one during the war."

The hologram formed itself into a shape and the sharpe was that of a digital holo-pamphlet. The Sith Boss handed it to me. I sat down on the chair and looked at it. It was made of holograms.

"That;s the solution to our Swoop-Gangs problem." He said while standing up.

"A brochure?" asked Carth scratching his head and looking at it. He was sitting across from me.

The Sith Boss glared down at him from under his desk. "No it's not you stupid wanker, it's the words _on_ the broschure. We dont have the manly-powered to deal with the gangs so were enlisting the help of ordinary citizens like you and me and you to help deal with them . The Sith Governor of Taris has placed a $250-credit bounty on the head of every single member of the Hidden Beck and Black Vulkar gangs. Anyone whuo kills a member of them gets 250 credits each for each the one that they kill, provided they can do it. thanks to this impervative we get dozens or a even hundreds of concerned citizens like you sometimes killing those criminal gang scum and doing our Sith Job for us in some cases by wiping their extant filth from the face of the Taris, and we pay you for your patriotic servcices. If you see yourself down there in those Lowercity slums, don't hesitate to shoot some of those sons-of-bitches for the glreater Glory Of Darth Malak And His Empire."

He crunched his cyborg-tooth back into place. "You can keep the holo-brochure, its free."

"Thanks, I said but I had already put it back into my pocket." I think that's allw e need right now, that you for your information.

"No problem, " The Sith Boss said.

I was thinking of ideas as Carth and I walked out of the room and eventually out of the Sith Office. "Now hold on a minute here" Carth said. "You're nt seriously talking about _collecting_ those bounties, are you?;

I looked at him. "Why not?"

"Because it's killing for _money_. It's _evil_."

This offended me. "What, why? It's an honest buck. We can get money from killing thug assholes we'd probly be killing anyway, that money, who knows naybe it could even get us a _ship!_"

"We're _not_ doing this money collector," Carth said, "Because it's _wrong._"

I looked at him flatly. "Carth, it's not wrong to be evil." I said, "It's wrong to be an idiot. Which you, my friends, may consider yourself to be for the time being."

I walked away. On the wall next to me though there was another poster for a bounty. It was made of hologramps.

I looked at it. "Hey Carth check this out' It was a poster of picture of a man, but isntead of a man it was a drawing of his outine with a question mark (?} where his face should have been, but it did have words and a number of the reward on it:

**WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE. HE IS A DANGEROUS CRIMINAL AND NOONE KNOW HIS IDENTITY. THIS MAN HAS NO PICTURE BECAUSE HE HAS EVADED US BUT HE IS STILL WANTED. WANTED FOR: THE MANY AND SUNDRY CRIMES OF:**

**MURDER, **

**THEFT, **

**SMUGGLING, **

**RACKETEERING, **

**GAMBLING, **

**KIDNAPPIGN, **

**IDENTITY THEFT, **

**TAX EVASION, **

**FRAUD, **

**SABOTAGE, **

**MUTINY, **

**TREASON, **

**PURSUEING A FALSE IDENTITY, **

**MALFEASCANCE IN OFFICES, **

**ARSON, **

**HIJACKING,**

**PIRACY, **

**FORGERY, **

**CORRUPTION, **

**PERJURY UNDER OATHS, **

**HOME INVASION, **

**SEARCHING WITHOUT WARRENTS, **

**REGICIDE, **

**GENOCIDE, **

**TAKING AND ADMINISTRATING BRIBES, **

**GANG VIOLENCE & SHOOTINGS, **

**DRUGS, **

**ILLEGAL VEHICLE MODIFICATIONS, **

**FLYING WIHOUT A LICENSE, **

**RESISTING ARREST, **

**DISTURBEING THE PEACE, **

**VANDALIZM, **

**PROSTITUTION, **

**IMPERSONATING AN OFFICE, **

**ASSASSINATIONS, **

**AND CRIMINAL CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT ALL OF THE ABOVE.**

**THIS MAN IS A VIOLENT AND DANGEROUS CRIMINAL MASTERMIND, DECLARED UNDER ROYAL DECREE OF DATH MALAK HIMSELF TO BE AN _EX MOR'DE PROTO_, AKA ENEMY OF MANKIND. HE IS THE DEADLIEST, VILEST, EVILEST, MOST DANGEROUS, BRILLIANT, DEMENTED, PSYCHOPATH, MAN IN THE HISTORY OF THE EMPIRE. HE IS A THREAT OT THE GALACTIC PEACE OF THE GLOURIOUS SITH EMPIRE AND POSES A THREAT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY FOR AS LONG AS HE IS GOES FREE.**

**CAUTION: HE IS DANGEROUS.**

**REWARD FOR THE CONFIRMED CAPTURE AND/OR KILLING OF THIS MAN:**

**SIXTY BILLION CREDITS, PAID TO BY THE ORDER OF HIS ROYAL MAGESTERIUM, DARTH MALAK OF THE GREAT SITH EMPIRE,**

**100 SITH HEADQUARTERS, KORRIBAN 1014514**

**THIS MAN'S SPECIES A ND IDENTITY HAS NOT BE CONFIRMED YET, AND HE IS KNOWN ONLY BY HIS ALIAS: HE CALLS HIMSELF,**

"_The Conspiracist_."

**ONLY OTHER DATA IS HE THAT IS SOMEHOW CONNECTED IN A HIGH PLACE TO THE UNDERGROUND OF TARISIAN CRIMINAL UNDERWORLD AND IS DANGEROUS. ANY AND ALL INFORMATION ABOUT THE WHEREABOUS OF HTIS MAN SHOULD BE REPORTED AT ONCE TO YOUR LOCAL SITH OFFICE. PROSTITUTIONAL SERVICES WILL BE PERSONALLY ADMINISTERATED IN RETURN FOR ANY RELIABLE INFORMATION.**

**SINCERELY,**

**DARTH BANDON,**

**HIS MOST ROYAL SITH APPRENTICE**

I laughed and showed it to Carth. "Most dangerous dude ever! Hey I didnt even know I was _that_ famous," I said. And put it back into my pocket.

"Wow." Carth said apparently thinking.

"So ya think _maybe_ we can collect _that_ bounty without becoming _eeeeevil_, Carthy-boy?" I asked. "Since he's like a threat to galactic peace and whatever?"

"Depends on if he's really evil. The Sith are liars. We should fin dout hwo he really is & then decide so that true justice can happen. Besiodes ther is a man who more deserves that bounty."

I laughed. "Like who?"

Carth glared at the ground. "I don't wanna talk about it," He whispered.

Then why did he bring it up? "Whatever," I said and walked away. Carth Walked after me.

* * *

We looked at the building. "This is the place." I said. "For our final information." I was tired and kind of stressed after having to sneak out thru the Sith Office without getign recognized, not to mention nearly shot to death outside our Apartment Door (why did I have an apartmento with another guy?) not tomention I was saddled with a goody-two-shoes idealist who wouldnt let me make some honest bounty-hunter money. I needded to relax.

Carth looked at the building, very skeptic. "But that's a _cantina._ (The Uppercity one) You said we were supposaed to look for Information on the Lowercity, and how to get into it."

I smiled at him. "We _are_ gonna find information. In the bottem of a glass of hard scotch. Now c'mon."

I sat down at the bar & ordered a glass of Telosina Scotch whiskey. Carth looked uncomfotable as I drank it.

I looked around. There were mostly humans, and a few aliens rummaging around in the dusty, dark place. It smelled like booze and smoke, but those were two of my favorite smells, except the smell of a woman after sex which was better most of the time. Carth sat on the stool next to me and looked resentfully at the crowd and the bartender who was refilled me glass.

"So do you play pazaak?" He asked.

I looked at a table. People were playing Pazaak there. "used to. It's too easy now thogh. I play mans' games these days."

"Oh come on," Carth said drinkig a glass of water because it was free and he's a cheapskate. "What's wrong with pazaak?"

"It's practically a kids game I said. "I used to play it way back in the day as a smuggler, won alot of money in my earlier days. I'm from Tatooine, ya know. Won a ship in pazaak, then went smuggling, eventually got myself a partner, had adventures with him and his gal. Then hard times hit, lost my ship & had to sign up for the Republic. Lost my partner a while years back too. Since then I aint liking Pazaak much. I like other games like Dejari'ik, Holodarts, Holo-Wing, Sabaac, spice contests, drinking, sex, and other stuff too."

I shrugged and drank again. "What do you like to do?"

"I'm a soldier and pillot for th eRepublic. Fought many war-battles. I like to defend people and be a good guy. I... I lost someone too. My family."

I sipped. "Sorry to hear that. One more reason to be a smuggler tho, pal. You don't got a family to have be killed. Just a ship and the galaxy."

We kept drinking. When I was sorta mellow I looked aroujnd. "Hey waht about that information?" Carth said.

"Im still looking in my glass," I said. I swished the cup around, it had somehow now become Imynusophian Red Brandy. Whatever. "But uf you wanna ask around for information knock yerself out. I'll join ya soon enough." I drank again.

Carth went off away to pout. He just couldn't take the fact that the whole damn galaxy doesn't turn by the time of _his_ watch. After a couple more glasses of drink I got up and started wandering around. A few people knew odds & ends about the Lowercity, but nothing too important yet. "This was difficult," I thought as I sipped my Sparkling Empress Tetan Champaign. "Need to find out stuff about getting into the Lowercity, thru that Elevator Guard somehow..."

"Hey you! Waiter!" A girl voice shouted. I was startled & spilled my drink a bit. I looked around & saw a woman with an upper-class accent glaring at me from a table. She had brown & black hair and looked pouty. "Wher are those drinks we ordered!?" The girl said angrily.

"Excuse me," I growled, "But I'm not a waiter, bitch. There _is_ no waiter, it's a fuckin' _bar_. You want a drink you go get it from the fuckin' bar-_tender_."

She looked angry. I saw on her nametag that her name was said "Gana Lavin."

"How _DARE_ you speak to me like that! How hard can it be to get one drink? One word to my daddy and he'll get you _fired_ just like THAT." He snapped his fingers.

I finsihed my drink and tossed it around in my hand. "Oh, really," I asked. "And who is your daddy?"

The bitch stamped her feet. She was maybe seventeen years old. "I My _Father,_" She said, "Is Senator Goton Colu Shen-Lavin the Third, and he _owns_ this whole street. One word to him if you dont get my drinks and you'll be _fired!_" !

I put my glass down. "Wrong answer, bitch. Long as you're in _my_ bar talking to _me,_ _I'm_ your daddy."

Then I made a fist out of my right hand and hay-made her in the fucking face with it. She corkscrewed through her table and chair, and fell onto another table, smashing thru it onto the floor. I walked over to her and took someone's glass of Corellian Bourbon-Ale, then dumped it on her face as I went thru her pockets. Found 350 credits, plus an I.D. Card, a knife, family photos, a digital debit holo-card made out of holo-grams, and a key to a house, presumably her house.

I put the money (and the knife) in my pocket, then shoved the rest into a half-empty glass of booze, and set it onfire with low-blast from a fire-emitter device I have installed up my right sleeve of my smuggler jacket. An orange small jet of flame shot up from the glass as the stuff burned up. When the bitch started moving again I kicked her in the gut to teach her another lesson.

I went back to the bar and noticed that a few people were smiling apporvingly at me, except for Carth of course who even back then I knew never liked for anyone to do anything fun. I went back to the bar and ordered another drink. "Sorry about the mess," I said.

* * *

Six hours later I was stumbling mostly-drunk but still awake enough to function from the bar with Carth next to me. "well that was a waste of time" he grumbled.

"Hows that?"

"Al you did was get drunk and assualt that innocent woman!" He complained.

"Hey, _bull-shit_ on that, my partner friend," I declared. "You heard her, she was threatening me! She said she'd have her daddy break my legs! She deserved everything she got. And a little girl _pissant_ like her, she's _lucky_ she got it from _me_ instead of from some rapist or other psychopath you could find on this shit-hole of a planet. From now on she'll know better about how to behave in bars, _especially_ with _**me**_ around in them."

Carth just scuffed at me angrily.

"Look, _calm down_, all right Carth? Besides we _ddid_ find we were looking for. Well, _I_ did, anyway. Ysee, did ya notice there was a Sith trooper there, a chick?"

Carth looked back at the bar. "Uhh, no."

"Yeah of course not. Well anyway her name's Sarna and she's got a friend named Yun. Both of em are Sith Soldirs and while I was drunk I was talking to her, and I scored us an invitation to a party they're throwing tonight. It's for Sith Military only unless youre also invited which we are so we can go there anyway. Its perfect."

"But so _WHAT!?_" Carth half-yelled. "We need to get to the Lowercity so we can get to the Undercity we so we can find Bastila and get off this rock!"

"But that's what we're _doing_," I said smilingly. "Y'see, at parties people get drunk and pass out. What we'll do is wait until everyone except you and me ahas done that. While they're all out, we'll rob 'em blind, _including their Sith Armor._ The perfect _disguise_ to get past the Lowercity Elevators' Guards!"

Carth was shocked. "I... Oh OF COURSE!" He cried. "Why didn't _I_ think of that?"

I chuckled. "Cuz you're just not me, Carthy-Boy," I said ruffling his hair like he's a dog, cuz he kinda is. Heh heh heh.

Well it's time for " the party anyway now so let's go." I say.

* * *

The door whooshed open and it was Sarna! She was pretty hot with long blonde hair and she how to carry a figure like herself. I was happy to see her and she seemed happy. Ther was music roaring in the part-yroom behind her.

"You made it!" she said.

"Of course I did." I said. "I always do what I say."

Then I noticed next to her was the other guy, Yun, hugging her from behind and stuff. Him I was not happy to see. "Oh hi Yun," I muttered as Carth & I went in.

There was a strobe light, and raving party-lasers in the flat. There were about twenty-five Sith troopers off-duty but stillin their dress unifroms anyways, and along rectangular table along the southern wall full of drinks & food and also some drugs, like spice and dugn. Not the good kind. There was a full-entry sound system blaring a song called "Bad to the Bone" or something, and a dance floor. Many of them were dancing there, and there were even a hologram party-projector, which made even more Sith Soldiers on Off-Duty in Dress Uniforms out of holograms to attend. There was even a slot machine! Meanwhile other people ere handing out glowsticks and chomping to bits, so Carth and I went in.

"So what's the plan?" Carth said, raedy for action.

"I whispered only loudly so he could hear. "Just have fun for a little while. Can't let anybody get suspicious. I know these types of booze & how to spike 'em so two drinks'll knock anyone out in no time. I'll do it two, maybe three hours in just so nobody keeps suspicious. So don't drink anything after that, not evn the water. I'll warn you first. Until then just act natural."

"Okay," Carth sa

kay so your name is Jaden _Amnesia?_" Said Yun laughing. "That's a funny name, where did you get it?" Sarna was all over him & he was drinking booze out of a durafoam cup.

I was drinking too. The party tracking-lasers made our drinks either sparkle or glow but never both. "My parents," I mumbled.

Yun and Sarna laughed. "Oh that is so funny my darling," she said and they kissed. I glared at them but they didnt notice. Apparentl y I might not have _really_ been invited to an actual party after all, but that didnt matter and soon wouldn't anymore.

"So what to you do for a living?" Sarna asked, smoking some dugn drugs. She looked hotter when there was smok in front of her.

"I drank. I'm a smuggler. I smuggle spice and weapons and other stuff all over the place. Well, I used to. Now Im kinda grounded on Taris without a spaceship. Kinda sucks. but Im looking for work elsewhere."

"Ohhhhh myyyyyy," Yun said. "He's a _smuggler!_ Darling, we had better arrest his fugitiveness. Oh, its so illegal in the Sith Ewmpire to be a smuggler, isn't it?"

"Sure is," Sarna said.

"Sure is, but I live on the edge cuz that's like my life," I said with a shrug.

"SO how is your looking for work elswhere? Consider joining the Sith?:"

"Ehhh, not quite." I said, "The sith are a _bit_ too evil for me.I prefer my own side. Maybe ill just go back to smuggling, but I dunno."

"So," Sarna said

I looked at the drinks table. Most of everyone was at the dance floor, especially Yun and Sarnawho were stealing the show. Carth was breakdancing next to them, actually pretty good I didnt know he could do that, his arms and legs and torso were spinning crazy-fast and skilled but people were paying more attention to Sarna and Yun. What did this gal see in that son of a bitch? Probably a promotion, like all women who go into Sith military. Or the Republican's.

I growled and looked back at the drinks. All I had to do was add salt to the big tank of Blue-Eye Roman Ale,and it'd become sedative in chemical compounds. So i did that. Found some table salt, and poured a careful tabel-spoon of the stuff in & stirred it down with my left hand (i was wearing a glove so I didnt get worried). Then I looked back at Sarna makign out with Yun on the floor and Carth break-dancing on top of them (well, more-or-less anyway) and poured the entire rest of the salt container into it and swirled it up real good, Probably a metric cup or two in there now. I tossed the empty glass container of salt in to get rid of it and walked away.

The Blue-Eye was the most popular drink, so it wouldnt get too long. When I saw Carth glance at me I signalled to him that the plan was in actions. He gave me salute (the Sith-army kind so noone could get suspicious of us) and got off the dance-floor.

I sat around and glared at Yun and then at the Blue-Eye drinks. Noone was touching it, not even the Hologram-Partyers. Suddenly Yun walked over with another chick I didnt recognize, and he slipped and cracked the tank! The dirnk spilled e'erywhere out onto the floor and everyone was like, "**OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!**" because he did a disaster.

I facepalmed and he was just like "Its okay dudes just drink it up off the floor" but only the Holograms and some of the chicks did that. Geeze, who did this guy think he was.

"Okay plan B" I said, and I signalled Carth to come over. I picked up some of the spiked azure drink from the floor and put it into a cup, then gave it to him. He was very sweaty and red-faced and looked tired from break-dancing "Thanks. What's the plan," he said sipping from the cup.

I glanced over at Yun and Sarna, who were swishing around on the blue puddle making out. I grimaced. "Plan B," I said. "Finish drinkign that, and before you know it we'll be outta here."

"Mmm-hmm," Carth said thru the bubbling drink. "Okie-doke. Man, am I thirsty. About time too, I had just about enough of this place. All the Sith bragging about killing people and stuff."

"Well you won't need to worry about it much longer," I said, fingering the blaster-pistol in my jacket pocket.

I hazarded a glance over at the dance floor, then said: "Hey Carth I think you have to go to the bathroom."

"Bwuhh?" he said already drowsy. He was dribbling frothy blue stuff all over the front of his jacket now and his beard was covered in spit. "Come on

I say and I grabbed him,. Walked him carefully over to the bathroom. I took him into the toilet and sat him down on it, and told him, "It's okay dude you just need a shit and maybe a nap. Just chill out here for a while and we'll be fine."

Carth was already asleep so I locked him in the bathroom, making sure the key was still in my pocket. After that I knew what I had to do, and locked the apartment door too. After that I started swirlingly dancing up into the center of the dance floor, and they made room for me, including the Hologram-Party Attendees. The poelpe started circling me and clapping beause that's what people do at parties when you dance into the center and look like you know what you're doing which I did because I do. Then I reached into my other pocket, where I still had the six frag grenades that I had took from the Endar Spire.

I wondered how was the best way to do this.

Then I saw Yun and Sarna around me in the crowd. "THINK FAST, BITCHES!" I shouted, pulling out the grenade pins and throwing them all around me.

After that I jumped upward and hooked onto the strobe lights for cover with my legs. Even before the epxlosions hit I think they all died of fright, which was fine. Even so the grenades blew smoke and guts and blood all over the place, as well as holographic body-parts because they killed the Hologram People too. Sparks flew and drink liquids steamed and boiled, turning into multi-colored mists and gases, and the pool of blue alchohol drink on the floor shrivelled and coalesced into a huge fireball, blasting the entire drinks-table into pieces and atomized that section of the room. Burningn shraps of clothes and other stuff floated around like confetti, and most of the lights in the room exploded into glass.

When it was a bit quieter again I dropped back down onto the floor and landed on my feet. Lighting a cigarrette, I drew my blaster pistol and swept the room in case any of the Sith had regrouped adn were preparing to counter-attack. I saw Yun crawling and reaching for a knife and stepped on his hand. "UGH!" he said. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" I looked down at him. "That's what ya get," I said and shot him in the head.

I looked around. Nobody else was alive, except obviously Carth who was still unconscious in of the bathroom. After that I realized I needed t oget rid of the evidence. He was a goody-two-shoed idiot who didn't belive in hard decisions wso I needed to hide evidence. I looked around at the mess of the room, and found an emergency fire hose out of the wall near the door. I used it to spray the guts off the walls and down into the vents and stuff, and I stuffed Yun's corpse into the refridgerator. In the kitchen.

After that I got Carth out of the bathroom. "Wow. Cleared out real good, how'd you do it?" He asked.

"Magic," I said. No time for stupid questions. "Now let's find a way into the Lowercity."

We saerched the room for a while and in the wall we found a secret air-vent compartment. It was a tunnel that slanted downward and it was signed saying: "**PASsAGE TO LOWERCITY. FOR SITH USE ONLY**".

I grinned at Carth. "Looks like we wont need disguises after all. Ready when you are?"

Carth grinned back. "Ready." He said.

Down we went.


	3. Chapter 03: The Retched Hive

The tolling, twisitng tunnel was cramped, but had enough room in it to slide Carth and me down into the Lowercity of Tartist. It was dark but not quite too dark to see in, and after that we had to contend with large chopping-fans that came up and down the vent past us. Aside from dangerously kicking up wind that could dislodge one of us and make for a messy ascent, it had the greater dillema of needing to avoid getting chopped into pasta sauce by the spinning blades. Most of the time weleft them alone, but a couple times Carth and I had to fight thru the fans. Since I led the way it was mostly me with my blaster-pistol, but every once in a while one came at us from behind, and Carth covered our back for a change. Most of the fans were vulnerable to laser-fire except fror the very last one, whifh was ray-shielded. I didnt have any proton torpedoes on me however so I had to engage it in melee combat, which was difficult for hardly impossible. "STEADY THERE!" I shouted over my shoulder as Carth held out the lesser fans behind us. His laser-shots lit up the vent with red, but at the end of the tunnel there was a great white light. Anyway I had to fight the ray-shielded Boss Fan, with its spinning deadly blades. IK was able to resist its winds, but couldnt block the blades. On the plus side it did have one weakness: the middle part that held it all together and also had the antigravity pad. Every time the fan came at me I was able to push it back by pushing at that middle part, and after a bit I counter-attacked: I took the knife that I had taken off of that bitch in the Uppercity Cafeteria and stabbed the Boss Fan in the heart. After five or six stabs the blades started to stop spinnign, and I finished it off by grabbing and snapping its neck. It fell dead to the bottom of thje sewers.

After that we crawled a bit more down to the end and got out of the vent. The light at the end of the tunnel just turned out to be a street light above the exit's vent-hole.

"Well that was stupid." I said. "Wh othe fuck just keeps Killer Fan-Droids in their vents?"

Carth smacked himself to get dust off of him. "I don't know, but I wouldn tput it past the Sith, and I'm sure we'll run into weirder stuff down here in this lawless place."

"Yeah I guess you're right" So we decided to walk around the Lowercity a lot to look for a way into the Undercity to look for Bastila's Escape Pod. The place was far darker than the Uppercity because we were much far down, and dirtier. Rust and corroded stuff covered everything, wires stuck out of the floor, and starving birds flew around looking for dead meat. There were also broken-dwon droids and other useless junk lying around. We saw nobody on the streets.

We suddenly saw a group of six people. All of them were aliens, and had weapons. Blasters, those sticks that police use against black people, and even swords (Why did nobody _ever_ learn?) Carth and I turned a corner to stumble across them, but we doubletook back and looked at them from around the corner, hiding in the shadows.

"We are the Black Vularks and we own this street, boyos!" said one hte aliens, a Rodian.

"Fuck ya man, man!" A guy on the other side shouted back in English. "The Hidden Beks are th e strongest and we're gnna show ya why!"

Carth & I took cover as they killed each other. It only tooka few seconds of laser-shots and sword-slashing, and stick-busting. After that they were all dead and we looted the bodies.

"Better watch ourselves down here," I said. To Carht. "We'd be in for some pain if we got caught between some of these guys,"

After that we came acoss the Lowercitty Cantina. "Let's check this place out, Carth." I said. "At least in there we probably arent gonna stumble into a gang-shooting."

We went inside. It looked exactly th esame as the Uppercity Cantina but we knew thy were not the same plce because of how much darker and dirtier it was, and more slimy aliens were in it.

As we walked in we saw three thugs, Rodians, walking over to a guy I just saw. He wore goggles, a blue and red jacket-vest, and a sorta hat that looked like a bag of flour on top of his head.

"Get the fuck outta here," the guy said.

"Hoo ho, hang on there little man. We just wanna talk to big bad Calo Nord."

Said a rodian.

"1."

"Now what do we have going on here?" Carth said walking between them like a dumbass.

"2." Said Calo Nord again, and I realized I thought I had heard of him. "Carth, get the fuck outta the way I said pushing him back away.

"What he doing, counting us said a rodian **3!**

Calo nord held out his ahnds and two blaster pistols shot out of his sleevsc and into them. Then he shot the Rodians all dead, three shots for every three ones of them, and they were dead smoking aliens on the ground now. After that he walked out.

"Nice one Carth, good to see your righteous chivalry doing goodness for otheres," I mocked as we looted the dead bodies.

"We could've stopped him," he complained. "Ew might have saved a life today."

When carth said that my eyes sorta rolled up into my head. I said: "I need a fucking drink."

After that I went straight to the bar and ordered eight triple-shots of the strongest shit they got, and I got it. Carht appeared next to me as I drank the first triple-shot.

"Hey what's the _matter_ wi h you, Jaden? We gotta find a way into the Undercity. Let's question some people!"

"You start the qwuestioning first," I said drinking the second triple-shot. Already I could barely see his face, it was just a blotch of color, and that was how I wanted it. Almost. "I need a drink first."

Carth tried to shake me but I shoook him off. "But what are you _doing_? He said

"I'm _drinking,_" I said thru the third, forth, and fifth triple-shots at once. "you have driven me to drunk wiht your mere presence. You should be happy about yourself, you fuck."

Carth stood up and looked arond. "Forcing hell," he grumbled. "I can't believe the Republic hired _you_ onto the Endar Spire as a consultant and navigator. You're nothig but a lazy drunk."

"That's _fucking_ hell, you sheltering snot," I said after the sixth triple shot.

"Come on Jaden, you took an oath," Carth said trying to sound less disgusting. "We've ogt a job to do, and yer not gonna be able to actualle enjoy yourself while we're stuck on the planet Taris."

"Did you actually say something?" I said, and downed the seventh triple-alchohol shot. "I seriously can't hear anything."

"Jadnen we need to find a way to get along. Just becaus e i dont trust you doesn tmean we have to do this this way." Jaden said.

"Go do your trusting to that ronto's ass," I muttered, "and il be with you in a bit." Then I drank the eigth triple-shot.

"I give up. We're gonna do questioning myself." Carth said.

"Don't wait up for me, bitch," I said, and threw up.

* * *

After that I had I had a dream where a

Then I saw that a man with a hood and no face leaned in over me at the bar. He was the bartender and was standing in the shadows and cleaning a glass with his tougne. "You suck," he said. "Your a worthless waste of your own talent. You think this is good for you and youre having fun? Think again."

I spat at the bartender. "Fuck _you_, asshole, you dont know me."

"Yeah I do," He said mysteriously, hiding behind his giant tank of alcohol so he looked all bubbly and distorted. "Im your bartender, Jaden Amnesia, so I know evverything about you."

"Get outta here," I growled. I got up and tried to punch him, vbut I was face-planted onto the bar in my own vomit and couldnt apparently actually get up, so all I could did waS flail my arms at him. My left eye was stuck shut.

"Fasten your seatbelt, Mister Amnesia. Getting drunk is only the _beginning_," The bartender said, setting down a bottle of Kuatian Scotch Whiskey down on the bar in front of me.

After that it was gone. Was it really a _dream_, or was it just a hallucination? Or maybe I just had a really creepy bartender.

Then I noticed that I was awake. I was on the floor in an underground building facility, and it looked exactly like where else on Taris Lowercity except mroe military gangship-esque... Next to me also tied to a chair was Carth, and in front of us were a bunch of thugs of many species. A the front of them was a black guy wearing plate-armor. He was bald and had a ring-peircing over/above his right eye, and freaky old-man eyes that were dead, as well as a notable black-haired beard. Standing infront of him a was a female twi'lek woman also in army, and she was punching us.

"If you know whats good for you you'll answer Zaedrea's questions," teh balck guy said.

"Talk! Who are you and why are you in our Lowercity!?" The twilek said, and punched me in the face. It was in a warehouse.

I glared up at her. " I heard your mum's down here somewhere so I thought Id find her and fuck her if you dont mind, bitch" i said to her.

The bitch punched me again, and it hurt. I growled back. "Why dont you hit my partner over there, he actually deserves it." How the fuck did we get captured? And why? Did the bartender rat us out?

"We already did actually," Said the Black Man thoughtfully. 'But we knocked him out without realizing it." I looked at Carth. His face was bloodied and asleep and he was definitely a wuss I knew by now.

"Well where the fuck am I now, then? Who are you bastards?" I said.

The black Man stepped closer. "We are the ones who ask the questisons at this moment, Mister. Now who are you and what are you doing in the City? Are you with the Black Vulkars? The Sith? Who are you?"

I glared up at him as he approached and strughgled at my ropes. They were too strong, and it was apparently hopeless. So I signed and said: "Okay, you've got me and I had enough. My name is Fuck You Hard You Ugly Asshole, and our mission was to-"

The bitch hit me in the face again, and my face was bleeding from both cheeks and above my eyebrow. Before she could get her fist away though I bit it in the hand. She smacked me again with her other hand, but I could take it this time. I would have my revenge.

"You're a feisty little man. But we can't be letting you leave here unchecked, our Mysterious Stranger friend. Like I said you have to answer our questions until we're satisfied with you." The Man in Charge said, coming closer

"You mean just like I satisfied your mum and two sisters and cousin and daughter last night, right?" I said.

Stepping closer, He jerked his head at me, and his bitch punched me again in the jaw. I felt something come loose, then spat out a tooth and also some blood. It got on my jaket which was already puke-stained and I was starting to get madder.

"I dont think you understand, Mister Stranger." The man said, stepping closer. "This is in _my_ City, so you play by _my_ rules, and dont argue with or break them . Itll go bad for you if you do."

I glared down at where my tooth had gone. "Call off your bitch, and then we'll talk," I said.

She glared at me. "I'm no _bitch_," the bitch said coming at me again but I was ready for her. When she tried to grab me I bashed her in the head with my head, smashing her nose, then jumped up from the chair, snapping the rope with my stregnth. He tried to punch me again but I dodged and with the rope caught her around the neck, used her as a human shield as I choked her for a minute. All the Hidden Beks in the room drew their blasters and swords but wouldnt come at me yet so I choked the bitch for maybe ten more seconds, then clocked her in the back of the head and knocked her out cold.

"Whoever the fuck you think you are, one thing you need ot understand is that _nobody_ owns a street once Jaden Amnesia steps foot on it," I said, jumping onto the bitch and standing there for a while.

The Black Man raised an eyebrow. "So thats your name then, Jaden.. _Amnesia_?"

"Yeah, And my partner is Carth Onasi. I said. We heard of whats going on with you gangs down here, the Beks and Vulkars. We're not with either of you, we actually kind of work for the Republic. Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"Carth si actually in the Republic, I was hired. We have a friend named Basitila who crashed down in the Undercity, and we were looking for her. now who are you?'

"Glad to see you are not a man of wasting time for words," The Black Man Said. "I am called Gadon Theck, and I am the leader of the Hidden Bek gang. This is our base here on Taris, the only one we have too. You and your 'partner' as you cal him should not have wandered into our territority, but it is no matter. SO you say youre looking for a Bastila?"

"Yes" Carthsaid.

"Well then as a mtter of fact we know who she is and where she is. You see we all rheard of the escape pods too and we know that a Bastila was in one of them, but she got captured by none other than our nemesis-gang, the Black Vulkars, and taken prisoner."

"So where is she then? Their base?:

"Oh, of course not," Gadon said, and all the thugs around us laughed as they put away their weapons. I made a quick mental note to kill all of them all later. " No, Brejik (he's there aleader) has ceratinly gotten her hidden far, far awa y from there base in aplace wher enoone knows the where it is at, util the big swoop-race of course."

"Swoop race?"

"No, swoop-race." Gadon said,a nd he frouned confusedly at me. "Ya see very year theres a huge yearly annual swoop-race sponsolred by every gang, mostly us and them of course but other smaller gangs from all over across the Taris Lowercity Such as the Plegms, the Cutters, and the Hockey Pucks but mostily its just a sponsor between us and them and every gang puts in a piece of the prize. Unfortuatnely for you, yuour friend Basilita _is_ the prize, well at least the portion that Brejick's putting in anyway though I hope she's literally only in one piece." He joked.

"So obviously because she's so important since she's a Republican Brejik once his racer wins the race and all the prize he will get the loyalty of possibly every single criminal on Taris except for me and most of my Beks. And they'll wipe us out. IF you want to rescue your "friend" you will need to win the swoop-race that is the only way. Obviously you dont even have a swop-bike, buuuuuuuut I _could_ sponsor you as the racer of the Hidden Becks Gang for this years swoop-race, _IF_ you re willing to help out me first! You do that and win the race, your friend bastila will be freed and yo u can be on your merry way..."

"And of cuorse, if you refu se you wont walk out of this room alive." He said, while his bitches and guards all took out their wepaons again, excerpt the actual bitch who was still down for the count where she belonged (I hoped she was dead or maybe crippled if I was lucky). Behind me i could hear waht i figured was the sound of Carth Onasi pissing himself. "Jaden! We gotta do it we dont know any other how!" He cried.

I looked at Gadon Breck. This was a son of a bitch, but there was something i liked about him. He had a gang at his leash. He was powerful and a ruler of his own little kingdom down here in the Lowercitry Tarris. It was something I sorta wished I had.

"Wellthten what's the errand I gotta do?":

Gadon Theck shifted into the shadows. "Well you see there is a very important... item. Package. A briefcase tht the Vulkars ha ve stiolen from me and it is in their base right now. I need you to steal it back. Then you get yourself into he race thru me."

"What's in thie briefcase?" I asked.

"Ask that question again and I cant promise I won't have my boys shoot your head off." He smirked.

I smiled back at Gadon. "You know Gadon," I said, "you're my kinda son of a bitch. It's too bad you only live once so I could only ever _kill_ you once."

Gadon smelled back. "Dont be too sure about your chances of that, Mister Anmesia." He says.

:Well anyway how do I get inside of this base of theirs?" I said.

"Mission Vao. She is a blue female twi'lek who hangs around the Lowercitry and Undercitry with her wookiee friend. Find her, and she will get you in. She knows Taris better than anyone except me myself. Find her and she'll do 's most likely in the Undercity as they like to explore there. Find her there." He said. As he said this he motioned for some of his guys to untie Carth and he stood up shakily.

"Okie-doke," I said. "Anything else I should know, Gadon?"

"Yeah," he said, signalling his guards. "Now get the fuck outta my house."

* * *

"I-!"

"Shut up, Carth," I grumbled. "Don't even start. You shouldve been watching so we didnt get captured. But im not gonna argue. We gotta get down into the Undercity and find this Mission gal. And then the base. And then the briefcase. Then Bastila. Sound good?"

"Yeah, good," Carth muttered.

"I do not trust that Gadon guy at all," Carth said. "He seems like a gangster scumbag."

"Thats cuz he _is_ a gangster scumbag, you clot," I growled as we walked together. "Now come on we need to find Mission. Gradons definitely telling less than he knows about what's going on but untill we see a good time to double-cross him before he double-crosses us then we have to do what he says. Now let's go find that Mission."

* * *

"So you're mission vao then?" I said. "And the wookiee."

"Yes," They Said. "What would you like?" Sher was like Gandon had said a blue twilek girl, couldntbe more than seventeen or eighteen years old. Had an easy smile but I had a bad feeling about this.

"We were wonderinf if you could help us break into the base of the Black Vulkars and steal back a briefcase." I was ssaying. Carth Onassi was keeping his motuh shut for once because I convinced him to let me do the talking about Mission and the wookiee. "We were sent be Gradon Theck, and he said there's money in it for you if you help us. A big lotta money, better than how you suualyl probably earn it."

She stood staring at us for ten seconds, doing nothing. I was spooked unti l she said: "Well if you put it that way, yeah we can get you in. And be some extra guns for you if you want." So we walked with her and into a door she pointed at. "That door there," She said.

Carth and I walked into the door. Inside was a featureless gray steel compound box with no other doors or visible things inside. "This an elevator or something then, miss?" Said Carth.

I spun around. "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! Gadon said their base was in the UNDER-City!"

But it was too late. She had lready pushed the button to close the durasteel door, and we were trapped in the dark box-room. The only words I could see were painted rad and they said on the wall: **"GARBAGE CHJTE TO UNDERCITRY. CAUTION"**.

Carth was banging and clawing uselessly at the door. "Carth I think we just got fucked by a teenager." I said before the chute turned and we were dumped down into a tunnel-ramp leading down into the bowles of the Undercity Taris...

* * *

Carth and I were spat out of the metal onto the dirt – _dirt, literally dirt, what the __**fuck**_ – floor-ground of Taris Undercity, where there was no sunlight and shit was everywhere. "I'll _KILL_ her, _**I fucking SWEAR I'LL KILL THAT BITCH!"**_ I shouted thrashing around and getting the dust of of me. "If it's the last **FUCKING** thing I do, I'm gonna _find_ Mission Vao and chop her into pieces and _**MAKE A FUCKIN WOOKIEE SANDWICH OUTTA HER STUPID BLUE ASS! DAMNING **__**FUCK**__** IT!**_"

No sooner did this be said by me but then we cam eunder assault by a hordes of ravenous rackghuhls, who are hideous one-eyed naked mutant gray things that live in the Undercity Tarris and scratch at you with big fuckoff claws. Carth and i had ahard time fending htem off with our blaster-pistols, but we were able to do it. Good thing too or we'd have been like one of them.

"Fuckin' rackghouls." I said in between fights. "Fuckin twilek bitches."

"Calm down!" Carth said. "Waht if theres some other explanation for"

"No i _**HAVE NO INTENTION OF CALMING THE FUCK DOWN CARTH! NOW LET'S GO FIND THAT BLACK VULKARBASE!**_"

So we did. We walked thru the Undercity a lot, killing lots of rackghuls, but also Sith and occasionally locals wh oattacked us. But before we found it first Carth and I talked.

"I don't TRUST you!" Carth said. "I dont know how you passed psycho-profiling for being hired by the Republic. You rob and murder people and stuff."

"Fuck you, asshole," i said as I bit a rackghul in the neck and punched it onto its back, and it quickly bled to death. I fought a sudden urge to bay at the moon. "It's a _hard _galaxy where you gotta use yer brain if you wanna live. What's wrong with _that?_ How about _your_ untrustableness, pal? You're _always_ telling me _not_ to do things my way even though it's the only way we've gotten anything done since the beginning of our time here. You tell me not to collect bounties on anyone, even scum, tell me not to defend myself against that bitch in the Uppercity cantina, not to loot dead guys who aren't gonna use their stuff anyway even though we need every advantage we can get or we're fucked on this forsaken planet. Why isn't _THAT_ a problem to trust, huh? Huh?"

Carth russed his hair and checked a corridor for more Rackels. "You dont get it, Jaden.Y Ou don't understand me and aren't even _supposed_ to, it's none of your business. I had a mentor, a great man named Saul Karath in the Mandalorian Wars. And he betrayed us and turned onto the side of the Sith. It CRUSHED me. It aint anythjing personal against you but Im not just gonna sit around and maybe get betrayed again. I'm gonna watch your every move and I do that with _every_one because Im just BUILT that way, period."

I lit a cigarrette. What the hell was this idiot's problem? Well now I had an idea. "Oh, oh, **OH!** So because Saul switched sides on your great holy war, _**I**_ get shit for it? Get the fuck over yourself, you fucking baby."

Carth spun on me as we climbed into the tree. "Dont mock this war, you man. WE're fighting the _SITH_, and the Sith are genocidal evil maniac s who are trying to control the universe-"

"Yeah yeah, from _your_ point of view. Wake up, kiddo, the Republic's no better. Both are giant governments that just wanna control everything. Fuck that, man, fuck authority. Go your own way and think for yourself like me. Actually dont so I never have to see you again."

Carht had nothing to say to that.

* * *

"So that's the Vulkar base?" Carth asked.

We were sitting on our bellies in the dirt looking at it thru my Microbinoculars. "Yeah, definitely." I saID. There was the logo on it. "Way too much security thouguh. Look at all that. Blaster-turrets, at least forty Black Vulkar guards, defender-droids and shields, even barbed wire tape fences. Even me can't fight thru all that myself."

Carth looked at it. "So how are we gonna get in then? There's no back way."

I chewed on my lips. Then I had an evil smile, because I had an idea and it was the most perfect one yet. "There's only one way I can think of actually. But I think it'll work. Come on, Carthy," I said getting up. He got up after me and we ran back a bit to a safe distance again.

"The only way to get thru all that firepower is to get something better."

"So what is it?"

"Okay," I said. "Here's the plan..."


	4. I'll Have Time To Quest When I'm Dead

"Okay Carth, here's all our money," I said, giving him all our credits. "And a list of nuermous stuffs I need you to go buy with it. When you have it all, meet me back here."

"Okay," said. "What about you?"

"I'm gonna go get all the rest, I said' So we headed out t

"Yes indeed it is a gloirous Dueling TRing!" said Adjure, the slimy hutt gangster in charge of it. He sat in the room with contestants and spectators laughing as food was guzzled to him along with the money of watching their games, the people down in the areana shooting at each other. After that he saw me.

"Ah indeed!" He slurped. "Fresh meat for the-"

"Not today, motherfucker." I said, and shot the Hutt twice inthehead. His fat burst out through his main slug's stomach whole and gushed into the room of carpet luxurious floor ina noxious brown fetid skunk. I then opened up on the other people in the room, one shot each and they were all dead before htey could get out the door. I then set about collecting all their money and other items, chemical spikes and ammunition, other components. After I counted it all I headed out. And said to myself: "Good, good. So far. Now on to the next target."

"So anyway," said Larrim a green twilek merchant said to me, ":I hope you're interested in these hi-tech energy shields and other items of my store. Theyre pretty good, could save you some pain."

"Won't save _you_ any pain though," I said, and stabbed him to death with my knife. It only took one stab because I knew where to put it. After he fell dead I looted his shield generators and other stuff, raw metals and wires, electrical copper tubes and other stuff, but also a fusson cutter and blasters.

Music was playing the background, ridings of falcons and valkriaries because it was Uppercity Cantina now and they always had entertainment playing on the vanity-screens. There were also electro-nanites flying thru the air and releasing gases that made the air crisper and sparkle like magic. "So doesth thou wish to challenge _meeeee_ for a game of pazaak?" Said a tall handsomely glowing magic man Jergan, his eyes dancing.

"Actually no" I said. I leaned closer across the table at him. "I play a different game."

"Oh what's that, he asked?"

"**MURDER!**" I shouted, and I blasted him in the gut under the table. As he fell dead I looted all 600 of his credits and left.

"_EXCUSE_ me!" A woman said. "What do you think you are doing here, you cannot just barge into my house! How dare you!"

"Lady, I need all your stuff. Money, chimicals, weapons, computer-stuff, and your clothes. You have three seconds to comply. This is a galactic emergency and I will not tolerated this."

Dia balked at me. "Whot! In absolutely no circumstances shall I you have no right-"

I blasted her and said nothing as I looted her place. I found some engine parts, prototype acceletatators from a swoop-bike, and steering fins. And also a sandwich.

"The Rackgujoule searum is imeprative to my designs," Doctor Zulka explained as he did his lecture in the Space Expo with a powerpoint presentation. I was sitting in the audience pretending to take studential notes. And raised my hand. "But as I was saying I need my medical students to aquire these antidotes for me so I can synthesize the polymer for all of Tari- Oh yes, you have a question student!"

I don't think so," I said and slashed tyhe doktor wit his knife. He turned out to have 2000 credits and some food and many chemicals that would be useful to me, and medpacks. I left the hospital after that.

**WHAM! WHAM**

"WHO IS IT!?" Shouted the woman voice from inside. "DON'T COME IN OR I WILL SHOOT"

"Sorry bitch!" I said as I smashed the door down. "But Jaden Amensia is in need of everything you have and I will not take no for an answer!"

The woman was armed. And armored, and she said: "Now you will see why I'm the most dangerosu assassin on Taris!" But even as she drew her blasters a thermal grenade was rolling toward her. It exploded and she was charred into human beef jerky. "Bitch," I said, and proceeded to steal her hidden stash of 3,000 credits.

"Yesss, yhheesssss," The man said. "My names IGEAR.," he squeakled. "I sssell ssalvage and spare PAHERTS for the Underscity of TARIS, and to anyone who comes to me. Sometimes, they even give me credits!"

"Well, too bad for you then," i said and beat him to death. First I punched him in the stomach twice, crouched low and did a knee-breaker strike to hsi left knee. After that I pulled him upward, caught his right arm in a brace and snapped it, shattered his right elbow with a palm strike, silenced hs scream with a grab-punch to his throat, deafened him with two smacks to the ears, cracked the left forearm under my knee, snapped both his ankles with simultaneous karate-chops, dislocated his jaw with a knee kick, then finally finished him off w/ a punch that liquefied his solar-plexis and killed him instantly so he wouldn't suffer anymore. Then I used my sleeve-flame projector to set his body on fire to hide the evidence of the murder. And I helped myself to all of his salvaged speeder parts, weapons, control chips, computer systems, metals, instruction manuals, and missile launchers.

"Nothing to see here, folks, " I declaimed earnestly.

"Welcome to my shop, and al my stores of many droids and robots." She

"So this is Janice Hill?" I asked looked at everything she got to see. Impressive.

"Yes indeed said the twi'lek shopkeeper bitch from behind her desk. "I am selling numerous stores for various prices of Republican credits alone, and I will not take credit cards but only hard cash in credits," She finished with a wink.

I picked up one of the robot arms. It was hefty and looked designed for a loader-droid. "Oh inded an exquisite piece," Janice she said. "Shall I give you a hand with it?"

"No, but _I_ shall give you _an __**ARMFULL OF DEATH!**_**"** I screamed and rammed her in the face with it like a spear and smashed her head into the wall behind her. She was dead, and I was then free to [ plunder her shop for the numerous special machines and components of money and droids, cybernetical technologies and other "Hey you look like a smooth guy do you think you could be a dancer." Said the twi'lek.

"What!" I asked.

"I said you look like you coudl do this thing," Bib Surool asked. "You see this woman Lyn Sekla next to me" he said pointing to the twilek woman next to her who looked exactrly like Janice Hall's sister "She is auditioning to dance in my organization and sheneeds a partner to audition with."

So I stabbed them both to death in the Dancing Auditions Hall. They both had 250 credits on them and that completed my list.

"Now we have everything needed for exactly as i planned, except for one thing!" I declared as I walked out, wiping blood off of my sleeves.

After that I stole a speeder truck and parked it back at the spot where I had searched the Black Vulkar base from afar with Carth. He was waiting there for me with all the stuff I had told him to get.

"Excellent work Carth!" I declared. "Now after a few hours work we'll have everything we need to teach these Vulkars what it means to be a criminal!"

Carth looked at the speeder truck. "Oh wowzers." He, said.

"Now let's get to work."


	5. How to Kill a Base

A/N:

"Oh yeah, there's my baby,": I said stepping back. It had taken almost an hour of work, but it was finished.

The speeder truck that i'd had "borrowed" from the delivery guy was now a masterpieaces. The first thing I'd done was put in the whieels and tires – ordinary repulsorlifts wouldn't do any good inside the metallic base, and instead we now that molecular-grip tires that could stay good on any surface, even walls and ceilings! After that I obviously had to make su rehtat the thing could take better punishment than before, so I mounted electric and energy sheildings from Kuluuk Tano's shop on the platings, and fo rgood measure put durasteel-plated reinfroced armour on most of it too. The windshield I double-shielded cuz its just glass and ewould need a better protection. After that we needed weapons added, so I stuck all of the extra guns and other stuff we had on the outsides and hooked them up to the dashboard to make turrets.

In total the speeder-truck was now armed with six blaster-carbines, eight rifles, four heavy blasters, six laser sniper rifles, seven a disruptors, grenade and missle launchres, and twenty-five blaster-pistols, but now ALL OF THEM WERE TURRETS THAT COULD SPIN EVERY WERE. I had them calibrated so they you could set them to stun, armor-pearcing, bullet-mode, beam-mode, deflecto-mode, and regular.

I also put spinners, subwoofers, and a few other gadgets onto the thing too.

Al right, let's rock and roll!" I said as I jumped into the drivers seat. Carth rided shotgun with two blaster-pistols like I told him too, and I hit the gas, with the tires _SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH_ until we hit the base. "SHIELD MAXSIMUMS!" I shouted and had Carth swithcs some levers.

"SHIELDS AT ONE!" HE YELLED.

The Black-VUlkar fuckers saw us coming at them and salted us with laser fire but the shields held. We plowered thru their barb-wire fence, towers, and outer wall in a concrete-mixing explosion and crushed several of them to death. We WHOOMED into the outer wall and down into some of the mian corridors, past dozens of Vulkars who were lightly armed, and many of them ran out of th eway.

"Okay! In the main hallway I said. "LEAVE NONE OF THEM ALIVE!"

As I said this already hte integrated targeto-computers actived, and the turrets opened up on the thugs, and the place was smoked with lasers. Charred limbs and burnign hair went flying, and gusts of blood splattered all over the place. "WINDSHIELDS ACTIVE-ON!" I yelled and tuned them on.

I drove us thru te facility, using the coasters and breaks to strafe & slide a lot so we could get maximum weapons-coverage. Black vulkars leaned out of doorways of smaller rooms to shoot at us, but I set lasers to amorr-pierce and blasted them to pieces thru the walls and continued on.

A few rooms away the Black Vulkars were being marshalled in a barracks-room by their Commander. "There is a speeder truck-tank thing coming after us, GET READY TO REPEAL BORDERS!" He commanded as they locked & lodaedd their guns. They had blaster-rifles with setting on full, and heavy blast-armor pads over their chests and arms and helemts and other armor pieces too, mostly stolen from the Sith. The Commander had his grenade launcher out and the squad rushed over to engage from the far way of east.

Carth was distructed by the grunts nearby as he mowerd them down happily via the laser-turrets, but these squad was protected by armor. "THINK AGAIN YOU FUCKING ANTS!" I yelled shooting the firework cannon at them. "_DIE!_!" I yelled as the sparks exploded, melting their armor onto them like wax, and theye fell on the floor on fire and in agony, and I blasted half their corpses to chunks of gibs as we ran over the rest. "**DIE! DIE! **_**DIE! HAHAHAAAAAaaaa- HA HA **_ha ha ha ha haaa!" I screamed in extastic joy. After being drunk & having to deal with Carth, this ride felt better than the best sex i'd ever had yet, well until I'd met Bastila obviously.

After that we drove into the central hub. It was a curicular dome-room with catwalks going around and around up it kind of like the capitol building. So we parked in the middle and looked up where about a hundred Black-Vulkars were ont hose platforms shooting down at us. We spinned in a tight circle, spraying them with shotgun blasts, plasma grenades, charged laser shots that would bounce off walls and hit more guys, and poison-gas bullets. The entire dome collpsed into slag around us, but more Vulkars came out of the walls, shooting at us wit h guns. A couple bullets hit the tires and they went flat.

I tried to drive away but the tires were flats adn could not dirve over the molten metal that was now surrounded us anyway. The glowing lava-like stuff (well, man-made lava really) was already flooding itno the rest of the base, and cooking everyone inside alive.I heard ther screams and rather likened them unto the screams of a passionate woman unto whom I had once made sweet fucking a long time ago.

"WE:RE TRAPPED!" Carth gasped rolling up the windows to keep molten fumes out. "SHIELDS WEAKENING!'

"Dont worry Carth I said I always have a backup plan" And i flipped a swticht to turn on the auxillary supershields, which glowed purple instead of blue adn were even stronger, and the repulsorlifts turned on, and the ship began to float. "Time to go _downstairs_ and finish the job we started up here!"

Then I veered the throttle and crashed the bus down into the floor. "There's a _hidden_ floor!?" Carth explained in wonderment.

"More than either of us can guess," i said as I led our ship to land down and crush a few more Vulkars to death underneath us. These ones tho were not Vularkar soliders but scientists and technicians. Around us were not ordinary blank walls but walls full of blinking lights and computer equpiment and screens of analysis. "What is this place?" Carth asked as we radared the surroundings.

"It's the Black-Vulkar science lab," I said,m looking at the big holograms of science data, maps, geological surveys, and other things like tanks of fish, predatory fish, and rock samples but also bio-fluid pipes and even more stuff than that. "It looks like these gangs are into some freaky-ass shit. No wonder Bradon Theck wants to take 'em down."

"Yeah," carth said scaredly, looking carefully at all the science around us. "Sure hope we'll be able to find the briefcase in all this mess. I wonder what's in it."

"Only one way to find out," I said and gunned the engine, smashing us thru a buncha pipes of blue and green science liquid. The supershields and windshield wipers were on tho so it was okay.

"THERE ARE INTRUDWERS IN THE BASE! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK IN THE SCIENTIFIC SECTOR!" STOP THEM!

And there was a blare of alarming, and an intruder alert was declared. "Ha ha ha." I laughed at the fuckers. "Fools! _**Intruder**_ is my Middle Name!"

And we drove thru the facility shooting the place up . We were chased by six Black Vulkars on their swoop-bikes, and we were constantl yramming each other and smashing around into the walls and science facility. They had built-on blaster cannons and shot at is with pistols. "Shields holding!" Carth said.

"We counter attack!" I declared, and switched the guns onto beam-mode. We shot back, and the blaster turrets beamed their guns into powerful beams, slicing their bikes into apart and the others retreated. I wasnt gonna let them go alive tho and chased them onward, tossing grenades and dynamite out the window bewhind us. Soon there was a small flood of science gunk about ankle deep not almost everywhere in the entire base, and the fish were starting to swim about in it though they wouldnt be able to stay alive in it more than a few days since they were fish.

Luckily for us a lot of them were mutant predator fish and so they attacked the Black-Vulkars who chased after us, and many were eaten by their tooth attacks. Those that didnt had to climb onto higher-ground filing cabinets or sparking computer machinery. As such, I took care of that. "Carth, take the wheel!" I said and I climbed out on top of the speeder-bus, and with my pistol shot at the surviving Vulkars and randomly into the science. We drove thru a hologram of Taris, and ont he other side was a Vuklar hiding on top of a desk. I laughed as we drove past and pistol-whipped him in the face off into the gunk below us, wher he was eaten to death by space-jellyfish who electrified him and them ate him for dead.

I laughed at it and we kept going on. We also blasted power-cores and conduits, which were blue pipe-things that were built to explode in electic. I shot plenty of them as we passed, and they electrified many of the pools of liquid, frying even more Black Vulkars. I saw scientists trying to swim away to safety and grabbed one onto the top of my speeder-truck. "**WHERE'S THE BRIEFCASE!**" I shouted at him.

"Aughtth! I'll never tell you!"

"**FUCK YOU**!" and I kicked him away. He smashed thru a window and fell down to his death.

At some point our shields went down and we sparked up pretty bad. I climbed back in and and said "we're gonna get everything left outta this bitch!" And drove it even faster into the heart of the facility. I set all the laser-turrets on SUPRECHRARGE and blasted melting into the walls, taking them to destruction. Then eventually we took too much damage from the environment and remaining Vulkars so we left it as a smoking hulk in the facility.

Carth & I climbed out of the bus and looked at the decimation I had swept into the gang. "Hah!" I said with my blaster-pistol pointing around. "Told you I knew a way to get thru onto these fuckers. Well anyway let's go get that briefcase."

We headed in on foot. At one halwlay we walked past a huge glass case in the wall holding a hideous beast. "AUUGHG!" Carth shuouted. "What is that!?"

I looked at the huge _thing _inside there. I saw files and holograms about experiments and steroids, animal genetics, and modifiers. "I have no damn idea Carht, but we're not gonna talk to it," I said. It a rancor, but not just _ANY _rancor. It was a scary product of Mad Vulkar Science! It was at least sixty foot tall, and it had glowing green skin and twenty-five eyes. It also had four arms insstead of the normal two and gigantoric tusks stickout out from its face with double-spikes on the end of them. It was a Mutant Bull-Elephant Rancor!

Carth and I went furthe ritoh the facility and into a prison with Force cages. Inside were a twilek with blue skin and a wookiee.

"you **BITCH! **" I screamed. "Im gonna _FUCKIN __**CRIPPLE**__ YOU!_"

"Waoh waoh way woah woah" Carht siad, "I hold on here."

"Hey now, you guys let us out. We can help you"

"Grunnt' said the wookiee. His name was Zallbar.

I went to the Force cage controls and wanted to overload them. With some simple commands I could overpoewr the force fields by pouring too many protons into them from the powering couples. That would turn the Force fields into lazers and fry the prisoners inside in seconds of agony. I had my finger on the last button but reluicntantly recided not to. I figured that if Carht saw me kill them he would ditch me and I needed his help for now, and besides it would be better to have two more meat shields between me and the enemy.

"Ok come with us then" I said and they did.

Deep inside the base we were walking in thru the ankle-pool of science-gunk. It was red in some places, and other places blue or green and purple or even sometimes black, but right now it was red. Anyway we were now in the absolute centre of the facility, and it was full of mysterious rooms with computer-parts and stuff we didnt know _what_ it could've been.

"yeah, me and Big Z got captured in there. I told him we shouldn't have explored down here so much but noooo..." Mission was sawing.

That fuckin bitch, I remembered I swore that I would kill her for trying to kill me and stuff. I realized Carth hadnt asked her whhyshe did that and also swore to bitch slap her, and amended my original swearing that the only way I didnt kill her and drink her blood and other horrible things would be if I married her. So maybe.

"Im sorry I dont

Even remember meeting you before. It's really weird." Mission. Said.

"Well that's werid." Carth said. "Mayne you were sleepwalking when you trapped us like that.

"Yeah. I dont remember a thing. And my head hurts when I try to remember it..."

"Well thats weird." I said.

I looked down at the thing, it was a briefcase. "Guys, shuddup, I think we found it." I said. I picked it up and put it on a desk, and opened it as everyone crowded around us. We were in teh innermost chamber, and most mysterious section in all of the Black Vulkar base, and everything in the room was dim and ominous beause noone was inside. I opened it up. "Woah."

I said. Inside was some kinda hi-tech computer apparatus, mroe advanced than anything I had ever seen. It was a screen with keyboard, and a picture of a person's brain with the special areas hilighted, like the internal lobe, and the cortexes, and the left side of the brain. And a words saying: **"SUBJECT: MISSION VAO. PLEASE ENTER COMMAND."**

_"Holy shit._" I said. Then I saw that we needed to test it. So I typed "**COMMAND: SMACK CARTH ONASSI IN THE FACE**"

Suddenly Missions eyes glows red with electric fear and she smacked Carth in the face with the back of her hand. "OW!" he yelled. "FUCK!"

"_Holy blamoonidy __**fuck!**__"_ I said. "Guys, I recognize this... It's-"

"Yes, indeed it is my dimunative friend!" Said a dark voice from the shadows.

I slammed the briefcase shut and looked up. Standing surrounding us was over a _hundred _black vulkars, all armed. And at the front were two leaders: A black guy with a full black har and armor, and next to him a twi'lek with orange skin, and someone else standing behind him I couldn't see.

"You must be Brejick," I said. "It sucks to meet you."

"And, it sucks to _be_ **you**," Brejik said bacj. "And this good man is my shit, Karlon Ark," he said pointing to the orange man. "My bodyguard" he added. "And that machine is my most important piece of equipment: A prototype. One of the last surviving _Mandalorian Brain-Controllers!_"

"So _that's_ why Mission tried to kill us in the Uppercity," I said. "You mustve made her to do it."

"Of course we did, fool! Well... _I_ did. Or rather, my _true_ master." Berjik said sheepishly.

"Wait a minute... You're not _actually_ the Vulkar leader?" Carth asks suspiciously.

"Not entirely," Brejick complained.

"Not at _all_," said another man stepping to the front. He was a black man with green eyes, no hair, black skin, body armor, and a clean-shavened face, a ring, and weird eyes. It was-

"_I_ am the head honcho here, Mister Amnesia." Said none other than _GANDON THEK HIMSELF_.

"Of course," i said." I should have guessed. I knew you were bad news, you sack of shit. It's just what _I_ wouldve done. You're the leader of _both_ gangs and you secretly are playing them off against each other. "

"Hah, you would do the same in my position Jaden!" Gandon said. "I could make quite a bit of money if'd these days a man were as clever as I am."

"Well, yeah." I said. "With that bounty on every single person in your gangs... You must be collecting hundreds of _thousands_ of credits every _day_. Collecting the bounties on your own patsies."

Brejick nodded satisfiedly and raised his eyebows. "Gadon smacked him in the face. Very good, Jaden," he said. "You see this is why I realized that I had to kill you: when yuou showd up on Taris I knew you were too dangerous to leave wandering around to possibly interfere with my plans. So I had to use this interesting piece of technology to assassinate you. Mission almost succeeded too."

"I still feel bad about it, Jaden." Said mission. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, babe. " I said. She couldnt have been younger than eighteen years old for sure.

"Anyway you were right, my smuggler patsy friend," Bradon Thek went on. "You see I cut a deal with the Sith Governor of Taris, who lives in Uppercity Tarris. Thanks to his coooperation in less than a year Ill have enough money to buy all of Taris! I shall make of it my own entire empire and will stretch that empire outward, eventually to encompass the galaxy. I will make of it, a _galaxy of crime!_ The only good-kind," he added as an afterthuought.

"Obviously I had no idea you'd actually make it this far into my Black-Vular base. But there is no matter at this point anyway. You've come far enough and it is time for you to die, Jaden, so I can then take the briefacse with that fascinating machinery."

"You have only _one_ chance to surrender, Gadon," I said. "Before you die."

"Hmm-**HMM** hmm hm-hm Hm!" Brandon laughed.

"One."

Then the battle was on. Me and Carth and Mission and Zaalbar all drew blasters and fell back, guns blazing. The Black Vulkars were shooting at us so we had to take cover to avoid dying. I dropped several vulkars per shot because I knew how to kill more than one guy with one laser but htere was too many even for that so I had to resort to grenade-throwing, and I had to dodge clouds of dead-men's guts.

"WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!" Carth shouted thru the smoke.

"NOT WHILE THESE BASTARDS ARE STILL ALIVE!" I shouted back.

**PomPOMPOM POM POMPOMPOMPOMPOM**

The BlackVulkars saw that they needed more firepower to take us down so they set blasters onto full. Our only chance was to match their weaponry, so I had my guys turn _our_ blasters onto _double-full_, and our laser shots were twice ads big and burned holes straight thru the fuckers, and smashed computer screens into sandsmoke and sent electical discharges into the ceilings and wall, and shrapnels into the thugs.

We were running out of ammo tho, but reinfrocements came for me: the predator-fish, minisharks and other animals that were swinning thru the medical gunks that we were all wading inside. The things swum into the area and started biting and eating the Vulkars' shoes and feet and stuff, and tye fell in to get eaten or totherwise shot by me. Carth and me and the others wouldve been target too but forutnately the things hated the Black Vulkars because they were the ones experimenting on them and they wnated revenge. I shot all the ones that came at me anyway though and eventually I was able to pull the plug, and thye all drained away.

Even then though there was still fifty Black Vulkars left, and me and my guys were running out of running to cover because the stuff we hid behind kept getting sliced up by the laser shots and we had to run away.

We were soon surrounded. "GUYS GET READY" I yelled "WE HAVE ONLY ONE CHANCE"

And I slammed down at the button to release onto the Black Vulkars their own monster: **THE MUTANT BULL-ELEPHONT RANCORR!**! The beast roared asmashed thru the glass as it lumbared out into the greater facility at large.

"**Oh my SHIIIIIIIIIIITTT!**" yelled Bandon. "YOU **CRAZY** MOTHER **FUCKER**!"

And he ordered his men to shoot at the monster all at once but their shots spanged off of its armored hide. Immediately it lunged forward with a roaring, and Is aw that it had two mouths _inside_ its one mouth! They all had teeth and two tognues and it went "_SNKKRAAARRRAKGGL_!" and sloppered acid-drool onto the floor. It lunged forward and grabbed six guys in its four arns and devoure dthem instantly, and went on to crash thru duraplast walls and rip power-counduits straight out of their hinges.

"Keep firign" Brejik said but that made it only angrier and it punched the walls more and more. Debris stormed down on us. "GET OUTTA HERE" I yelled at Carth and the others. "I'll catch up!" I grabbed the briefcase and shot some more at them.

I was running on a catwalk to get away from them all. Twenty-six levels below my the gigantic monster was still mopping up Black Vulkars. I had the briefcase but someone apepared in front of me. It was Brejick. "Going somewhere?" He asked.

And Kaloop Ark appeared behind me. "Not far!" he declared.

"Not with you bitches on my tail anyway," I said, and shot them both.

Problem was, they both had shields on, and could take several shots, and I had to dodge counter-attacks, so no good and I closed to close-quarter combat. I got out my knife and swung it hard down as Berjik tried to shoot me again, chopping off his hand.. Ark came at me behind again trying to get me at point-blank, but I made him miss and the shot went wide. I slashed him in the intestines and he fell against the rails.

Meanwhile I got an idea. As brejiks started to bleed to death from his arms, I took out the briefcase and used it to type in a test: "**COMMAND: CHANGE SUBJECT TO BREJIK. NEW COMMAND: SHOOT ARK IN THE FACE**"

Berjik tried to do it, but he didnt have a gun anymore so he karate-chopped him in the throat, breaking it. And after that he shanked him with a knife up his sleave. Ark tried to get away but he fell into the railing and went thru it to fall downstairs into the Mutant Bull-Elephant Rancor's toxic opened mouth and he was divoured instantly. Meanwhile I still had Brejik to deal with, so I took out a haevy-repeater blaster that I had stolen and smacked him in the head with the butt of it. Then i used my sleeve-fire apparatus to set him on red fire. He engulfed in flame immediately and screamed 'UUUARRRRRGHHHGH!" so as he ran I kicked him and he burned down thru the catwalk and into a pile of ewxplosive barrels, and they exploded and sprayed his gibs all over what was left of the facility.

I kept running until I saw Gandon Thekkc below me running away from the carnage. So I jumped over the side, calculating as I went to get the right vector-approach. I landed foot-first on Gadon and broke both his shoulders off. "AAAAAHHHG!" he yelled. Wasnt enough so I picked him up and smashed him thru a kolto tank which healed his shoulders and that was bad.

He got stronger and punched me hard, rocking me into another tank whifh had nothing in it and the glass cut my back and hair "AAAA!" I screamed in pain. I looked at the tanks after that and realized something. And the glass was sharp shards, many stuck in my collar and cutting stuck into my back and the back of my neck. Frantically pulling them out, I wiped som eof the blood off on my glove and looked at it in shock. But then:

"Hah!" Gadon said. "You had no idea how powerful I truly AM! You bitch," He smirked. And charged, his fists were strong and he punched me alot. I could barely punch him back and even blocks hurt, probably because I was almost dying from blood loss. I still hadd a lot of blood left though so by the time I stopped bleeding I shuold still be alive, if I didnt get beaten to death first. He was like a machine, smashing thru glass tanks and disloging computers from their durabulk-metal frames. But I knew how to take him down.

Gadon came at me again. "You have nothing on me, Jaden Amnesia _ I have power and _EVERYTHING_ but you have NOTHING!"

"Except that your base is getting wrecked by your own monster!" I said and punched him in the jaw. My knuckles cracked badly, and I hurt and staggered away.

"Ahh but you are still a fool!" he said rubbing his shiny jaw in triumph. "Even if all of my own men are killed I _still_ win because I collect the bounties from the Sith Governor! By the time all of my men die I'll already have more than enough money to build a new base and start all over again! You forrgot about that my small-shorted friend."

"Maybe," I said. "But i still remember how to _kill _you, asshole." And I threw my knife thru the air and it stabbed right into his eyeball adn brain. He fell like a stone but I dindt take chances. I took my laser repeater and shot his head until it was a pile of bloody ashes, and I set the rest of him on fire. After i got my knife back I decided to get outta there so I did. The Mutant Bull-Elephant Rancor was outta my league and I let it destroy the entire rest of the facility, and it collapsed and exploded in on itself as I got out and met up with Carth, Mission, Zaalbar, and the rest of them outside in safety.

"Yeah, just another day's work to leave for _Jaden_, you lazy shits," I said.

We walked away from the burning base. "Well we got away with the briefcase and everything." Carth observed. "But Gadon betrayed us and he's dead, so now what/ We still gotta get into the swop-race somehow tomorrow."

"Yeah I think I know how we can do that," I said. "But we're still in a problem. Ya see, Gadon's still alive. The _real_ one!"

Everyone was shocked. "HOW?" But you killed him

"Yes but the real one I killed was only a _clone_." I explained. "I figuredthis out because in the facility there was kolto tanks, but next to one of them was a _cloning_ tank that must have been what Gandon used. You can tell because kolto tanks are always squared, but _cloning_ ones are _circles_. Also Gadon in the Hidden Bek Base had a beard and mustache, but in the Vulakr base he didn't. So he was bluffing about one thing there. It turns out that Gadon must be cutting a deal with his own clone for all this money and control over Tarris. So we gotta go back to the Hidden Base and finish the _real_ one off before its too late."

"How we gonna do that?" Zallbar asks.

"Dont worry I have a plan" I said and took out my communicator. "This is Jaden aMnesia, we have acopmushed the mission and taken the package. We're gonna run it back to you safe in a jiffy and a fuck, over and roger." I said.

"Excellent work Jaden" said Gandon's voice from the other end. "Once you have it safely back here we can pay you and get you into that swop-race."

"Roger and out" I said and hung up.

"Wow," Carth said. "So I guess we head back there and take Gadon out?"

"Yep." I said, holding the briefcase. "First we hit the weapon stores in Uppercity Telos, though, cuz my outfit's like shit after all that fighting and gunk and your guys's is too, and we need more weapons and ammo anyways. So after we get that, yeah. We're gonna head back to the Hidden Bek base to pay our friend Gadon Threck a visit... It's time for some _revolutionary justice!_"

**TO**

**BE**

**CONTINUED.**


	6. Justice Racing, Jaden-Style

A/N 6: Just so ya know Jaden's new outfit isn't something I just made up, there's a mod for it in KotOR I! Also, Chapter 6 and no reviews? FO SHAME!

* * *

At the shop we suited up. I had said goodbye to my red smuggler jacket because all the science gunk and other violence at the Black Vulaker base had messed it up and was starting to disintegrate. So we headed over. I now wore a business suit that was black, and a white shirt and black tie, because I was now inspired. I offered to buy Carth a cool new black jacket but he said no because he already had that disgusting orange thing. I gave the jacket to Mission instead then who had to be at least eighteen years old for we also got a ton of new weapons. I carried my blaster pistol, two submachine laser guns, and an assaultt blaster rifle plus a ton of grenades and of course my fire-firing sleeve thing. I gave Carth two heavy blaster pistols and Mission one, and Zaalbar has now two double-wookie crossbows that I upgraded myself so they could shoot lasers inside of arrows, for four shots per wookie volley. I had plenty of grenades to go around too so that was it, it was time for REVOLUTIONARY JUSTIcE!

* * *

There was a bitch standing outside the door. "HEY!" she barked. "You cant just walk in the door! The opendoor days of the Hidden Beks-"

I set my assault blaster-rifle onto full-automatic full-power shot and blasted her into a pile of burned meat. "ALL the days of the bek's SHIT are over, bitch," I said and kicked the metal door down. I led the way in while my guys followe behind me shooting and throwing grenades from me. I swept the first room with laser fire, and the Hidden Bek fuckers were unprepared by surprise. They ran for cover to shoot back but their shots wnet wide, but were not safe from my assault laser rifle, which could shoot thru most cover even the walls. Pretty soon we were wading thru smoke.

The assault laser rifle was low on ammo. I reloaded it and told the weapon that I was in love with it and wanted it to have my children.

Carth looked at me weird. "Fuck you, Carth." I growled. "It's more tail than _you'll _ever get."

"Grenades ready." I said. We left the reception room after that, coming into the main chamber which is pretty much the only room in the base except for Brandon Thek's office himself. I stepped into the room and threw twice, and more grenades scattered around blasting holes into the walls, and Beks flew in charred hunks in all directions. We also had fvolleys of gunk and ice grenades to get them stuck without their weapons, and we mowed them down as we walked thru the room blazing our blasters at them.

Suddenly someone jumped out and knocked my assault-laser rifle out of my hand. It was Gandon's Bitch! She had a vibro-grenade-sword and swung it at me over nd over and I had to keep dodgeing, and also the explosions from the grenade part of it as well. "IM NOT A BITCH" she shouted at me. "IM GONAN FUCKING KILL YOU!"

I made her slip on the ice from one of the grenades, and kicked the grenade sword out of her hand. Then I punched her twenty times, twice in the boobs, twice in the gut, twice per shoulder, six times under school, then I backhanded her in the jaw, kicked her in the cunt, and then three more punches into the throat and one in the middle of the head that knocked her on her ass, for a total of twenty points. Before she could get up then I had my knife in my hand and swung down. "**THIS IS FOR MY ASSAULT LASER RIFLE YOU FREAKING ALIEN BITCH!**" I declared and chopped her head off.

Then I picked up my laser rifle again and we got onto our way.

WE continued to fire, and with my laser rifle still on full I didnt knock on Gandon's office door, I just blew it down into a puddle of molten mettle, and then it opened. Gadon theck then walked out with his last encourage of thugs, heavy-armed as me and my gang reloaded.

"Impressive mess you have been maknign out of my house, Mister Jaden." He said.

I took the bitch's head that I had chopped off with my knife, and threw it onto the roll across the floor into Gandon's foot. "And your bitch" I said. "You're not gonna be able to clone _her_ back from the dead, now that we smashed your Vulkars and its cloning tank."

For the first time ever I saw Gagdon Thek sweat. "You're more dangerous than I thought Jaden." He said. "But what if we can work this out?"

I walked cloesr. "What you need to realize Gadon was that I'm more dangerous than _anyone_, no matter _who's_ in charge. But since you know that now though I think youve learned your lesson. You still have enough here to rebuild, especially with all the bounties from your own men. You can still collect that, though now you'll have to make gang-wars with someone other than the Vuklars since they're all dead now. But I'm done beating the shit outta your gangs." I smoked a cigarrette and added that smoke to the air. Gadon coughed onto it. "So then, as gratitude I even maybe have the briefcase right here for ya."

"Really," Gadon said. "So our partnership might be able to survive this." His blaster-pistols hand was being shaky. "What are your terms?"

I lowered the laser-assault rifle and smiled. "First of all I want proof of your part of the deal. Prove that you're gonna enter me into the swoop race & that Bastila is actually gonna be there."

He turned on his computer and showed a news report from the gangs. "Look at it." he said and I read it. "Theres the information on time, place, and everything in the prizes." I read it. Itwas all there, all right, even a video-feed of a woman in a cage. Her nametag said "Bastila Shan" on it.

"That settles it then." I said.

"Good! Good," Said Gadon. "I'm glad we could come to an agreement about this like sensible men..."

I looked at the wall next to Gadon. There was a gas leak there. "Yeah, well you're not gonna be agreeing much longer" I said and blasted it. The leak EXPLODED into a jet of fire gushing out, but also in through the walls and ceiling and blasting out of the outlets and thru power cables and the entire room was seared with sparks. Gadon and all his men caught fire and the walls crumbled around them, the floor caught fire, and I mowed them all down with my laser assualt rifle.

"Gang violence, " I said as I looked at their bodies melting. "Heh heh HA ha ha -heh-heh... Guys I just realized I'm a _ruler_ now, I'm a _LEADER._ I'm the leader of a gang. I looked at Carth and smiled, and adjusted my black tie. "I just killed the leaders of the Black Vulkars _and_ the Beks so now Im the king of the gangs now! Except they're all dead so I guess you guys are my gang. Never had a _gang_ before..."

Then I went over to the computer console and logged on. Took a few chemical spikes but I soon had myself enter into the swoop race. "Come on guys, this base is dead and we've got to race and win that Bastila." I said.

* * *

Just over an hour later I was climbing out of a swop-bike covered in sweat and some booze. I never race when I'm not drunk, cuz I always win when I am. I was holding onto a bottle of the stuff and still drinking as I walked out of the cheering crowds and up onto the racer's platform where the prize and stuff were. My gang was waiting there with the announcers and stuff, plus some policemen and the prize, Bastila who was sleeping standing upright in a cage. It was then that I realized that i had seen her before, in my dream after we'd crashed on Taris. That was weird.

We walked up to the desk where the announcer was announceing: "That was amazing! You're a nobody from nowhere but beat people who been doing this for twenty years! Impossible **IMPOSSIBLE BUT TRUE! **_**JADEN MANESIA**_** IS NOW THE RAINING CHAMPION OF TARIS OF THIS YEAR!**"

"Yeah, no shit" I said. I went over to my gang and looked at my bottle of Kuatian Scotch Whiskey. "Wait a minute," I said," swishing the empty bottle around. "This is..."

"Wait a minute, you were _drinking_ while racing!? With the galaxy at stake!?" Carth said taking the bottle away.

"Hey! Give that back, and yeah I did... I never race when Im not drunk, I always win when I do! Shut up Carth," I said. "You dont know what you're talking about. I used to race on Tatooine since i was a _kid_ of ten years old and even back _then_ i won every time I drunk-raced, you fuck. How many races have _you_ won?"

"This is irresponsible and a madness and you need to sober up," Carth said, and he smashed the bottle on the concrete.

"NO! DAMMIT!" I yelled as I became sober again. "You're an asshole, Carth." I looked around as the guys of prize-giving showed up. They were unusually heavily-armed, and a lot of them seemed to be aliens... And one ofthem was a black man wearing red, and with a short black-haircut...

"Oh, welcome Brejik!" Said the announcer. "The leader of the Black Vuklars has come to confer the prize upon the winner."

"Hey, wait a minute." I said looking down at the smashed bottle of glass. "This doesn't make any sense. "I dont remember buying that. I got that bottle for free... The... The bartender in my dream gave it to me..."

Mission just looked at me funny. Zaalbar shrugged. "Well anyway lets go talk to Brejik and get that Basilita freed." He said. He's a wookiee so he doesn't know English that well.

So we went over to Brejik, who was bowing as the men clapped for me. Brejik howeevr looked furious and his face glowed red. He gestured widely while he spoke and his eyes were angry:

"_Gentlemen_ I must **EXCUSE YOU** for your _great __**JOY**_ at the Hidden Bek's _so-called_ great _**CHAMPION**__ of the __**PRIZE**_, but _**I, BREJICK**_, shall disappoint you all by **WITHDRAWLING** our portion of the prize, this _woman_," Brejick declared. "For _we have discovered this man_ to have been swoop-driving **ILLEGALLY** while _**UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCHOHOL!**_"

I stepped toward Brejik, making sure he could see the blaster-pistols sticking out of my pockets and that my hands were close to them. "You're a fuckin' liar, Brejik, and if you really mean to cheat me you should know you're crossing me – and _that_ means you're _DEAD."_

The anouncer glared at him. "Brejik you cannot do that! Noone may ever take away the prize after it hasbeen awarded! And there is no law on Tarris against drunk driving let alone speeder-racing! This is madness!"

Brejik spun on him with his fists. With a blur of speed adn motion he practically teleported to the announcer and smashed his face onto the desk. "_**MAAAAADNESSS!?**_" he roared. "You delusional old FOOL! Your RULES mean _NOTHING_ to ME. DO YOU _HEAR?_! **NOTHING!** I AM **BREJIK**! I AM **BLACK VULKARS**!" Then he turned to the crowds in the stands and threw his head back to scream: "I AM **BREJIKC!** _I_ am the wave... **Of **_**THE FUTURRRRREEE!**__"_ And he pumped his arms up and down so the crowd went fuckin' berzerk. "And so there-**FORE** if **I** want to _withdraw_ this prize, **NO ONE **_**can**_** ME**."

"Actually as a matter of fact we have somethng to say about that," Said Gadon Theck as he and his gang walked out of the shadows with blasters in hands. "This Mister Amnesia is _our_ racer and the Hidden-Becks look after our own. Now unless you wanna stand-down!..."

"Holy _shit_ that guy's supposed to be _dead"_ mission said pointing at Grandon. "I thought you said he was dead!"

"He _IS_ dead," I hissed back. "I killed him myself... But he must have been able to come _back_ somehow..."

"**VULKARS!**" Brejik roared, waving his arms with fury and pointing at _me_. "WEW WILL _NEVER_ SURRENDER TO THESE HIDDEN **SONS OF BITCHES** FUCKOFF MOTHERFUCKERING _TOTS!_ **KILL** THEM! **KILL** _THE SWOOPER!_! **KILL AMNESIA**! **KILL** THE AUDIENCE! **KILL** GADON! AND **KILL THE ANNOUNCER**! _**KILL**__ THEM ALL!_ **KILLLLL** _**EEEEV**_-_**ERRRYYY**_-_**OOOOOOOONNNE**_**!**"

And so the platform epxloded into laser-fire. I openedf up with my pistols aiming for Brejik but four shots to the abdomen only made him stumble, and he fired back, with a special large pistol that shot flaming ninja-stars. One of them almost hit me, but instead seared off an earlob and I growled in pain as I jumped for cover. I looked out there were my gang using the desk as cover and shooting up the Vulkars, killing many especially Zaalbar with his double-laser crossbows. A lot of the Vulkarrs were wasting their shots killing the panicking crowds in the stands, and there was plenty of time for my gang and the Beks to shoot them ni the back.

"COMEAWWWN OUT, MISTER ANEMISIA-FUCK!" Brejik yelled walking in and firing again with his fire shurrikun-gun. "WITH YOUR STUPID NAME! DON'T BE AFRAID TO DIE!"

That was it, he's going down. I jumped out from behind my cover, drawing my two submachine blaster-guns, and fired in sweeping arcs, mowing down 20 Hidden Beks and 50 Black Vulkars, but by the time I got around to Brejik I was running outta ammo and still running at him. There was no way to reload two laser submachine guns with no hands free though so I just dropped them and took Brejik on single-handed. He kept fiting his fire-stars but I was able to grab one outta the air, and befor eit could burn my hand I threw it back and chopped his gun in half.

"RRAARRGH!" he said and ran at me for hand-to-hand combat. He used juijutsinar, which is a Kashyykian martial art usually used by Techs, which are monkey-like lizards that burrow through trees using their sharp claws, but I was able to block most of his attacks, and my counter-punches were hard, blasting clumps of hair off his head and bleeding him. I kept driving him back toward the platofrm edge where the racing track was all below us.

"Make fun of me huh with your gang bitch? WHOSE GANG'S GETTING KILLED NOW, HUH?" I asked punching him again.

"You fucker," Brejiks said against the railing. "_I_ am the **FUTURE**.! Not even you can defeat Gadon and me. The Black Vulkars **WILLLLL **_**TRIUMPH**_" !.!

And he lunged at me, but I knew that he had a knife up his sleeve from the last time we had fought. I grabbed it outta him and cut his right wrist, then grabbed and broke his right. I lifted him up by his arms and he looked behind himself.

"_Nobody_ is the future, fuckhead. There is only the now." _I _said. "And the now is _**ME.**_"

And I kicked him in the chest and he flew out over the railings and the stands out over the racing track, and I saw him splatter into a red stain under the wheels of a swoop-bike that went zooming by. "Hah," I said. "Fucker."

After that I went back to the place, where the Vulkars were all dead, and all that remained was my gang and Gadon and his Beks. The announcer and the crowds were dead too and my new gang was reloading. "Well thanks for the help I guess, Gadon," I said suspiciously. Something was off about him.

"Yeah Carth said coming up next to me. I dunno if we could have made it thru this fight withfout your rescue."

"Ah-hah, but I'm afraid that this rescue was a trick for you," said Gadon with a smile, and his Bek Vulkars surrounded us.

Carth was shocked because he's an idiot, and I just facepalmed as I picked up and reloaded my submachine-laser guns. "WHAAA-T?" He asked. "You _mean_-"

"Yes, Mister Im afraid that the only reason you were still alive is to take out my treacherous shit-number 2, Brejik who I needed to get rid of anyway. Now though Im afraid you must hand over that briefcase. And of course after I kill you I shall take Bastila as the prize for myself, and the she shall be the mother of my many sons and daguthers in crime." said Gandon.

"Yeah. Shame for that," I said, and real-fast like drew my blaster pistol and shot Gadon in the head. A huge smoking hole was now in the middle of hsi head and he twisted dead onto the ground which smelled.

I walked forward. "Not so alive now, are we?" I said. "Looks like the Gang Violence of Tarris is officially at an end now that their leader is dead."

"But that's what _YOU_ think, my poor amnesiad friend!" Said Gandon. I jumped and shot the corpse again, but the voice wasn't there... It was coming from _AROUND US._ And we all were shocked _AS SIX MORE GADON TEHCKS CAME OUT FROM THE SHADOWS._ All looking the same and grinning maniacally.

"Holy _**FUCK,**_" I said. "I should have guessed. Theres even more to this _than I thought."_

"Yes indeed," Said Gradon Theck. "That cloning tank was a ruse, I'm _not _actually a clone and none of us really are because there can only ever BE one man who is himself in the galaxy... I hope so anyway. In truth we are ALL Gadon Theck because of the other special technology you helpfully stole back for me from the Vulkar base... Their stealing it was not in the plan so I needed you to steal it back."

"Why, the Mando-Brain-Controller?" I said confused - but then I realized what he meant. "Wait, **no** – _the BRIEFCASE ITSELF - -_"

"Yes!" Said the Gadon Theck to the right of me. "It is the _true_ source of my power. It allows my conscsious mind itself to inhabit many bodies at once, but it can only work if all the bodies are identical... So I cloned myself seven times and sent one of me to lead the Balck Vulkars while the rest were in hiding for such an occasion as this, and one more of me led the Becks in order to control the entire gang war and I will soon be rich."

"But your plan is foiled." I said. "I destroyed both bases, and you have no more gangs to lead anymore."

The Bradon to my left laughed. "Ha haaa, but that's where you are _wrong,_Jaden Amnesia! Once again I am every step ahead of you. The Black Vulkars _and_ hidden beks are all bigger than anyone knew. I have TWENTY bases just like the original one hidden elsewhere on Tarris, all of them under my command and you only destroyed ONE of my Bek bases and then ONE of my Vulklar ones. And I _still _have twenty billion total gangmembers of both gangs under my command, and so the gang violences will continue and I will be rich and buy the entire GALACTIC SECTOR of Taris for my new criminal empire thanks to alllll of the _money_ the Sith will generously give me from killing my own gang-men."

An idea came into my head. "Wait a minute... Up in the Uppercity-Taris I saw a wanted poster for the most dangerous man in the galaxy. A criminal mastermind. The _Conspiracist._ He is _you_, isn't he? Only you would be that batshit maniacal."

Gadon Thek shook his heads. "No," they said. "I am not _the_ Conspiracist. The Conspiracist is my master. But once I am rich enough I will be soon gave me my moneys and resources, and so once I can kill him and assume his identity. And _then_ I will be the real Conspiracist."

"You're _insane_." Carth said.

"No, I'm _brilliant_." Said Gadon smiling. "prepare to die."

So we fought it out again. There were six Gadons and a couple of his thugs but unfortunately for them they didnt realize I still had my baby, my assault laser-rifle, and I swept them all with it, and blasted them to chunks except the last Gagdon who backed away to the cage. "IMPOSSIBLE," He cried. "Not after everythign Ive done, and he swung the briefcase at me knocking away the assault laser-rifle. But suddenly a yellow laser shot out of his head from behind, but it stopped before it wouldve killed me too: It was a LIGHTSABER.

Bastila was out of her cage and she had STABBED BrejiGadon Theck, and he was now dead. "Auuckkk... No..." He said. "Davik King... Has fail ed mee .. / , ."

"Davik King? Who's

"its over." She said. "His criminal conspiracies shall be at an end."

"WOW." Carth said. "It's over now isn't it!"

"Well, no I said." Now that we've rescued Bastila we gotta get back to the apartment and plan our next move. But WAIT! **SHIT!**

"What" Carth said.

The BRIEFCASE! IT"S STOLEN. And we looked everywhere but could not find it.

"Ah well" I said let it go. "Come on now we need to get back to the apartment. The story is only just the beginning!"


	7. The Break-In

"Oh hi Bastila," Said Carht from the apartment. "So, uhh what do we do next."

I groaned. Vice Captain Carth Onassi at his finest, ladies and gentlemen.

"Pawf!" Said Bastila. "You dont even have a plan to get of this planet yet? What havae you been _doing?_"

"Trying to rescue your ass, bitch," I said. "And you're welcome, by the way."

Bastila stamped her foot. "Awf! You do truly think that I was-"

"Dont even _start_**,**" I said angrily. **"t**o take the credit just cuz you happened ot be the one to stab Gadon Theck in the back. _I_ killed the last _seven_ of him before you even were awake, so you can just shut the fuck up."

After that she and Carth and Mission and Zaallbarr started argunig about who was in charge of the mission and something called the Froce and battle-meditating and command structure and chains and special missions so I unplugged my ears for about ten minutes and when they were still arguing I yelled "**SHUT THE FUCK UP!** STOP arguing."

"Well Im sorry then Carth and I will listen to your suggestions maybe," Said Bastila. "What do you think we should do?"

"Well first of all we cant be arguing about _who is in charge._ There is a way off this place so we just need to go get it and stuff."

"For the first time in your life, _shut up,_ Carth," I said. "First of all I don't care _who_'s powerful in your bullshit Force magic Bastila, _I'm_ in charge of getting us outta here because I'm the only one of us whose got _anything_ done since that ship blew up in-"

Siddenly the communicator computer rang. I went over and answered it: "Hello?!"

"Hello!" The grunt voice said. "I am Canderolous Ordon of the Mandalroian clans and other stuff. Too. I hear you guys wnat to get off of this planet. Come meet me in the Cantina of Uppercity Taris and we'll talk business. I got you an offer you can't refuse once you hear it. Come now, and we can maybe help each other."

"Wait a minute, how the fuck did you get this number?": I demanded.

"CLICK" said and hung up.

"Well," I said looking back at everyone. "Looks like we got our answer, let's get going." Bastila & especially Carth looked especially angry at me but I ignored them and headed out the door, not bothering to wait up. Those two has som eoserious ego issue sthat was their problem and I didnt want to hear about it. Some Jedi _she_ was.

* * *

We went to the Uppercity Cantina. All of us. At once. Together. It was dark.

He was a gruff man with short gray hair, but unlike the last time I saw him he wasn't wearing armor, a vest, or Mandalorian battle-pants. Instead he just wore a black trenchcoat and a hat, so he looked kind of like a detective or something. I got a bottle of Corulagian Brandy and two glasses, both for myself, and sat down to drink with him. My guys sat down with me too.

"It's you," I siad. "Canderous Ordon. You're the Mandalorian on Taris, aren't you.

"Hah!" He said gruffly. "of course I am! Why else would I have called you! I have a dream. A dream I dremed of us all getting off of this planet Taris together. Tell me, do you guys know who the crime boss – Davik King – is?"

"Uhh, no." Carth said.

I glared at him. "Well, no shit." Said Canderous. "That's why I didn't ask _you._ Geeze, what sorta people do you keep around you?" He said to me in disgust.

"It's not my choice," I grumbled. "But I do know Davik King. He's the... The leader of all crime on Taris, pretty much. The exchange of criminal empires. Pretty dangerous guy, maybe nobody even knows who he is..."

I poured some of the Corulagan brandy into my glasses and started to drank them.

"Well, I wouldnt go _that_ far." Canderolus said oddly. "But the point is, I actualyl work for him as you know. So we need a way off of Taris. And he has the only ship that's fast enough to outfly the Sith. So if you help me, we can get access to that ship – the Ebon Hawk. And get outta here."

"How can you do that?" I asked, drinking some more.

"Because I _work_ for Davik. I have access to his estate. I can bring you and your pals inside if I make hi mthink that you're all people he would want to have to work for him. Since you guys apparently basically just wiped out the Black Vulkars and Hidden Becks he's noticed you. Anyway once we're inside you'll have some time tomove around while he does background cheks on you and stuff. Then we can steal the ship from right under his noses!"

I poured another glass. Bastila reached for it but I slapped her hand away and she glared at me. I didnt think she was capable of any other expression. "This sounds good, too good to be trust worthy. She said. You're just a mandalorian so why should we trust you?"

"Because you dont have any other ideas, bright eyes." Canderous growled back at her. "She needs a good fucking or two," he mumbled at me. "Loosen her up, that Jedi bitch."

Basilita looked offended. What the hell else was new?

I shook my head at him. "Not commenting on that one, pal. But now then. You say we work together, we get this ship of Davik's. So what's the catch?"

"Well the catch is there's these special codes the Sith use to get out of the systyem. You need the codes in order to get into hyperspace, or else you'll explode into subatomic atoms." Canderous explained. "So we need to break into the Sith base here on Tarris Uppercity. And steal them. After that, I get you into Davik's estate."

"So great, another ridiculous gunfight and break in?" I didn tlike the sound of it so I just started sipping the rest of the brandy from my bottle. "How we gonna do that?"

Canderous smiled. "Janice Hall. She's a twilek in the Uppercity Taris, upstairs. Owns a droid shop, has a droid named T3-M4 there with special security to get into the Sith base. It will get you in the front doors. But you have to go to do it tomorrow at 12-oclock sharp.

Why?

" Because the base is no ordinary building,m it's actually a skyscrapervator. To keep intruders out it can raise or lwoer itself as an elevator so nobody can reach the doors unless they want them to. That's why you have to do it at noon because it's only at ground level for the sixty seconds of that time. Anyway do that, and get inside and get the codes, they'll obviously be in the Sith Governor;s office. And then meet me again here tomorrow night, and Ill get you into Daviks estate."

"Yeah maybe but who's Janice Hall?" Carth asked suspiciously. "and how do we trust her? You're a two-timin' Mandolorian and we dont even know you.!"

"Shut up, Carth," I said. "Okay Candy you got yourselves a deal. We'll be back with those codes before nightfall." So i finished my bottle of Brandy and passed out drunk.

* * *

So after that we went over to Janice Hall. I needed Bastila to remind me the name because I didn't know her. We were able to convince her to sell us T3 for free.

"...or else I'll **FUCKING KILL YOU!**" I shouted with one of my submachine-laser guns in her face. Her face was stupid, and shocked, and she told the droid to us for 2,000 credits at a discount.

And thusly T3 got us into the inside of the base. It was a squat metal thing that rolled around and had a cylinder for a head. But anyway that's not important what's important is that we're outside the Sith base at the moment. We were camped out in front of it for hours waiting for it to lower itself down to ground-floor for the 12:00 bridge-time. It's would make a huge "Vvvvvvvrrrrrr_rrrrr__**WWWWWHHHHOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM !**_" sound and go up a few floors, or down a few floors... But finally at 12 it went down so the front door was on the level with platform. Then we ran up to it, T3 sliced us into the thing, and we got inside the base.

"Stay behind me," folks. "I said drawing my lasser assualt fifle." We got into the elevator and pushed the top-floor button.

The elevator hummed.

Which brought us up to the reception area. The receptionist looked startled as a utility droid, a twi'lek girl who had to be at least eighteen years old, a giant wookiee, a famouis Jedi, a Republic pilot, and the baddest dude in the history of ever (**MEEEE!**) stepped heavily armed out of her elevator. She spun in her chair furiously, then faced us and typed at her keypad.

"Hey! Who the hell do you think you are. You don't have appointments. YO ulook suspicious. Who are you?! Tell me who you are or Ill sound the alarm!"

"Alarm _**THIS,**_ motherfucker," I said and fired a rocket-grenade from the assault rifle (special upgrade I'd done before), blasting the receptionist into hundreds of pieces of bitch-gibs. "Get an alarm to clean you off the walls." I added. "Okay guys, stick close, we're sweeping this whole building clean. Everyonewith me, do fire-support."

I looked at Bastila. "Except you, since you got a lightsaber. Cover our rear instead, so we dont get snuck up on."

Canderous chuckled, but I glared at him because we were supposed to get serious, so we went. Downhallways mostly, but from the hallways were side-building rooms. I led the way firing with my laser assault rifle while everyone else followed firing shots from behind. Every roomihad plenty of Sith in them, troopers and officers mostly but also trechnicians and workers. We sprayed them all with laser-fire, pretty much the only problem I had was the fear of runnign out of ammo.

Eventually there was a door signed "**HIGH SECURITY ZONE**" "Yeah right i said." Must be where the GOveRNOR office is/" So I kicked it down adn stared up at the titanic form of a Sith battle-mech, who legged with a squat head and two gattling-gun arms.

"Woah, SHIT!" I yelled. "And SCATTER!"

So we scattered and ran past it into the room, but it turened out there was a dozen of them in the huge room, and they riddled the floor around us with green plasma-bolts. There was a force field behind us though so we were trapped. Everyone was shooting and making the place gassed out with smoke, but only my laser assault rifles, our grenades, and Basilitia's lightsaber could seem to get thru the battle-mech's armor. Which sucked because we almost got killed by those things, but eventually they were killed, butnot before they winged Zaalbar, and Mission and Canderous with thier plasma bolts. I looked down at them wit Bastila, who felt them up a bit (which was the first inklng I got that she's way kinkier than she looks), and said: "Theyll be all right, but we need to leave them buggers here till our business here is concluded.

I looked down at the three useless members. "Fine by me. T3 you stay and guard them".

"Beep boop

I awas also in a bad mood because my laser assault rifle got smashed when one of the mechs tried to punch me. I tried to block with me gun and, well, you know the rest.

"Well that was tough," Carth said. "Too bad about yer gun."

"Yeah you were a big help, man," I grumbled.

As we staggered aroud after killing them all, though, it was a good news that we saw the hallway down to the Sith Governolr's office. It was only me, Carth, and Bastila, so I said "Well it's up to us now. Shuoldnt be too hard, we just wiped out his robot-guard. He's just one guy."

SO we walked down the hallway. It was red-glowing and there were blue scanning-lasers crisscrossing it but we dodged them anyway cuz we didnt know what they were, and deadly steam jets also.

I kicked the door at the end of the hallway and it slid open, then shut after we had walked thru it and into the room beyond. It was metal, but filled with precious artworks of holo-paintings, statues of marble heros, synthetic pottery, and gbem stones lining the walls, as well as elegvant computer-screens. And at the far back the desk of the Sith Governor, who sat behind it with his back to us. I saw only his massive grey-armored torso and bald head. I suddenly had a horribly bad feeling about it all.

"Bastila," I said oddly. " I got a bad feeling about this guy... Like I know him from somewhere before..."

Bastila looked at me and souddenly looked scared, but before she could say anything we stopped 20 steps from the desk and the Governor said loudly: "**SOOOO, YOU DEMAND TRESPASS UPON MY PERSONAL BASE'S DOMAIN? ?!** **You I promise shall **_**pay**_** for this-**"

Then he spun his chair to look around, and I gasped. I knew his face. He was bald, white skin, and that tough jaw and everything else, but now he wore Sith-Goivernor robes and armor. But he was shocked too.

"WHAT." he cried. "It **CAN'T BE!** You- You're Jaden... Jaden... _Amnesia..._ You have come back..."

He was entranced by the shock and so was I. "Wait a minute here." Carth said. "You _know_ this guy? The Sith Governor of all of Tarris?"

"Yeah," i said slowly. "He's... He's my old smuggling partner. From way back before I worked for the Rpeublic. I met him on Tatooine when I was fifteen. _Howler Breck._"

Suddenly Howler looked malicious and smiled. "**HAH!**" he boomed. "**Of**_** course**_** I am!** We went our different ways, Jaden, and now you stand before me a mere criminal while _**I**_ am the ruler of all of Taris! **BOW BEFORE ME!**"

"Yeah, fuckin' right." I said. "You'll just kill me while I do it. Besides we used to be partners, portners arent supposed to bow before each other. Instead thye work with each other. Not that you knew anything about that you lazy shit."

Howler Breck started to walk around his desk to look at us. "**Ohhh-ho ho, you're **_**on**_** to me **_**now**_**,** jaden. You;'re right I **would** kill you while you're down. But it wouldnt be so unfair now after what happened to Penny, would it?"

I signed and stepped back a bit. This was hardly waht we needed to talk about. "For the last time Howler, you need to _forget_ about Penny. She was the main reason you became a son of a bitch./"

"_**NO SHE'S NOT!"**_ Howler roared, pointing a fingber at me, and for no particular reason I stepped back as though something had thumped me in the chest. I coughed. **"She'S MY WIFE! I WILL **_**NEVER**_** forget her!** _**YOU**_** didn't **_**understand**_** that we were in love!** So you dumped the spice and sold us out to the Sith."

"Bullshit I did," I growled. "_you_ surrendered to the Sith _alllllll_ by yourself, boy. It's not _my_ fault your bitch didnt wanna follow you."

"**You **_**LIE!**_" Howler shouted and all three of us stepped back, and I swear I felt a punch again. "_**YOU WERE ALWAYS A LIAR - JADEN, **_**YOU**_** FUCK!**_** You STOLE her from me!** And didnt let her or yourself listen when I tried to convince you it was better to join the Sith amd become powerful. And **YOU** **destroyed our **_**true LOVE!**_"

"No such thing, fuckhead," I muttered. "And I dont owe you anything, Howler. You sold us out to the Sith while yo u joined them and I had to fend for myself _and_ your bitch Penny. We;re even, you even got away with the Spice. So anyway we dont need to fight here. Just give us the Sith Codes and we'll be on our way, you'll never see us again."

Howler started to turn red in his pale face swelled with incredulity. "**Actualy you **_**might**_** get us into a deal with that**. How about _**first**_ you tell me where Penny is." He said.

"Maybe," I said. "But first, tell me about what you are now. You used to preach to us about laws and justice and crap, and how being a criminal was over. But that was always shit, wasn't it? You're _still_ a criminal – or do you lie about your partnership with the gangs? Wioth Gadon Theck?"

Howler looked peculiared. "_**Him?"**_ he asked. "Gadon _Theck?_ **Yes,** I didn make a deal with him, cirminal scum**.** Honestly i _hate_ this planet and was hoping he could help me with _promotion_. Once he got enough money from the Sith bounties on his gangmembers to buy me off, I was going to give Taris to him **and take my governorship **_**elsewhere**_. And eventually take over the Sith Empire from Malak."

"Bastila looked almost amused." Pawf! "She said in her accent." Hwo do you really think you can defeat Darth Malak himself?

"With **the power of **_**love**_, you fishsighted sweltering Jedi _snob!_" Howler puffed. "Don't _underestamate_ it, Jaden."

"Wait a minute," Carth thought of. "So _you're _the Conspiracist?"

"No, **of course** not you _**simpleton**_." Howler sneared back, walking. "He is above both of us because he is the master of _all_ galactic crime, adn he gave me special technology to complete the deal with Gadon. Once I have enough money I'll **destroy** him _**and take his place**_, and thusly I shall rule the _**HOLY SITH EMPIRE **__**AND**__** the CRIMINAL UNDERWROLD EMPIRE!**_ You see you may have noticed how awful it smells in the Taris Lowercity and Especially Undercity... That is because I installed special gas machines in this building's basement, to flood those levels with a speciual _Hate Gas_ that he invented. He has enough **money** to **buy** or **create** _**anything**_ given enough time, and he _gave me that tech for __**free**_, to which I _used_ to intensify the gang wars and violence downstairs, so they'dall kill each other _even faster_, so **Gadon** would get enough **money** to buy me off with from those **bounties** _even faster_. Fortunately its even better down in the Undercity because it turns the vitcims of the gasses into vicious monstrous mutants called _**RACKGHULS.**_"

Bastila gasped. "you... You _FIEND._" she said furiously. "You condemned all the murder down _there?-!_"

"_Hah!_ Jedi fool!" howler laughed. "_**Of course**_ I did. Anything to advance myself, _Just like Jaden Would._"

I thought back on everyhthing that had been said, and realized something else. As the last Gadon Theck died, he mentioned the crime Lord Davik King – and how dangerous he was. Based on that and Howler, who said he was better than either of them – I realized that _Davik King had to be the Conspiracist_.

This was huge. It meant that if I killed Davik and collected the bounty, I'd be set for life and not have to bullshit around doing errands for the Republic ever again. And _never see Carth Onassi again as long as I lived._

But what about Bastila? I wondered.

I shook my head. What _about_ Bastila? Just a Jedi bitch. Never see her again either. What was I thinking?"

"But **no**," Howler Breck went on, passionate again. "**THIS time** you **wont'** get what you want, Jaden – _**unless, of course,**_ _you maybe you __**TELL ME WHERE**__ MY WIFE PENNY IS._ And _then _I might spare your stupid, disgusting lives. So _**WHERE IS SHE**_?" He stepped closer, and stomped his right foot down into the floor and it left a dented hole in it.

"There's nothin' to tell," I muttered.

Howler Breck stamped his fist down on a bronzium statue of Darth Malak, and the piece warped into an unrecognizable slab of superheated metal, and I stepped back again. "_**LIAR!**_" He bellowed._** "I'll CRUSH YOU TO DEATH! WHERRRE **__**IS**__** SHE!?**_"

I glared back, "She's _dead_."

Howler Breck stumbled onto his knees, but got up again, and his jaw dropped like torpedoes from a Sith Warship. "Wha-... **WHAAAT!?**" he shouted, falling back against his desk, which cracked.

"You ditched us," i said simply. "And she wasn't _my_ bitch. Why would _I_ keep her around?"

Howler Breck was a son of a bitch and I was glad to make him miserable like this. He used to be a good smuggler partner but he got sucked up into authority rhetorical bullshit, and romantic bullshit about true love.

"No, _**IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!**_" He yelled. "**You wouldn't **_**DARE!**_"

"Even _you_ don't believe that," i said with a smirk. "I flushed her out the airlock in the very same system you left us in. That's what you get for double-crossing me, you shit – _**Jaden Justice**_. _You_ flush my _spice_, _I flush your bitch_. Hope you like _that_ shit cuz _**I**_ sure did, after all that trouble you made for me." I decided not to mention that I'd also fucked her before that.

Howler changed back from white to red and then _purple_ and his eyes started to glow bright gold-orange. **"You **_**FUCK!**_**! ****RRRHHHAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGVGGFGGHHHHAAAAAHAAAAAAARHHHH HH!****!"** he screamed so loud that all three of us exploded back and the sound-barrier shattered, and all of his artwork explodeded all over the place. I got up and was confused when he took out a sword, and threw it at my feet, and drew wanother one for himself. Pointing he gurgled: "**YOU AND ME, MOTHERFUCKER, **_**YOU**_** AND **_**ME**_**.**_**ONE ON ONE**_**!**" he roared. His voice sounded like a chainsaw made out of fifty baying rancors. "**THEN ONCE I SLICE YOUR GUTS OUT AND **_**EAT**_** THEM ILL FIND PENNY AND GET Her BACK!"**

I looked down. "Are you _kidding_ me, Howler? You should know me better than to bring a sword to a three-on-one _gunfight_."

Instead he screamed and ran on me. I drew my submachine-laser guns on him and let'em have it at fully-auto mode, spraying the room with alser fire. I aimed at Howler but somehow a bunch of the lasers didnt hit him, but he was only a bit slowed down by the ones that _did_ hit. They blew up into sparks and waves of red energy that blistered his skin only partially. "_YOU __**FOOOOL**_**!" **he shouted.** "YOUR PUNY **_**WEAPONS**_** ARE **_**NOTHING**_** COPMARED TO ****THE ULTIMATE POWER OF MY RAGING DARK SIDE!**_**RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_**"**

And he came up to me and kept swinging and swinging his sword. I was basically running all over the place to dodge him. Even if I was stupid enough to try and fight him with the sword I knew I wouldnt win that way because I didnt know how to swordfight – didn't figure anyone in space was dumb enough to use swords, but I guess I was wrong. Howler Breck was – but somehow he was about to kick my ass.

I still fired as I ran away, but the shots didnt take him down and isntead made his armor and _then_ his _skin_ glowed red like the lava of a volcanic planet. "CARTH BATSILA WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!" I yelled for help.

Carth was on the floor clutching his head from getting hit in the head by a shattering flying vase of pottery, but Bastila was still able to got up and ran at Howler with her lightsaber. Somehow his sword could block the thing, but after several slashes he punched her in the head and knocked her out. But there was enough time for me to kick the sword out of his hand, but he jumped up and did a scissor kick to kick the laser submachine guns outta my hands. Fuck them they were outta ammo anyway, so WE FOUGHT HAND TO HAND.

We were evenly matched and grappled.

"_**I HATE YOU FOR ALL YOU DID!**_" Howler yelled.

I got punched in the face. "_I_ hate you cuz you're a bitch," i muttered back. "And a traitor." As he grabbed my hands I tried to use my sleeve flamethrower on him. A jet of red-orange flame shot into his gut-section, but it only sorta seemed to bother him. As he deflected it though I grabbed my last trick, a plasma grenade up my sleeve, and shoved it into his mouth. As he stumbled back in startled I pinched him in a certain nerve in the neck that induces swallowing, and the grenade went down his throat. "I-er-uh-uh-uh-uh _**FUCK!**_" he yelled, and I kicked him back adn he fell against his desk.

I smiled at him from a safe distance. "What can I say?" I asked. "Love's like a grenade."

Then the room rattled as my old partner exploded the grenade out from his heart, blowing him in half and as he twisted, spraying guts all across the east and west walls of the room. I then helped Bastila and Carth up. "Ugh," Bastila said. "What the bloody hell happen?"

I looked at the walls, where Howler Breck's unlucky blood had painted shapes that looked vaguely like a heart on each wall. "He ate something that he didn't like and it exploded and killed him," I explained. "Come on, lets' get those codes and get outta here."

So we looked in his desk and found the codes. After that we went back out after I'd gotten my laser submachine guns and reloaded them. "Thanks for being useless by the way Carth. Anyway guys we got what we came for, let's get outta here."

We walked. I asked Bastila to help me walk because I'd just fought and killed my old super-powered partner and was pretty damn tired about it. "I dont know ho whe was able to do that." I muttered to her. "Glowing and punching me without touching me, and surviving getting shot..."

"The Force can do impossible things," she acutely said.

"Uh... Yeah." I said, but secretly I wasn't so sure I didn't believe in the impossible anymore. After all, when you come right down to it, my whole _life_ is impossible.

We were able to get outta the base without too much trouble. The skyscrapervator had raised back up which seemed difficult, but it was only a two-story drop. After that we ran away from the alarms and other Sith patrols and made it back to the apartment where we'd hide out before meeting up with Canderous again.

I slammed the door shut after us wheezing ang gasping. "GUHHGH." I said. "Guys, there

's some food we scavenged in the fridge. Carth's handiwork," i added pointing to him. "And water and a bathroom, make yerselves at home." Limping into said bathroom, I sprayed cold water onto my face, then drank straight from the faucet for about ten full seconds. Then I hobbled out back into the room.

"So what do we do now?" Asked mission.

I stumbled over to the bed, I was completely exhausted. "Dunno about you guys, but right now I rest," I said, and crashed onto the bed already asleep and having nightmares.


	8. TARIS - OPERATION APOLACLYPSED

A/N: Surprise me, guys. There must be something you can do.

* * *

I was asleep for a _long_ fuckin' time, but my nightmares were probably the worst ever of my life in that night on Taris. I could tell taht I was in bed with my clothes on and was sleeping, but couldnt make myself open my eyes, just toss my head and thrash my numb arms and legs around a bit. But I could still see. I saw... Bastila. Killing guys with her lightsaber, on the bridge of a space ship. "You cannot win Revan!" She declared boldly pointing at me.

Wait, _WHAT_, _**WHAT THE FUCK?**_ But then i realize she wasnt pointing _at_ me, she was pointing at something _behind_ me, and she couldnt actually see me. It was a dream, Remember? Shit doesn't have to make sense. _ME_, _REVAN._ Yeah right.

The nightmares got worse after that. I was still not able to move much but was still floating around being tormented by weird sights, like a man with no jaw whom from the news I recognized as Dath Malak. He was leering at me and laughing an evil laugh from the shadows. And after that I felt hot, almost like I was on fire, and a Sith Warship was sitting on my tummy. And it was gone, flushed into hyperspace. _THAT_ was weird and it didnt feel good.

I felt glass slicing its way thru my neck but I couldnt even grunt. And it was disgusting.

Suddenly another figure appeared in front of me, a man in ordinary clothwes but I couldnt see his face. "Sleeping on the job, huh? Guess thats one way to get rid of a hangover."

"Bwuh?" I looked up. "Who the fuck are you, doing next to my bed?" I demanded groggily.

"Just checking up on you," the man said back. "Hangovers, yeah I've been there, they can be a real bitch. Especially when it's from Kuatian Scotch Whiskey," he winked.

I stared at him suddenly, my eyes sober instantly. And my face was suddenly cold and wet, my hair slopping down onto my face. "How... How the _fuck_ do you know that?" I growled.

He leaned in. "Because i _gave_ it to you, remember? I'm your _bartender._ And we look after our customers."

I tried to struggle but still could not move. "Bullshit," i said. "You tend bar, you dont fuckin' _stalk_ people."

"You do if they're important to you. If it's your _actual_ job to look out for them. You're gonna need help, jaden for the days ahead. And I'm gonna be some of that help for ya."

"How?"

The bartender had a glass in his hand, water. He was drinking it. "Now that you saw your old partner again you're more ready than before, so I'm gonna tag along on your little adventure, now that I can. Things are better suited for me to be around."

"What are you _talking_ about?" I siaid. "How do you know _anything_ about me?"

"Because," the man said, suddenly with an odd sort of accent. He leaned in and spitting the water and gurgling it down my throat, his face came into the light. My face went white – he had transformed into–

"All of us have our angels sometimes, Jaden."

–_**Bastila**_.

I shrieked, now awake and sitting bolt-upright, and immediately puked over the side of the bed, a big slopping mess of purple chunky pasta sauce _gunk._

Carth jumped up from the floor where he had been. "What is it!? What happened? Why are you always shrieking in your sleep?"

I tried to talk but my mouth was so dry. "UuhhhHHH! UHHhuuhhhh!" I explained.

Carth tilted his head. "_Huh?_"

I ran past into the bathroom, shoving Mission out and drinking water from the tap again, and also spraying it up my nose and eyeballs as I was underneath the faucet. When I was done I was spitting onto the mirror and leanign against it.

Bastila appeared over my shoulder. "Jaden, you've been asleep for three nights," she said, looking worried. I suddenly liked her hair and wished I could carry it with me. "What is wrong? Your sleep..." She trailed off.

I glared at her in the mirror. "Nothing," I grated. "We need to go meet Canderous, don't we?"

We did, so we went.

* * *

"Niiice shooting, man," Canderous said as he looked at the Sith Codes. "Heard you made quite a racket. Nice job. Now then we will be able to get you guys into Daviks estate, and get that ship, the Ebon Hawk. Do you guys have any other business to do? Cuz now's your last chance."

l looked at my gang. "The only thing left for us to do here on Tarris is get killed by retaliation from the Black Vulkars and Hidden Beks for how I killed Gadon Theck and Brejick, get killed by the Sith since I killed their Sith Governor, and get eaten by the Rackghuls. Let's get the fuck outta here."

* * *

Canderolous' battle-shuttle carried us to a magnificent crime-fortress of the Exchange Mastermind, Davik King. It was a huge skyscrapervator that was surrounded by security screns, force fields, turbolaser cannons, particle shields, flak guns, countermeasures, spotlights, aircraft pads, and was even larger than the Sith Base, and it could raise and lower itself by more levels too.

We landed in the hangar, and me and my gang disembarked. We were met by none other than Calo Nord, who stepped back to reveal a bald man, seventy-fiveish years old, wearing fucking _pink_ armour. "Davik King," I said.

* * *

"Yes indeed. Mister Canderous, your friends! Didn't think you you had any." Davik looked ridiculous but he carried himself like a gangster all right, even right down to the Space-Chicago accent. The "Ahn Off-uh Yoo Kahnt Ruh-fooze" type of accent, ya know. Also in case you didn't know, Chicago's a crime-heavy sector on Coruscant, holding two thirths of the planet's population and mostly liberals.

Calo looked at him. "Yeah, Candy," he said. "What's the deal, you with partners? Gettin' squishy?"

"Watch yourself, Nardies," Canderous crowed thru his gonads. "You may be the King's favorite girl for the last few nights, but you're not top-dog yet!"

"Enough!" Davik King said. "You two cant be killing each other whiel you still work for me, that would be terrible. And Calo I'm afraid _is_ my Top Dog right now Canderous, unil you prove yourself the better man."

Canderous scowled at them both. "Well anyway Davik, the reason Im with these guys is they're people the Exchange Criminal Empire must consider hiring. These are the guys who took down the Hidden Beks _and_ the Black Vulkars, killed Gadon Theck, broke into the Sith Base last weekend, and he also won a swoop race. The big one. Their leader is him, Jaden Amnesia,"

"Yes, I have in fact heard that the Governor and Theck are dead. I permitted their squabblings under my command as long as they didnt muck with my own plans. Still your killing of them is fine for me as it will allow me to liquify all of their leftover assets & men into raw credits. Yes indeed I have heard of you now, Jaden.. Amnesia? That's a funny name," Davik chuckled.

"No funnier than a last name like 'King'," I quipped.

Davik laughed. "Hah hah ha! I like this guy already, Candy. Anyway Mister Jaden, the Mandalorian's recommendation is a lot to me since I trust him and all that. But I'll also need to do a through bakcground checks on you and your... gang. In the meantime follow me and we'll give you the tour."

Davik then took us on a very, _very_ long tour of his sixty-story fortress. He showed off all his security, and the guards, plus crew's quarters, slave quarters, quarter masters, and weapons, and finally his secret command chamber. "Now I shouldn't even be showing you this, since it's top secret criminal emipre stuff, but it's just too _cool_ for me not to. My weakness I suppose," Davik said closing the door behind us. Calo Nord stood by the door.

"This large circular chamber with just a single chair and a few other things in the center is my favorite part," Davik said sitting down in the chair.

Carth looked around oddly ath the blank gray room. "Why?" He said. "It looks boring."

"That's what _you_ think, my dirty, dirty friend," Davik smirked. "Just as soon as I do _this-_"

He pulled a cable out of the ceiling and stabbed it in thru the back of his forehead. It was then that I realized he had some kinda plug installed there. And then the lights dimmed, and before our eyes a hundred holoprojectors cam eout of the ceiling and flooded the room with hologram-lasers – red, blue, purple, yellow, showing all kinds of stuff. Words, numbers, pie charts and bar graphs, standard deviations, sector maps, city maps, house maps, system maps, capital maps, and a galaxy map. And also there was bank account information, the stock exchange, radar and scanning screens, a map of teh human genome, and about a million other things.

"WOW." Carth said.

Davik smiled at us from his chair. "I _know_, right!?" This is what it _really_ means to be a crime boss! I can direct the entire operations of my criminal empire from this one chair without havin' to bullshit around with any inferiors. Not even a control panel, I just plug my brain in and can command it all with my thuoghts. For instance I can just _sit here_ and sip a _**beer**_" He said suddenly guggling a beer, "And _crash the stock market on Corellia!_"

He said, and the bars on the bar graphs indicating the Corellian stock market plummeted. "Soon now," he said, "The Crorellians will be bankrupt and have to rely on loans from _me_ to survive."

"Wait a minute, _Corelliua?_" Carth said. "But we're on Taris!"

"Yeah, so what?" Calo asked.

"Calo friend has a point, Carth," Davik said, finishing his beer and belching loudly into his face. "just because I happen to be in charge here on Taris doesnt mean I _need_ to be here. My criminal empire stretches far beyond into other sectrors, and honestly Taris is more like _Little __Taris_ to me, like a tiny nephew out of all the big-kid planets that are under my criminal control. I just happen to like the weather from time to time. And of course the Sith won't let anyone leave, so I'm just like on a vacation here. Vaction's nice," he added unplugging his brain and all the holograms started to fade, but the lights stayed dim. "You should really try it sometime."

"Try what, vacation?" Canderous asked.

Davik chuckled. "No," he said, "Become a sixty-billionare criminal empire mastermind like me!"

And we all laughed, but inside I was calculating and piecing stuff together... And as Davik led us further down on the tour, I realized that he may well have just given me the last piece of the puzzle... ... ...

**FIRST**: Gadon Theck had said that he worked for the Conspiracist. _And_ he had implicated Davik King as he died.

**SECOND:** The Sith Governor, my old partner Howler Breck had said the same thing, almost. He had wanted to take over the Sith _and_ Criminal Underworld Empires, and he'd said that he worked for the Conspiracist too and that he was better than them both.

**THIRD:** The wanted poster in the Uppercitied Taris had said that the Conspiracist was an enormously important guy in the Taris criminal underworld... And Davik had just pretty much proved that he was Top Dog on that, and a good deal beyond Taris as also.

**FOURTH:** **Davik** had just admitted that Gadon and Brejick had worked for him, and so did Howler.

**FIFTH: **And that _same_ wanted poster had said that Malak's reward on the Conspiracist's head was worth sixty billion credits... Which was _exactly_ the same number that Davik had just used to describe _himself._

I was still thinking this over when we came to the quarters. "These'll be where you and your gang can stay for about three or four days," Davirk explained, "As I run a backrground check over y'all. The suite is extensive, space-tennis courts and a whore-hose, plus food, drink, etc. Just ring up one of the room service droids if there's anything else you need. Be careful when you fliush the toilets, though. And just a word of warning, if you're found outside here or in any way bothering my other guests, you will not live to regret it form the security intrusions. Ya hear me?"

"Ya, we hear ya." I said.

"Good then." Davik said smiling. "In all likelihood you will be working for me soon enough Now then, Calo, let's leave our men in peace." And they walked out, the door closed behind them.

"Okay!" Canderous barked. "Now we're inside. Now to find the keys to the Ebon Hawk, and turn off the shields protecting it, and get the fuck outta here. WE'll have to be quiet while we do it, but if you guys took down Gadon Thek _and_ the Sith Governor, then you're definitely bad enough dudes to handle this one."

He smiled at us all, and everyone nodded. Bastila I looked at and I could tell was still uncomforatble with this but I told here there was no point in pouting about having to work with criminals. Everyone's a criminal in some way these days anyway.

I was so tired all of a sudden and leaned against a wall. Sweated a bit, and loosened my black tie. That only helped a little.

"No sense waiting around here, though," Canderous was finishing. "The sooner we're off this rock, the more."

"Yeah," I said looking around the luxurious penthouse room. It was a nice room, but having a nice room to myself was _nothing_ compared to having a ship and my own whole _galaxy_ to have fun in. "We better follow Candy's lead, mostly, since he knows this place."

But I looked at Carth and Bastila, and they were looking suspicious. They knew I'd been thinking, so I didn't say anything. I knew they didn't like me, Carth was a goody-two-shoed dipshit and Basilita was a Jedi bitch. Neither liked bounty hunting, but that wasn't of concern to me, just so long as I didnt tell them what I was really up to. We _were_ going to get off Taris, that was the truth.

What I _didn't_ tell them was that I now knew who the Conspiracist was: **_it was Davik King_**. And that we were not gonna leave Taris until I killed him and cut off his head to take with me as proof. After that I'd get the sixty billion credits reward from Darth Malak, _and I'd be set for _**_life_**_._

I looked back at the gang as we quietly opened the door and moved out into the hall. "All right gang," I said, smiling, "Let's do this."

_And I would **never** have to see these people **ever** again._

* * *

"TALK!" I said quietly, machine-gun-punching Hudrow inside the force cage. "WHERE'S DAVIK KING?"

I had Canderous stand outside this door to make sure Bastila and Carth didnt come in and see me doing this. I couldnt have them ditch me this soon to getting off Taris.

"Ugh," Hudrow fell against the laser field of the chage and got burned. "You will _pay_ for this."

I grabbed him by the collar and shoved his face against the lasers "RRRRAAARRHHHAAAAAA!" he screamed.

"Not fuckin' around with you, man," I said pulling him away. "Where's Davik? I'm not losing my sixty billion credits, and if I gotta burn yer face off to get them, I'll do it. Now where is he?"

Hudrow's face was half-black now. "What fives _you_ the right?" He demanded.

I hit him again. "No such _thing_ as right. People just _do_ things and if they work, they work. Now where's Dravik?"

"How should I know!~? Ive been in his prison."

"Oh, right." I said looking around. "Well tell me the codes to turn off the Ebon Hawk shield and I'll let you go."

He gave me some numbers and I wrote them down. "Guh!" He said out of the Force cage. "Maybe you need a pilot too, then? I used to be its pilot till Davik threw me in here, and I could be the pilot for ya..."

I looked back at him. "Yeah, thanks for the bright ideas, sucker," I said and shot him in the head.

Outside I gave the codes to Canderous and we were on our way. The rest of my gang was sprea dout over this level, stealth-taking out the guards. I helped out, sneaking up behind people and smashing their necks, or throwing them over railings, and clearing a path to the hangar... I had a bad feeling though.

"Guys," i said as we regrouped. "We need to see where Davik is."

Carth looked at me. "Why?" He said. "We have everything we need, I found the keys."

"Because he's evil," I said trying to think like Carth for a little bit which was traumatizing. "We cant let him stay here and keep his crime empire in order."

"You may be right about that, but we likely do not have time to look for him," Bastila said looking at the ceiling. "It's hard to explain but my senses are giving me a bad feeling about this-"

"Wait, you have a bad feeling too?" I asked.

Then the building started rumbling and shaking, so we stumbled. "What the **_fuck?_**" Mission said.

I ran to the window. Thuosands of red turbolasers were raining down on the city! I saw buildings getting smashed, melted, and shattered to pieces and vaporized. Carth ran into my shoulder. "By the _Force..._" He said.

I glared at him. "You _can_ cuss ya know, Carth, you fuck. Nobody's a kid here."

We ran away from the window. "_Fuck_ it!" Canderous barked. Those Sith maniacs are gonna level this whole city! "Into the hangar! **NOW!**"

"Wiat guys!" I yelled after them in panic. "Wait! _WAIT!_" This was not according to the plan. How was I gonna get that bouny on Davik _now_ with the planet getting slagged and my gang abandoning me!?

I looked back out the window. Half the sky was already gone. "**_FUCK!_**" I yelled, and ran after them into the hangar. They were all waiting for me there and had gotten the shield down. Funnily enough tho, Davik himself and Calo Nord were coming in from the other door. "Motherfuckin' Sith!" Davik was shouting. "Those crazy bastards are gonna kill us all, and- Well, **what be we havings _here!?_**" He roared at us. "**THISEVS!?** _IN _**_MYYYY HANGAR?!"_**

I came to the front of my gang like I had to. "Yeah, I'm kinda afraid so, Davik. Not just thieves though. That ship is just something we need. Only you need to die here tho, Mister King."

Davik laughed. "Oh ho **_HO_**_, REALLY?"_ He boomed. "And why's that?"

I glanced over my shoulder at my gang and then decided I gave no flying fucks what they thought about me. "Hey Calo!" I yelled. "You dont need to be working for Davik anymore, ya know. You can join _my_ gang for a while. After we kill Davik and collect the sixty-billion credit bounty on him from the Sith, I'd be happy to give you a slice."

The buildings still thundered, and outside the hangar-window we say dust sweeping up in huge columns and clouds.

"Wait a second here," Carth cried. "_What_ bounty?"

I shoved him. "Carth, why the _fuck_ do you always gotta be an idiot? The **_BOUNTY_ IN THE _UPPERCITY_, JACKASS!**"

Davik chuckled. "Wait aminute, you think _I'm_ the Conspiracist!?" he asked incredulously?

I spun on him. "Wait, so you're not!?"

He laughed out loud. "**_Of course_** I'm not, you fool! Who the hell do you think **_I_** work for!? _The Conspiracist_ is my _boss,_ and he's waiting for me on the other side of the galaxy to report in. (In Dantooine, I think)."

I stared at him, my dreams dashed. "You mother-**_fucker_**." I growled.

"Enough of this, kill them all Calo and let's get outta here before we _both_ die!" Davik commanded.

"Sure thing," Calo said, switching on a shield that made him glow orange, and drawing his heavy blaster pistols. "I been waitin' to jump Candy's ass for a _loooooong_ time."

I looked at them all in disgust. "How cute of you," I said, drawing my laser submachine guns. "Maybe Carth can join in too." Calo took the first shot and lew some fabric off my shoulder, and it was on.

I signalled my gang on what to do. Carth, Mission, & Bastila would draw Calo's fire and wear down on his shields, while Zallbar would come with my after Davik, and Canderous would do suppression-fire.

Davik fired at us with only a few shots from a regular laser pistol, firing sideways at us. But then he dropped it and took out a bigger gun, it was like a pistol and chrome-plated with gold. He pointed it sideways too and pulled the trigger, and it fired a large pointed dart that sparked with discharges of powered gold electricity, and even as it zoomed past my ear one of the sparks hit the side of my head and knocked me onto my ass to the right. I scrambled back onto my feet and looked behind myself. Zaalbar had taken the electro-dart in the knee, and was down for the count. So much for those perfectly good double-crossbows I had made for him.

Meanwhile Davik was coming at me, firing more darts that were tough to dodge. Nothin' for it – I was on my own as usual. I hocked a grenade outta my sleeve at him, but Davik, despite being at least a seventy-five year old man puffed out his chest and blew a gust of wind to _blow it back at me_. It rolled to my feet, but I was able to kick it safely to the side at the last second. It blew up and distracted Calo so he could get shot a few more times by Carthy.

I opened up on Davik with my laser submachine guns, _this_ time on super-auto firing mode and maximum-doublestrength-overcharge shot. Only enough energy left for one volley, but I had to make it count. Davik them leaped twenty feet in the air in an arc, and I saturated him with blaster shots, which exploded onto his armour like bursts of pink and yellow fireworks and neon-orange sparks.

_But he didn't die!_ I couldn't believe it. Even as I ran out of ammo and the laser submachine guns overheated he came down and landed on me, smashing me to the floor. We wrestled there and got back up, adn from then on it was an inside close-quarters fight. I quickly drew my knife and a blaster-pistol, and our shots were going crazy. Unfortunately that son of a bitch didnt even need to hit me to hurt me, and the residual sparks from his golden-chromed electro-dart gun kept burning my suit and smacking me around, might even break bones if I got closer-hit with them.

Meanwhile I had to shoot him and slash with a knife. My laser shots that hit him in the torso were unaffecting him, it _had_ to be that pink-girly armor he wore, _some-how_. So I tried to shoot him in the arms, legs or head but he was impossibly agile, and he jumped, flipped, cartwheeled, belly-flopped, contortioned, and I dunno whatelse and dodged every attempt. My knife slashing didnt' work too well either, bouncing off his armor.

He got angry though that the darts didnt keep hitting me though, and he fired more and more, andf the sparks made me burn even more, and I had to drop my knife and pistol. He kicked me down and had the gun in my face. He still was holding it sideways again.

"Say your prayers, little man," he said.

But _then_ suddenly somebody tapped him on the shoulder from behind. I couldnt see his face but Davik looked behind himself and the guy smashed his jaw in with an impossible punch, and the electro-radiationed dart-gun went flying far away. As Davik recovgered I scrambled to my feet, but _NO ONE WAS THERE._

I looked around, there was only my gang and Calo in the other side as anyone else in the room besides me and Davik. "What the _fuck?_" I asked, but Davik ran at me, and we were now in _true_ hand to hand combat, punching and kicks. He was faster than me, but I was _me_ and I was _madder_ than he was.

"Hah! Too bad yo uwont be abel to get those sixty billion credits anymore, now that you're about to _die!_" He declared. "**Too bad** you had to double-crossed me, I _might_ have actually _**used**_ a man like you in my organization!"

I jitsu-chopped him in the face. "_fuck_ your bloated criminal empire man," I yelled back. "I don't _need_ it. All _I _need is a ship and something to smuggle. I dont need authority crap to tell me what to do. That bullshit crime-chair you got? You think _**that's**_ what the universe is for? Life _isn't_ about the fuckin' _**galactic stock market,**_ Davik. It's about _enjoying_ life."

Davik punched me again, super-hard this time, and I spat out another tooth. Shit, that was the second one I'd lost on Taris. Hope I won't lose another one. Anyway after that he started to choke me towards death with both hands. "Someday," I gugled, "All that fuckin' money and your bullshit _influence_ and _power_ – it's all gonna go down cuz _**being a criminal isn't about that**_."

Davik King smashed me in the forehead with his head, and I felt him split open a cut on it, and blood started running from my hair down into my eyes. He glared at me. "You _fucking_ _**asshole.**_" He growled. "What do _you_ know about being a criminal? You're just some cheap-ass _**smuggler**_. I could _buy and sell_ you a _hundred-**fucking**-thousand_ times a _**day.**_ And _now_ an old man's about to choke you to death! Any last words?"

I glared at him with a fire in my eyes. "Not a chance, you _fuck_... Jaden fucking Amnesia doesn't _have_ any last words – and neither do _**you**_."

I was trapped – unless there was _one_ thing I could try. There was one last trick. Davik King may have been faster than me, but I knew _one_ thing: whatever the fucking-hell that armor plate that covered his chest and torso was made out of, it _had_ to be some sort of metal. And metal conducts heat.

So when I flicekd my wrist to trigger the flamethrower up my sleeve, I knew it had to help.

A jet of orange fire shot into Davik's midsection. He didnt really notice it until it made his armor start to glow red hot and sear his flesh. "**AAA!** _**AAAAAH!**_ **_A_AA_AHHHAAA_AH_AAAAAGGH!_**" he screamed and let go of me. I kept the fire on him till I was out of gas, and a whisp of purple flame shot up from his collar and burned his face off, and then it turned blue and spreaded to his arms and legs. He ran around a lot after that, and I shakily got back up and picked up my blaster pistol and knife again, then went back to join my gang.

They had taken down Calo Nord's shield. Davik ran up to him and fell, melted into a puddle of glowing purple-flamed skinless bone mulch at his feet. Calo was distracted, and me and Carth shot him twice in the chest, and he dropped his guns. But he had somethiing else up his sleeve...

"If I go down, so do you bastards!" He yelled, holding up a thorium charge. "This grenade will blow you all to smithereens!"

Suddenly the rumbling of bombards got bigger. And he looked up.

"RUN GUYS!" I yelled at my gang.

"_**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!**_" Calo screamed as the grenade exploded, blowing him into shreds of burned meat. Then the ceiling fell in and smashed what was left of him into the floor, thru the floor, and was followed by a stream of molten slag from the bombardment that was running in from the roof.

Calo Nord was dead.

I was dazed and staggered by the Ebon Hawk's opened ramp.

Carth held up the keys to the ship. "Everyone in the ship! Go go go!" he yelled, adne everyone did, except me and Bastila and T3 who carried Zaallbar. I was still looking around the hangar. "Jaden what the bloody hell are you doing!?" She yelled pullng me into the ship. "We have to go."

"But someone helped me." I said. "He saved me from Davik King. Where is he?"

"Nobody is here!" Bastila said, grabbing my arm. "Let's _**go!**_"

I looked at her. "Yeah you know what, you're right," i said, and we hauled ass up into the Ebon Hawk, and Carth who was a pilot blasted us off into the skies of Tarris.

* * *

I felt almost drunk and ran into the cockpit where Bastila and Carth (that son of a bitch) had already stolen both the seats. Carth was piloting and we were flying up from the planet as it got turned red from trillions of gigatons of plasma power from the bombarding Sith fleet of spaceships.

"We're in trouble," Carth said at the controls as alarms beeped. Sith fighters coming in. It'll take maybe five minutes for us to get the hyperdrive warmed up, and we're outta here. Someone's gotta man the turrets!"

I rolled my eyes and headed back to where the ladders going to the gun turrets were. "Yeah yeah, _just leave it to Jaden!_" I yelled from there, and climbed into the seat and strapped myself in. I next put a headset thing onto my head and prepped the laser cannons.

I looked out into space. There were hundreds of Sith battlecruisers, most of them firing at the planet, but there was a sorta line of more ones stretched out ahead of us, launching their fighters. "ROCK AND ROLL!" I said and opened fires.

The lasers lit up space, mine red and theirs green except for cannon fire from the warships which was also red. Carth actually turned out ot be a pretty good piot in not getting hit by the warships, but the fighters landed plenty of shots. I had to shoot them down fast, we had maybe a dozen on us right off the bat.

**BWOM BWOM BOOMBOOMBOOM BOOM BWOM PEW PEW PEW BOOM BWOM WOM!**

That's pretty much what the whole thing sounded like, lasers and explosions and stuff.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP_

Someone's hailing us, Bastila said. Put it through.

A man appeared on the screen, wearing the Admiral's unifrom of the Sith Empire Navy. He had gray hair and looked old. "_**YOUUUUUuuuuuu...!**_" Carth shat.

"I," The man said, "Is Highest Admiral Saul Karath of the Glourious Navy of the Holy Sith Empire, to the Ebon Hawk. You my criminal friends are wanted by tyhe Empire. Shut down your engines, and prepare to be boarded, captured, imprisoned, tortured, and executed. If you do not comply, we _will_destroy you."

I opened the channel. "This is the Ebon Hawk. Well, actually its _captain_ and owner, Jaden Amnesia, to the big bad Sith Admiral: If you think your authority means anything to me such that I'm gonna be surrendering my ship to you, then you can just about go and fuck yourself for all I care, over."

Saul looked at me. "Jaden... Amnesia/ What sort of name is that ? Have we met?"

I was puzzled, and blasted a few more Sith empires as they zoomed past the ship. "I wish people would shut up about my name. But yeah, we did meet actually, after I fucked your sister last night I believe. Anything else you want from me?"

Saul screwd up his face. "You sir have a tongue made out of garbage, Mister Amensia. Lord Malak will have to take care of-"

Carth siuddenly came onto the line/ "SAUL YOU SON OF A BITCH ILL KILL YOU IF IT"S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Ther was silence for a few seconds evecpt the sound of eight more Sith fighters blowing up.

"_Carth?_" Sual said.

"Wait a minute, You two know each other?"

"YES!" Carth shrieked. "This man he – I – he bertayed us! He used to be Republic and he truned to the dark side. He destroyed my home planet Telos. MY WIFE DIED IN THAT SAUL AND YOU'LL PAY!"

"Oh indeed!" Saul laughed. "Your poor wife and retarded son. Im so terribly sorry, something must be done, hah hah ha..."

"**YOU FUCK! IF YOU HAVE A WIFE ILL KILL HER TOO!**" Carth raored, smashing on the control console like a maniac.

"Carth, _shut the fuck up_," I said into the phone. "I can barely concentrate on the turrets! Why didnt you tell us this bullshit before!?"

WE flew on some more, I had to have Bastila divert more and more power to laser cannons so we could take out the Sith fighters. It was taking too long to fly past the gigantic Sith battlecruisers. By my count I had already destroyed about sixty-two starfighters but there were 100,000 more out in the system, mostly partrolling to take out any other escaping ships. Too chicken to come at me all at once.

I kept sweating and having to wipe my face, and the blood that was still dripping down my eyeballs from when Davik had kicked me there. There was I heard some kidn of a scuffling in the cockpit – I learned later tha apaprently Carth had started foaming at the mouth and loosing his concentration as he ranted at Saul, so Bastila had to kick him outta the pilot's seat and take his place. Typical Carth.

I shot down 35 more Sith fighters, and we were only a few more cruisers' worht of space away from freedom. But we were still being chased and shot at, and Ssaul was taunting me thru the comlink we couldn't turn off. "Why keep _running,_ Mister Amnesia ?" He asked. "It's hopeless, you cannot escape the Sith"

I shot down six more fighters, Too slow for me. "Yeah, well only ten more killmeters to go says otherwise," I mumbled. "Why you talkign so much anyway?"

"Because I want to giv eyou an offer." Saul said. "Turn yourself in to us, and we'll promise to spare _you_ and _only you_." And there's money in it for you too."

I shot down 20 more fighters and thought. "Nah." No way was I doing this. "Sith have given me offers before, and you fucks are just a big Empire, _authority figures._ You dont care how _real_ people like me live, and you'll just blow us from space soon as I shut down anyway. You can't fool _me._"

The Hawk corkscrewed and flew close to the third-to-last Sith battlecruiser. "Something's not right," Bastila said. "There's an energy spikes in these Sith warships. Something's going all dodgy..."

Carth got up again. "Dont listen to him Jaden! You can't _TRUST_ him!"

"Get _over_ yourself Carth, I'm not _gonna_ trust him. But _**not**_ because the drooling maniac who cant even fly the ship straight says so," I added, shooting down ten more fighters.

"You mustunderstand how serious I really _am,_" Ebon Hawk Saul said. "Carth, _you_ turn the ship off, and I'll spare _you_, my old Military Apprentice. And I _might_ have mercy on Taris for you."

"Bullshit, there's no such _thing_ as Sith mercy." Carth growled back.

"Bastila, if Carth tries anything kill him, you have a lightsaber," I said to her on the comlink.

We passed the other Sith warship, and then I looked out the window and at the screens .The Sith ships were starting to glow red at sevearl gun-points. The energy readings were off the scale!

"What are they doing?!" I yelled at Bastila.

"I don't sodding know!" She yelled back, throwing us into a bend to doge a buncha Sith missiles. I shot them all down and blew up several eight fighters more. "They're combining their energies somehow!"

Saul chuckled meanly into the comlink. "Your Jedi friend is _right,_" Jaden he said. "We _are_ doing that. You may _now_ witness the _**might**_ of the Unstoppable Royal Sith Armada!"

Then the Sith Red Points on the warships started to shine, and like red laser-lines connected all the ships, and then they disappeared, and instead of redturbolasers streaming from their gun ports they turned into red laser _**beams**_ of GREATER destructive capacity. They all shot at once, and Bastila made a hard-port turn to get outta their way, but they _weren't_ firing at us. They were-

I looked out the back window. Carth was looking at it from the cockpit too, and I could see his face's reflection with jaw-dropped way open and screaming out into it at Taris and "**OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**-" Carth screamed but he was interrupted as the hundreds of red super-lasers hit Taris, and scarred deep into the planet crust. There was an explosion like _**TWENTY STARS AND TARIS EXPLODED INTO A HUGE EPXANDIUNG CLOUD OF GLOWING RADIOACTIVE DEBRIS! **_There was nothing left of the gigantic planet-sized city except an asteroid field now.

"_**Ha ha haaaa!**_" Saul laughed maniacally into my ear. "_**NOW**_ you see the _**FOLLY**_ of _defying_ the Sith imperative! **HA****HA****HA!****!** _HA HA __**HAA HAA HAAA**_ _**HAAAaaaa**__**AAAAAAAAAA!**__**!**__**! !**_**! **_**!**_"

I was pretty shaken up, but things were gonna get worse. I had destroyed 144 Sith fighters by now and there was only one ship left inour way – Sual's ship, the _Levithian_ – and we had to get past it. I had a bad feeling and disengaged from the guns and looked back at the controls.

Carth shook his fist at the screen and roared, "**DAMN IT, SAUL YOU CRAZY BASTARD **_**YOU BLEW UP ALL OF TARIS!**_ I'm gonna _**FUCKIN' **__**KILL YOU!**_"

And he shoved Bastila out of the seat and took the controls himself, and steered us a bit more toward the Levithian. "CARTH!" I shouted. "What the fuck are you doing!?" He was steering us now directly toward the Sith Battlecruiser's command tower!

"Carth!" Saul laughed. "Do you _really_ want to play a game of space-chicken against my Sith Dreadnought!?"

"Anything to make _you_ pay for the _**pain**_ you've done!" Carth said. "RAMMING SPEED!" and he activated the Hawk's turbo. He was out of his mind and gonna get us killed!

"RRRRAAAAUGHH!" I said and ran across the ship to the cockput. I grabbed Carth by the collar and threw him out, smashing his head into the wall. But it was too late! We were still going too fast to pull up in time! There was only one chance. I turned on the guns again and fired full-blast at the power conduit just below the bridge tower. It exploded upward a steam of superheated gas that pushed us up at an angle, _just enough_ to _miss_ the fatal collision, and also blasted a chunk of metal off of the hull, probably several deck's worth. As we roared up past it I saw everyone on the bridge thru its tiny windows fall down for cover, except for Saul and a tall man with grey eyes, no jaw, no hair, and red clothes.

"Wow," I asked. "How did I know that was its weak point? Catch you later, Admiral Saul!" I said as I threw the lever, and we blasted away safely into hyperspace.

The space outside the hsip was all blue and swirly now because we were in the clear. I sat back in the chair and took a deep breath, loosened my tie even more and wiped the blood off my eyes and forehead. Most of the latter was already dried so it was no good.

"Well this is your captain speaking" I said into the intercom. "Breath easy, we're away."

Then I got up, helped Carth to his feet, and punched him very hard in the face, and knocked him out cold. "Now then, did Davik keep any booze on this ship?"


	9. Jedi Knight Idiot

A/N: Once again this story is an attempt to be as _original_ and interesting by not just showing everything from the game. So I am skipping as much of the arbitrary Jedi Council scene bullshit as I can. You get the CliffsNotes of what _has_ to happen and the deets of new stuff. Also TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD HAVE HAPPEN NEXT.

* * *

for some reason a galactic crime syndicate boss didn't seem to keep _any_ booze in his own damn ship, so I had to make the ride to Dantooine sober. When Carht woke up I had an argument with im and Bastilitia about where to go next; I figured I needed a bed with some chicks since everyting that happened on Taris had wound me up like a spring & I needed to blow off some steam, so I voted for Coruscant. Carth said that was too dangerous because he's an idiot and said we n[eeded to regroup with the fleet. Bastila said Dantooine because she needed to talk to the head honchos of the Jedi, the Jedi Council, about what to do next since she was sorta needing to save the galaxy and stuff. Fine by me. I always thought the Council was actually on Coruscant which was odd since as a smugler I shouldn't have known that much about that kinda thing in the first place but whatever, Dantooine it is.

So we went.

* * *

Dantooine was a aplanet of grasses and farmers, and Jedi. We landed there in a pad on the Enclave of the Jedi, and I figured we'd all just chill out on the ship while Bassie went on in to be debriefed by the Jedi or whatever. We all got out and stretched our legs, went out for dinner in the Jedi Cafeteria, where we stuffed ourselves. I myself stuffed myself with pancakes because I couldnt remember the last time I'd been served a decent meal.

We all hobbled back to the ship after that, oly to find Basttila gone still, even though it was night. "Fuck it," i said. "Let her hide, see if I care." And I stormed off into the ship and went to bed.

* * *

I lied in the bed for about nine hours, chasing sleep for but it was always got away. :L After that I got up and had some coffee from the coffee machine in the main hold with Carth, whbich woudl keep me awake for the rest of the day but I didn't want awake, I wanted to sleep.

Suddenly Bastila appeared on the ship. "Jaden," she said. "Im sorry to bother you at all, but the Jedi Council wants to speak. To you."

I stared at her oddly over my coffee. Her hair was messed up and she was tring tro fix it. As if she'd been running.

Carth blew bubbles into his coffee as he spoke. "Talking to the Jedi Council, huh? That's pretty weird for just a random Republic guy," he added, apaprently deciding that he couldnt say one damn thing in his life that didn't piss me off."What's all this about Bastila?"

She tied her hair into a bunn. I"m sorry Carth but I can't tell you. I can only ask you to trust us Jedis." Which was probably a joke even to Carth, who wouldn't know a joke if it chopped his nonexistant balls off.

Carth shrugged and got some more coffee. "Well, I don't like to get left outta the loop, but don't let it be said that Vice Captain Carht Onassi stood in the way of'd the Jedi Order." He turned away back to the machine. "You go on ahead, Jaden. Have whatever meeting you got going on. Better not keep them waiting."

As Bastikla walked back down the ramp we heard Carth muttering to himself: "Man, I actually like this machine. Coffee's _way_ better than that caffa crap you get on Republic Star Cruisers."

The sun above us was orange and gold. "So since you couldn't tell Carth what this is all about," I asked, "I don't suppose you can tell me, either?"

She didn't look at me. "I'm afraid not," Jacen," She said with a sigh. "You'll just have to hear them out first."

"Lovely," I muttered, throwing my coffee cup in a long sweeping arc back onto the Ebon Hawk's hull and into the trash can.

* * *

That night I just kinda stumbled back into my bed with what felt like a hangover combined with a headake, except I didnt get the fun of drinking. Apparently the Jedi Council dudes thought that I was able to use this thing called the Force, and they wanted to train me to be one of them since they were losing alot in this war with the Sith but I didnt quite want to hear it so I asked if they would give me some time to think it over and after that I went out into the hall and threw up for some reason and heard ghostly laughter in my ears... But noon was _there_ except ofr Bastila.

So I went back to bed to figure out this shit in my sleep, like I would have if I'd ever went to school (waste of fuckin' money, I tell you guys). This was weird. I actually was sorta startig to believe in this Force thing now, since I had seen Howler Brek apparently use it during our fight, andBastila had used it a ton of times to move stuff without her hands... I used to think it was all just tricks and misdirection but maybe it was true. It would be pretty cool to be able to do that type of shit... But the Jedi would also want me to swallow their hippi-peacenik "do-no-wrong" bullcrap and I wasn't ready to do that.

I looked up at the bunk-ceiling above my bed. It was dark.

And plus, if I did turn the Jedi down... Then... what? I'd never asked myself a question like _that_ before. Just leave everyone? Wouldn't mind that, actually. Even if I never got to kill Carth for all the trouble he'd been, I wouldnt mind much long as I never saw him again. The wookiee I couldn't care less about. And I did still have sworn to kill Mission for betraying me on Taris, but I could've easily forget about it. The droid I could take, maybe, he'd be handy with repairing the ship. Canderous actually was probably not a bad guy to go drinking with at a bar. But Bastila...

...why did I just stop thinking at that point? Did it mean something now? She was such a bitch. I had no reason to care. Let her go get her stupid tight ass killed in the war. _See_ if I cared.

See if _I_ cared.

See if I _care_.

Another weird thing that happened was this: I coudltn't sleep a wink that night, but apparently I could still have nightmarfes. I had a dream I was in a dark, spooky gray castle or something made out of stone, and there was a guy dressed in black with a mask that hid over his face, and a tall man with grey eyes, no hair, and no lack of a jaw but somehow I knew it was Malak.

They walked over to some special mechanical thing that opened up and turned into a hologram map, and then they disappeared. And I seemed to be floating up into the air above my bed, which had no blamkets because that son of a _bitch_, _**Carth**_ had fucking _**stolen**_ them all from me. I would have my revenge. I-

Wait a mionute, I was seeing someone else in teh dream. It was...

No fuckin' way. _**BASTILA.**_

* * *

"Geezers, what the fuck's wrong with you all? I'm just drinkin' my coffee with T3 and Mission and Bastila runs out with her face while as a Hothian snow-bantha-hawk, then you start screamin' like a chainsaw and come-on a-runnin' right out here after her. Too bad she's gone," Carth added as an afterthought to me as I guzzled swugs of ketchup from the bottle because the Hawk was out of spare water _again_. "She said you need to go meet her and talk to her and the Jedi Council again in the 'Jedi Council Room', or something like that."

"Thanks' I said

* * *

I wlalked back out of the Jedi Council chambers, sleepless of three nights and shook up as usual some few hours later. Don't ask me why, but they asked me again if I wanted to be a Jedi and I said yes. _**YES!?**_ I should have checked to see if there was a hole in my head and sanity was spilling out. Then again, that was probably happening to reality itself.

Apparently Bastila'd had the same dream as me, where I'd seen two guys with a map of space – Darth Malak and the now-dead Darth Revan, apparently, somewhere here on Dantooine in the past. They didnt tell me why we had seen this. And Bastila didn't tell me if she had seen the part where there was a dude with her face at the end.

But apparently we had something called a Force bond. Fuck me if Jedi don't know how to explain things.

And after that they figured I need to become a Jedi and help Bastila stop the Sith and shit, and after I was trained go investigate those ruins where I saw the dream of. Honestly I was so sleep-deprived I'm not sure I was even conscious at this point. Point is, they asked and I said yes, and went back out into the hall and threw up in the same place as before.

Training was supposed to start tomorrow. So I needed _some_ way to rest before then. I knew there was only one way for me to do that.

"Hey buddy," I said to a random guy in the Jedi Enclave. "Where can I find the nearest bar?"

* * *

Twenty minutes later I was in some bar outside the Enclave, sitting and minding my own business at the bar with a nice big bottle of Jack Nebula Daniels, imported from Telos. I poured myself a glass, making sure that the bartender was an ordinary guy, and _not_ the guy from from my dreams. This was the only way I was gonna relax – Bastila had told me that I should trust in this Force thing, but until I knew more about it I was gonna trust my booze and its ability to put me to sleep.

I poured myself a glass of Danny and had just raised it to my lips when I suddenly noticed a guy sitting on the stool next to me. "Yeah of course I'm not the bartender," He said, holding an empty glass. "I only worked as one on Taris, and well, that place got blown up. So I guess now I'm homeless and unemployed. Just my luck. Well time to drown my sorrows!" And he took a big gulp of air nothing from his glass.

I jerked back and spilled some of the Danny Stars. "Fuckin' _shit_," I blurted out. "How in the- Why aren't you _dead_ on Taris?"

He smiled at me. He was wearing nondescript clothing with a hooded of shadows that _osbcured_ his _faces_. "I haves a ship of my own. I flew it away just like you did. Hey any chance you can spare a drink?"

I hated when people wanted to take stuff I'd bought myself, but resentfully poured him some Danny. "Okay then," I asked. "Why do you keep following me and who the fuck are you _really?_"

His eyes twinkled under his hood. "I'm a friend of yours, Jaden."

"Smugglers don't have friends, only partners. And a gang, like I do now." I gulped me drunk down in one gulp and poured me another. "And you're neither to me."

"Well you do now. And yes Im not really a bartender, I'm actually a Jedi. A Jedi secret agent, you could say more or less." And he showed me a lightsaber attached onto his belt. "I followed you because I sense the Force in you, like Bastila and the Council must have. I heard you said yes to their offer. Good choice."

"Okay but how do you know all this stuff" I grwlerd. "And what's your name?"

"I know this stuff because I'm really high-ranking as a Jedi spy, so I get to know important stuff. Your welcome for helping you out of Taris, by the way."

"You helped me? Didn't do _shit for..._" Then I thought again. "Wait a minute, you saved me from Davik King during our fight, didn't you?"

He smiled at me wider.

"But wait a minute, I kept having dreams about you! Like when you gave me that booze I won the race with. How am I suppoed to know you're not like something in my head and I'm just batshit crazy?"

He rolled his eyes. "That wasn't a dream when I gave you the booze, Jaden. Since you drank it in real life. Remember?"

"Okay but what about the dreams. I saw you in a dream _last night._"

He shrugged and swished his glass of yellow-drink Danny. "How should _I_ know? They're _your_ dreams pal, you analyze them. Besides dreams are full of weird shit, most of the time they don't need to mean anything. Wouldnt be surprised if you dreamed about Carth too."

Ugh.

After Id thrown up in my mouth a little and swallowed it back down to avoid rudeness in from of this new benefactor of mine I said "Well whats your name then I asked"

He paused. "Well, you can call me... Ahm'niisyah."

I choked on a sip of yellow Danny and he spilled a bit down onto my shirt and tie. "A... _Ahm'niisyah?_" I said. "That's like one of the stupidest fucking names I've ever heard. How do you even _spell_ that shit?"

"Heh," he giggled drinking some not more from the glasses that was empty, but from a floating anti-gravitated stream of red Corellian brandy that wound its way thru the room like a big tasty liquid liquiroish ribbon, that was hi-tech I'd never seen _that_ in a bar befores. "More ridiculous than Jaden _Amnesia?_ People who live in transparisteel houses shouldn't throw concussion missiles, my friend."

"_YES_, it _IS_ dumber." I shot back. "Wait a minute, it's bullshit anyway. It's just _my_ name bastardized."

His face crustfall. "Okay you're right about that. It's not my _real_ name. But I am a Jedi _secret __**agent**_, remember? You can't know my real name right now. I'm deep undercover, but forget my name if you don't like it. The important thing is this: I work indepedent and my mission is to help you on whatever the Jedi send you to do. Now that you're gonna become a real Jedi, I'll be able to help you more From now on."

"One more crewmember? Great," I said. "Why should I accept your help?"

"Hey man, don't be all like that," Ahm'niisyah said with a smile rather like Howler Breck's or something. "I've been a Jedi for many years, I know all kinds of special Force stuff I can teach you. IO'm strong enough to be a Jedi Master on the Council but I turned down their promotion offer. And I can fight pretty good. I won't get in the way of whatever you do, I promise."

"Hrm. I guess that makes sense. Long as you dont get in tyhe way," I said swigging from the bottle in the dark room. "Well then," I added. "Should I introduce you to the crew

sometimes?"

"That wont be necessary. And I won't need your space on the Hawk either. Like I said, I have ships of my own, and you won't need to worry about telling me where you're going or stuff. I have eyes everywhere as a spy and I'll be able to follow you and help you out wherever you go and without you needing to keep me posted. I'm good at this, been at it for years. I'll be able to advise you on stuff and help get you outta tough spots. All you gotta do is do what you'd normally do, and I'll show up when you need me. Sound good?"

I looked at him slowly, then nodded. "All right," I said, and shook his outstretched hand.

"Thanks a lot, Jaden. I think we'll make a good team." Ahm'niisyah said standing up. "Just one more thing though, he said turning aroud after he'd turned around to leave. "I may be your help, but I am still a spy and need to stay undercover. I know how to hide myself from people using the Force, but that doesnt mean I can't be compromised. Point is, long as I'm helping you, you can't talk about me _ever_, not to _anyone_, you understand? Not even Bastila. Promise?"

I gave him the peace sign and nodded. "Promise," I said.

Him shield. "Good. Now I can tell you're stressed, so I'll leave you to it. See you around, Jaden."

And he was gone, so I just kept drinking from the bottle, minding my own business. And as long as I was doing that, I felt like I used to.

* * *

When i woke up smelling like booze on the bar, I coughed and shook my head. On the table next to me was a box of matches, and a note of paper saying: "**Proof that I'm real. Good luck with the training. Yours, New-Friend**".

I took them both and put them into my pocket, then stumbled drunk and hanged over back on to the Ebon hawk, where I slept for eight hours.

* * *

Two weeks or so or maybe threee later and I was a Jedi. I was standsing in a room alone with Masitieur Zar and had just built a lightsaber, with a purple glowing blade. "Most impressibe and unusual colour," he remarked in his accent.

So I had been training for weeks and gotten pretty good. Mostly. So far I'd only been taught how to move stuff with my head, sense stuff without seeing it or noticing them, and use a lightsaber without killing myself. All of which were pretty cool. I was thinking of all kinds of interesting stuff to do with my new powers.

"Now then there is a final test before you becomed a True Jedi." Dorak said. "There is a gruve of evil far away in the Dantooine plains which as been making the animal kath hounds vicious and killing manly men. The dark side of the Force is there fore some reason and you must go there and destroy it."

"Okay," I said and walked out. Outside the enclave the sun was setting and I looked around at the wandering Jedi for any sign of the members of my crew. There was a woman Jedi named Belaya and she said "Ah indeed a new Padawan it is niice to meet you."

"But she seemed distressed for some reason and I left her alone." She was pretty hot actually but not as hot as Bastila.

"Hey Carth! Bassie!? Candy, someone!?" I yelled.

"Don't worry about them," Ahm'niisyah said appearing next to my sholder and making me jump. "They're all asleep on the Hawk."

"Lazy pricks," I muttered.

"Don't worry about it, jaden." He said. "I've scouted ahead, you can handle this yourself. Head out east, then south. That's where the grove is. Head over there and take care of business. The Force will show you the way. Use it."

So I shrugged and headed out, running across the plains and using the Force to sense at for where the Ancient Groove was. I also apparently could use the Force to run super-fast, and jump really high and far. Problem was I was new to it so I kept smashing into trees and stuff, which would crack apart and burst into leaves and wood chunks, but apparently the Force protected you automatically from that sorta thing. Cool. Anyway I kept going on like that. The night came out and the stars were howling adn the giant silver moon had turned swirly gold because it was in harvest the Dangerooine.

Eventually I found the ancient grove.

* * *

"Well then at least now I know how to fix the problem," I said to Juhani and chopped her head off with my lightsaber in a purple-night flash. It rolled down the plains grassed hill and into the groove where it had come from, and her body fell dead to the floor.

* * *

Looking back, it's always seemed a little fishy to me that the heads of the Jedi who were supposedly so pacifistic would give me a pat on the back and good job for chopping a stranger's head off a few miles away, but I always figured they were hyprocrites anyway, and what's the difference? They agreed to teach me super-powers. Don't bite the hand that feeds you, huh?

Back at the enclave th enext morning I ran into Belaya again. She was angry at me and sad that Juhani was dead because they'd been lesbians together. I was so sorry that I started making out with her and eventually we screwed in the closet in her room. She felt better after that, I think. It helped her move on and see Juhani was doomed anyway.

Well anyway, I felt pretty weird after that, probably because I hadnt had sex with anyone in over a year by that point (or so I'd _thought!_) so I was late to the next Council briefing. They told me where the Ancient Ruins on Dantooine were that I had seen in the dream and sent me and Bassie and my gang to go check it out. There we found a Star Map where there was planets where there were other Star Maps like it (Tatooine my homeworld, Kashyyyyk, Manaan, KOrriban, and that was them). And that if we found all of them we'd be able to find something called the Star Forge, which was what Revan (who was now dead) and Malak have somehow been using (Only Malak though because obviously Revan's been dead for a year) have been using in the war with Republic so we gotta find it and find a way to blow it up, whever it is.

The Council decided that since me and Bastila had had the dreams about the first Star Map it made sense that we, me and my gang be sent to find the other maps and then the Strar Froge. I surprise myself again by accepting the mission. But we'll get to that part later because important.

"How dare the Couincil not do as I ask them to, you law-abiding fuckeries shits!" Said an angry old man from the doorway.

"And how dareth _you_ not knock on the _door!_" Master Vrook who was an asshole grouled back from his throne. "The Council has heard your grieves many times, and there is no prrof of the other family doing your injusticies!" He declared.

"Pah!" If the Jedi will not help me then I must warn you I will help _myself_, with _danger_." Said the old man and he stormed out.

"Who was that?"

"That waas Mister Matale of the Matale family. He and the Sandrel families have been at war for twenty generations. Now he thinks that mister Sandrel himself has kidnapped his son Shenn. We actually do need someone to"

"I'll take this case on," I said.

Mister Vrok eyed at me suspiciously, twirling his durasteel handle-barred mustache. "And why would you want to do that?" He asled with suspicion. "You do have the mission of the Star forge to complete."

Master Dorak agreed. "Yes, your mission will not be easy Jaden," she said. "And it is urgent."

"Well I'll need some time for my gang to get supplies for that mission," I said. "In the meantime, I'll solve this case for you before morning tomorrow. I swear a Jedi Oath," I promised also."

Well then "Said the Tallest Jedi of them all, High-Master Vandar," We will not dissuade you in that case. May the Force be with you," He boomed.

Indeed. So I headed out to the Ebon Hawk outside, where everyone was waiting for me. "Okay guys listen up." I said. "We've got one thing to do before we head off of Dantooine, that's solve a kidnapping case. Problem is the plaisn out here are infested with Mandalorian bandits, and kath dogs. So Bassie, Carth, Canderous, you're with me. Mission and the rest of you, go into town and buy or steal as much supply as you can. Mediskel equipment, drugs, guns, and explosives. Lots of explosives. Got it?"

They did. I adjusted my tie. It was too tight before but now it wasn't anymore. "Okay then," I said, smiling at the lightsaber now on my belt. "Let's get going."


	10. The Comedy of Shen & Rahaysha

It was the House of Matale Family. The House of the Matale Family House is huge, more like a mansion made out of like industrial buildings or something, and it was impressive. Humanoid robo-droid sentries patrolled the grasses of their estate, and stuff.

"Master matale is off of the premises," The Robot Said. "And this is restriction. Leave at once."

I growled at the robot. "Fuck the premises, I'm from the Jedi Council and I'm here about his mission son Shen. Tell him to get his ass out here or I'll cut my way in and beat his brains out thru his nose."

"I shall then fetch the Master at once." The Robot said and disappeared down into the door.

Bastila frowned at me from my shoulder. "That sort of blooming insultive speech is not very becoming of a Jedi's behavior," she remarked.

I rolled my eyes as Miuster Matale showed up. "Yeah, well neither does getting stuff done," I said back.

"Ah-hah!" Matale said. He was a very old man with no hair anywhere on him, and wrinckles in his skin, and he wore a rinckled old business suite of rich golden fabrics. "So the Jeid have finally returned to my requests. What do you want?"

"Listen, man," I said, my hands in my pockets. "I'm a new Jedi who'se been assigned to the case. So you'll have to give me a run-down of what's going on here."

"Pah!" Master Matale scoffed. "How many times must I repeat my story to these blithering incompetents~!? My son Shemn has been kidnapped by the Sandrels because I blew up some of those droids on my property after they tried to set fire to my crops. And they are unjustedly blaming me for the killing of his whore of a son, Roger Matale, who got himself killed off in the pursuit of his illicit fornications in the fields to the west, I figure."

"Fornications?" Carth asked suddenly. "You mean he was like a prostitute or something?"

Muster Matele glared at Carth even more angrily than at me. "Of certainly course he was, he was a Sandral, what do you expect, but what does it fluddering matter?"

Canderous elbowed Carth. "Carth wants his number I bet. Republic homo-dog." He said, and they all laughed except Carth who tried to look like he wasn't starting to cry.

"Well anyway," I said, "I need you to tell me about Shen."

He glared at me. "What about Shen!?" He declaimed. "He was kidnsppaed by the Sandrals. You need to go back there and demand it back! but I do have an idea, for if you want to avoid me being violent and going to go get him back myself." He declared. "I will make a... Donation of 6,000 credits to the Jedi Order via you if you bring Shen back safe."

I looked at him. "6,_000_?" I repeated. "You have yourself a deal then." I said and ewe said goodbye.

* * *

We walked across the plains. It was sunny and also nice outside. None of the Kath Hounds were out, which was nice.

"Oye can-_nawt_ believe that you are doing this," Bastila complained.

"Doing what/": I asked, wiping mud off of myself.

"Accepting money as a precedent for finding the Shen child alive," Carht said, "I figure. That's a terrible reason to do something good."

"It's a _great_ reason," I corrected. "Man alive, what's with you two? For once I agree to do something nice like you bitches keep telling me to, but _now_ you insult me because I _dare_ to accept rewardance for my achievements? Go fuck yourselves."

And I stormed off ahead, wishing Kath Hounds were out now so I could use my lightsaber to chop them in half and get off the steam. But trees were out, so they had to do, and they fell in flames one by one before my rage. Why wouldn't these people listen to me? I really _was_ trying to get Shen home alive.

"Listen, Jaden, you're not going to become a good Jedi by letting _money_ be your motivation," Carth argued.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd know all about how to be a Jedi!" I shot back. "Shut up, Carth, you don't even know how to use the Force. I'm trying to solve this fight between the families peacefully anyway. Why not make a profit along the way? That money will help us buy more equipment and stuff we'll need for the real mission: The Mission For The Star Forge!" I yelled at the top of the hill and my words of full declaration were of echo across the plains and mountain ranges of Dantooine with resolve and vigoure.

So we moved on after that.

* * *

Carth was banging on the front door of the house and shouting with his jaw flapping open and closed real big. "MISTER SANDRAL! MISTER SANDRAL! MISTER SANDREL! MASTER SAMANDRAL! SANDDRILL! MISTER SANDRAL! MISTER!"

The door eventually opened and Mistar Sandral popped out. "Stop that monstrous shouting you stupid boy! My great gondanarooks," he added as wqe followed him inside into the cavernous and orange-lighted reception ballroom, where great crystalized chandiliers adorned the walls and the ceiling was a neon diamond-studded mirror. "Your voice is as impudent as that wretched son of mine, roger."

"Indeed," I said shoving Carth to the back of the group so he wouldn't fuck up my questioning any more. "Listen sir, Mister Matale. I'm here because of the Jedi Council and the trouble with the Sandrals. You see they seem to think that you've kidnapped his son, Mister Shem Matale. And I need to ask you some questions just to make sure you're not. And also I need to know what you can tell me about Roger Sandral since I'm looking for him too. The other man said he must have gotten eaten by Kath Hounds or something but I don't blieve it and I'm a Jedi so I'm here now trying to solve this mystery so that the conflict can be resolved and I can prove myself in my training and maybe also collect those 6,000 credits reward he didn't offer to me."

"Harrumph!" Said Mister Sandral. He was a black man, very very old, as old as Mister Matale easily. And he wore a silk red robe under a golden-orange tunic, and his spikey white hair was in something of an unkempt mowhawk. He held a glass of Klatooinian Apple-Juice-Colored sherry in one hand. "Of course you Jedi scum would listen to _him,_ that racist warmongering snob," He said as he sipped the alcoholic drink, extending his pinky finger away from the rest of the glass as he did so to himself. "I will speak to you though if you insist upon being able to stop this madness," he added as he blew bubbles in thru the drink.

"I can uhshore you that the Jedi Council is doing its spiffiest at resolving oll this ruddy business,"" Bastila said, smiling at him pleasantly.

Mister Sandral smiled back creepily, but he seemed to relax a little more. "Well very well then well." He said. "Now what do you want to ask?"

"I need you to tell me about that son of yours, Roger Matele," I asked.

"Yes," He said. "That useless wreck of a mind wanted to go to the planet Tarsunt to become a magician. He also plays the flute. Well, before he got his ass killed by Matale anyway. That bastard. He shouldn't be complaining about my damn droids."

"Okay then." I said having Canderous write all this down because Carth couldn't be trusted. "Well I need you to tell me something else, Mister Sandral. I will do my best to find if Roger is actually alive, but I also need you to let me see the rest of your house to see if Shen is actrually here."

"**NO!"** he barked, getting up in my face. I fell back but Bastila caught me. "**NO!** I will under **NO CIRCUMSTANCES** let you Jedi **INTRUDERS** barge **INTO** my _**FUCKING **_**HOME!**"

"Now look here, sir," I tried to say. "I'm a Jedi investigator and I _do_ have jurisdiction to search your home if you're a suspect. I've read Dantooine Police Law and shit." I actually hadn't read any such thing, but it made sense so it ought to have been true as long as I'd benefit from it.

Mister Masandral wasn't having any of it, though, and was frothing and slaverating at the mouth, too angry to speak intelligently. He drank all of the remaining cup of his own orange-ish yellow personal fluid in one gulp, then grabbed it the containing organ so hard that the glass shattered in his hand. "AAAHHH!" He screamed. "**FUCK! NO! DAMNIT IT, **_**fuck!**_ Get out of my home!" Blood dripped from his hand where Mister matale;s grip had crushed the glass into sharp shards into his hand. "Get out of my house!" He repeated again. "Out! _**OUT! ! ! **__**!**_"

With that he stumbled back out of the entrance ballroom, his red robe trailing behind him, and slammed the door behind him.

"Well that went nice," Canderous muttered gruffly. "Any chance we can solve this mission by heading after the old man and beating his teeth out?"

"I'm shore you'd like _that_, Mandalorian," Bastila snuffed contemptuously.

"Damn right I would, _Jeet'isii shrr''m'tg,_" He muttered back in Manda'qlor'ian.

"_Enough_," I growled, "Or else I'll throw you idiots back onto the ship. Now shut up, guys, I gotta think here." Before I could think at all though "Listen you're the Jedi right/" Rahaysha said. She was a black gurl and I figured she was Mister Madale's daughter.

"Yeah who wants to know? I need you to tell me about if Shen Matale is here," I declared. I made sure she could see the lightsaber on my belt. I actually was starting to want to do this Candy's way, but Carth and Bastila would surely stand in my way. I would need some way of getting rid of them if it came to that.

Truth be told I _did _want to do this without having to murder someone. That would be a waste of my lightsaber's batteries, and for some reason I just plain wasn't in the mood. I had just gotten off of a city the size of a planet (Taris) where absolutely _everyone_ in my way had fought me to the death. I was in the mood for _something_ to go smoothly, for _once_.

Rahaysha looked up at us and whispered. "Shenm Matale is here. In the house," She whispered. "He is in torture. My father captured him and has him tortured daily. I need you to rescue him because we're in love, but our families don't want to accept that."

"That sick _fucker,_" Carth said. "We oughtta find your Dad and blow his brains out."

"Woah woah woah slow down there girl." I said. "You said She's a prisoner here?"

She was franctic. "Yes," she hissed, "But you mustn't hurt my father please. He isn't a bad man, he's just confused. Please. Listen, I need you to get Shen out of here. I love him and we need to get away from this planet for good."

"In _love_!" Canderous crowed, shoving past Bastila to talk to us. "What a bunch of shit, like there's any such a thing. You know, Raysha, we Mandalorians don't believe in love _or_ marrage. We just believe in glory on the battlefield, and sex with each other after in celebration! That's all _we_ need."

I grimanced and turned away from her. "Just a sec, girl."

I had a huddle with my gang like teams do in shockball on Coruscant. "So what do we do?" I said.

"I say we find this man and make him suffer," Carth said.

"No, Carth!" Said Bastila. "We mustn't do anything rash. And you sir are a model military man! The Council would be quite cheesed off to hear of such behaviour being said from you!"

"Okay," Canderous put in. "But what about Shen? We probably should get him outta here. Jaden did tell his father we would take him back."

"Yes, but that's all dodgy," Bastila replied. "Rayahasha said she and Shem want to get away from Dantooine. That's incompatible with the reward Jaden wants."

"Yeah, I know, right" I consulted. "Tell you guys what, let's go find Shen first. I need a bit of time to figure this out."

So we told Rahaysha that and said for her to meet us outside eventually tonight. When she was gone I looked around. "Secure facility. Probably full of robots." I said. I was trying to think about how to get all of this straightened out the way I wanted it to. This was the problem with having a gang, I realized: Everyone in the gang had their own thing they wanted to do and the way they wanted to get it done, and they were all stupid so I knew they would ignore my instructions and leadership. So I would have to fucking trick them into just doing what they were supposed to. Fine by me, for now. At least being stupid meant _that_ would be easy enough.

Point is, I'd need to talk to Shen Matale alone. Once I had the story from his mouth, I figured I'd know enough to make a decision.

"Guys," I said. "do a sweep of the building and kill all the robots. I'll get Shen Matale and get him outta there, then meet back up with me here. But do it quietly so Nurik Matale doesn't get suspicious."

Bastila turned on her lightsaber and chopped the door down in response, and they charged thru with blasters firing. I unclipped my lightsaber and went to the eastern door, kicked it. It then slid open, and I snuck quietly out into the building.

* * *

I snuck into the torture room eventually with nobody seeing. I could hear the thudding of laser fire, mad screaming, and droids exploding thru the walls. It was a small dark room with a proper inside-room, but outside that part was a small rectangular compartment with a glass-mirror thing viewing into it. Only two people were inside: Shen Matale was in there, tied up and handing from the ceiling by his wrists. And another guy was in front of him, a black guy with black hair. He looked suspiciously like Brejick. He was at a big control panel and flipping switches and stuff which was doing all kinds of terrible stuff to him.

One button seemed to send electric shocks into Shen's teeth, and another made this metal arm come out of the floor to punch him in the balls. A third dumped a bucket of cold water on his head from above. And other things.

I snuck into the room, crouch-walking. Shem was gagged for once so he couldn't give away my position.

The other man in the room was torturing him with a bvlack knife in his hand. "Hah!" He said. "Not so tough _now_, _**are**__ we,_ **Mister** Shen Sandral? You and your romantic **frivoluties** have _**come**__ to an __**end**_**!**"

That voice... I was eeried out and paused a step behind the man's back. I realized that he was wearing red.

The mystery man's voice turned dark and menacing, just like his heart, and he said a knife appear from his sleeve and into his hand. "I'm _afraid_ though, **Mister** Matale," he said, "That _now,,_ you must become an _example_ for the Black Vulkars here on Dantooine!" Then he turned around to look at me and gasped.

Shit. His face... It _was_ Brejick. He just was kinda scarred up. And his other hand was made outta metal.

I flared my lighsaber up and used it to chop off his head, then cut it into little scraps of black meat and gristle. That would make him stay down this time. Then I walked over to Shen and took the gag off. "You son of a BITCH!" he cried. "My father will ahv eyou for this! I'll kill you myself!"

I frowned. "A threat? That makes you my enemy, so I have to defend myself," I said. Then I walked over to the control panel and threw the lever. I laughed as Shen Matale was electrocuted in the balls. "Now then, now that I have defended myself, Mister Shen," I said taking the gag off. "I hope we can no longer be hostile. Will you answer my questions nowthen!"

Shen gurgled at me, then spat out some blood and a part of the inside of his cheek. Well that's what it looked like anyway, maybe it was his retainer. And then some bloody metal which must have been part of his braces but whatever. "Now then Shen, I'm a Jedi and I'm here to rescue you. Rahaysha told me you're here, in love, and that you want to get away from Dantooine. Is that true?"

"Yes"

"Then I need to get you out of here then."

"No, I'm not leaving! Not yet."

I walked back to the control panel and he gasped. "Why are you saying stupid things, Shen?" I asked.

He talked fast and started to sweat. "Because Yarahsa is here! And she's been trying to convince her Father to let me go. If I escape he'll kill her, or worse. He'll blame her, I just know it."

I let my hand rest on one of the buttons. "That's why we're gonna get Rahaysha to go with you too. Anything else dumb to say?" I asked.

"I don't believe in you!" He snapped with his teeth at me. "I don't believe it. Not till I see her myself."

"Strike three," I said and I slammed down two buttons. Shen got doused with two bucket-fulls of water. "Well that's stupid," I said, and split-kicked him in the chest. He wheezed and coughed a lot. I felt a little bad for it, but I needed to get this kid to listen to me.

"Listen up, Shen. I just talked ot Rahaysha and she's down with the plan." I said. "We can get you out of here, but first you must do exactly as I say." "T3 stay here with Shen and listen for me to comm you. I have stuff to do with the rest of my gang. I will help you, Shen, but you need to wait for me because I'm a Jedi and I can sense that there is something else behind all this. "I said because I did and there was., "So I can't let you go just yet."

"Bleep bloop!" Said T3.

"Wait!" Shen blurted, trying to swing around in the rope. "You can't just leave me like this!"

:Oh and T3," I added "If shen says anything else before I tell you to let him go free, push a few of those buttons on the panel to shut him up."

His face went white. "You wouldn't dare!"

"BWOOP BWOOP BWAAAAAAAAWWWP!" said T3, and he went and pressed three of the diodes. Instantly a robot leg came out of the ceiling and kicked Shen in the armpit, he got tazed in the balls again, and a tube came out from the floor and sprayed some hot, sizzling kath-hound bacon oil onto his bare back. "AAAAIIIRRRRRGHHHH!" he screamed. "AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahauhhhh-hh-h-h...!"

And then I left. Even back then I wasn't sure why I did that. I guess something about the whole "true love" stuff irritated me. Well anyway I found the rest of my gang and "What happened in there?" Carth asked. I told them mostly.

"But there's something out on the lawn we need to find. I can sense it," I said. "So we need to go find it first, and then come back and figure out what we have to do. Come with me." I said and we rushed out into the light.

"I can sense it too," Bastila said. "I hope we get this all sorted soon so I get back to the Enclave for a kip." And she yawned sexily.

I shook my head at her silliness and led the way.

* * *

After that we were explorign the huge lawn of the Sandral fields. I was trying to use my Force Sense to find whatever the final piece of this puzzle was, but we seemed almost to be going in circles... Or we couldnt pin it down or something. Also I was distracted. Whiny as Shen had been, he actually sorta reminded me of myself, back when I had been a youngster on Tatooine. When I was a teenager I didn't have a ship, or parents, so I made a living pretty much by stealing other people's stuff, and robbing remote homesteads. I travelled alone and took care of myself, trusting noone. That was sorta how Shen struck me.

Hell, when I had been his age I was stupid enough to believe in love too. I'd screwed plenty of girls back in the day, but it was through some rough experiences that taught me to not be an idiot like he clearly was. That business with my old partner, Howler Breck, and his wife Penny had been the last straw. Part of me wanted to try and teach Shen the same thing, save him some of the pain. Who knows, maybe I'd run into him again a few years down the road, and then _he_ could be my smuggling partner. And I'd get the 6,000 credits from his father. it could all work out.

It could.

maybe.

Bastila was mostly just following my lead because she was tired. Carth and Canderous were bitching each other out about some old war or something but I ignored them.

"Jaden what are we doing out here!?" Carth bitched. "I'm tired! We've been wandering around out here for like half an hour and I'm tired. Why areen't we helping Shen and Rahasha escape?"

"Be patient!" Bastila called back sleepily. "The Force works in dodgy ways, and we need to be patient"

"Yeah, so shut up Carth!" I yelled back over my shoulder. We were still following the Force but now we were no longer on the Matale Estate's front lawn, but in the cliffed-edging paths of Dantooine, which were like walls.

"I sympathize with Carth, in fact. And I have a bad feeling about these cliffs," Juhani added.

"Yeah, well that's just cuz you're a bitch," I said back.

Then I heard a voice right behind me. "_**SOOOOOooooooo**_, then _this_ is the meddler!? And _what_ be we havesing **HERE?**"

I spun around and foud me and my gang to be surrounded by heavily-armored Mandalorians and Duro Mandalorians, and Duros are like those aliens from back in the second or first chapter that got killed by Sith on Taris. They were all in blue armor but the hulking biggest one was a red one, and he wore a black cape sort of around his shoulder. They all toted blaster pistols and rifles except for him, who looked to be unarmed.

"I, uhh..." There were twenty-four of them at least. "Excuse me?"

The man in red armor chuckled. He spoke with a Britishy accent sort of like Bastila. "Yes indeed, I am awesome. And you must be no _ordinary_ Jedi, _either_. Mister...?"

"I'm Jaden Amnesia. How'd you know I was a Jedi?"

He laughed. "**HAH!And **what kind of absurd sort of name is that/ The name of a dead man I'm sure. Yuh see me, and my mates out here kill Jedi for fun. So I shall add your lightsabers to my trophy collection." Then he saw Basilita and his ehlmet heated up with steaming out thru the visor with lust. "And _**that**_ lovely bird of yours shall be my Mandalorian slave-wife and bear upon her bosom my sons for the leading of my clan. My name is Sherruck by the way," he added,' "And so when yoyu wake up in hell then that my good man is the name you must give to the other damned when they ask who the name was called of the Mandalorian warrior who killed you, Jedi scum. Prepare to die!"

"Well that's a mouthful," I said and signalled for my gang to get out their weapons. I drew my purple lightsaber. "Batter up."

Sherruck smiled and pulled out _two_ lightsabers, one red and one blue, and twirlled them crazily. "hah, like you Jedi fools are the only one who can play with these toys!" He laughed and charged.

He spun his lightsabers crazily at me like space-airplane propellors of red and blue FLAMING GLOWING DEATH! I gasped. The lightsabers were on red and blue energy-fire too!

They spun and spoun and spun at me and I was flipped my shit at first because I didn't know how to fight two lightsabers, but I had no choice so I jumped in and slashed and blocked and stuff in flashes of light. Meanwhile my gang started fighting all his Mandalorian Duros Thugs, mostly shooting them but Bastila chopped many to pieces with her lightsaber-blades. Sonic grenades, frag-bombs, and ice detonators blasted everywhere, and the grasses started to freeze to death. I saw my guys taking several wounds and aside from Carth I wanted to keep them alive so I needed to end this quick.

Sherruck was good with those two lightsabers, he was fast but not strong. He probably was hoping my clothes would just catch blue-and-red fire from near-misses, which they almost did but my suit and tie were insulated so they survived for now. I bashed seriously on him with my lightsaber, until I slashed both sabers apart at the hilts. He dodged my next several slashes though and jumped sixty feet into the air and out of my reach. I looked up. Shrapnail and glowing ashes and snow from the ice grenades were swirling around in the air above us.

When he landed he crushed one of his own men into the ground and drew another lightsaber, this one made a weird sound and had a weird blade shape, and it was a dark scarlet-black in color, which glowed silver-milky white and had cracks of white in the deep black blade. "_Surprised,_ Mister Amnesia?!" He gloated. "I stole this _**dark**__saber_ from the Ancient Jedi Pyramid on Had Abbandon during the Fall of the Old Republic! And since then I have slun many Jedi upon his blade. _**PREHAPERE YOURSELVES TO JOUN THEM !ALLLLL!**_" He screamed and I came at him again, but he just jumped again.

This time he flew seventy feet into the air, and when he came down he swung like a bat and bashed on my with his darksaber, kocking me back several feet. I recognized it... The basic move like that was a Jedi-trained Power Attack, but I wasn't skilled enough to match it. I could only jump like nine feet if I tried really hard, and that was an Improved Power Attack. Somehow, this Mandalorian had without the Force learned how to do Supernatural Power Attack! "I had thought that was just a buggering legend!" Bastila said because she was reading my thoughts with the Force because she's creepy like that.

I tried to punch Sherruck off-balance, then my sleave-flamethrower, but Sherruck dodged _again,_ this time jumping up eighty, then again ninety, then again one _hundred_ feet, each time landing and striking with greater force to smash chunks of the ground up and go flying, and making me stumble.

After he got up to three-hunded and fifty feet I looked around in shock with ground-dirt pouring out of my ears to see my entire gang had been subdued by Sherruck's gang. This was gonna suck. Another down-hammered slash hurt my shoulders. I wouldn't be able to block anymore.

_There was one more shot._

"OWW!" I yelled, making like I was more hurt. "_FUCK_, my shoulders!" I made sure he could hear me.

"_**HAH!**_" he laughed, swirling his black darksaber aroundhim like a streamer. "_**NOW TO FINISH YOU OFF!**_" he crowed, and jumped up again, _this_ time two-thousand eight hundred and nine feet into the sky, spinning his darksaber up above his head for more altitude, and the clouds above us crackled toward the black with lightning.

I looked up to track his trajectory. He had leaped up to exactly the height I had wanted him to.

Now he was coming down again to shop me in half. I could hear him screaming as he came down.

"...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...rrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...**rrrrrrrr...**_**RRRRRR/...**__**...RRRRRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAaaaaAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHHHHH!**_:" He fucking screamed but I was mostly ready for him. I used the Force to track his descent and then grabbed him with it, and tangled his cape in front of his helmet, so he couldn't see anymore. "_**AAAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAA**_**-** Woah WAIT A MINUTE I CAN'T SEE GUYS-" he shouted, and then smashed face-first down into the ground. He burrowed down thru into the hard bedrock-soil of Dantooinian plains, which sent a shockwave out to crack his region's crust apart a bit, and his thugs were blinded by the dust.

I was blinded too but I could see with I could sense Sherruck climbing back out of the ground with the Force. He stumbled over and tried to swing me with his darksaber, ut I dodged and threw him into the air, only a few feet, with the Force. In midair I chopped him in half with my purple lightsaber.

"AAAAAARHH!" His thugs yelled and all charged on me at once with vibroblade and swords and blasters and daggers and blastswords and electro-whips and grenade-swords and vibro-shields and who knows what else. I grabbed Sherrucks darksbaer and spun in a sick vortex of purple and black that chopped them all into pieces as they came into range and I scraemed and shouted words in another language super-fast as I did it.

When they were all dead I looked at surveying the dust and corpses and my gang all got up and I untied themselves. I extinguished my lightsaber and darksaber which was kinda cool so I would keep it and put them away in two of my suit-jacket pockets. Charred bloodless jibs of Sherruck and his thugs were everywhere.

"Thanks a lot for the help guys." I mumbled shaking dust out of my ears and eyeballs.

"Hey! We did our bes-"

"Shut up, Carth," I mumbled, sensing with the Force. "I need to find something here.

"We looked around some more," And on the field amongst the other corpses was one of a black dude who looked like he'd been chewed on. I fished around in the bushes and found him, and he had a dead journal in him and it was the journal of...

"Roger Matale," I said as I flipped thru it. "Looks like we've got the proof. He was killed by Kath Hounds after all, and the Sandral family had nothing to do with it."

I looked around. The sky was going dark purple and blue and stuff, and twilight was coming in faster because of what Sherruck had done to the clouds, so I figured everyone would go to sleep faster.

Well, we'd found what we needed. So now what? That was the question: Now what. Would I bring Shen back home and collect the reward? Let him run off and get himself screwed over by some bitch? The first one seemed better, but it wouldnt really end the situation. Both families would still be at odds with each other. There had to be another path. And what about Bastila?

I frowned. What _about_ Bastila?

I looked at her. She was slouching around next to a burned-up tree, and wiping her eyes tired.

"Hey Bassie," i said, "You better get back to the Enclave. We can finish up this mission on our own."

She smiled sheepishly. "Thanks, Jaden. Oi cold use a kip."

And she left. "Okay guys," I said. "We've solved the mystery of the Matales, and of the Sandrals. But there's one more thing I need to do. Go wait for me at the Sandral Estate while I do it, and I'll meet you there. Then we get Shen and Rahaysha out."

"Okay," Carth said. "But what about Shen? Weneed to get him and her off Dantooine, right? And make Mister Matale pay for torturing Roger Sandral. That's what's right for them since they're in love and we need to do what's right."

I suddenly looked up with a fiery look in my eyes. "That's right, Carth," I said but secretly just to shut him up, because I knew now the way to make this fuedal conflict end once and for all. "Now get going, we don't have much time left. It's 7 o'clock, which means it's time to go." So they did, and I went to go pick up some stuff.

* * *

Sometime around midnight I showed up at the Matale house. I had gotten my thing done and it was tough to do secretly, but I had done it. "All right Roger," i said untying him from the ceiling. He fell and landed on his crotch. "It's time to find Rahaysha and get outside the estate."

So I met Shen and Rahaisha and T3 and Carth and Canderous and Juhani and Mission outside on the front-most lawn of the House of the Sandrel Family's Estate. The clouds were all gone now, and the moon was shrieking and the stars were right. I smiled in it.

"Shen!" Rayhsa said glomping him. "You're safe!"

"Yes," he muttered back in pain. "It's all because of-"

I glared at him.

"This... This _kind Jedi_ that we were able to do this. And I guess we'll need to find a way to pay you soon enough once we're out of here, and we can find a way off Dantooine."

"Well," Crath added, " We can maybe-"

I figured now was as good a time as any to drop the bomb, then drag Shen back home. "Yeah, about that..." I said.

Suddenly I looked around and the old men and their battle droids were there! It was Mister Matale and Miesture Sandrel, and they were armed. They all yelled each other's names for a minute and then the two fathers saw each other and shouted in succession:

"_**NURIK!**_"

**"MISTER SANDRAL! How dare you and your son and these interlopers show your dirtiest faces upon my domain at this freakishly preposterous hour of the night!"**

'Bahharrgh!:" Said Mister Matale back, and then: "HURP... _Glugggr... -BLAAAaArrrggh!_ That's what I think of your property" he added as he projectile-vomited some stuff onto the lawn that I couldn't see because it was so dark.

"Harrumph,I didnt like that patch of grass anyway." Retorted Mister Sandrel. "It always smelled like your armpits anyway. Just like when you killed that son of mine, Roger."

"_your_ son! What about my son! Shen are you all right!? What have the men been doing to you!"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH HEY WOOO-WOOO." I yelled running a bit more into the middle. "It's time you guys shut your trap, and put the blasters away. This situation can be resolved. First of all, I said pointing at Shen and Rahaahya, I got your son out, Mister Matale, and as you can see he is completely healthy. And I also have found proof that Roger Matale was killed innocently by Kath Hounds, and you are innocent of it. Now where's my 6,000 credits? You pay me and we all go home, and this is all over."

"Wait a minute," Carth said. "You're taking the reward!?"

Shen and Raysha went all fish-eyed at me. "How could you! You- you-"

"_Shut up_, Roger," bellowed Master Matale, waving his blaster pistol at them. "Jedi, we never needed or asked for your help. This is _his_ propertyy and soon to be mine, and so _you _and your _friends_ can go get your whippersnappers' arses _off_ of it. We'll soon have our problems resolved without any fuckish Jedi aids. Soon enough my son and I, we will dine in the joint-Houses of the Noble matale Family of Dantooine alone and feast upon the bones and meat of its slaughtered former-Sandral inhabitants. Isn't that right, my good boy?"

"_Fuck_ you, Dad!" His son yelled back angrily. "I'm not gonna _**go**_ with you. And neither is Rahaysha, you dirt-faced dogman," He added at Mister Sandral, whose dark face flushed with outrage, and his aged eyeballs swirled around in his head with milk. "Rahaysha is in love with me and I with her and we're running away together. I'm going to be a musician on Oslumpex Five, like ive always _wanted_ to be. And _you_," he grunted at me, and farted. "No thanks to you, you money-grubbing Jedi Scum."

That insult got me mad, so I held up my hand about to tell him to fuck off, but instead there was a sound like a heavy thump, and Shen got punched in the face by the Force. He stumbled back. "Shen!" Raysha cried. "What did you do!?"

I looked at my hand. "Cool," I said, and hit them both in the face twice in the same way. "Now then you guys, like I said there's no need for cannibalism like Mister Matale just suggested. Both families can go back to their homes and no one needs to be shot here."

"Go away Jedi dog!" Said Master Misandtrle. "I will shoot them all if I so dare to want!"

"**No**, you won't!" Shen said in a crisp voice as he snorted blood up out of his nose. "You cant decide my life and I want to do it instead, with LOVE. _That's_ why neither of you have the power to stop me."

I spun on him. "Shen, something's funny, you wanna know what? I used to think you were like I used to be when I was an idiot kid smuggling space-pot on Tatooine, but every time you open that mouth of yours you sound less like _me_ and more like _Carth._ Go with your dad and do what he says."

"What!?" Shen roared. "You think you know _me,_ Jedi!?"

"Damn straight I do," I said louder. "You think your bullshit true love is gonna save you, Shen? Make your life worth living? Take it from me, kid, I've been where you are. The very _best_ you can hope for is to screw her, and then she turns on you. And _then_ you flush her out into space from the cargo hold and everyone will bitch at you like she didn't deserve it. Get your head outta your ass and figure out what you _actually_ wanna do with your life, not what some bitch with a mouth wants frmo you."

Shen started to splutter like Mister Matale was doing (and he'd done it before when he broke the glass). "How can you even say that!? You don't know her, how she makes me _feel_."

"I dunno," I said. "But it's _gonna_ be feeling like _this_ if you don't listen to me." And I Force-hit him three times again, this time in the cock, which doubled him over. "Dump the bitch, kid," I said as he rolled into the dirt and moaned. "It'll hurt like shit at first, but the sooner you get it over with the happier you'll be."

"STOP HITTING MY _SON_!" Mister Matale shouted coming closer to my face, and hsi droids did too. "_I _will take care of that in the privacy of my own home with the special _electrode-chains_ that I keep in the basement. Once I finish dispatching this family neuisance," He said at the Matales.

Mister Matale and his droids armed their weapons. "Not if we take you first!" He declared.

Raysha threw her hands up. "PLEASE NO! Daddy, _please_ why can't you leave us alone? You can't control my life!"

I spat on the ground because the situation tasted awful, and I'd had enough of it. "Okay," I said, "Enough fuckin' around." And I held up my trump card, a small black remote with a red glowing button on the top, that glowed bright in the dark. It looked like a lighter but was far more deadly. "You all see what this is?"

Canderous looked at it. "Hold on, that's a detonator. For-"

"For _explosives_," I explained loudly. "A lot of them. You see, I thought all you idiots would refuse to bury the hatchet, so I before I showed up here I took a few hours to stuff both of your basements with enough charges to blow the houses halfway from here to Polis Massa – to help you all make up your minds, ya see. So there's two ways this can go now: Either I get paid, and then the Matales go to Matale-Home and the Sandrals go to Sandrel-Home and never bother each other again, or nobody _gets_ a home to go home to except me. I'm tired of you shits and your problems, so I'm gonna solve them _for_ you cuz I'm nice like that. Nobody _needs_ to die here today if you don't wanna."

Master Sandrel was shocked. "Ahgb! Bah! Neff! Abndjah!" BLLGGHR!" he spluttered, spitting slobber down his chin and salivating the all over of his robe.

"**YOU **_**DARE**_ threaten **ME** and my **HOM**!" Mister Matale shrieked to the heavens. "I'll have your _**HEAD**_ for this!"

"You _MONSTER._" Rahaysha hissed. "You brought us this far to betray us!"

"Sorry, bitch," I muttered back. "But it's not _my_ fault I know better than you do."

"Its okay my love," Shen tried to say, while stumbling to his feet and clutching his cracked balls. "I won't let them take you away again. Even if I have to die."

"And how touching," Canderous pitched in. He slapped me on the back. "Glad to see somebody acting intelligent around here for once."

"Thanks, Candy," I said. "Man, sometime I should take you drinking with me and Ahm'niis-" I caught myself because I remembered I wasn't supposed to talk about him.

"Huh?"

"Jaden, you can't be serious," Carth said getting all angry. "We need to help these kids and make Mister Sandral pay for torturing this innocent boy."

"There's no such _thing_ as innocent boys, Carth, you whiny little _shit_," I reminded him. "This kid needs to wake up like I did, or he'll be trampled in his sleep." I looked up. "So what's it gonna be, guys? Told you how this can go. Not having your houses explode sound good?"

"Mister Sandral!" Called Master Matale from over my head. "I think we actually have a mutual problem taht we might need to solve before getting on to our own difference. This man is holding us all hostage!"

"I think I see what you mean," Mister Metele replied. "We can expunge this intruder. And then we can get back to busniess."

"Yes, Mister Sandral Agreed. "And then Rahaysha you will be punished for consorting with the Matales. In your bed."

She shuddered. And cried. "No daddy, not again!"

"Wow," Carth said., "You guys are seriously both horrible people and deserve to die," he added as they all aimed blasters at us.

"Thanks for your support for once, Carth," I said happily. "Just remember guys, you asked for this," And I pressed the red button.

It wasn't exactly the biggest explosion I'd _ever_ seen, since only a few days before I'd just witnessed Taris blow up. But it was still pretty high up there, especially since we were all standing pretty much within spitting distance of the blast radius. First it was a ton of dust bursting upward since the epxlosives were in the basement, but after that a huge jet of superheated explosion speared up from the ground, tearing the Sandral House apart and blasting giant chunks of rock and dirt and metal from the entire lawn up into the sky, flaming orange specks that went thru the clouds and looked kinda like big stars. They actually looked kinda like they were floating thru space, but they weren't _that_ far up so we'd have to get out of the way eventually.

Not far away we saw the same thing happen to the Matale Home.

I couldn't hear the laser fire. Could hear a lot of screaming though. "NO! I DIDn'T MEAN!" said Carth as he screamed, and he swung at me madly. I dropped the detonator and smashed him in the face with my elbow, then drew my lightsaber to defend myself as we were shot at. The roaring of the explosions was like a gigantic organ of fiery molten death being played by an orchestra of demons inside the stadium of my eardrums, and as I deflected shots back to destroy the droids, Mister Matale and Sandral advanced on me, guns blazing.

Too bad though, because as the explosives continued to detonate a huge fireball erupted out from the Sandral house and caught Master Sandral from behind, engulfing him and setting him ablaze. For good measure though I Force-pushed him back, and he rolled into a pool of molten metal that was starting to ooze out of the still-burning crater in the ground, and he was incinerated. "**DADDY!**" Rahaysha squeaked, and then _she_ came at me with her bare hands. I swung my blade horizontally and chopped her in half, then spun to dismantle the last of the droids.

Mister Matale was still shooting at me. "_**RAYYHSHAAHAAAAA!**_ " His son yelled. "**IMMMA** **FUCKIN KILL YOU!"!**! Shen bellowed. He came at me too, this time with a vibro-knife. I cut off his hand, kicked one of his knees out from under him. As he fell onto the other knee, I grabbed his neck with the Force and started to twist it. Mister Sandral was still shooting at me, but I deflected his last shot into his head, blowing it open, and the fire took his corpse.

Shen looked angrily at me as all the debris that had gotten blasted into the sky started to rain down around us. "You could have avoided all this, little man," I said. "Where's the true love _now?_" And I broke his neck and threw him into the fire.

I turned around. Carht was runnign at me, but a huger piece of flaming metal debris slammed down next to him and knocked him off his feet screaming. I couldn't really hear it though. I ran up to him with Canderous and Juhani.

Carth was trying to get up but couldn't, and he was crying and bleeding out of his left ear. "Come on, guys!" I yelled, picking up Carth and throwing him to Canderous. "We gotta get outta here!"

My guys picked up Carth and started to run back to the Enclave. At the edge of the horizon I stopped to look back at the two flaming houses and sighed a little bit. They had brought this on themselves. I'd honestly tried to save them from each other, but they just wouldn't listen, so I did what I had to do.

Ah, well. Their loss. The next day the Jedi Council and everyone else on Dantooine would wake up happier, because there were two less spoiled families of idiots bringing everyone else down with their problems. And I and my gang and Bastila would be on our way to finding the Star Forge. And then...

...

...Well, and then we'd see what went down.


	11. Bastilas a Bitch

Saul Karath and about 9,000 other guys were on his ship, the _Levithian._ The bridge of the place was dark, and shadowy, and I wasn't sure how I was seeing this. I didn't seem to feel like I was standing anywhere in particular, but I could still see it.

Darth Malak was on a planet below, in his secret base or something. He needed to speak to Saul so he Force-teleported himself to the hangar, then took a shuttle up to the ship, and walked onto the bridge.

"Holy Dark Lord Maisture Malak," Saul said pointing out the window. There was an asteroid field beneath it. "Our men have finished searching the asteroid field, and there's still no sign of Bastila Shaan. It looks like she Escaped the destruction of the planet Taris."

Darth Malak stopped next to Saul and looked down at him. He was about two heads taller. He scratched his metal jaw-plate. "...hhhhh**HHHHHRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmMMMM**mmmmMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..mmmmm..mmmmm...," He said. "Troubling, but not unexpected. Right now I am more interested in knowing how she escaped and where they are now.

"She must have escaped with help," Saul suggested. "Actually there was a group of outlaws aiding her, according to our sources. One of them was Carth Onassi, a man who served under me when I was the Republic. I was sort of like his Dad."

"Harrumph," Malak said. "As though any petty man couldnt find out such an information with the simple deductive powers of his _Mind!_ Is there anything you know that the _Force_ did not tell me already?" He asked scordnfully.

"Yes," Saul said pointing at a computer screen with numbers and stuff. "Thye escaped on a smuggler-ship, the Ebon Hawk, stolen from Exchange Crime Lord Davik King. And they likely went to... Tatooine."

Malak's right eyebrow shot up so fast it almost ripped off from his face. There was a small tear in the skin and it started to bleed. "Fascinating," he said. "How did you fnid this out?"

"By _me,_ Malak." Said Calo Nard walking into the room from behind him.

Malak stared at him. "Indeeeeeeeeeeed," He growled his deep mechanical

"And how is it that _I_ should be interested in the opinion of _youuu__?_"

"Because," Calo growled back, "I have a full head of _hair._" And he pulled off the bag of flour that he normally wore as a hat, to reveal a huge, luscious mass of scarlet locks and he whipped them back and forth.

Malak glared at him. "Impressive, young man. But you have much to learn in the ways of growing to be _tall,_" But even as he spoke Calo started to rise to the challenge, slowly growing two inches before their eyes but still had a ways to go cuz he's a pretty short guy.

"His name is Calo Nord, High Master Malak" Saul said hastily, and Calo stopped growing. "He is a bounty hunter who worked for Davik King, and tried to stop Basilita and her friends from escaping the planet. Apparently they tried to kill him and he had to escape."

Malak sized Calo up again, and make him shrink six inches using the Force out of jealousy. "Impressive that a man so short could survive a Jedi Knight."

Calo shrugged. "I'm hard to kill, Malak."

"Anyway we have hired him. He's willing to find Bastila and bring her back to us alive or dead," Saul explained.

"Gooooooooood, then." Said Malak, and his evil laugh echoed back inside my skull until...

* * *

The hyperspace-ride to Tatooine was very uneventful.

Hadn't had the best time getting our asses off Dantooine, though.

Obviously I couldn't tell the Jedi Council that I had killed the Matale and Sandril families, since like Bastila & Carth they wouldn't believe that they'd left me no choice and probably try to have me thrown in jail or something. Fortunately I was able to make them think that they had all killed each other, and with a couple of bribes to the police investigators I was able to make the explosions look like a couple of gas leaks, or something.

Carth, sadly, had survived the mayhem, but according to the medical droids back at the Enclave he'd be completely deaf in his left ear for at least six weeks. And he tried to corner me in the Ebon Hawk Communications Room the next day. I was doing a check on the computers and stuff in there when he barged in.

"I know what you did," He said with a lisp because he's half-deaf now.

"Did what?"

"You're a _murderer._ He said" You murdered the Sandrals! And those other people!"

"Bull_shit_ I murdered anyone, you fuck. I did what I had to do."

Carth was flabbergastered. "How can you even say that. I was _there_, I _saw_ it."

"Then you should have seen them doing nothing except shouting like a bunch of morons," I said, turning back to the computer. "I did what I had to do, and I didn't tell you ahead of time because I knew you wouldn't be able to accept it. Even though I was placating you and Bastila and those goody-two-shoes on the Jedi Council from the beginning."

Carth bawlked at me. "The _beginning?_"

I adjusted the slurpto-computer. "Yeah, of course. You know, I _was_ trying to avoid killing any of them. I _tried_ to make Shen realize what was going to happen to him. I _tried_ to convince the father idiots to put away the guns. Up 'till the very _last_ minute I used no undue force, no unnecessary deception, I gave everyone a dozen second chances even though I knew how people actually think just for the one-in-a-million shot-chance that they would think for a second that maybe, just _maybe_ the guy whose name started with a _**J**_ just _might_ know the right way to resolve the situation was."

I opened a cabinet and started sorting the control chips. "And you know what I got for all that trouble?" I said spitting into the control circuits. "Nothing. Just a bunch of bitching and complaining from them, and now _you._ For 20-something years I've been living and knowing better than to waste time playing the nice guy because I've seen it all before and I _know_ it doesn't work. But as a special favor for you morons I gave it another try, and guess what happened? It doesn't work. And now you come here to bitch me out for it not going perfectly? Just what I needed."

Carth glarred at me. "What?" He said, pointing to his ear.

"Oh, just fuck off."

"I know better than to trust you now," Carth said, getting up in my face and pressing his chest against mine disgustingly. He licked his lips. "I've got my eyes on you," and his eyeballs bulged out like space-blimps. "I'm not going to sit around on this mission to wait for us to get betrayed again."

I backhanded the little son of a bitch in the face, sending him stumbling out into the hallway, and he slunked off.

I continued my work in that room after that. In one of the lower-computer cabinets I found a dead guy. Scared the hell outta me at first, and then I realized that it was a white guy with a beard who didn't speak English, dressed in red-pilot's unifrom. His was Hudrow, the pilot of the Ebon Hawk I had killed back on Taris. I had to check the hallways to make sure nobody would see me, and then I dragged him over to the air lock and jettisoned him out into hyperspace.

That was weird.

A few days after that I woke up after having a really weird dream about floating around on the bridge of a Sith Battlecruiser, watching Malak and Saul talking to some other people. I pretty much forgot it as soon as I woke up, though, so it was useless and I had nothing useful to tell to Bastila or to anyone else about it. Anyway, we were on our way to Tatooine, where the first Star Map was at, somewhere.

Apparently the only city on the entire planet was the township of Anchor's Head, controlled by the greedy Czerka Corporation. That was new from where I had lived on the place. But anyway, we landed.

* * *

I got out of the Ebon hawk ramp and into the Czerka's Docking Bay of Anchor's Head with Bastila, Carth, Mission, Canderolous, Zalbaar, and Juhani. I payed the docking officer the fifty credits fee and we headed out into the streets.

"So wot's the plan?" Castila asked.

"Well, I know this place pretty well since I grew up here and all," I said, "So we're gonna ask the Czerka people for information about what's happening lately. And we'll use that information to find the Star Map. It must be in a cave somerwhere."

Candy looked at me incredulously. "A _cave?_ And how could you possibly know _that?_"

"Intuition," I mumbled. "Now shut up and follow me, I know these streets."

I led them to the Czerka Office and went inside. There was a desk lady sitting behind the desk with red lips and black hair tied up in a sorta messy bun on her head. "Hello Czerka office receptionary Administration, I'm Administrator Lawr, so how can I help you?" She said drollingly.

So I haggled with her for some inforamtion for a bit. Apparently these Czerka had showed up six years back and were mining Tatooine for minerals and metals and stuff, but were getting harassed a lot by the Sand People. They didn't know anything about Ancient Star Maps but were willing to pay me 4,500 credits if I found a way to get rid of the Tuskens, who had a base-Enclave a few miles to the east of the City. I agreed and they gave me a hunting Liscense to get outside the city walls, and we were on our way.

"We'd better investigating the minings going on here," I( explained, "And the Tuskens. I can sense there's more to what's going on here than the Czerka are telling. It has to do with the Star Map."

We stopped in the street to buy some blaster clips for everyone, and some spare batteries for mine and Bastila's lightsabers. I went over to a tent on the outskirts of the market while the others haggled prices in the middle. Suddenly Ahm'niisyah showed up from behind a tent, wearing traditional Jedi-Tatooine Brown robes.

"Sorry to startle you," He said. "Just wanted to asy I saw what you did on Dantooine with those families. Great job."

I gave him a funny look as I pocketed some batteries. "Seriously? All the other Jedi were bitching about loss of life."

"Yeah, well I'm a bit smarter than most Jedi. Kind of like you. I get that they did it to themselves. You were just the hand of life come to bring them their fates. I like that you trusted yourself and the Force. It's good."

"Yeah, well I'm glad you approve then I guess." I asked. "Do you have anything else to tell me? You did say you were a scout."

He spat out some sand. "Yeah, I've been asking around. And you were right, the Star Map does have something to do with Czerka. Head out into the Duned Sea to the east. You'll pick up the trail there I think."

"If you say so."

Then he was gone, to do more scouting I guessed, and we headed out of the market.

* * *

Anchor's Head wasn't a bad place once you got to know it, but it could get irritating at times.

Like when three dudes wearing black walk up to you and say "Lord Malak was most displeased" and stuff like that, and pull lightsabers on you in the middle of the sandy street. That's what happened to us.

The Force stung me that something was wrong elsewhere, and I looked at the "innocent" crowd aroud us as they drew holdout blasters. They were Sith Undercover Agents!

"GUYS!" I yelled at my gang. "!"

Too late though because as they started shooting into the crowd the three Sith came at me. Two broke off to take on Bastila because she had two lightsaber blades. Anyway the one fighting me was more manageable to me than Sherruk had been on Dantooine; he didn't know many offensive attacks except Master Flurry and Improved Critical Strike. I was able to block the second one but had to dodge the first one, but I had been trained good enough to keep him occupied. Problem was every time I tried Improved Power Attack on him he'd jump out of the way.

I tried to use Improved Flurry to drive him back to one of the stone building walls, but the Sith ran up the wall can kept slashing atme from up there, beyond my reach. Meanwhile I was being attacked by about twenty Sith Undercover Agents, who came at me with pistols, sonic guns, and grenades of various kinds. I had to run away from the explosions, and tried to use the Force to throw them back; only sometimes it worked. Fragments of stone dusted the air and shredded Sith into teeth, and the goo grenades blotted the streets with blue gunk, keeping civilians and Sith from moving too much, except the three Acrobat Sith with lightsabers who had attacked us.

The one who was after me was still running up the wall, but at the sixth story he backflipped down; from that height his attack was upgraded into a Master Power Attack, which slammed me into the sand ground and knocked my lightsaber away. "UFFF!" I yelled.

I was able to get my left arm free and grabbed his lightsaber hand as he tried to chop me in half. Then I pulled him down after me and drowned him to death in the sand, and climbed out to get my lightsaber back.

I looked around. Carth, Candy, and T3 were still mowing down Sith undercover agents, but they were starting to retreat into a bar and shoot out the windows, and then lob more and more grenades at us. I grabbed one with the Force and threw it up the hood of one of the remaining Sith Acrobats. It blasted his head off at the neck. Bassie though was in bad shape and had taken a sonic laser shot in the leg.I tried to help her against the last Acrobat but he was better than any of the others, corkscrewing and spiraling and hopping around to dodge out slashes, basically breakdancing like Carth did on Taris but it was a BREAKDANCE OF **DEATH!**

"Guys, we're in trouble over here!" Roared Canderous from behind a fruitstand he was using as cover, to fire across the street and into the bar. "We're getting shot at too much! And Zaalbar's mildly wounded!"

"ROAAAR!" yelled Zaalbar because which was wookie for "I'm okay because I super-greater wookie strength," but I knew that they wouldn't be able to last much longer cuz the Sith were shooting their cover and gradually blasting it apart with more and more plasma and ice grenades, but the Sith's cover was a whole building so they could afford it.

"We've sodding got our own problems over here too!" Bastila yelled back as she stumbled trying to block. But already the street was filling with smoke, evaporated sand, and glass shards and splinters of dust. Civilians who weren't actual Sith were running away in fear to get to cover, but Czerka was starting to cordon off the block and shoot at anyone trying to escape.

A Czerxka Officer with a tie stepped forward with a bull horn. "**REMAIN CAWLM!" **She shouted, and I realized it was the desk lady. "**WE WILL BE SENDING HOVERCOPTERS TO FIREBOMB THE STREET AND THE SITH INTRUDERS SOON!**" And the Czerka soldiers hemmed them in with Ruit Gears, like shields made out of plastic and those sticks police use against criminels.

The Sith Akrobat kept swinging at us, but I was able to use a Critical Strike on him, which stunned him. After that we got a several slashes landed on his arms, but then he backflipped six times which landed him six feet away up the street. "You cannot beat all of us!" He said, holding up a device. "Especially not when you're about to _die!_ First your friends shall be the first!" And he prepared to throw it.

"NO !" Bastila yelled and she chopped his hand off with a regular attack. Sometimes that's the best option in a combat situation, or so the Jedi had taught me. I guess it worked for here, to.

I picked up the thing because I recognized it and I gasped. It was a _nuclear grenade!_ I held it up to Bassie's face. "And it only has ten seconds to go! There's only one shot at this, you gotta"

And I told her what to do. We ran back to the firefight across the street, where the rest of the gang was hiding with the fruit stands and market tents, and firing at the bar across the street where Sith were pinned them down. Bastila ran in between to run intereference with her lightsaber, and I did too so our guys could run down the street a bit. "We gotta get them ovr the walls" we

and they started climbing over th Anchor'sHead walls.

Then I heard the blade-chopping of Czerka Hovercopters. I looked up the street and saw them comeing from beyond the Czerka cordon, dropping an unbroken steram of napalm and carrying it down to douse the entire area with it, and already cooking people as they went. There was only one choice.

I ran over to the bar, drawing more fire but deflecting the worst of it, and lobbed the nuclear grenade inside one of the windows. Vbefore I could run through one of the glue grenades exploded, and I was stuck in the gooey sand on which I stood by one boot. "Ugh," I yel;led. "_**FUCK!**_" What was I gonna do!?

I looked at the wall where my guys were finished climbing over. I said a tearful goodbye to my left boot and pulled the foot out of it, just as the powerful grenade exploded, tearing into the ground and blowing the four walls of the bar outward in fragments, crushing people, and the ceiling roof blasted off in a molten explosioning, taking the Czerka Hovercopters with it. Nuclear fire gushed out of the ground zero and thundered down the streets in all directions, flattening every building in its path. Meanwhile I ran sockless over to the wall, and Force-leaped to the top of it just as the nuclear shockwaves hit me, smashing my gut and ribs against the outer edge of the wall, then forward-flipping me over it. I fell cartwheeling thru the air, slamming face-first down into the sand just outside the outer-walls of Anchor's Head, safely away from the carnage.

I felt like I had been crushed half to death. Must have taken about six or seven sonic blasts when I wasn't looking, cuz I had that many black bruises on my manly arms. My ribs were also cracked, and apparently I'd retched out my breakfast when the grenade has thrown me into the wall. I decided to just lay there for a while in agony and spitting out sand, till Bastila kicked me lightly in the shoulder and irritably said, "Come awn now, Jaden, you've had quite enough of a kip by this point and it's time we moved awn with the mission. Czerka will be looking to bite your arm off if we don't move," and she went off into the Dune Sea to join the crew. I got up and hobbled after them, and that's how I first knew that Bastila's a bitch.


	12. British Fury

"Hey Bastila, how come yuo talk all weird with that funny accent and stuffs?" I asked as we all wandered around in the dessert.

"Becawse," she said poshly, "I'm from Britain. It's a spiffy li'le town on Corulag where I was a wee nipper. My mum was from there too. Oi have her voice," she said sadly.

The desert winds blowed around us and stuff. "So how come you're from a Corulag and a Jedi and stuff?"

"Well,  
" really _from_ Corulag. You see my parents moved around alot when I was a child. My father Gregor was a treasure hunter. He was a nice, warm man who was very nice to me. Wanted me to be a treasure hunter when I grew up. You'd be daddy's little treature hunter when you grewed up, he'd tell me with a banana-shaped smile. He was a kind, kind man who was patient and never hit me." Bastila smiled as she remembered this warm memory.

Hrm. "I took out some Macro-binoculars to look at the desert terrain, around us." We needed to find a sandcrawler to see if they knew anything about the Star Maps. But What about your mother?"

Basilta frowned. "She... was less kind to me. She was a medical student who wanted to be a doctor. When I was borned from her she actuallu was working on an internship with the Verizon Coruscanti Medical University, but when I was six she sodded her degree and had to leave. My Father said later that he thought she got kicked out for stealing medical supplies/"

I spied with my little eyes the sandcrawled and pointe dfor everyone to walk toward it. "So what happened after that?"

Bastila squirmed uncomfortly as we walked. "She sort of went all chester-blimey in the head," she said quietly, spinning a finger near her head. "I remember seeing it. She stormed into the Board Room Meeting on Coruscant-Moon to demand her doctorate back, and when they refused she said she'd biff them all good, and we were socked out of the building. After that we moved into the Outer Rim Confederation (beofre it was conquored by those blasted Mandalorians and then the Sith) where she could study to get her doctorate's degree again legally, since she was damn-well disbarred from study or doctoration in the Republic. But in the meantime we still had to get money to live off of from Dad, doing his treasuring. Mum did find some work as a doctor on Sleheyron and Nar Shaddaa. We lived there a few years, a dirty place. We weer too poor to go to school so I didnt have any mates. Mum's work was mostly patching up wounded Republic troopers but most of her patients died. I guess she wasn't that bloody good a doctor." She said with a shrug, and a sad chuckle.

We were halfway to the sandcrosser now. "So how'd you end up on Britain? And where are your folks?"

"Well," bastila said," It's very painful to talk about. My mum was a very angry and mean woman, and she would get mad at us whenever Father Gregory's treasure-hunting didn't find any spiff. She... seh would him hit. And boff at me sometimes and make me drink alcohol." She looked wistfully off into the distance. "Eventually we spat up here. Tatooine. Father buggered off on an expedition angrily and probably botched it all up nawstily because he never came back. And my mother abandoned me on Manaan, where the Jedi found me and trained me at their temple on Corulag, in the city of Britain."

"Wait so how come your mom was-"

"i don't want to bloody talk about this right now!" Batils suddenly said and she stormed away into the back. "Some other time perhaps."

"Wait, Bassie no!" I said but she disapperead into the back of the group. Canderous, T3, Zaalbar, Mission, and Carth were between us. I thought for a second that I saw the face of Juhani amongst them but I had killed her on Dantooine, so I guess it had to have just be a heat mirage. Weird.

Carth looked over his shoulder at Bassie, who looked upset, glared at me. "Geeze, Jaden, when you gonna learn to leave people alone?"

"Fuck off, Carth," I said and walked fastly ahead until I'd gained 20 yards on my gang. Then I walked some more. What the hell was Bastila's problem? If it was all so damn painful then why did she fucking bring it up in the first place? Stupid stuck-up Jedi bitch.

"Women," said a voice from beside me making me jump. "You can do without 'em, ya know. But nobody knows it." It was... Ahm'niisyah!

"_Fuck_ it and stop _doing_ that," I said angrily. It was . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ahm'niisyah, walking next to me. "What are you _doing_ here!? I thought you're supposed to stay hidden."

Ahm'niisyah rolled his eyes at me. "And I _am_. I'm using the Force, remember?" he tapped himself in the head, but still wore that stupid Jedi hood like they all do. "You're the only one that can see me right now. And as long as they're back there it doesn't matter if we talk to each other. So how's your day, sunshine?"

"Shit," i said back. I still had abunch of sand inside my clothes, so I was constantly having to scoop and scratch it out. "We almost got killed in the city, and now we're wandering around in the desert with no idea where the Star Map could be, except we know it has to be in a cave. We're looking for a sandcrawler and stuff to find out stuff."

"Okay," He said. "What else?"

"Bastila's being a bitch, and Carth is being a worse bitch too. I can't handle it. Wish I could dump both their stupid asses on this world."

"Yeah, well you'll just have to learn to put up with them," Ahm'niisyah said looking ahead too the Sandcrawler up ahresad. "People like you and me run into unusually long-running and painful stuff, and the only thing we can do is get used to it in order to get through them."

I look at him thru my microbinoculars. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't _know_ what you mean."

I sighed. "Whatever. Bastila says once we come over this hill she and I should try and use the Force to look for the cave."

"Don't try it," Ahm'niisyah said quickly. "She's only a little Jedi Padawan and doesn't know how to think for herself. Ask the Czerka people, and the Force will show you the way."

We heard yelling out in the horizon. Sand people. "I think you guys can handle a few sand people," Ahm'niisyah said. "So I'm gonna go scout around some more, maybe I'll find the cave too."

"Okay," i said. "But what about the but he was already sprinting like misty Force energy off across the sand duwnes.

"Jaden!" Called Juhani from the front of the pack ten yards behind me. "Who are you talking to?!"

I spun on her. "I'm _talking to MYSELF, YOU STUPID BITCH!_ _**SHUT UP!**_ **I'M TRYING TO ****THINK FOR FUCKSSAKE!**" I yelled and the freaky cat-woman was so shocked that she went away like a fish. Good.

We came to the sandcrawler and talked to Czerka people there. And we were attacked by sand people but killed them all. They didn't know about any ancient Star Maps but we could learn more about them.

"We're working on mining a special mineral from these underground sands," the man explained in his unifrom. "This element is incredibly well-crystalized and rare, only found on this planet of the galaxy, and a few others too I suppose like Sernpidal and Dubrillion but those were all mined out over 2,000 years ago by the Eraduian Empires who sold all of the special element to the Hutts who wasted it all and ate it or something so Tatooine is the only last known place where unobatanium is possible to being found."

"Okay then so why's it so important" Carth asked.

"Because it's a very powerful and refined isotope with special radioactive properties and polymer, and can be used for all kinds of stuff. Including powering cloaking devices, generating heat, and other stuff. Huge amounts of energy per mililiter of the alloy, but gives off no radioactivity unlike virtually all other such substances in the galaxy." Teh Czerka men explained together. "Our sandcrawlers are able to mine trace amounts of it out here, but we know the Tuskens are sitting on top of a huge chunk of it with their Sand People Enclave. Two kilometers to the east is its location. That's why they're hiring people to find some way to wipe them out."

He looked at the destroyed sky. "Sandstorm coming in." He remarked. "Me and my boys are heading back to Anchor's Head. This sandcrawler is beyond repair and we need to go. Good luck with your Star Maps, stranger," And they all left. We surveyed the destroyed area. I climbed onto the top of the sandcrawler and looked at the Tusken Enclave with my microbinoculars.

"Damn," I said. The place was huge-tents, and lined with blaster and turbolaser cannons. About two hundred tuskens with blasters and gaffti sticks were patrolling the walls. "Guys!" I yelled down to my gang as the huge sandstorm started to bustle in. But I was too late, and got gusted by strong winds over the edge. I fell two stories down and smashed into the sand.

When I came back to myself, I threw up sand and body fluids onto Carth's shoes, and got up. "Guys!" I staggered. "Into the sandcrawler for shelter! And start gathering machines. I've got an idea." I said, and smiled as I wiped vomit off of myself with my tie.

And it was my _best_ idea _ever._


	13. When It Snows It Pours

We spent all afternoon working on the sandcrawler at my direction, since I know all about machines, but it was finally repaired and finished. The Czerka people could've done this all themselves, but that would've taken effort they didn't have.

"Okay guys," I said in the command deck.

Carth was my copilot as usual, and he did a systems check. "Atomic batteries on, shields ready, weapons online and the treads are oiled," he muttered looking at the list.

I turned on the bullhorn. "Then **BRING US ABOUT! AND FULL SPEED AHEAD!**" I yelled to T3 who was the navigator.

The mighty machine roared to life, repaired and tricked out and resurrected by my hard work like a flaming rabid gear-cogged zombie-machine from hell. It spat fire and pollution smoke out of the top as its heavy gears chugged but I was not interested. Bastila had pissed me off and so did the other guys, and all I was interested in was _DEATH._

We chugged at full speed toward the Sand People Enclave. War-horns went up and the turbolaser towers opened fire against our shields, flashing and stuff. "Taking hits!" Carth said. "Shields holding,"

"Good, cuz it's time to hit back," I said and took the main weapons station. I had outfitted us with regular forward turbolasers, which were powerful but a bit too plain to be on their own. So I had synced them up with siesmic missile launchers, and composite double-beam cannons (which shot dual beams per socket, combined a red beam and a blue beam into a more powerful pruple one), plus cranked-up extra-stun blasters which I had calibrated myself to paralyze targets on the ground, so they've be frozen as we blasted them to death with the other guns. I turned them all on and pulled down the periscope. "DOWN PERISCOPE!" I shouted and took aim.

I pulled the controls and fired in a lieasurely wave, blasting their turbolaser tower defenses. One by one the towers collapsed into rubble, smoking out Tuskens inside and crushing them.

"Range!" I yelled as I surveyed more with my periscopes.

"Three _killmeters_," said Zaalbar from the sensor station. He was wearing a headset so he could hear me.

"Wait! What's that!" Carth said as a large army of tusken raiders suddenly burrowed out of the sand before us. He gasped. "Scanning..." The console beeped and clicked. "I count over six thousand Tusken Elite Warriors up ahead!" He cried.

I glared down at them thru the periscope as they did their puny Tusken Battle Cries at us. They were holding gaffi sticks, or swords, or some of them both, plus stolen blaster rifles and carbines, grenade launchers, and also sonic weaponry. And shields with their swords, battle-axes, and vibro-chains and hammers. As I observed, two thousand of them mounted onto their Banthas, to prepare for mounted Bantha calvary, and they charged at us. "Then six thousand more to _die!_" I declared and opened fire on them.

We quickly blasted the first few waves of Bantha Cavalry to shreds, but after that the entire rest of the six thousand tuskens charged at us. I fired our mean weaponry, and also rocket-propelled gunk and ice grenades to slow them down, and thousands more fell, but soon they got to and surrounded us. We could hear them beating against the shields with their weapons. "WE're sourrounded!" Said Carth.

"UP PERISCOPE!" I Shouted. Not to worry Carth, I always am prepared," I said and flipped the flamethrower switches to toast two hundred and sixty of them per second. We treaded on, and I sent Canderous, Mission, and Zaalbar and Bastila down to man the quad-sonic blast turrets on the sides, and they sprayed the Tusken legions as they engaged us. Unfortuantely they were pounding on us, so we were down to 75% shield strength.

"SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT SHIELD STRENGTH!" Carth blellowed.

"CALM DOWN CARTH!" I bellowed back. WE HAVE TIME

And we plowed thru the outer wall of the Tusken Enclave, crushing their tents and hutts beneath our treads. I saw tons of Tuskens, the reserve warriors and Tusken civilians running for cover in fear. I laughed as I opened fire on them with th emain weapons, plus the napalm cannons. Inside the camp were extra weapon implacements. Apparently they'd expected an assault and they were starting to fire sword-bullets at the sandcrawler. The particle shields held up well enough though.

One by one the tusken structures fell in molten-blasted heaps because I was using the lava-hoses now. I turned on the megaphones so they could hear my laughing of their doom blasted across the landscape while their homes and livelihoods fell in burning ruins before my wrath. It ordered Canderous to reroute more power to the main tanks, and then fed it into weapons systems to overcharge and even stronger the sonic and energy beams and blasts, and swept row after row of the tuskens, stunning and freezing and charring and slicing them into destruction, and for the first time since before Taris it felt _good_ to be _alive_ again! And also to kill thousands of helpless enemies and grind their corpses beneath the treads of a machine of death, that felt good to.

I looked at the periscope. "What the _hell_ is that!"

For before our very eyes the last line of Tusken defrense had been unleashed against us! I had no idea that the Sand People were capable of this, but you learn something new everyday I guess. Anyway the last caste of their most elite warriors had all stood up on each others shoulders and stuff, and thickly tied themselves together with magick enchanted Tuskenal ropes using their tusken magicks, and together they formed a gigantic automatated _TUSKEN RAIDER GOLEM,_ made _out_ of regular-sized _Tuskens_. It was a monster the size of the sandcrawler, and he even now weilded a gigantic gaffi stick in one hand and a bantha track in the other, and its eyes were giant flaming industrial blowtorches, and its mouth was giant mechanical metal chainsawed-toothth. I could hear Carth peeing himself as the Tusken Golem reared up on its hind legs and swung its giant stick to make a bloodcurdling roar, and charged.

"FIRE ALL DISRUPTORS!" i shouted but we fired every other weapon too just in cast. The Tusken Golem caught fire and exploded into a river of jiblets, and died.

"Guys we're outta gas," T3 reported from Navigation.

"Then it's time to finish them off. DISEMBARK! UP PERISCOPE!" I commanded and all my guys all ran down out of the ramp with me behind them, all of us heavy-armed. As we headed out into the remains of the Tusken Enclave I noticed that it started to snow heavily, which was unusual on Tatooine during this time of year. It still wasn't that hot though.

We killed more Tuskens for a while. Soon most of them were dead.

"Okay, but how many more are left and what are we looking for?" Said Mission reloading. "We're looking for clues on the Star Map, the Tusken have lived here for thousands of years, they must know something." I said.

"Yeah but what about-" I looked at Carth as he said this coming up toward me, but he couldn't because just then because then, there was a hazing flash as he was slashed across the abdomen with a red lightsaber. Carth fell like a rock.

"WHAT THE _HELL_!" I yelled. "Only I get to do that!"

"Carth!" Bastila yelled running over. "Are you" but then she got salshed too in the throat, and as she fell I saw that it was a black figure running super-fast around us. "Guys!" I yelled. "Shoot it! Fuck!"

"Don't worry Jaden," Said Mission going back to back with Zaalbar and pointing their guns out. "Big Z and I aren't gonna be caught off-" And then **SLASH SLASH** and they were on the ground.

T3 was nowhere to be found, so it was down to me and Canderolous up against whatever thing was attacking us. We looked around the desolation of smouldering camps and the destroyed hulk of the sandcrawler behind us. "What is it?" I asked, trying to use the Force but not sensing anything. "Could it be a Tusken Ghost Warrior?"

Canderous turned white, "_A __**GHOST**__ WARRIOR?!_ _Screw_ this, man!" he yelled and ran off dropping his blasters, and buried himself inside of a snowman to hide. But then something cut the snowman's head off and I was alone. I still saw a black figure zooming back and forth.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" I yelled.

Then the figure who had beaten everyone stopped running and came up before me. He was the Tusken Chieftan! He wore Tusken Garbs, but with the mask and gloves and stuff, yet also black robes, and he held a red lightsaber. He pointed it at me in challenge. "You killed my entire _gang!_ And Carth!" I yelled. "You're going to pay for that."

I drew my purple lightsaber and the Tusken Chieftan barked at me. "All right," I growled back. "Let's _do_ this shit, man," and I charged.

The Tusken Chieftan had a high Dexterity level, so I couldn't kill him easily yet. We slashed at each other with our lightsabers, I couldnt drive him back for advantage so I tried to drive him sideways, and we attacked each other with Flurries and Improved Flurries as we ran sideways thru the camp. Now that I was a Jedi and trained to know what attacks were I was surprised that so many non-Jedi I encountered knew these moves also. I'd have to complain about that to the Jedi Council if I ever got outta here alive.

We still fought a lot after that. Around us we still saw the decimated Tusken Camps. My assault with the sandcrawler tank had ripped out huge chunks from the ground in explosions, and radioactive glowing-orange ashes were falling from the sky along with the blizzard-force snow. And there was also snow thunder too, and in the giant nuclear craters inside the ground, I could see giant masses of silver alloy shining and sparking upward. And it all glittered like fire.

"That's what we're all after then!" I said pointing as we fought inside of a saber lock. "The _Unobtanium_! Were _you_ trying to use its power to!?"

"GGGRRRLLLWWWRRRR! GRLKKK! KRRLKN! GREERRRRWEEEERRERRRR!" The Tusken Chieftan said back, and slashed at me again but I realized he somehow fought like an old man. Maybe he _was_ old. He was starting to wear down my power, so I started using the Force to doge and run away, and I threw grenades at him, sometimes ovr my shoulder. Sometimes they were glop grenades, and they splooshed into the landscape with glue and gunk, but the radiation apparently did something to the substance, and it no longer stick to anything. I switched to ice grenades, but they also melted before even exploding, so no good there either.

I was soon exhausted and out of Force-Speeding power so I had no choice but to stand and fight or be killed. I tried to see some weakness in his Technique. "GRROWELRRRLDEEERRR!" The Tusken Chieftan rumbled, and he swung at me. I blocked the blow expertly, but then he smacked me with the back of his lightsaber hild as if it were much long and the back end of a gaffi stick but it wasn't but I got smacked anyway and fell onto my back! "UGH!" I cried, and he disarmed me of my lightsaber away.

He raised his lightsaber there up high to chop my head in half, but I had one more chance... THE DARKSABER! I grabbed it real fast-like out of my back pocket and powered it on, and sat-up to stab. The black blade went straight thru the Tusken Chieftan's gut, and he fell crumpled like a black paper sack and died.

And a stone fell out of his pocket. It was a simple little rock with a string around it to wear over the neck. Exhausted I got my lightsaber back, then took his, and picked up the little rock. On it were words in Ancient Jedi language that said:

"**LIFE**"

"Weird," i said putting it away. I looked around at the glowing, thundering blood-red sky around us and stumbled around a bit. "Dammit," I said as I realized my whole gang was now dead again.

Suddenly a snowball hit me in the back of the head. "AUGH!" I yelled. "FUCK!"

I looked around and it was my gang! "No we're not dead," Carth said we're just wounded. "Great," I said. "Well anyway let's have a look around. Bassie, you come with me."

She rubbed her throat. "Awll roight," she muttered.

I searched the Tusken Chief Man's corpse again, and we found a map. "It leads to a cave," I said. "I bet that contains the Star Map right there."

I used Force Sense again. "But there's something else afoot. We need to keep searching."

So we searched the devastated Enclave some more. Quite a few of the Tuskens were raising from death again as Tusken Radioactive Zombies because of the radiation from wepons fire, so we had to be careful. Fortunately they were slow and didn't remember how to use guns, so it wasn't difficult to beat them even while wounded. On the way I looked into one of the glassed crates which had explosed the Unobtanium deposits underneath, and I took one of the crystals into my pocket. Probably good for using in a lightsaber, or something now that I had three of them (well, two ones and a darksaber).

While looking in the Tusken Chief's room, I found a script in Ancient Jedi Language which said that the Chieftan was worthy to carry something called the Rock of Life, which was to grant immunity to aging to whomever wore it because of Ancient Tusken Jedi Magicks spell performed on it. "I'll just keep this then," I muttered to myself and burned the manuscripts in one of the fires nearby, without anyone noticings. Then I put the rock around my neck for savekeeping.

We searched the prison camps. It was guarded by a Radioactive Zombie Bantha, but it died of radiation poison before I could have to shoot it or something.

This time Bastila was the anxious one. "Come awn," she said. "This place is in the melting pot, we need to find whatever's here."

"But the fallout!" I protested. "It won't be safe to stay here for much longer." But whatever. We could just heal ourselves with the Force I guess, which I hadn't learned how to do yet.

In one of the cells we found a dead dude and an old, raggedly journal. I looked at the cover. Bassie gapsed. "It says... _Gregory Shan!_ Muy fawther!"

We read it for a bit. It turned out that Gregory Shan the Treasure Man as I called him _was_ on a treature hunt on Tatooine like Bastila had said. He was supposed to meet his wife Helan outside the walls of Anchor's Had, but she never showed up. Then the Tuskens took him and it seems that he died as a prisoner. Well that sure sucked.

Bastila sat down in the cell next to the corpse and started to cry for a while (She was even sadder than Belaya had been when I killed Juhani! Which was a lot...) I was getting nervous about all the radioactive snowfall and stuff, and getting struck by snow lightning, but I was kinda sad too despite myself.

Then i realized why. It was because all this depressing shit reminded me of _myself_, because when I was just a kid _my_ parents were kiled by an explosion. I had lose them to. They were my family and then they were dead and I had to fend for myself on this sad desert planet of crime. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten. Then years later was my smuggling partner, Howler Breck. He'd used to have been a good dude, but then I lost him to the Sith who he betrayed us to. I'd gotten him back by shooting his wife out into space and then blowing his heart out a couple of years later on Taris with that grenade, but it still kinda sucked.

So I sat down next to Bastila and tried to give her a hug. It seemed to work and after a while (Dunno how long, sorry guys) she stopped crying, and we were able to go. We buried her father under the snow and then she took his journal and we moved on from there.

"Thanks Jaden," She said giving my arm a squeeze cuz she's a girl like that. I guess.

"Okay guys regroup" I said and then we were all back at the entrance to the Tusken People Enclave. The sky was back to normal blue because radiation outside was minimal, and it had stopped snowing. Could still hear the snow thunder from inside though as the snow-lightning struck the camp and finished it all off, atomizing all the structures and bodies and leaving behind just a sterilized pool of magma, which the Czerka people would have to cleaned up for when the he had going to being moved out where occupy places the hadn't minoring unto.

"According to this map," Carth said holdingit upside down," We go along this path to the South, and there's a Cave with probably the Star Map inside it. Roll out!"

"TO THE NORTH," I said.

"THE NORTH" Carht said sheepishly.

Everyone got into a line and started to head out. I trailed behind the group tiredly, thinking about the Rock of Life I'd taken from the Tusken Chieftan, and about Bastila and her parents whose mother was evil and whose father was probably an okay guy, and about my mission and about everyone I'd killed here today. I expected Ahm'niisyah to show up and start talking to me, but he never did.


	14. THE ABMUSHES

A/N:

It was a very hot day on Tatooine, the sun was fvery high up into the sky. There was no shade cover except for the bushes which weren't tall enough for shadering anyway so we were screwed and with no water. Anchor's Head was too far away so we had no choice but to just keep walking but not too fast to the Cave of the Star Map, so that we wouldn't die yet i hoped.

Anyway I led the way this time with Canderous. He talked to me about a war story of his. Back in the Mandalorian Wars where they were conquoring the Outer Rim Confederation he was in a fleet battle against the Geonosians and kicked a lot of ass, and got a big promotion that another guy named Jagi was hoping to get. "He was pretty mad about it too," Candy said thoughtfulyl as we walked across the hot sands. "I sure hope he didn't swear revenge and come after me. He was my greatest nemesis and I would have to challenge him and kill him in single combat alone"

"Meh," i said. "We'll just kill him if he does."

"Yeah, I guess so." And we moved on. Off to the east we could see the great Duned Seas Mountain, where the explosion had claimed my father's life. I shook my head at it.

It was a pretty big cave, built into the side of a huge hill of sand, with only one way in. As we walked up to the dude standing outside of it ther was another dude to standing further outside looking in and shaking his head.

"Bwuff, how big can this dragon of your be, Fortuna?" Said the first guy. He was a short guy with two blasters, a cape, and a mask. "I'm goin' in to take it out!"

And it ran it in. We watched in disunderstansding as snarling sounds of something big munching on a very stupid man then came out of the cave, and a burp, and was silence.

I shrugged and walked up to the other guy left. He was a twi'lek man of orange descent, and he looked irritated. "Ahh, poor Wetari, I didn't know ye. Hello, strangers. My name is Fortunato, and I am inviting your selves into a special hunt, for a special prey: The Krayt Dragon in the cave."

I looked at him. "Yeah?"

"It's a big one and we need to kill him because I am an honorable man of hunting and stuff," Fortunato explained. "I have mines planted outside it in the sand, so we just need to lure him out of the cave the problem is

;

.

CARTH GET OUT OF THE CLOWN SHOES!" I yelled at him becauyse we had been in an A**mbush!** "THGOSE BANTHAS ARE ATTACKING US!"

Carth hobbled and pranced around as we came inder fire. Canderous, Mission and I suppressed them with firing from our blaster carbines, but for some reason I couldnt hit any. Must have been out of practice.

We were almost to the Bantha Cave now. Carth's sunglasses had gotten burnt off and now he was vulnerable. The Tuskenz Melee Warriors started to close in with their sandstone swords, but Bastila was covering him, and chopped them apart in turn with his lightsaber.

The Bantha snorted as Carth ran away. Then there was suddenly a snappling _**STLIRRANHK**_ as humongeous jaws snapped out and bit the thing down whole, and we were shocked. And lumbering footsteps came out after us...

"Look out!" Fortunato cried. "Here he comes... Oh, he's a _big one!_"

And out came the Krayt Dragon of a lifetime! Fifty-five meters long, scaly brown skin, all that jazz. He roared at us because we had disturbed his sleep and dragged him out into sunlight, and breathed a jet of fire into the sky in anger. His thudnering footsteps triggered the mines. Two, then three, then six more exploded at his feet and blasted chunks of superheated sand in all ways.

But it didn't die. They didnt even slow him down! The beast reared back on its hine legs and shot fire again, and this time Fortunato looked paniced and started to run. The beast saw him going, though, and his atomic fire-breath crisped the hunter before he got a dozen paces away. And it ate him like a toasted twi'lek sandwich without any bread.

It burped and looked at the rest of us with our weapons at it. "Uhh, guys!" Carth said. "Maybe we."

"KILLLL ITTT!" I screamed and pulled out my lightsaber, and IT WAS AM AMBUSH!. My gang understood me and opened up with laser shots, sonic blasts, grenades, disruptions, and other attack, the works really. The thing only was irritated thogh, and swept at us with his huge claws and teeth. Suppressional blasts of his fire-breath heated us up, and would have killed us if most of us didnt have shields, tho Bastila and I didnt need any. She was trying to use the Force to throw sand into his eyeballs, but each time he saw it coming and looked away.

I took a few steps back. I had to figure out how to do this.

If only we'd had a nuclear grenade like back in Anchor's Head. That would take care of the problem pretty easy. But we ain't.

I looked at its neck. It was appearing vulnerable. So i fugred good enough. I used the Force and ran up to its side, - "JADEN, WOT THE BUGGER-ALL TOT ARE YOU DOING?!" Bastila screamed after me - and sliced at its fleshy neck-skin , cutting into it but not far, its skin was thick and tough. I tried jumping several times to used my Improved Power Attack, which cut deeper, but then the thing noticed me.

"RRRRARLLL!" the dragon snarkled and swung its huge paw at me. I was too tired to dodge and its claws decked me right in the face, slamming me onto the sand. I could see stars, constellations, and even nebulae and galaxies, but it wasn't good because it meant i was hallucinating from the pain. When I opened my eyes again the Huge Krayt was staring down at me in its eyes and opening its jaws, slathering about a gallon of drool onto the ground.

"Aw, hell man..."

Then it swallowed me. This was probably the worst experience of my life aside from talking to Carth. I couldn't see anything and was being swumbled around inside the giant monster's tongue mouth and spit and neck fluids as it forced me down its throat. I tried to fight but I had dropped my lightsaber when the thing punched me, so I must have dropped it, and my Improved Power Attacks were almost useless withoiut a weapon. It smelled bad inside there and i estimated there was only about a minute's worth of air left inside of the Kreayt.

Then it finished swallowing meand deposited me into its stomach, where it would try to pulverize me to death between its stomach mussels. I graffed onto the top of the stomach, useing the Force, and it turned out I knew how to revese gravity a bit now, so I was kept out of that danger for a few seconds. Even now though the thing was starting to pump more digestive fluids into its insides, and my suit began to sizzle as the acids ate at me.

Not much time left. I grabbed my darksaber out of the back pocket, but unfortnuately it's a black blade so it gave off almost no light, but that didn't matter and I just slashed the crap out of the thing's inside stomach walls. I heard it roar in pain and it felt good to do that, but it just had blood and other fluids start spurting out, which made me feel even sicker, so I put the saber away.

I searched my pockets frantically as the Krayt surged and rocked, throwing me to the west fleshy wall. I had only two frag grenades and one gunk grenade left. I threw the latter one down into its stomach musscles, where it burst into glue and fushed them so they couldn't crush at me. But where would the frag ones do most damage? I didn't know where a Krayt Dragon's gonads were so that was out of the question.

The thing kicked and jumped more dangerously. "Hell with it," I said and threw the grenades into a random thing that looked like a bone structure. It blasted apart into a crackling slrew of gristle, but seemed to only piss the things off more. "Maybe that was the appendix!?" I shouted.

Then I realized I was out of air. I gulpsed and gluppered and thrashed around, checked what other weapons I had. My blasters wouldnt be enough here... My flamethrower, I tried that but it didn't work, and then my knife, but that wouldnt do muc hbetter than the darksaber.

"You know what, fuck it," i thought and I just started Force-pushing the heck out of the thing's guts. The blasts got louder and stronger as I got madder and madder, and I started vomiting with my mouth shut, but I kept it up until the next thing I knew, I used the last of my energy to blast a hole out through its outer stomach wall, and I was washed out onto the shore of Tatooine into the sunlight, by an enormous tide of fetid gunk.

The Krayt Dragon slammed down dead behind me. I got up as my gang gathered around, walked forward a feew more steps, then collapsed throwing up into the sand. I didn't look at what color it was and just kinda stayed there and did that for a while.

When I woke up the sun was starting to set. The weird thing was now I wasn'[t on the ground, I was on a blanket that Bastila or someone had spread out onto the ground. And next to me was a crackling campfire, and near us a burlap-sack cloth tent. Apparently Canderous had built us this camp so we could recover our strength since he had had a lot of Scouting experience. The cave and the huge dead Krayt Dragon were still close by.

I slowly got up. Zaalbar gave me a sandwich and I ate it. I smelled awful from all that Krayt gunk. I looked under my suit jacket. My white dress-shirt, originally white, was now rendered a dull, ruddy teal. I'd have to buy a new one before we left.

Eventually we all ate dinner (Mission caught some wamp rats and made a soup out of them and a few stones she found), and we headed over into the cave. It was huge, and black, and there were piles of Krayt Dragon shite in places, and everone else was real keen about avoiding them, but I frankly couldn't have smelled or been any dirtier at that point so I only had eyes for the Star Map at the end of the cave. It looked exactly like on the one that we had find in Dantooine ,

It opened up and we took down the dnumbers onto paper and we started to walk back out of the thing of the cave, but then we heard the fumes of exhaust as a dozen swoop bikes swooped down into the sky in front of the cave. The guys got off and walked toward us, stopping at the sand.

"Nom" Carth said. "It's _impossible!_ We killed you on Taris!"

"That's where you're wrong, chump!" Said Calo Nord, thrusting himself forward to the front. "I'm too _hard_ to kill!"

I walked to the front of my own gang to meet him. "Yeah, not since you blew yourself up with your own grenade, anyway." I looked behind him. "Who's your friends?"

"Well then," Calo, "That'll take some explaining to do."

He pointed to the farthest left man. He was tall, and thin, and had a cyborg eye that was glowing blue, and he held two swords. "That guy there is Colton Two-hander," Calo explained. "Next to him" he said indicivating the next guy "Is Uriah Ronny, his cousin." Uraih Ronny is a very girlish-looking young man wearing an all-white business suit, so it was all dirtied up from all the sands of tatooine, and he looked angry about it because he's a clean freak. He held two blaster pistols. "Okay then, after him" Kalo said, "Is Cheerio Slam! You better watch out for him, he's one of my best men." Cheerio Slam was a human male, from Serroco with slanted eyes and a bald head. He was wearing a runic and vibro-brass knuckles and looked serious. After him came "My partner and right-hand man is Schtirlund Himmellierch, the German one" Ssaid Calo (A/N: Germany is a residential district in the bad part of Coruscant, I'm not making this up). Shtirluund had one arm replaced with a cannon, and he wore powered atomic super-armor and he said "AHCT!" when Calo said his name. "The rest of my boys," Calo said, "Are to the right of me. First is Hintsty Bender, but most people just call him _The Rock._" The Rock had blonde hair and a laser assault rifle that had a gattling barrel, even more dangerous than the one I'd had used to have. "And after him is Calo said' – Draco Algeirghi, but most people jsut call him _Fish, and he's actually my broyther-in-law_." Fish wore a taco business suit too, but it was red and so was the tie, but like he his undershirt was white, and he had two double-blaster pistols of heavy, that means they have one barrel on the top of the gun and one at the bottom so they shot two lasers at once. "And finally there's Buck," Calo Noord finished, pointing to the last man, a huge guy about four heads taller than him so one head taller than me who had a turban, "Who could take yer head off with one bunch of his widdle-little itty-bitty pinky-fingy-finger. This is my gang, and you can call us the Fire Boys."

"Well that's swell then I guess," i said sizing up the Fire Boys. "Bet you all think you're hot stuff then, huh?"

They all laughed. "Vahct!" Said Schtirlund. "You fink ve ahr guung to bee eentimidayted by _YUU_! BAHCT!"

"That's right," Calo said. "I've got a reputaiton to protect ya see. Nobody's ever gotten away from me but you guys. SO that's why we're gonna kill you."

I took out my lightsaber. "Your move, bitch." Then they all opened fire and _**IT WAS AM ABMISHED!**_

I kind of had to run away a bit so I didn't get killed by all the lasers flying around. I saw Carth and Zaalbar strafing and firing crazily with the other guys, except for Bastila who still used a lightsaber. I deflected the first 20 laser shots from Draco "Fish" Algeirghi into Calo Nard's head, but he was wearing a gflowing oreange verpine-made shield which protected him, it was tough. So I decided I had to go engage his gang first, and then Calo would be killable.

First I saw Carth getting pinned down by Uriah Ronny, who was shootting him. I ran in to draw him and slicd hies blaster pistols in half, but he wasn't done yet. "I'm not done yet!" He said in his British voice. And he took out a comb.

I laughed. "You think you can out-do your hair against _me!?_" I said.

Then a click and there was knife come out of the comb. He lunged at me. I had to dodge several times, he was fast and could dodge my lightsaber several times. Then I used the Force to grab him, and face-planted him onto the sand, where he squirmed around and flailed and cawked for help in his shrill voice. I chopped his head off and moved on.

\

Explosions rocked the place up. Calo, Colton Two-Hander, and Draco "Fish" Algeirghi had taken cover behind their swooper bikes and started laying down a smack with lasers and grenades, and trying to force my gang back into the cave to kill them. But a few others were not in that protection because they only had melee weapons: Colton Two-Hander and Cheerio Slam. I pointed at them to call them out, and they came after me alone to defend their honor, and I took them together.

Colton slashed at me with his swords which I was able to deflect for a time, but then two more swords came out of his robot elbows and I had to retreat. But Cheerio Slam had gotten behind me and grabbed me so I couldn't block anymore! I was about to get disembowled.

"Say your prayers," Colton said getting ready for a quadruple stab. But he missed and I killed him. Cheerio slam knocked my lightsaber away and punched my body with those vibro-brass knuckles and my ribs were starting to crack. I couldn't seem to block his Master Power Attacks yet, and his Constitution was so high I couldn't seem to land one blow on him. What to do?

"You don't talk much do you!" I yelled as he double-punched me in the kidneys.

He shook his head and punched me again, throwing me onto the sand. I was right next to one of the swoop bikes now and Had I idea. I jumped up on top of the bike, and was flailing my arms around to dodge laser fire from Calo and the other Fire Boys. Cheerio tried to punch me in my feet, but kept missing because I' m quick with my feet. Then he tried to scramble up after me, but too bad because he was at the wrong end of the swoop! I turned on the engines and they blasted him with head, but I tied him onto the back of the engines with handcuffs so he was stuck there!

I jumpe doff of the swoop and aimed it at Calo, whow as on top of another swoop so that he would have the advantage of high ground. He had just out-shot Carth, Canderous, Bastila, and Juhani and was about to finish them off when the swwop-crash happened, and there was a screaming of metals and AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

he screamed because the steering-fins buckered him in the goggles and smashed his ribs, caught him in the back of the coat and pulled him along for the ride.

The bounty hunter flailed but there was no way to stop himself. The swoop just kept going, gathering speed as it ran over Schtirlund Himmellierch, smashing him into pulp but also magnetizing his arm-cannon onto the side so he got stuck onto it too! And finally Fish and Hintsty "The Rock" Bender saw that they were outmatched and rushed after them. Fish jumped into the pilot seat of the swoop while The Rock grabbed onto the underside of it and Calo's legs and he got dragged along the ground as they all roared off together across the desert dunes of Tatooine and over the horizon as the sun beat down on them. "**I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!**" Calo roared, his face stuck in aneger. "**YOU HAVE NO T HEARD THE LAST OF CALO NOOOOOOOOOOORD!**"

And they zoomed off over the horizon and was seen no more.

"Bugger," I said in an accent like Bastila when I realized that one of them had stolent the Rock of Life from me somehow, and it was gone. I'd have to steal it back if I ever saw them again, which was unlikely.

I collected my lightsaber again and stumbled back to my gang, who were starting to pick themselves up again. Carth was stunned from several stun blasts and was out cold, Mission's arm was broken, Bastila was walking wounded, and Canderous was pretty much okay. I hobbled back to them.

"Well that was fun," i mumbled to Canderous. "Come on guys, we gotta get back to the Anchor's Head and then to the ship, this planet's done for us."

"But that's what _**YOU THIIINK!**_" Exploded a voice from everywhere around us. Carth jumped out of his skin and all of the rest of us starteled. "WHO THE FUCK !?" I yelled.

And suddenly a figure in MANDALORIAN ARMOUR LEAPED OUT OF THE SAND **AND ****IT WAS AN **_**AMBUSH!**_ He rushed us and punched Canderous in the jaw shattering his head bones, and Bastila tried to slash at him with her lightsaber. It mildly damaged her armor, and he knocked him onto the floor, and Mission threw up her arms into surrender.

I pulled out my darksaber this time. "And who is you then ambushing me!" i yelled.

The Mandalorian looked at me in his armour. "I am JAGI STARKILLER!" he declaimed. "I am here for my REVENGE"

"On Canderous?"

"PAH!" he crowed. "**CANDEROUS** is _SMALL IRIDONIAN POTATOES_ compared to _you_, Jaden Amnesia!I MURDER YOU!

But why?'

_**"BECAUSE YOU KILLED SHERRUCK! He was my beloved cousina nd MANDALOIRANS AVENGE FAMILY!" He shuoted. "AND ALSO FOR ANOTHER INSULT TOO TERRIBLE TO NAME. FOR THAT JADEN, YOU MUST, DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_"

"If you say so, sucker," I said happily. I stumbled forward, and coughed up some blood. "But Im afraid that if you're gonna challenge me and my darksabre, then you're in trouble without a waeapon."

"NO, that's just waht _you_ think," Jagi Starkiller said, and suddenl y his clenched fists began to spark and glow with red and energy and burst into flame. "_I hope you're not __too__ surprised_, Jaden!" He laughe_d_. "I inheritedthese special _fire gloves_ from my grandfather, Mand'alore Jiniater the Third! And _now_ they will be your infernal destructioN!"

And he came at me, blazing with flame way out ahead of him with every punch, so he turned out ot be able to punch me from six or less meters away with fire, which was further than my darksaber could reach.

But then his gloves ran out of gas! "NO" he yelled and stumbled back. I ran forward and did an Improved Flurry at him; he was ready and dodged it but wasn't ready for the Critical Strike that followed, and it sliced his gloves off. I struck him again with Power Attacks (I was too tired for Improved ones) but his armour was tough, and I had to wear him down.

**"THIS IS NOT OVER HYET"** he shouted at the top of his lungs and he reached into his pants front pocket, which was starting to bulge outward extraordinarily and sparking and flash white and blue, and out of it he drew a little wand mechanical thing tha tlooked like an electric shaver. It was a...

"**SUPERCHARGED TAZER, AATTACK!**" Jagi roared and he stabbed me with it set onto full-superchrarge and I screamed and dropped my darksaber as it shot sixty thousand megavolts into my body. My only chance was to use the Force, so I grabbed the electrical bolts and was able to grab it. We just stood there for a little while strained against each other's power and grunting in manly ways, and then I discharged all the energy back into him into a bolt of _FORCE LIGHTNING_ that blasted into Jagi, and he came into explodeding into a lightning bolt, which burst upward into the sky and disappeared, and now he was dead.

I fell onto my ass in the sand and didn't get up.


	15. Can't See the Forest For the Woods

A/N 15x: Double-update today, folks! Chapter 15 plus an **UPDATED** Endar Spire sequence in Chapter 1, with new shoot-outs against the Sith, a creepy romp thru the ship sewers, and exciting action scenes on the staircase & then the bridge! Check it out!

* * *

It was a good time in space. I couldn't have known this though except for the fact that I was having a dream, and it couldnt have been real life because it was that spaceship thing again but not the Ebon Hawk otherwise I would have been awake so I did really know that it was that!

There was Darth Malak again, grumbling and mutteirng to himself out the window into space. "Hrrrmphhhh." he fruumed like a Klatooinian Space-Horse.

That Admiral Dude, Saul Karath fame up behind him, and fell on his face. "MASTER HIGH ROYAL LORD MAGISTERS MALAK," He said. "Calo Nord has returned to the ship to report on his ARHGGG-!"

He said that last word because Calo Nord had walked onto the bridge and on top of Saul's back, and he injured the captain's spine beneath his boots. The remaining memberts of the Fire Boys, Cheerio Slam, Shtirlund Himmellierch, Hintsty "The Rock" Bender, Draco Algheri, and Buck, were also all standing behind him angrily because they were all blasted up and bones broke.

Malak turned behind himself. "You have come to report? Mmmmmm," He said. "Then _WHERE_ is Bastilitia Shan?"

"Gone," Calo said, and he had a humungeous black mustache now. "We're here to tell you the deal,s off, we're not working for you anymore."

"You dare refuse ME and MY royal decrees?" Malak fumed?

"None of us signed up for this," Calo growled back. "You didnt tell us we were gonna be fighting seven guys, just Bastila and the other guy. Now three of my boys are dead and we're all knocked up. You can hire some other patsy for eating this crap."

He turned around to leave. "And keep your stupid rocks with you," he added, throwing a small brown rock off to the side, and it richochetted off a Sith officer's skull and imbedded into a computer screen. Malak stormed forward and he was furious because that was his favorite computer console and now he'd have to get a new one but it was too late now.

So Calo left and Saul Karath ot back up, but too bad for Calo because Malak had his ship blown apart as soon as he left. He was hunched over eternally now because Calo had hurt his spine. "What will me do now, Lord My?" He asked.

"Hhhhh-_**HMMM**_**mmmmmm**_**MMMM**_**mmmmmmm...**" Malak did a drum solo with his fingers upon his mechanical jaw. "_I do not know that_ Admiral, Calo Nord will still be of use to us for he does nto suspect how far my strong arms can reach. **But**, I _do_ have another _plannn._**...** And it _may_ have something to do with that rock Calo left behind...**"**

**He**** said**_** mysteriously**_** as he reached into the computer and pulled out... **_**THE ROCK OF LIFE!?**_

* * *

"JADEN!" Carth screechd through my crew's qwuarters door. I slept with the enter west dormitories to myself because I was sick of being surrounded by idiots all the time but clearly that wouldn't help me. "JADEN!" Carth yelled again. "THE SHOWER IS OUT OF HOT WATER!"

I jerked awake, and threw up over the side of the bed – this time the stuff was mostly yellow. I'd been dreaming that I was... Like, in space or something? It felt like I'd had that dream before... Whatever that was. "**It's a **_**sonic shower**_**, you retard**," I yelled back. "**It works like off of sonic waves and science and electromagnets and shit, and it doesnt have ****hot or cold!**"

Silence for a few seconds. "Oh right. Sorry," Carth said, and he slunk away to dry himself off.

"Geeze," i muttered and tried to get back to sleep even though I had some kinda space-flu since we left Tatooine. I was still wearing my black suit and tie but I only had one blanket and no pillow plus a huge headache so I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and slumbered out into the main hold of the Ebon Hawk. Thru the door to the right I could hear Carth taking a sonic shower. I thought about kicking the door down to freak him out but decided not to because then I'd have to make Zaalbar fix the door or something and that would be a waste of my time when I could be training the Force or something.

I went into the cockpit. Nobody was in the pilot seat because Carth was a lazy tit and oculdnt be bothered to pilot us so that we wouldn't fly into a subspace rift or a quasar or something. I sat down in the main chair and started smoking a cigarrette.

I looked at myself in the mirror. There were huge black things under my eyes which were kinda glowing yellow and my face was scraggly and stubbled now so I had a beard now and also no mustache. Unfortunately we had no shavers on the ship so I'd have to take care of that some other way.

I looked at the clock. It was 4-AM in Space-Time (Outer Rim Sector Time Zone 4) so most everyone else in teh ship was asleep. Just to be safe though I checked all the security cameras except the one in the bathroom because I didnt want to see Carth taking a sonic shower or whatever the hell he was doing. He was probably just wasting all the magnets' power.

Lesse... Bastila was asleep in the other hold, meditating I guess since she was sitting up against a wall. Actually it looked like she was smoking... Typical Jedi hypocricy crap. Mission was on the bed across from her. Zaalbar was in the Hyperdrive Room, scanning the anti-energy generator because he's a wookie and they are good with machines. T3-M4 was talking to the Ebon hawk in the security room. Stupid machine, the ship can't talk. After that I looked at the camera for the droid I'd bought.

It was called HK-47 and he was in the closet waiting to be activated. I had stumbled across him in a droid shop on my way out of Tatooine. I'd be able to tell that he was an assassin Droid, but the Ithorian schmuck who owned him didn't know and was going to sell him for 20,000 credits. I didn't have that much money so before I could buy the droid I had to run over to the Czerka office to tell them I had killed all the Tusken raiders, and they paid me the reward money and I ran back to the droid shop and bought the droid, and then I beat the Ithorian to death with a wrench that I'd found on one of his workbenches so I could get my money back, and his droid parts to sell on the black market, which I had taken care of by the time we were to leave on the Ebon Hawk for our next destination, Kashyyyk.

I also had made sure to buy a new suit, since my last one had been ruined when I was swallowed by the Krayt Dragon. This one was insulated and semi-fireproof now.

I checked all the cameras again. Ahm'niisyah was noowhere to be found on the ship, which made sense since he said he had his own ships to get around with. I wondered if there was a tracking device on the Ebon Hawk so that he could know where to follow us but I didn't bother to look for it. Instead I just leaned back in the chair and waited for us to finish getting to Kashyyk.

* * *

We staggered off of the Ebon Hawk's ramp with Bastila, Carth, T3, Mission, Zaalbar, and HK_477 behind me. It turned out that the planet was owned by Czerka because one of their men came stumbling out from the woods and into the clearing and talking to us about boarding fees.

I wasn't about to spend even more money after having bought the assassin droid so I used a mind trick to make him go away and pay our docking fee himself. Then we figured out that we needed to scout around and figure out where the Star Map was.

"Maybe it's somewhere in the forest?" Carth said scratching his head.

I just looked at him and shook my head in disgust.

We walked into the city of Kajirahoo vecause that was the wookiee capital. Czerka men were there as many as wookies, and many of the wookiees were in slavery. Zaalbar looked kind of uncomfortable but I ignored him. "Guys this way" I said as we walked across the wooden arch.

"Hey Jaden," Bastila said coming up next to me. "Yeah?" "How did you know how to mind trick that guard back there? I didn't know you could do that."

"Uhh..." I said. Actually Ahm'niisyah had taught me how to control people's minds while I was selling stuff on Tatooine before we left, but Bastila wasn't suppoesd to know that. "I didn't know I could either," I said with a shrug. "Guess I'm a natural? I dunno, the Force is weird like that."

That seemed to convince her, so we went along the long forest platforms of Kashyyyk for a while more. Sadly we really didn't know where the Star Forge might be here _"somewhere in the freaking forest"_ so we would need to find someone influential who might know something about the weird secrets of this gigantic forestry world.

* * *

Eventually we wandered ito one of the Czerka outposts past a big row of wookiees in the cages. I could sense Zaalbar was getting angry so I had all the other guys walk in a big square around him so he didn't see anything and only go where I told him to. That kept him under control for now.

Inside the Czerka Officer I spoke to the Czerka Officer. He didn't know anything about the Star Maps so itllooked like a waste, but then he handed me a piece of paper and went back into the back office room and closed the door.

The paper was a note from Ahm'niisyah. It said that we should go find the Wookiee Government and question its people there, and then we'd find our way toward the Star Map. He also said to bring Zaalbar along so we could use him to negotiate since I didn't understand Wookiee too well. "Hey guys I've got an idea," I said. I knew where to go next, but I still had the flu and a headache so I had to get rid of it somehow before we could get down to the Starmap thing.

* * *

"we certainly awr taking a lung toime to make it down to the Capitol,' Bastila remarked sulkenly.

"Yeah," Carth grumbled next to her. " But hthis is sorta a habit of Jaden's."

"Hey, I HEAR YOU OVER THERE YOU SHITS" I yelled from over there. I was continuing to pour myself shot glasses of Vorzyd Vian Mint Liqueur Whiskey. It had been my third bottle there in that the Cantina of Kahyyk and I had some extra money to spend so I was figuring this was the best way to get rid of the headache and of the flu that I had had since I had of gotten up from the sleep that day.

There were a lot ofd men and also Wookiees, in Czerka uniform around the bar. It was a noisy but wet place. I was only sort of drunk though so I drank some more to solve that problem.

"Hey you, sir, your beer tab's run out." Said an Hour later.

"Sorry, bwuhuh?" I said. I had been building a little pyramid out of shot glasses and it was already about four feet high onto the bar.

"Your tab," The man said. "It's like expired. You can't drink anymore here. Czerka laws are very strict so that we dont get drunkers stumbling around over our corporate assets and stuff."

"Yeah so let's scram you outta here," Said the Czerka-Man bouncer in his uniform. He grabbed my arm.

I stacked my shot glass onto the little pyramid I had built. "You'll quit touchin me if you know what's good for ya, boyos." I said.

"NOW." Said the Bouncer. He was a big man with a big black beard, even more scraggly than mine which was honestly more or less stubble. He has a lot of muscles and was big, so many that I honestly wasn't sure I would be able to out-punch him.

So I fried him with Force lightning instead. The bolt sent him smashing out of the window, and I broke the Czerka officer in the face and then stood up from the bar. Everyone else there looked shocked, especially the three dozen Czerka Wookies and Czerka employees and troopers and stuff.

I piked up my bottle of Vorzyd Vian Mint Liqsueur Whiskey and chugged it all in one more gigantic gulp. "_What_?" I asked. "You wanna piece of me?!"

I guess they all did because they bull-rushed me all at once. "BAR-FIGHT!" I yelled. I knocked over a chair and everyone started fighting. I smashed my bottle and stabbed a Czerka guy in the stomach with it and killed him. Then I got into a fistfight with three since I didnt use my ligthsaber, but I had the Force so was stronger and fast enough to use two Improved Flurry Attacks per round, and beat them all up. After that there was fifteen more Czerka troopers running into the bar with stun gas rifles to see what all the commotion was about. I took them on since they were armed and held my breath, was able to shock the first two with Force lightning before blasting the rest, and then I broke the last one's neck. After that thoug hthe doors locked and lights turned off, and it was a blind barroom brawl in the dark, and I realzied I needed to find some other way out of this with my gang. So I yelled at my gang to follow my voice as I beat up 25 more Czerka employees, and the bartender started shooting me with a laser. I made sure he wasn't Ahm'niisyah, and after I was sure he wasn't I used the Force to throw him through my pyramid of glass shot glasses, and they shattered and killed him. After that the Czerka Officer from the Czerka Office shewed up and I shanked him in the shin with the my knife, before beating up his six bodyguards. The third one I grabbed, hoisted up onto the bar, and slid him down it, and he smashed through a couple glasses and got drinks spilled on him. Then I took his brother and threw him cartwheeling over the bar and he smashed into the big drinks thing behind it, and they all shattered and spilled all over him, and he almost drowned to death in it but drank so much of it that the alcohol poisoning killed him instead. And after that I found Carth because he had gotten beaten up and tied to the ceiling fan and was spinning around helplessly so I got him off by turning it off and I told him to find Bastila and the others and round them up so he did. And after that I got attacked by one of the Czerka wookiees, but I ripped his arms off and fried another with Force lightning, but then I grabbed some of the bottles from the bar that werent broke and hid and started chugging them, I didnt care what they were as long as they were alcoholic. I later learned that they were Tarisian Ale and Coruscanti Purple-Wine, and once I had finished drinking it all I got back into the brawl, I tackled four of the Czerka Wookiees because they had ganged up on Mission, and I smashed into them like a shockball into a buncha shockball pins, and it was just a ton of punches flying everywhere, but soon I seemed to be surrounded but it didnt matter, I'd fight them, fight all of them because I was too powerful for them all but unfortunately I passed out from being drunk and they also beat me unconscious after that, too.

* * *

"Wait, WHA-" I said. "WHERE AM I!?" I was in a tree. Like a big governmental tree, I guess, which the Wookiees had built to save themselves. I looked at the wall, and saw that I was how in the room of the Wookiee Continental Congress. I was on the floor all tied up, and soaked in beer, sweat, and my suit had been ruined _again._ My gang was tied up next to me.

Behind a desk next to the wookiee flag which was actually just a small potted plant was a black wookiee, I mean he had like black furr and stuff, not something else. "Great," I gorlwed. "And who just the fucking hell are you and why am I here?"

* * *

Two hours later we were thrown out on our asses into the streets of Kachiraho, still tied up. After I'd freed myself I untied my gang, Carth last because he was bitching again about being uncomfortable. "I can't _beleive_ you're in charge of this mission!" He bitched.

"Yeah sure," Canderous asked. "And who _should_ have been in charge, some moron like you?"

"Carth had nothing to say to this because he knew Canderous was right but was too much of a hack to even admit to it," I just don't get why we couldn't just keep searching in the forest for- "He started to say."

"You can just _shut the fuck up,_ Carth," I said. "You screwed this one up, not me, and your dumb fuckin' ass got us captured and my suit ruined _again_ because you weren't keeping watch. Just like on Taris."

"Fine," said Bastila getting dressed again. "So what's our plan now?"

"Well Chuundar said we have to go find this Freyyr dude in the Shadowlands and kill him. Thats as good a pretext as any to get down there to look for the Star Map, since we know it has to be down there."

"I don't like it," HK-47 said. "Why don't we just kill Freyyr?"

"Because he's blackmailing us, remember? He wired the entire Ebon hawk with explosives, so we'll have to play ball with him for now. Of course we'll kill him, just the last thing we do on Kashyyyk probably. Okay?"

Okay.


	16. Malak Like a Tree & Get Outta Here

A/N 16: I GOT A REVIEW! You get another bonus chapter as reward. :) !

* * *

"And just how _is_ it," howled Chuundar circling his desk, "THat you have come to Kashyyk for making trouble for me in the bar?"

I shook myself. I didn't want to talk to this man but it seems like he was the wookiee in charge of government and Ahhm'Nisyah had told me to ask them about the Star Maps so it was probably possible for them to help me okay. "Hey now, man that was just a misunderstanding! Your Czerka men made the first move."

The black wookiee came closer, and I could hear his two stomachs growling. "Did they _really_?"

"Yeah. I was just minding my own business."

"Well then thats a shame."

I was reading through Chuundar's brain with the Force as he said this. I actually could tell that he knew something about the Star Maps and... someone else? But of course then Carth decided that he had to butt in.

"Why? Also why are all the Czerka soldiers with you in your Government Tree Centre anyway?" He asked suspiciously.

"Carth, shut-"

"Huuhh **HUUUHHRRRRR **_**hurh hur-hur-hurrrr!" Ch**_undaar laughed evilly. "They are my many allies. I am the great God-King of all Wookiees, so they must obey me. And so I can ship thousands of wookiees per day off to enslavery across the galaxy for mine own profit. Czerka mines many materials and minerals from a myriad of magnanimous mysterious places, so they need strong wookiee men to do so. Behind locked doors no wookiees who have a porblem with this learn anything about what I'm up to."

While he was prattling on about this he was pacing and starting to agitated. I looked around the room. On the ceiling was a map of this galactic sector with Kashyyykk in the middle, and a buncha other planets connected to it by green lines... And also connecting it to Taris even though that planet was obliterated.

_Could it **BE...?**_

I had to be sure.

"Hey Chuundar," I put in. "How'd you become the King of the Wookiees?" I asked.

"By killing my father, the previous king of course!" He laughed.

Treason and regicide.

That wanted poster on Taris had said the Conspiracist was had committed those things, hadn't it? I wished I could remember.

"So are you gonna let us go or what?"

"Go? Of course I will let you _go _to do my _bidding_ of course!" Chuundar laughed and his wookiee soldiers and Czerka men started to walk in circles around us, laughing as well and shoving us around. I stood my ground thogh and only Carth, Mission, Bastila, and the others got shoved.

"Oh yeah, you think your strongarm boys can keep _me_ down, you hairbrain?" I asked.

Chuundar "Given the fact that there is _**THIS**_" And he pushed a button that showed us a screen, with the place where the Ebon Hawk was landed. The pad and ship had tons of explosives glued onto them with duraglue. "I think so! My men found you at the bar having killed sixty-five of my Czerka workers and wookiees. Alcohol\-related crimes on Kashyyyk carry the sentence of death, _unless_ you do me a favor in exchange for pardon." So unless you do as I command I shall _execute_ **you** and **your companions** and also destroy your **ship** and strand you here forever even if you did survive the execution which you won't."

"You son of a bitch," I growled. "I swear I'll kill you for this, you fat-haired fuck. I _**NEVER**_ forget assholes like _**you**_ until after I've _**KILLED them which is always because nobody crosses me ever and gets away to tell anyone else about it ever happening.**_"

"Dont call me names, Mister Amensia." Chuundar said back. "You and your stupid little human name (Jaden _Amnesia_, really?). Just for that I'm taking your wookiee friend Zaalbar as another hostage. He will return to you when you've done my favor for me."

Mission turned stone-cold as the Wookiee-Men grabbed Zaalbar and led him away in chains. "NO big Z!" she cried. "Hang in there, we'll get you outta this man, just hang in there!"

"Hurff!" Chuundar laughed again, shoving her back and she ran into Carth and knocked him over. "Watch your companions words, Mister Amnesia. Czerka doesn't jsut deal with Wookiee slavery, there are _other_ needs they have which twi'leks can be of use for if they don't keep their mouths shut."

I struggled at my ropes on the floor. "What's your _favor,_ then?"

The Balck Wookiee King who was easily four heads my taller than me pushed another button, showing a map of west of Kachiraho "Being an off-worlder scum," He began, "You probably had no idea that there is a war going on here in Kashyyyk. In the Shadowlands, that huge region you see where the sun never shines due to the strange astonomical phenomena of the Kashyyyk system..." He sneered at us. "Not that _you'd_ know anything about _that._"

I looked at Chuundar in the face. If looks could kill which sometimes they can but apparently not this time, because otherwise Chuundar didn't explode into a cloud of jiblets.

"This war is sapping the resources of the Wookiee Empire enormous," The King said royally. "We Wookiees are an independent nation and an indepednent people, but not everyone else thinks so, which is why the Sith Empire have invaded into the Shadowlands, and their armies are been invading from underground somehow. The other two side in this war are the Czerka Corporation whose men have installed bases and armies to steal our planet's resources out from under us and the Sith, and also the Mandalorians who have invaded with an army to fight everyone else for honor which is what they all do because they are Mandalorians."

I am sending you to the Shadowlands to meet with my Vice President, Jhollee Bindo who is the leader of my armies of militia wookiees. You will meet with him, and get briefed by him, and you will find a way to end this war by destroying the Sith armies here once and for all. Then you may be free to go, and Zaalbar and your ship shall be released to you unharmed."

I glared up at Chuundar from under the floor. "I guess I don't have a choice then, do I?"

"Nope."

Then he threw us out.

* * *

When we were walking I was walking far ahead as usual. Bastila and Mission were bitching each other out for some reason because they're stupid girls but I didn't pay any attention, but suddenly Ahm'niisyah appeared next to me.

"How's it going?" He was eating some space-twizzlers.

"DUDE." I said. "You said the wookiees knew something about the Star Maps, but they didn't know shit. Now they're forcing us down into the like super-dangerous forest floors of Kashyyyk to fight a whole fuckin' _**WAR**_ against Sith and Czerka and Mandalorians for them! What the fuck's going on!?" I was so fucking angry.

"Hey, it was just an idea." Ahm'niisyah said. "I didn't think it would- Well, whatever. Yeah I guess you're right," I added smiling. "We might as well play ball with them for now. If the Star Map's anywhere on this part of the planet, we'll be able to look for it while they think we're _only_ doing what _they_ told us to do."

"Yeah, exactly, Ahm'niisyah said."

So he left after that to do some more scouting, and I wondered if I was ever going to learn more about my secret Jedi friend. Then I realzied I didn't know where we were.

"CARTH!" I yelled. "YOU LET US GET LOST AGAIN, DAMMIT!" And Canderous smacked him in the back of the head because we had agreed earlier he was supposed to have the map like on Tatooine but he lost it _again._ "No wonder you guys lost the Mandalorian War," Candy muttered angrily.

So after we got untied we had to wander around the city of Kachiraho. Unfortunately very few of the wookiees waould even talk to us, and those we did, well we can't really speak wookiee language so we didn't get anywhere fast. After about two hours of this HK-47 called me over to a wall. "Statement:" He said. "This appears to be a map of the city of Kachiraho. To the west htere will be a train station which we can take to the Shadowlands."

"Good job HK" Bastila said happily.

So we walked to the train station after that. When we were all sitting down in the waiting line while we waited to get our train tickets, I noticed that sitting in the row over there facing us was a man in a red business suit with wild red hair. I reached onto the coffee table between us and picked up a magazine. It was something boring Carth would read, like _HydroSpanner Daily_ or something.

The man He was also wore a tie and was holding a large, bulky briefcase that said "**SOAP**" on the side in big bold letters, and he was staring creepily at Bastila who was sitting next to me looking uncomfortable.

When I noticed this I started holding Bastila's hand so that maybe he'd think she wasn't single and stop, but he didn't and instead licked his lips.

I jumped to my feet and kicked the coffee table over. Its legs broke off and the top part of it shattered. "Hey **MOTHERFUCLER! YOU!"** I yelled at him. "**WHADDAYOU THINK YOU'RE DOING LOOKING AT MY GIRL, HUH!?"**

He jumped and was already scrambling aroud trying to get off of his seat. "**GET OUTTA HERE OR ELSE!**"I yelled and smashed him in the head with the Force. He crashed over his seat and onto another coffee table, but that wasn't enough. I climbed over the debris and rolled him out the door and onto the wooden streets of Kachiraho, took his wallet, and slammed his face into the door and went back to the line and sat down again.

Bastila looked at me sheepishly. "Thanks, Jaden," she said mildly.

I smiled and went back to holding her hands. "No prob," I said and then we got our train tickets and were able to get onto the wookiee train to the Shadowlands.

* * *

After a couple hours the train which was somehow made of wood and various other weird things came into the Shdaow lands, where all the trees have been cut down and it was just plains and stumps and stuff. Apparently the Sith had been cutting them down for fuel... but why?

As we were on the train I had been thinking that, based on the evidence I'd found while we were talking to Chuundar, that maybe the Conspiracist wasn't human... but was actually tall and hairy?

But the train stopped and we had to get off it, so I couldn't think about that anymore. I payed the train inspector for the stamps and stepped off with Bastila, Carth, Mission, Canderous, HK-47, and T3. Not far from the train station I saw a big camp with wookiee soldiers standing around and looking at the battlefield with binoculars. "That must be where Jolee Bindo is!" i said pointing. "Let's get this show on the road, mates."


	17. The President's Demands

A/N: The chapters have been kinda unbalanced up to this point, but I decided this one should should have action and also thinking about characters in it. So you're welcome guys,.

Mission was unconfortable at the place where we were beacuse Zaalbar was no longer with us because Chuundar had taken him hostage, but it wasn't improtant.

We was at the staging-Aera. There were tanks and buses and battle droids and an antenna and a lot of wookiee militiamen and gunships and camps and campfires, too. It was a big open dirty field because all the trees had been cut down by the Sith so the wildlife was gone, and we walked through the place to get to the middle.

We found Jolee Bindo. He was a black man with bornw hair and a lightsaber and stuff. He was standing in the middle of the camp shouting at the wookie militiamen to do stuff because there were many wounded and also there was need to fight against the Czerka and Sith and Mandalorians soon.

"Yes, what can I do for you?!" He screeched upon seeing us, and I realized it was because Carth got all up in his personal face like a dumbass and was drooling on himself _again._

"Wait a minute, you're a Jedi?"

"Why of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? I am looking for a way to stop the Sith. And also free these wookiees."

"So wait" Canderous put it because he was a war man who was interested in wars. "There's more than jsut Sith here?"

"Yes of course," Said Jolee. He was also an old man with a cane as well as his lightsabré. "The Czerka have also landed an army on this planet, and so have the Mandalorians, and all four of us are fighting each other for the forests. Which is why they keep destroying the ecosystem with the trees and stuff." He said, kicking a stump with his boot and giving himself a stub toe right through his boot. "Diggnity **dag-NABBIT!**" He shouted because he's a really old guy.

"Anyway then," He wheezed, and he hunkered over to draw a map in the dirt with his cane. "The Czerka bases are over to the ver-yonder east you see. You're the ones send by Chuundar to win the war, so I need you to help do that by stealing the Information from the Czerka main base, so that we'll know how to destroy the Sith base. Do you youngin hotshot-whippersnoggins can handle that?"

I looked back over my shoulder at my gang – Bastila, T3, HK, Mission, Zaalbar, Canderous, and Carth – and scoffed. "I'll be fucked if I _can't_."

So we walked out of the camp and headed east through where the left of the forest were. "Okay guys," I explained. "Keep an eye out for any Star Maps. It's gotta be here somewhere."

"Is it gonna look like the ones we've found before?" Asked Missin weirdly.

I rolled my eyes. "_Yes_, Mission, there are." I said.

He were hiking down into the forest trail a lot. It took a long time to get to near where the Czerka was because most of my guys wren't used to walking into the forest and we had to keep stopping, and also T3 couldn't get over logs so we have to move them for him.

"I wonder if this might actually have been a bad idea."

"Yeah well shut up and get used to it."

At some pointt there was a huge mountain in the way with a dark tunnel going through the middle of it so we had ot take the tunnel. It was dark and damp and small enough that only two or three of us at a time could walk through it, so I had Carth walk first followed by HK and T3 so they would shove him if he stopped. I was walking in the middle but we couldnt hear any wildlife.

"Wonder where all the animals went," Bastilitia commented.

"Well yes it is," Canderous replied, shooting up some stims into his bloodstream. "They must have all been driven out and extinct from the Sith and Czerka killing all the trees and moving huge machines and weaponry around and stuff... That's what I'd do if I was a kinrath viper, anyway."

None of that was important, though. What was important was how I was thinking about. I had been scanning the Vice President – his name was Jolee Bindo – with the Force while he was giving us our mission, but because I wasn't very good at that yet I couldnt tell if He was good or evul. Or how powerful he was. He seemed like a cranky old military man who I would hate to have to spend time around, so in all probability he'd probably find some dumbassed excuse to come and live with us on our ship.

And of course because I was surrounded by a bunch of light-sided saps like Carth, Mission, and Bastila, I wouldnt be able to say no without having half my crew except for Canderous and the other droids throw a bitch-fit on me. But for now, I had to find some way to stop a war.

I groaned. This wasn't going to be fun unless I got to kill like half an army with a nuclear missile or something.

"Hey Bastila," I yelled over my shoulder and the voice echoed like all-hell up and down the cave walls. "Do you know how to use the Force to tell if people are good or evil?

"Oh, Jayden!" She startled. "Oi sort of do but it's be quite a whee-bonkering difficult to learn but Oi suppose we cold maybe train you sometoym."

"Thanks, Bastila," I mumbled as we came out the other side of the cavern and back onto the trail of the Shadowlands of Kashyyk. She had been acting really distant lately. Back in the train station she'd hardly said anything to me but she'd been kinda sweet by leting me hold her hand, but now she was always walking at the farthest back of the group and never saying anything except if someone talked to her first. I'd have to ask Mission what was up with her since she was the only other girl in the crew.

As we walked on I took the lead again because Carth was tired. I also thought about Ahm'niisyah and wondered if this stuff going on would complicate things with him at all since he was a Jedi tooa nd it might be a problem to pick up a _third_ Jedi in the crew with him also following us around. Even tohugh he'd been pretty good so far at staying invisible to everyone but me I did worry about if he was to make a mistake or something, or if Jolee knew how to use the force to see invisible people.

I'd have to have a talk with him, I thought as we headed more into the forest. Just off the trail we found a lunchbox and Cadnerous ate it because he was hungry. Ahm'niisyah would probably be able to teach me how to sense if people were good or evil faster than Bastila anyways.

After a while of more walking we stumbled onto a cliff and almost over the edge but we all grabbed each other and pulled ourselves back so we didn't. Butbelow us at the bottem of the cliff was the Czerka camp outpost, with camping tents and antennas and science and Czerka troopers patrolling with blaster rifles and stuff. There were about forty of them.

We hid in the bushes. HK was the worst at it because he doesn't look like a bush at all but the Czerka didn't see him anyway so it wouldnt have even mattered if they could have since they wouldn't even if they'd wanted to, and HK would have run away even if they would see.

I had an idea. It would take off some of my stress. "We gotta go back, guys," I said.

"What do you mean?" Canderous asked. "We can take these guys."

"Yeah and we will. " I said. "But it'll be more fun this way. We're going back... For now."

Two hours later we were rocketing through the forest on the same wookiee train we had come into the Shadowlands on. It was thundering and screaming because I let Canderous be the conductor and blare the train horn as much as he wanted, while Carth and Mission and HK and Bastila shoveled logs into the fuel-burner thing with the fire.

I was standing on top of the front driving-car. The train was smashing through trees and dirt hills and also bushes, and I was having a hard time using the Force to deflect the debris away from myself, but it was quite a fun time even in the dark and also good practice.

I looked ahead and saw the Czerka camp. "_**LAAAAASST STOOOOOOOOPPPPPPP!**_" I roared spitting all over the forest as the train ramped off of the mountain we'd walked thru before and arced over some more trees, and for a little bit we were soaring majestically over the clouds so we could see the sun again, and then we came down at an angle into the supreme darkness of the Shadow-lands and the train's nose smashed smack-dab into the middle of the Czerka camp, blasting half the tents out of the ground and pulverizing half of their troopers.

As the train came to a stop I jumped off with my lightsaber out, and I went about chopping the survivers apart. My gang eventually climbed out of the train to help me out, and it had cuaght fire because Carth spilled some of the fuel inside it. Well anyway we finished up the rest of the Czerkas mostly, until we saw an APC of theirs come otu of the last and biggest tent firing shells at us. But I used the Force to crush it by dropping the caboose on top of the tank, and then I Force-pushed the rest of the train for good measure and it exploded.

"Ahhh," I said to myself. "Now things feel a little better."

I looked at some of the science gadgets that were still left and did some tinkering while my gang watched. "Looks like something interesting!" I said. The machine was beeping and clicking and snding out lights and stuff. "Looks like this whole area is full of some weird energy., And they've got some special technology on the main base that they're cutting down trees to fuel it for.."

"Okay" Carth said but where's the main Czerka base? We need to get the Information from it.'

I looked at the science machine and pushed some more buttons. "The Czerka Base is... **TheERE!**" And I pointed to the East.

So we walked over to the Czerka base, but it had a huge blue bubble shield around it!

"Well shit!" Canderous said. "What are we gonna do?"

We were hiding in the bushes again together. I looked at the droids. "I dunno but don't worry, guys, I have another plan and this one will give us the answers that we're _really_ looking for..."


	18. We Kill Some Czerkas

A/N: Bit of a shorter chapter than usual so the story can move along, and hey – it means you get another chapter faster. AND MORE PEOPLE READ MY STORY! I DEMAND IT ! ! !

We were all standing outside the imprednigible Czerka Main Base. I told my guys the plan, so then the droids HK-47 and T3-M4 walked thru the force field to get into the other side of it. Then they went inside the control booth to turn off the shields, and the rest of us could walk in thru.

After the droids had come back outside and we all started to slow-mo walk into the base together, the Czerka men in the brontrol booth realized that they were under attack and raised the alarm.

"Gimme a gun," I said because I was tired of using my lightsaber for now. And Carth gave me one of his heavy blaster pistols. It was one of the nicer ones that I had bought back on Taris. I checked the clip.

Not good enough. "Gimme another gun!" I said faster because Czerka troopers feet-stamping was starting to sound after us. So Carth gave me another one. It was the revolving electro-dart pistol that I had taken after I'd killed Davik King on Taris. "That's more like it, I said," Happily feeling the gun in my hand and the outer-side guards of the Czerka base who weren't actually Czerka but mercenarymen hired by them to guard the outside came into view. They came around the corners and out the main gate which triple-locked behidn them and they opened fire with their blasters.

My gang dispersed to find cover and shot back some, and I shot back a lot. I didn't need cover because I had the Force, and it told me how I could move and not get hit, and it made my aiming even more perfect than before I had been a Jedi! One of the Czerka mercenarymen was a sniper, and he tried to take me out, but before he could even fire I shot at him with the electro-dart gun. The electro-dart zoomed striaght thru the barrel of his rifle and shot out his eye, and it electrocuted the inside of his brain like a transistor box, but he also exploded into a cloud of methane gas. One of his buddies tried to pick up his sniper gun but it was also electrocuted, and so he got his whole arm tazed off.

We kept moving in through the outer-courtyard thing of the base, and kept shooting some more until all the guards outside were dead. HK-47 had killed 27 of them, and I'd gotten about sixty. "Good job HK" I said.

Bastiula brushed herself off because she had charred Czerka guts on her from her lightsaber "Naw to take the piss awffa thet soddering gate!" She bellowed like a Bantha and Force-jumped, and stabbed her lightsaber into the giant door. But nothing happened because it was made out of Frick armor.

"Silly Bastila," I said. "Frick's imperivious to energy, didn't you take any sciences classes in your fancy Jedi schooL? I mocked and she started to turn red as she shut off the lightsaber. "But let me try something."

And I used the Force to pick up the remains of the Wookiee Train because it couldn't go anymore, and I threw it full-force at the gate. It smashed and hit so hard that the metal caught fire and melted into a rush of molten metal, but the Czerka were expecting that and had installed a draining vent system in the walls and the lava drained safely away.

I was also out of electro-darts for now so I gave my guns back to Carth. Too bad, I liked that gun. Bastila was looking so angrily at me that I couldn't help but laugh. "You just need to think bigger from time to time, Bassie-girl," I said and led the way into the base.

The alarms were shrieking louder than ever and all the doors opened at once so that dozens and dozens of real Czerka troopers this time poured into the giant immediate-interior hallway, holding all manners of blaster rifles, carbines, disruptors, slugthrowers, blast cannons, sonic-shooters, and grenade launchers.

The Czerka Office led them, and he headed up to me with a blaster pistol, stopping at fifteen feet. Everyone behind him was readying to fire.

Everyone in my gang behind me was psyching themselves up for the epic showdown against all the Czerkas. Bastila was spinning her lightsaber around a lot and stretching, Mission and Canderous were checking their blasters, HK and T3 were scanning stuff with their sensors, and Carth was checking his pants in case he pissed himself during the train ride. He hadnt that time, but he did forget to zip himself up again.

"Halt!" The Czerka Officer man said. "Jadena Amnesia of those Filthy Wookiees, you are hereby placed under arrest! Come quietly or we shall blast your to pieces!" He said.

"Oh, yeah?" I took out my darksaber and turned it on in order to scare him, and the Czerka guy got scared. Then all the other Czerkas saw it too and they got scared and started to shake and get all nervous and sweet a ot in those tight uniforms too. I laughed. "Maybe you're wrong. Maybe _you're_ the ones who is under arrest, Officer!" They were shaking even more now and they were getting so afraid that now I had an idea.

So I reached out with the Force and sucked up all their fear into my hand, and let it back out as a huge cloud of a purple swirly energy wave things made out of their fear. It was so powerful that I sent it out and it killed every Czerka in the entire base in seconds with their own fear, and the platoon of Czerkas fell dead to the floor at once.

I was tired after that so I put my darksaber away and panted. I was suddenly enormously hungry. "WOW." Mission said.

"Yeah, just leave it all to Jaden, you lazy shits," i growled back. "How about we go looking for that Information in the base now?"


	19. Carth's a Complete Dumbass

I had just killed everyone in the Czerka base and my gang was searching for the Information, so I called the Wookiee Vice President on the phone. "Vice President Bindo?" I said.

"Yes, Corporal Amnesia, what is it?"He grunted. He didnt sound very good because he's old and didnt have very good eyesight and stuff so the phone line was full of old static.

I felt sickj from being called a military rank, but whatever. "My crew and I have just captured the Czerka main base. What should we do next?"

"Search that base top to bottom. Chew it up and spit it out until you find that Information!"

I smiled in satisfaction. "Yessir, Mister Vice President," I said and smashed the phone into a pile of useless metal with one punch. I was so fucking angry. I had just spent so much time and effort becoming a free man, only to be sent on this stupid mission by the Jedi Council, and _then_ I was sent by Chuundar to fight his war, and _then_ I was answering to _another_ stupid Jedi.

Well anyway my gang was still searching the base for the Information, so I left them to it. I woulve' done it for them like everything else but I hadn't eaten in at least three days so I was too hungry to concentrate. I went to the cafeteria, where everyone was dead but that meant I could get all the food I want without having to pay anyone, so that suited me just fine.

I started with a bowl of mashed potatoes with some salt and gravy, and after that I ate another bowl except without the gravy. Then a couple of biscuits with butter, and some frozen pancakes without bothering to nuke them in the microwave, I just also drank some syrup and butter with it. After that I found a cheesburger and ate it, and washed all that down with two cartons of milk before realizing that I hadn't had any vegetables, so I at a couple fistfulls of spinach and because I was tired I made me a few cups of hazlenut mocha coffees – the beans were imported from Ryloth – and had a couple donuts on the side. Some were the circle kind but one didnt have the hole, but it still tasted good. When I was done with the donuts I found a snickers bar and after I'd eaten that there were some slices of apple pie which I polished off quickly, before going together with a sandwich of nothing but eight strips of bacon and mayonaise. Then I was super-thirsty so I drank the last of the coffee, two more cartons of milk, a glass bottle of iced tea, eight cans of nine diffrent kinds of soda, and a bottle of chocolate syrup. When I was done with that I was in the mood for some desert, so I needed to eat the last of the steak, and after that I followed up with a few really big chocolate chip heated cookiees, some nice cheesecake, and seven doubled-chocolate chip muffins, and finally a whipped cream pie made out of sweet-cheddar cheese (It's a delicacy on Kuat), which I followed with a glass of orange juice and some more cheesecake and a big fistful of raw chocolate chip chocolate cookie dough because they had a big vat of the stuff in the back. After then I was in the mood for some more mashed potatoes after that but there werent any left, and I realiezd I was pretty full from all that food so after two bowls of pork fried rice and another entire New Yorek-style cheesecake (New York is the capital city of on Alderaan) I decided that I had eaten enough now. Now I was ready to help the other guys with the search for the Information. There wasn't any booze in the Czerka Base Cafeteria so oh well.

So I went into the rest of the base to keep searching the Information. I was certain that it wasn't anywher eincidine the cafeteria so I moved on to the hallways and headed out to look somewhere else. I was walking from one room that was full of dead Czerka corpses to another when I almost bumped into Ahm'niisyah, but he jumped back flailing his arms and almost fell over, and just stopped before it he would have hitten the wall behinds him.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Jeeze," i remarked. "Usually it's _you_ who scares the crap outta _me._" Payback time much, my friend.

He glared angrily at least i figured he did because I couldnt see his face but it didn't matter whether he really did or in really had actually hadn't. "Yeah, I guess. What's going on here?"

"Well as yuo can see I've killed the entire Czerka base on Kashyyyk single-handed. I learned how to use the Force to kill people with their own fear!" As I talked I held up my hand, holding some of the swirly Force-energy fear gas in it. "Pretty nifty, huh?"

Ahm'niisyah looked at it. "Most impressive. You say you only learned that just by yourself? By wanting to?"

"Yeah I guess! No other idea."

"Well anyway," Ahm'niisyah said I know what youre up to here. You're looking for the Imfornmation about how to destroy the Sith Base because Hollee Bindo ordered you to. I need to tell you that you gotta be careful. I don't trust this Mister Bindo man. He is old and a liar."

I used the Force to shove some corpses out of my way in the dark room. The room was dark but I could sense my way around good enough so I started rifling thru the file cabinets in the darkness. "Why do ya say that?" I asked. "Isn't he also a Jedi? No, wait... You're afraid of him sensing you and blowing your cover, aint ya?"

"That's part of it," He said. "I'm also not sure you can trust him anyway. He might be a Jedi but he has no idea what you're up to looking for these Star Maps, let alone what I'm doing. He's many years old – Force users like him tend to develop cancer in their old age. And he has a history of being a lose cannon, he has dangrous alzheimers. Be mindful of him."

I was tearing out files and glancing thru them for the Information. None of them were useful but I couldn't tear them apart because it was a hologram-filecase so I couldn't because they were holograms, so I just threw them all over the room insrtead. In the backs of the drawers I couldnt see so I said: "Yeah yeah yeah, 'be mindful' and shit. You're off your game, man, I could get that much from those fucks on the Jedi council. HAnd me that flashlite, will ya?"

Ahm'niisyah looked at the desk where the flashlight was. "Get it yourself," he said. The door in the room was also shut behind us.

"What! It's right there, just hand it to me!"

"No. Just Because I'm your Jedi Secret Agent Buddy doesn't mean I have to do everything you say. It's _your_ flashlight, _you_ get up and get it yourself."

"For fuck's sake," i growled and picking up the flashlight, and shining it around the room. Ahm'niisyah didn't seem to have a shadow for some reason but that wasn't important and I kept looking at the files.

"Nothing's going on right now," Aahm'niisyah "said so I'm gonna go loook for the Information somewhere else."

"Fine, why don't you go ask Carth to-" I started to say but suddenly he was gone. He had disappeared using the Force and gotten away. Dammit. I was gonna ask him to teach me how to do Force Heal because I was startign to get all scraped up from these fights. I'd have to do that later, then.

I spent a couple mkore hours searching the Czerka Offices for the Information. After finding nothing I realized that the dead guys were starting to stink so I had HK-47, T3, and Mission get them all together and burn them in the front courtyard to get rid of the corpses while I went back to the cafeteria and finished off the last of the cheesecake.

After that I got back together with Carth, Canderous, Bastila, Mission, T3, HK, , and the others and we kept searching together. Eventually we started looking inside the Czerka Base's basement, which turned out to be some kinda secret science lab, with glowing blue lights and tanks of gunk and mysterious machiniery kinda like the Black Vulkar Lab had been back on Telos. And the lighting was bad except for from the science lights so it wasn't good because it was mysterious and dangerous. Speaking of which we were stumbling around all the corpses down there when we looked down.

"Wait a tick," Bastila said spocktedly. "Has noone else noticed, take a blasted look at these damnfounded corpses!"

So we did and it turned out that half of the Czerka men were suspicious, they were all wearing gray univforms of the Exchange Criminal Empire underneath their orange one that was the Czerkas were supposed to have.

"Look at this closer," T3 said also holding out a cyber-magnifying glass. "There's wookiee fur all over their uniforms!"

Carth was horrified. "What were these guys _doing_ down here!?"

"Don't be ridiculous Carth" Canderous crowed, playing with some science holographs on the wall and snorting up a stimpack again. "The _real_ question is, _**why?**_"

Ahm'niisyah was suddenly standing next to me. "That _is_ the real question, Jaden. Why indeed?"

"It must mean that the Czerkas are working together with Chuundar somehow... You were right, Jolee Bindo must be hiding something!" I realized.

Canderous looked at me funny and threw the empty stimpack away. "Wha, I didn't say that. Who're you talking to Jaden?"

"What the fuck do you mean, who-" But Ahm'niisyah was gone again. I didn't get it.

"Whatever, let's just keep looking for that Information," I ecplained and so we did. The science lab was actually pretty big, and it had huge tanks of gunk that went up ito the ceiling like pillars. Thick copper wires, rubber bullets made out of hoses, and cables we couldn't figure out snaked all across the floor, which was another thing we kept tripping over. And there were more science station things with antennaes and stuff like we had found in the smaller Czerka camp.

We were standing in the middle of a ring of six of the science dish things on top of a giant X. We had just saerched the entire basement with no sign of the Information. "Hey guys," I said. "Does any of you think all this feels kinda familiar, like on Taris? I'm starting to think this whole thing's some kind of a snipe hunt."

I dunno, maybe," Carht said pushing buttons on one of the doohickeys.

"Carth, don't touch that!" Bastila said

"Calm down, Bastila," he replied. And he threw one of the levers, making the machine start to whistle and steam came out of a vent. "I'm just rerouting the power supply through the auxillary pylons so that the rest of The Doors will open. I know what I'm doing."

"Statement," HK-47 started to say. "Readings of nuclear tachyon particles are being increased in number in the air."

At the sound of the word "nuclear" I stopped pondering stuff and started to walk fast back to where Carth was messing with the science. "Carth, stop fucking with it you idiot, you don't know what you're-"

Then there was a _clickkk... click click BWOOP. _And then... **BwooooooOOOOOOOO****OOOMWOOMWOOOOOOOM** and all the sciency things started to glow aqua-blue and shoot white sparks out of the antennas.

"Carth, what the bloody motherfucking did you just do!?" Bastila yelled getting out his blaster pistols.

The gadget that Carth had been doing was sparking extra more and he was slapping himself to put out the small fires on his gloves. "NOTHIING!" He said.

But before I could bitch-slap him there was a giant flash which felt like all the atoms in my body being exploded apart at triple the speed of light and being shot halfway across the galxy and glued back together, and we all woke up inside a big glass tank covered in glue!

"VHRRRR DA FFUUUUQ AR WE!" gurgled mission because she was all glured up. It took us a few minutes to mop all that shit off of us using the Force, but then we realized we were like in a giant fish tank full of air. Out around us the walls and ceilings were lit by orange-light and full of other scientific wires and computor screens and machineries, but none of it looked like the same design as the Czerka stuff had been. On one side up against the wall was a control booth made out of glass, and on the other side was a window.

I looked at the window. There was space outside of it, and a red gas giant planet. "Carth, if we get outta here alive I'm gonna kill your ass dead," Canderous growled.

"It wasn't my fault-" Carth started to say before we got dumped out of the tank and onto the floor. We had to doget the glue again.

"Exclamation Mark: This could only have been the work of a matter transporter that transported us across time and space!" HK-47 declared pointing at the ceiling.

"But it looks like we've got company," said looking at the control booth. Inside it was a Rodian and a Ghand (which is like a midget alien in a space suit) who looked like scientists. They were looking at us shockingly and arguing with each other angrily. Then alarms started to whoop at us.

"Then it's not gonna be a total loss, Carthy," I said getting out my two lightsabers (the purple one I'd made,and the red one I'd taken from the Tusken Chief). "Come on, let's go fry us some Rodian ass! We ain't in Kashyyyk anymore, boys!"

That cheered everyone up, even Bastila, and they all got out their weapons and we charged roaring like a battalion of Bavarian battle-tanks at the control booth. The two aliens saw us coming and high-tailed it behind a door, but we smashed through the glass and the door and screamed into the other side.

On the other side was another science lab, full of tanks of chemical gunk, a couple of little machines that made fire, some spinny gyro-things, and electrics. I actually kinda liked gyros but I was too full to eat anything and anyway it was not now for a time to eat but a time for **KILL!**

The aliens weren't around, but I could sense them. "Come on out, motherfuckers!" I yelled, slashing at some of the tanks, and red and blue and pale-yellow liquid started to spill out onto the floor. "Come out and fight! We're big and bad and don't like getting teleported across the galaxy and it'd be nice if you could send us back before you die!"

Then I sensed the aliens on the other side of the lab. They were mixing some chimicals and putting them in beakers. "YEAH YOU!" I roared and headed for them, but they started throwing th ebeakers at us, and they exploded into globs of acid and other nasty stuff. I was able to deflect the worst of it with the Force, but some of the stuff got onto my suit and started taking the black colour out of it.

"RETUUUURN FIRRRRRRRREE!" Canderous bellowed and threw his arm forward, and everyone after him threw a total of a dozen frag, thermal, glue, ice, and explosive grenades in retaliation. That entire side of the room exploded into a cloud of shards of glass, fire, shrapnel, metal strips, and ice cubes, but I could still sense that the aliens had run away again.

Before I could run after them though the doors opened and a buncha droids started running inside. They weren't humanoid but they could still walk, and they had scienceneedles, chemical guns, and other weird weapons and they came at us to extriminate us, but we were gonna exterminate them instead!

I spun my lightsabers crazily. Several times I sliced off bits of my own suit and pants because I don't actually knoew how to use two lightsabers, but I didn't care as long as my tie was okay, which it was and the droids were falling apart in bits of metal confetti, and I kept laughing as we destroyed more science, and more chemicals and fumes and electric and fire started to spread along the lab. Through the fumes and smoke at some point I caught a glimpse of a hatch on the other side of the room slamming shut, and behin dit was another tank with a huge chunk of blue-ish teal-glowing, sparkling diamond thing. I would steal it if I got a chance but I probably wouldn't.

I looked around at my gang. Carth and Mission and Canderous were all standing back-to-back-toback shooting the place up like a couple bosses and one idiot, and HK and T3 were smashiing up lab droids with their strength and throwing more grenades in sequences of science. Even Bastila seemed to be loosening up, I saw her smiling while she cut up droids andused the Force to fling bits of fire and transistors across the room, cut cables and electrify pools of chemicals so they would change color and later explode, and she looked dead sexy while she was in a dance of killing stuff. I smiled and cheered my gang on. Fuck psychiatry sessions. _CARNAGE is the best cure for __**EVERYTHING!**_

Then six dozen more droids cam eout of another door to the left of us all, and they seemed to be shielded. Our gun-guys shot up hell on them with their blasters and grenades on full, and Bastila and I helped by throwing more exploding science things at them with the Force, but it took a lot to kill them, and they jsut kept coming and coming after us. I decided that everyone was cheered up enough so it was time to retreat. "**TIME TO RETREAT!**" I shouted over the racket which was like the New-Years-Day (a holiday on Courscuant) clattering of pots and pans of DEATH. "Back to the matter teleporter room or whatever the fuck it is!"

So they started to headback still firing, but I didn't wanna leave without taking one more shot at these bastards. I used the Force and through the smoke and poisonous steam started to see the Rodian and the Ghand on the other side of the room looking at us. I put away my lightsabers, then shook my sleeve. Out of my sleeve came the same knife that I had taken from that bitch in the cantina on Taris, and I threw it guided by the Force at them. Unfortunately I sliopped a bit in the science gunk so my aim was a little off, and it stabbed down to the hilt into the Rodian's shoulder instead of his eyeball. He started screaming a lot.

I used the Force to twist the knife but could tell I was running outta juice, so I pulled it back into my hand it put it back up my sleeve. Then I saw that the droids were almost on me so I pushed them back in the Force and ran to rejoin my gang. "**NEXT TIME I WON'T MISS!**" I screamed over my shoulder so loud that all the glass left in the laboratory room exploded all over again.

Back in the teleported room everyone was inside the tank, and I went to the control booth. I didn't understand any of the languages so I just kinda banged on the keys, twisted some diodes, and adjusted some other things. "Shit," I muttered. This was such bullshit. How the fuck was I supposed to know how to work a galactic matter-teleporter machine!?

"Adjust the neural-engram level to 43%, then remodulate the phase-variance.," Said Ahm'niisyah behind my shoulder so suddenly that I spazzed out, snapped off the lever that had been in my hand, and spat cherry-red chemicals out of my mouth and all over the glass window of the control booth. "MOTheRFUCKER " I yelled. " AHM"NISSYA! How'd you get here!? I-"

"The teleported caught me," He said adjusting his hood. "No time for that now. Do what I said."

So I did that and then he said. "It's all ready. Now get in the glass cage with the crew, then use the Force to pull this lever. I'll be right behind you," he said and disappeared again.

Gee-wizz. Why did he have to do that every time? But no time for thinking. I ran into the glass cage, shut it behind ourselves, and the droids started pouring into the room after us. So I latched onto the lever with the Force, cranked it, and we were zapped across the galaxy again with all our atoms being vaporized or something at ultra-spatial timespeeds and we landed back in the basement of the Czerka Main Base again, covered in science chemicals again.

Everyone in my gang was happy now, even Carth, so I punched him in the gut for getting us into that mess to begin with. He was still smiling though, but I guess that was all right for now. It had ended up being good for us in the end.

"Now then!" I said. "He's finishing looking through this base. There's only a few more places where that Information can be hiding. So let's go get it!" I said and everyone else cheered with determination and headed out. Bastila let me give her a ksis on the cheek after that, and we headed out and all for the first ever time in our lives everyone was glad for the fact that Carth's a complete dumbass.


	20. All Your Bases

A/N 20: 20 Chapters and only 1 review so I'm sad on my birthday. :( But I am happy because Chapter 20 is now done! The war on Kashyyyk gets _even HOTTER_. So Read it!

* * *

Well anyway it took us long enough but me and Crath and Mission and Bastila and T3 and HK and the others finally found the Information on the Sith base inside the Czerka Base. It told us where the main Sith Base was and how many stuff they had there, but unfortunately the computers had no indication of where the Star Map might be so for me and my crew this whole thing had been a giant waste of time except for the fun of killing everybody in our way.

"well that's too bad," I said. "Now let's get this Information back to Jolee and we'll just have to stay on th elookout for the Star Map. Something's fishy here."

"...wwWWWEEEE HUU-HURRHH-HAVE DONE IT!" shjouted the old man Jolee Bindo as he finished reading the information in his Vice President Office. "The Sith Base is to the north! And it's on a volcano! We shall attack at once!"

"STAND BY FOR ATTAAAAAAAAAACK!" thundered the wookiees to each other.

"Oh hell, you guys are gonna make _me_ lead this bullshit army aren't you?" I asked.

"Yes!" Yes Jolee. "Now go and take command of the army, I need to go take my heart mediscine."

So we went outside. The Wookiee Armies were out in force with their battallions and tanks and battleships and APCs and they were barking all over the place so we had to run around and get them to settle down. I looked at the map. It was the biggest and only volcano on the surface of Kashyyyk, and all the trees around it were knocked down. The Sith had built huge stone walls all over the place and tosn of other buildings for like housing their troops and tanks and shit.

"Guys we gotta head out soon or else the Sith will send them with their 600,000 troops!" Carth whined.

"Yeah yeah, just gimme a minute!" I yelled. "And get me a tank to ride in!"

So they gave me a hovertank with skulls painted on it and I sat in the hole on top of it to lead the armies and we headed out. "Only one problem," I said to Bastila. "What's the point of a base being built around a volcano? That's like horrendously dangerous."

Bastila who was still being friged said "Oi dunno, Jayden."

I groaned as the sandy ground started to run past uds and the armies as we moved. "But even with all that Information there was no sign of where the Star Map could be. I wonder if the Sith have gotten to it first somehow. That sure would suck. And then what'll we do? Is it even on this piece of shit planet?"

But noone had an answer for me and the treads of the tank just kept boulderin' and boulderin' on.

I came back to the story after my tank had been destroyed and I was leading the charge against the outer stone walls of the Sith base on foot. It turns out that they had way more than 600,000 troops and the Mandalorians also decided to attack us both at the same time from thr west with their 80,000 troops. Fortunately wookiees fur is resistant to blaster shot so they wouldn't die quite as easy as the Mandalorians and Sith troopers. We were shooting a lot at the tanks with the walls, but they wouldn't come down so easily.

I looked up at the wall as the armies started to die all around me. There was no way my lightsabers could cut through that, but what ifffff...

"CARTH COME HERE" I yelled at his tank and grabbed it with the Force. Then I jumped up sixty feet to get over the wall carrying the tank withCarth shrieking like an Ondoronian space-elephant-banshee inside it. When we landed we smashed a platoon of Sith troopers and I yelled at Carth to shoot at the wall. He was able to, and one big shot from the big gun put a big crack in the dough.

"NOT ENOUGH" I roared and Force-pushed the crack, and that section of the wall exploded and all the armies of WOokiees and Mandalorians came running inside. I wondered if the Mandalorians knew what I'd done to Sherruck on Dantooine. Probably not.

So now we were fighting inside the walls. Jolee Bindo called me again on the phone to tell me to try and capture the bases but I was like fuck dat shit and just had the tanks keep blowing them sky-high, which was way more fun to watch. The huge upward-explosions reminded me of the Sandral and matale homes on Dantooine, which made me happier again. I only caught glimpses of my gang fighting in the armies and the carnage, but I knew they were all there.

On the dusty battlefield there was an abandoned smoothie and I drank it.

The Sith had tanks too, but it was easy enough to pick them up and smash them into each other with the Force. Except for one which had the main gun and it shot me, but just before the shell hit everything went all green and energyish and I fell asleep I guess.

When I woke up everyone was dead and I saw Ahm'niisyah standing over me next to the destroyed tank. "You're welcome," he said before disappearing and fucking off.

I looked around. The hills around the volcano were surrounded by piles of dead Sith troopers, and the melted slag from their walls and all their bases that now belonged to us but they were destroyed so it didn't even matter anymore. Lots of the wookiees were dead too, all of them in fact, but the Mandalorians had retreated and also my crew was still alive so that was okay.

"So what now, guys?" Asked Canderous washing tank oil off of his hands. " Guess the war's over now, but still no Strar Map."

"Hang on a second," I said and I waved my gang to follow me.

I walked up to the top of the volcano and looked down over the edge. I fell back in shock, but Bassie caught me, so we all looked over again. "Well _shit._"

The volcano-shaft went all the way down to the planet's core of Kashyyyk, but we could see... Space ships flying aroud in it. A big fleet in formation. Sith warships! I called Jolee again. "Vice President, there's hell down here! An entire SITH FLEET! Hiding inside of the planet's core!"

"**VWWHHAAAAAAAAART!**" the old man wheezed so loud that his dentures exploded over the phone. "How is that even possible!"

"I dunno, but i did hear a story once that the Sith were secretly building shields and engines that would allow ships to fly thru the inside planet's cores... There's over 52 battlecruisers down there, not counting the rest of the fleet. We'll need to find some way to destroy them all, or else this whole battle's just been for nothing!"

I hung up after that. "But wot in the blimery bugger-flossing slosh can we do against an entire Sith fleet!?" Bastila yelled Britishly. "We need some farked reinforcements!"

I looked back down the volcano hill at the remaining Wookie army. "No we don't," I said, "Because I have something better... an _**IDEA.**_"

_**And it would be my best one EVER.**_

* * *

A/N: TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIST! I was really trying to think of some interesting special techs that could be used in this story since it is science fiction and Star Wars fanfic ppl often forget that so here's one more for the pile. Surprise!


	21. The Big KABOOM

A/N: Actually guys I don't care that much about reviews as long as you read it. So sorry for being confrusing. But reviews are really nice just like author's notes so it's fun to get them too. ;)

* * *

We were all in the war room of the Wookiee Command Center. It was The place was very dark and dim, with chairs circling in rows endlessly around the big screen where I was standing. But there were flashing red lights in the ceiling and floors because it was at Red Alert, and I had assembled everyone for a briefing about what we were gonna do to win the Kashyyyk War once and for all. My plan was a long shot, but it was the only one we've got.

On the screen was a dark, glowing map of the place. I was pacing aroud in front of it, smoking a ciggarrette and everyone was looking all hushed and brooding because of the grimness of the situation. Sitting aorund the place was Carth, Mission, Zaalbar, T3, HK-47, Canderous, Bastila. Vice President Jolee Bindo, and the wookiee militia commanders who were all useless except for my plan. Ahm'niisyah was sitting in the back eating a bag of pretzels, but it was okay because noone could see him except me. Everything was dark and grim.

"Okay guys," i said. "As you all know, the Sith have somehow snuck an entire fleet into the planet's core of Kashyyyk itself." I gestured at Carht, and he pushed a button to change the slide. Now it showed us Kashyyyk with the fleet inside it. "When i first found it I counted 52 Interdictors, 25 Battlecruisers, 107 Friggate Picket Cruisers, and 805 Corvettes."

"What!" said one of the wookiee militia commanders. "That's the size of a sector fleet! We have no firepower equal to that! What sort of madness do you say to us?"

"_**SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME BRIEF**_," I thundered back, and he did. "Anyway, as you know we have no way to equal that fleet's military strength. We lost over 20,000 wookiee militia troopers in the big battle whic hwas well over half our army strenght. If we leave the Sith alone, then soon enough they'll just come back up outta that volcano and build another base again. We need some way to destroy them all, all at once."

"But how!?" Asked Canderous. "I say we cut our losses and run."

"We've got nowhere to run," I explained. "There's only one chance, my plan."

"Then how do we destroy the Sith fleet?" Carth asked.

I smiled and changed the slide. It now showed a big skull and crossbones glowing in red. "By blowing it up," I said. "We need to get all of the explosives on the surface of Kashyyyk togeteyher – nukes, atomic bombs, ion bombs, neutron bombs, electron bombs, proton torpedoes, proton rockets, concussion missles, concussion rockets, concussion torpedoes, rockets, bombs, space bombs, air bombs, water bombs, earth bombs, fire bombs, grenades, frag grenades, stun grenades, flashbang grenades, rocket grenades, laser grenades, carbonite missles, super missiles, napalm bombs, implosion bombs, thorium charges, thermal dtonators, thermal charges, thorium thermals, mines, flash mines, flash bombs, flares, fireworks, firebombs, firecrackers, and sparklers. We'll put 'em all together to make the biggest bomb Kashyyyyk has ever seen. And we drop it down the hole onto the main Sith flagship."

I went to the next slide, which showed an explosion. "BOOM," I said. "Sith fleet's gone forever, thanks to yours truly."

Vice President Jolee bindo squinted at the screen because he couldn't see very well without his spectacles. "An interesting little plannn,: he wheezed. "But how do you know it will work? This may be unsafe! Detonating explosives inside of the core!?"

"Maybe," I said. "But they're not gonna do any less damage than the Sith will once they realize their base upstairs is destoyed. So are we in, or out?"

Ahm'niisyah was still eating his pretzels. But yeah, they were in.

"Then he's get started," I said.

* * *

I stood on the roof and watched hundreds of hovertrucks, wookiee trains, and speedercopters ferrying explosives across Kashyyyk's barren wastes that was the Shadowlands of Kashyyy. Next to me then came up behind Ahm'niisyah.

"Pretty clever plan, I have to say," Said my friend beneath his dark, shadowy hood so I couldnt see his face. He was eating from a greasy bag of french fries.

I glanced back at him. "Thanks, I said sourly. "But it's just a diversion. Wwe still have no idea where the Star Map is. Plus, I'm starting to think that Chuundar just suckered us into doing his dirty work for him. We basically wiped out those Czerka guys for him, but they were actually the Exchange. And he's still holdering Zallbar for a hostage with him."

Ahm'niisyah swallowed the first wad of french fry and started cramming more into his mouth. I couldn't smell it, thuogh because I probably had a cold or maybe it was my beard getting in the way. It was starting to grow more. "And what else?"

"I also don't trust Jolee Bindo, either. I'm surprised he didn't even notice you with the Force in the briefing."

He shrugged. "He's old and frail. And his Force sight powers aren't all that sharp. You still shouldn't trust him, though."

"I haven't."

"So that's goot," he declared. "Listen, I'm gonna go see if there's anything we've missed about the Starmaps. You just focus on this war here, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. And he was gone so I just kinda focused on becoming more powerful in the Force.

* * *

A few hours later I was standing on the hill of the volcano with Carth, Canderous, Mission, T3, Badstila, and HK. All the explosives on the planet Kashyyyk that we could get our army's hands on were now tied together in a huge mass of crates and set on a timer, and then hooked onto a Czerka Hovercopter I had stolen in the meantime. It was now carrying the bomb over the edge.

"**RELEASE CABLE IN TEN SECOND!**"" I bellowed at Carth through a blast-proofed megaphone.

"Copy that," He said because he was a decent pilot I guess.

"**ZER0 SEC0ND!**"

And the hovercopter dropped the bomb down the volcano, and we didn't hear it land because it was too far away for it to happen immediately.

Carth landed the hovercopter and came over to us. "Not bad, huh!?"

"Yeah, if this whole thing actually works or not," Canderous muttered, looking at the black sand of the hill.

I looked at my watch. "Should have landed by now. We'll know in about five seconds."

Six seconds later we ran to the edge of the volcano and looked down. We could see the core with the Sith fleet flying in formation inside of it, and the flagship in the middle... But there wasn't any kind of explosion. Bastila flipped her hair and rolled her eyes at us. "Cawth, awr yuu _**shore**_ yu drawpped it awn tawwgit?" She said.

Carth was indignant! "Of course I did!," he determined. "I've been flying int he Republic Navy for over twenty years! Just because I'm no Jedi spoiled **prince** to match your _princessiness_ doesn't mean I can't take a mechanical shit out of a toy hovercopter!"

"**HUFFF! How DARE you regawd a membah of the fiddlesticking Jedi ORE-DAH in such a sloshfounded manner!**" Bastila fumed Britishly. "**I am **_**not **__**spoiled,**_** and yew shuld learn how to receive a spiffing criticism onec in a while, you blasted **_**cawhck!**_"

"Guys, shuddup and listen," I said loudly because they were both being bitches as usual. "Do you hear that?"

Because the ground was rumbling under us and starting to exploding far off in the horizon! And lava was coming out! And the volcano was starting to erupt! We could see streams of epxlosion shooting into the sky.

"**JADEN AMNESIA!**" Roared Jolee Bindo thru the Presidental Phone from Kachiraho. "**WHAT IN THE NAME OFF MY RUDDY SHRIVELED BALLSACK IS MAKIN' ALL THAT RACKET!?**" because it turned out that earthquakes were happening all over Kashyyyk! Hundreds of thousands of square miles of trees were getting flattened, and melted and explosioninged to splintered ashes bygushes of new volcanic eruptions. Millions of people were getting toasted.

"STATEMENT WE GOTTA GET US OUTTA THE BLAST ZONE RADIUS!"! zapped HK-47 waving aroud like a Rethan Artificial Robot-Scarecrow.

"No!" I shouted back over the roaring of destruction. "It's not the bomb! Look!"

We ran back over to the edge and looked down. The Sith fleet was bombarding the planet's surface from inside the core! With their turbolasers and other stuff! "They've noticed us! The entire planet's under attack!" Declared Chuundar.

"My home!" Cried Zaalber.

Now we were in some deep shit. The surface of Kashtyyyk was starting to crack and splinter apart slowly in every region of it, and according to radio reports there were holes being blasted into the oceans, which was gettting all drained away and incinerated by the heat of the core. LKashyyyk was being destroyed and I had to do something if I was gonna find that Star Map!

I looked at the Sith flagship again and squinted hard. Then I walked away from the hole.

"Well this is a fine shithole we've gotten ourselves into," I muttered as I put on my Volcano Suit. "Only one way out now."

"Woah hold on there!" Carth said running up next to me frantically. "What do you think you're doing!?"

"I gotta dive down the real shithole, _that_ hole." I said pointing at the volcano. "Carth wasn't off-target, the bomb landed on the flagship, it just didn't goo off. Someone needs to go down there and fix it."

"Jayden, _you_ suhr are _out_ of your winchestering **mind!**" Bastila said. "You're crazy! You cahn't risk yourself like this!"

"Believe me, sugar," I said. " I'm not the dumbass-heroic type like Carthy here. But it has to be me. I rigged that thing up myself, there's nobody else who'll know how to fix it. Once I restart the timer, I'll just head inside the ship and steal one of their escape pods or something for a wetway. I'll be out in no time unless I die a horrific incinerating death in the core but there's no other way so I will be okay."

Everyone looked all glum because they couldn't go with me. I flipped them off, locked on my helmet, and jumped over the side and into the volcano. "Don't wait up for me!" I shouted back over my shoulder.

I fell for maybe about ten minutes down toward the Sith fleet. I had some thrusters on the suit so I was able to move around some, which was good because I had to dodge the occasional turbolaser or stream of lava as they shot up from the core. I spent the time otherwise gathering Force strength because I just knew this was gonna be a bitch of a task.

I finally slammed down onto the roofed hull of the Sith flagship, in the center of the core oof Kashyyyk. Unfortunately I saw that I was off-target just a tad; the bomb was there, but a bit of a walk away. I started top walk toward it but already my suit started giving me warnings about taking damage from core because the amplified gravity there was too much for the suit to handle for long.

The heat waves made mirages around me. I saw the bomb and started walking. Suddenly I felt like I was missing holdings Bastila in her hands so I turned on the radio to try to talk to her, but sure enuogh the transmitter didn't escape the core because of the density of the magnetic field. The gravit ywas getting worse as I went on too, and I had to use the Force a bit just to walk at my normal speed.

Halfway to the bomb I fell on my face, except the face-plate of my helmet but luckily it didn't crack. "ARRHGGH!" I struggled as I tried to get up. But suddenly then somebody pulled me up! It was...

HK-47!

"HK!?" I yelled thru the speaker. "What are you doin' down here?!"

"Answer: To help you, Master. I knew you would need my help."

I smiled. "Well then stop jawin' and help me walk the rest of the way! Let's blow this fuckin' whale off of the beach!"

"Answer: Yes, Master." So HK helped me walk over toward the huge tied-crates that were the bomb, but we had more trouble to deal with on the way: Sith troopers started popping up onto the hull of the ship and taking potshots at us. I forgot to bring any guns with me so HK had to deal with them. But I was listening on the radio, and aside from cussing at us and generally being angry (Sith troopers are trained to be angry all the time so that they fight harder) I heard one of them report to the bridge saying' "I think the wookiees must be betraying us!"

That was suspicious. "HK, make anote of that," I said. "I think Chuundar's tryin' to fuck us or something."

"Answer: Disgusting organic meatbag habits," He replied.

When we got to the bombI found the timer-detonator and we ripped the panels off. HK and I started trying to check the wires and transistors and stuff and figure out what was wrong. Too bad though, because the thing melted from the heat of the core right before my eyes, into a puddle of molten metal.

"SHIT!" I yelled trying to wipe the gooey stuff off my gloves. "What the hell do we do now!"

Before HK could answer though I heard six thuds on the deck behind me, like dudes slamming down onto it like I had just landed minutes ago before.

"You have better things to worry about I'm afraid than a mere _bomb_, Mister Amnesia," said the man behind me. We turned around and gasped – it was... _**CALO NORD AND THE FIRE **__**BOYS!**_

Calo Nord was standing behind me, looking as ever, except with a toothpick sticking out of his mouth and the biggest shit-eating grin of his life. "You lead me on the craziest chases, you know that?" He asked. "First into the desert, now down a volcano! But nobody gets away from us in the end. Not even you."

"Maybe," I said. "But once I kill your asses dead down here I won't need to get away." And I attacked. I attacked Calo Nord with my fists and we pretty much just beat the shit out of each other. He was dangerous more now so than ever in this volcano, every single down-punch he landed on me was super-amplified by the more powerful gravity of the core, and he wrenched my limbs around in the sockets. Thanks to the Force I survived.

Meanwhile HK-47 was gunning it out with Hintsty "The Rock" Bender, Darco Algheri, and the other Fire Boys including Buck. Buck was trying to kill the droid by surfing him over the edge of the ship but that wasn't interesting so I'll talk about my fight with Calo Nord instead.

We were punching each other alot. I would have just cut him in half with my lightsaber but I realized that it was inside my pocket of my suit that was inside the Volcano Suit so I coukdn't get at it. But I did have a chance. Fortunately my Volcano Suit was heavily damaged from Calo's thrashing.

"Hey Calo!" I jeered. "Gimme one right here on the kisser!"

"You asked for it!" He said and did a spin-hyperpunch that smashed my faceplate apart, cracked the volcano suit into several pieces, and set it on fire and it melted off of me. That actually scalded me pretty bad but before I could pass out I snapped on my prurple lightsaber and used the light to stun me awake in front of my eyes. Before engaging Calo I checked on the others:

Hintsy "The Rock" Bender shot in the head by HK.

Draco Algheri forced to eat his socks and died from indigestion.

Buck punched to death!

The other Fire Boys shot except for Schtirlund Himmellierch, who was in a knifefight with HK.

"Hope you've got somebody to say prayers to," Calo crowed as he pulled out his blaster rife. "Cuz nows' the time to say those prayers to him!"

"Nope," i said flaming up real good and sliced the gun apart. Then I did an Improved Flurry Attack and slashed at Calo's arms and legs, wounding him minorly. He tried a wrist-mounted flamethrower on me but it was so hot in the core that it didn't do anything and I cut it off of him anyway. But he smashed me in the face with his fist, but as I fell rolling away I kicked and slashed him again with my saber, and he fell backa gainst the crates of the bomb.

Now Schurtlund Himmelleirch was dead and HK was walking over to us, sparking and damaged from the knives. I got back up and was about to head for Calo, but he pulled something out of his ass I guess, or at least Id dudn't see where he'd gotten it from.

"Ha ha, well maybe you've killed my own gang," He laughed, "But I'll be a gundark's grandaddy if I aint gettin' that bounty from Darth Malak!" And he held up the thing, and it was a thermal detonator! "This thorium chrage will blast us all to pieces and then you'll be dead for the bounty Jaden Amnesia!"

I GASPED.

But he pushed the button and nothing happened. "WHAT!" Calo roared. "WHY DIDN"T IT"

But by the time he was about to finished the sentence my lightsaber had cut his nose off, and then I fried him with a bolt of lightning and he slowly melted into a stain of gunk on the floor. And Calo Nord... was dead.

That didn't help me though because now I realized I was on fire and couldn't breath in the atmosphere down here in the core, and I started to asphsiffocate. I tried to get HK to help me but he wasn't moving. Apparently he'd shut himself off from the damage so I just kinda pounded on him and started to run out of air.

As I started rolling around on the deck and lose my eyes I saw someone standing over me. It was... ! Ahm'niisyah!

"VWHhhhAAAAA?!"I said.

"Oh geeze," He said. "I forgot you don't know how to use the Force to breath in unbreathable environments? What am I gonna do with you, Jaden?'

"I'm DYING YOU ASSHOLE" I tried to yell but I could only spit at him, so I did.

"Okay fine, I'll train you up real fast," He declaimed. "But I sure feel sorry for whatever sod will be your Jedi Master when all this is over."

So in another minute I was gasping and alive again on the ship's roofed hull, and I shakily got back up to my feet. Ahm'niisyah was eating a pack of twinkies, but I was not interested in food. Suddenlu though Jolee Bindo called me again. "**JADEN YOU AGELESS SCOUNDRAL FOOL**," he roared thru the static. "**W'RE DYING UP HERE! KACHIRAJO CITY IS ERUPTING AND CATCHING FIRE! WE CANT TAKE MUCH MORE! YOU HAVE TO DESTORYP THAT FLEET! NOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW~!**"

HK turned back on. "Apology: Sorry, Master. Power needed to be preserved. Who is the other meatbag? Shall I kill him for you?"

I glanced at Ahm'niisyah. He didn't move, but he was eating some Doritoes. "I-uh, he's a friend, Ignore him. Right now HK we need to find a way to get this bomb to explode without a detonator... Honestly I know how, but it's pretty stupid so it's our only option."

"Answer: I am at your disposal, Master."

"For all the hyping up about this bomb of yours, it better be a good explosion, jaden." Ahm'niisyah said.

I didn't answer him. I ran over to Calo Nord's corpse,l and found a titanium grappling-hook that he and the Fire Boys had apparently used to repel down here from the volcano's lip. I picked it up, shot it out of the volcano, and tied it onto my belt. It seemed to latch onto something up there, so the cable was probably secure. "Okay guys, grab on," and they did. "HK, gimme a blaster pistol."

He did.

"Here goes nothing," I said and shot the bomb twice. The blasts went into one of the crates and set it on fire, and it started to spread pretty quick. It would take a moment or two for it to reach the rest of it, which should set it off, but we'd need to be at least not _too_ close when that happened. I was just about to throw the switch to zip us out of the hole when suddenly a hatch slammed up in the ship's roof and a creepy-looking man in business suit, red hair, and a suitcase came sprinting out of it toward us.

"WAIT! WAIT!" He spittemmed, spitting all over the place and immediately drenched in his own sticky sweat. "I'M NOT WITH THE SITH! I JUST WANNA GET OUTTA HERE AND GET PAYED!"

I had no interest in this man so I switched the hook, but in the last instant he grabbed onto Ahm'niisyah's and HK-47's feet, and he was taken along for the ride as we rocketed up out of the planet's core, came to the lip of the volcano's edge, and got slammed onto the ground in exhaustion seconds later.

It was just as I got back on my feet when the bomb exploded, pretty much the loudest thing I'd ever heard in ym life. The Sith fleet was obliterated by a gigantinormously expanding fireball that incinerated the entire planet's core itself from the inside out and kept going, blasting a third of Kashyyyk's mass and half of its crust off into space, where we saw it splinter apart into a hundred million little bits, forming an radioactive and slowly falling asteroid field around the Kashyyyk. The sky was caught on radioactive fire as well, and it turned bright gold before disintegrating entirely, and the ocean warped, bended, and funneled into space with no gravity to hold it down. The forests wouldn't last long, either, becuse their sunlight wasnt enough.

That was how I ended the most of the war on that planet of the galaxy. But there was still a few things left for me to do on the planet Kashyyyk... Like finally getting around to finding that freaking Star Map.


	22. It's time to HIT BACK

A/N: Heh heh heh... Guess the explosions on Kashyyyk were a bit _TOO_ early for 4th of July! xD But they're enjoyable anyway, except for the fact I'm sick... But it's O.K! I can still eat hot dogs and I can still write, because Im going to write this whole chapter under just TWO HOURS, and I hope you all can too in your freedom to do so?

Just warning you guys... The story is getting more extreme! The war on Kashyyyk is over but now there's MORE in danger than jsut the planet... Will our heroes survive?!

* * *

I sat down on top of the volcano with Carth, Bastila, HK, T3, Candeorus, and Juhani. Arond us the planet of Kashyyyk was starting to continue to be destroyed, and the last of the clouds were just finishing catching fire above us. But right now we had to figure out what our next move would be.

"According to telemetry reports," HK reported, "The atmosphere is also starting to leak out of the planet,. It won't be breathable for more than twenty more hours.'

"Okay," I said, my shoulders on my knees staring at the ground. In one hand I was waving a stick around for no particular resason. "That limits our options a bit. That leaves us twenty hours to find the Star Map."

"But how?" Asked Mission who didn't know where the Star Map was.

I looked up. "Chuundar. It has to be him. He has to know. He commands the entire armies of Kashyyyk and had enough explosives to blow half the planet up, he must know where it is. And now that I've held up to my end of the bargain and ended the Kashyyyk War for him he owes me. He won't be very happy to see us though so we need to be some... _impoliter_ than _usual_ when we go back to him..."

I drew a picture of the Star Map in the sand.

Suddenly I realized that we weren't along up there on that miserable erupting volcanic hill... The creepy guy with red hair was there! He had been unconscious for a few minutes, but now he stumbled up in his business suit with his bulky briefcase, and he lookat at me stuper-scared. "YOU!"

And he tried to run away but Bastila grabbed him with the Force, and I ran over and beat the shit out of him with my stick. "**SHUT UP!**" I yelled. "_**ASNWER MY MOTHERFUCKERING QUESTIONS YOU FUCK OR I'LL SHOVE THIS STICK UP YOUR NOSE AND PLANT YOU IN THE SHADOWLANDS AND YOULL GROW ROOTS ND BE JUST ANOTHER STUPID TREE FOR THE CZERKAS TO CUT DOWN AND THROW IN THE TO FIRE OF THE FREAKING TREE TAINS! WHO ARE YOU?**_" And I also punched him for good measure.

"_MY NAME IS EDGAR PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I JUST WORK FOR THE EXCHANGE AND I WAS TRYING TO MAKE BUSNIESS MONEY AND I USED TO BE THE THIRD IN COMMAND OF DAVIK KING BUT NOW IM AN EXCHANGE BUSINESS MAN BECUSE TARIS IS DESTROYED!_"

i GRABBED him. "_**We already killed the Exhcange while they were disguised as Czerkas! Tell me THE TRUUUUUUUUUTHTTHHHHHTHTTHH!**_" I roared so loud that my eyes glowed red for a bit and his red hair started to break into pieces and blow away in the wind.

"_AAAGHHG!" he yelled. "OKAY I ACTUALLY WORK FOR CHUUNDAR HE WANTED ME TO HELP HIM FIND THE CONSPIRACIST BECAUSE I WAS USED TO BE AN EXCHANGE PERSON! IM TELLING THE TRUTH!_"

I threw him on the ground! And then asked him some more questions. "You were right, he went on. Chuundar _does_ have the Star Map all along. And you guys _were_ his patsies because this isn't why he wanted the Kashyyyyk war ended. That Sith armies and fleet you just destroyed? Those were _Mandalorians_ in disguise. And the Czerkas who were actually Exchange people are still out there, and they are _Sith_ in disguise with more bases on Kashyyyk. Chuundar sentyou guys to kill them all so that the planet would be secure for him to sell that Star Map back to the Sith!"

"Okay then so what's in the briefcase," Said Cath opening it up and he screamed. Inside... was Dead... Davik... King's... **HEAD!**

I just looked at it. "You're one fucked up dude, Edgar." I said. And I had HK-47 tie him up for a hostage, but just then a whole platoon of wookie militiamen showed up and the one leading them was... Jolee Bindo! He was walking to the front with his cane.

"_jAAAaaYYDEN AMENSIA YOU HAVE DESTROYED KASHYYYK WITH YOUR MADDENING PLAN! CHUUNDAR HAS SENT ME AND I SHALL KILL YOU IN REVENGE OR ELSE SWITCH TO YOUR SIDE AFTER YOU DEFEAT ME SINCE YOU ARE ALSO A JEDI WITH ANOTHER JEDI IN YOUR PARTY AND IT WOULD BE A SHAME OF ME TO HAVE TO KILL YOU BOTH IF I HAVE TO SO AND I HOPE THAT I WON'T!_" HE SHOUTED.

"You're a fool and a shithead if you think this is _my_ fault, Chuundar!" I shuoted back from the high ground. "The Sith destroyed this place, not me! They fucked up my plan, and it's not my fault."

"_WE SHALL NOT LISTEN TO YOU, DOG!_" Jolee shrieked, getting out his green lightsaber cane. It switched to "ON." "_PREPARE TO FIGHT!_"

Then the wookiee platoon charged us with their wokiee bear-claws. Fortunately for us we had guns, and in about two minutes me, Carth, Mission, HK, and Mission had killed them all with our blasters. Carth was a good shot but HK killed twice as many wookiees as him, and I killed three times as many as HK.

After I'd killed all the wookiees I switched to my red lightsaber and Jolee jumped up onto the volcano's thin edge to duel with me while veveryone watched. Jolee was an old Vice President man but he knew able to fight with a good reach from his the lightsaber cane he have. He had good Master Power Attacks but my Constitution was at an all-time high so I could dodge them pretty good.

He was a dirty old man so he tried to Force-push me into the volcano, but I was able to absorb them. I had ot blast at him with Force lightning, but he somehow like caught it on his lightsaber blade and it went away. Then I got an idea dn stabbed at his legs, and he summersolted over me and landed behind, but he hurt himself on landing because his knees are bad, and I kicked his saber-cane into the volocano so he couldn't stand anymore. Then I raised my leg-knee up and did a Downward-Master Power Attacking Hammer-Kick that pounded him down into the volcanic rock, smashing him to death beneath it. He kept just burrowing down and down from the Force of my blow until eventually he'd reach the empty void where the core was supposed to be, and then he'd get finish to drowned and then Jolee Bindo was dead at last.

"Okay," I said putting away my weapons. "Now that the Vice President is dead Chuundar will start to suspect something. We had better regroup fast with the rest of our gang in Kajiraho, and go after Chuundar immediately. He still has the Ebon Hawk hostage!~"

So we got outta there fast.

* * *

I snuck into the citry of Kachiraho with Carth, Bastila, Mission, T3, HK, and Ahm'niisyah was probably there somewhere but I couldn't see him yet so it didn't matter. The city was in shambles and had been reduced to a flaming desert, with only a handful of the biggest trees and platforms left. Thousands of wookiees were trying to put out the fires so they didn't notice us.

We headed to the Wookiee Goverment Tree where Chuundar would be holed up with Zaalbar and the detonator to the Ebon Hawk. We had to get him before it was too late. We snuck into the through the wooden air vents and did a lot of climbing to get up to the top, but they ended at the top so we had to get out of the 60th floor instead.

"The elevator's on the other side of the building," T3 explained using his scanners to find it.

I snapped on my ligthsaber and it was actually blue this time for a reason I will explain later. "Then let's wreck this shit," I said as the guards came around the corners after us.

I led the charge into them. The guards were all human which was strange, and they weren't Czerkas which was even stranger, they were all guys in molty armour and had Tarisian accents and stuff, like the Black Vulkars had had. That didn't help them though and I had a good time slicing them up with my ligthsaber, and so did Bastila seem to. Deflected laser shots bounced around everywhere, smashing paintings and statues and other pieces of art, and pottery bits and glass shards scattered the floor. Made good Force-throw things at the gaurds, too.

Suddenly I felt a bit sick, coughed, and pulled a clump of hair out – half of it was grey. That was weird. "Hey Bassie, you take point," I muttered and fell in behind her.

We kept going down the main hall from tthere. There was tons of extra rooms on either side but I figured we had no time to loot them because the capital city was on fire and it was only a matter of time until the Government Tree joined it. "Shore is a ruddy lot of doors ovuh thuh ployce!" Bastila howled, playing with her double-saber.

Another squad of Black Vulkars came out of the elevator we were looking for dead ahead. "Stawp roit where you are!" Bassie shouted. "In then name of-"

The next sound was the sound of my Force lightning frying all six of them to death at once into the elevator. She stood in place in shock as I walked past. "Yeah, you're welcome, bitch," I said.

We didnt make it to the lift tho, because even before Bastile could start to bitch at me all of the doors except for the elevator door which shut itself exploded open and a whopping _two hundred_ Black Vulkar guards swarmed out to surround us. They were heavy-armoured and had rocket launchers and sonic pistols and disruptors and shotguns, and they glew blue with purple personal shields, too, and they were surrounding us... But at the front was _**BREJICK!**_

'NO!" Carth shouted.

"_Brejick!?_" I roared. "What are _you_doing here and I thought I had killed you on Taris!"

Brejick stepped to the front of the Black Vulkar Crowd, two feet taller with muscles than the last time I had seen him, and with a big shit-eating grin plastered on his face and an even bigger one painted onto his Pallaxidian Wrestling Mask. "Maybe _so_, _Mister _Amnesia!"He admitted cracking his knuckles. "But right now I think you have _bigger_ things to worry aobut... **such **_**as**__your impending __**demise."**_ he said.

I glanced out the big window to the left and smiled. "Maybe, maybe not," I said and that was a trick because it actually _wasn't_ me standing there, it was _Ahm'niisyah_ in disguise as me, following my plan! And then he disappeared in front of everyone because he can turn invisible, and everyone was shocked, especially Brejick who yelled and punched a hole into the floor. And while everyone was distracted by that I flew my stolen Czerka Hovercopter in thru the window, smashing into the hallway and crushing dozens of Black Vulkars.

Then I set the turrets of the thing onto autofire and it started sprawing the 160 remaining Vulkars with its slalvos of electro-bullets, and I jumped out to help my gang. Ahm'niisyah was safely away, I figured. I did an Improved Spinning Tornado Attack with my two lightsabers (red and purple because those are the actual colors), and also used the Force to shoot blasts of tornado at the guards further away, smashing bones and other stuff as I chopped them apart.

Soon the numbers were a little more even with the Hovercopter helping us, and it was down to me and Brejick. "_Now_ let's see how happy you are, fuckmeister," I said with an evil grin.

Brejick punched me in the face with that, and I dropped both my lightsabers as I fell onto my back. When I opened my eyes again the huge muscley bald masked man was standing over me trying to choke me to death with my own tie.

I struggled a bit, then used the Force to rip off his mask. It was Brejick's normal face underneath, except with no hair, and suddenly he looked shocked at me. So I shocked him with some Force lightning and he dropped me. Then he picked uptwo Black Vulkars and threw them at me. I had to stop them by punching them back, and they quadruple-kicked Brejick in the kneecaps as they landed.

After that I got super-man that Brejick had come back to life so I did a Force-speeded bull-rush and smashed him with my head, sending him flying into the Stolen Czerka Hovercopter's turbines, which he got caught in and the whole thing exploded, killing the rest of the Black Vulkars with the shrapnel and flame, and every room on the 60th floor except the elevator smashed apart with bolts of lightning shooting across the destructed walls. And I got my lightsabers back.

I saw Ahm'niisyah among the destruction and smoke. Before my gang could hear I told him, "Great job, that plan went great! You go get the Ebon Hawk now, we'll handle Chuundar."

He nodded. "Sure," he said and headed off down the stairs.

Then we got in the elevator and I pushed the button for the 100th floor, the top one. As the thing started to going up, though, the giant screen turned on in the doors and it was Chuundar. He looked angry.

"JAYDEN AMNUSSSIAO!" he howled.

I loked up being I had been looking at the floor. "Hi," I said sheepishly.

"You had destoyed my beautiful planet home with your outsider technology madness! And now you dare come into my house."

"Get off my back, man. I killed that Sith army and fleet by myself like you wanted me to. Time for you to do your part. I want my ship back and I wanna know where the Star Map is. If you don't wanna tell me now, I'll happily come and shit it out of you."

The wookieee roared and started slashing up his desk with claws and he snatched up the Wookiee Flag, which was that potted plant tree thing. "_You see this!?_" He said. Anbd then he threw it into his fireplace. "This is what you have done! The trees are in ruins! Kashyyyk shall no longer be called that now, I will call it Lola Sayu now, becaue that means _Horrible DESTRUCTION_ and that's what you did to it! But then I shall do it to you if you seriously are about tocome up to my office now!"

I smiled. "You won't have to wait long." And I blew the screen up with my rage-Force powers.


	23. Kashyyyk Gets Its Face Off

I rolled onto the Wookiee Presidential Courtroom thing on the 100th Top Floor of the Wookiee Government Tree with Carth, Canderous, Bastila, HK, T3, Mission, and Zaalbar. It was a huge room with stairs and platforms all over the place, and a huge window on the side behind Chuundar's desk. He was standing there looking out onto Kashyyyk, which was even more on fire than before and sinking into the lava of the core of the planet. And the radioactive asterois belt was starting to fell out of the skying too.

"Jaden Amnesia" Grunted the President of Kashyyyk. "You have done so much damage to my planet that I am _angry!_"

I looked at Carth, Bassie, and Mission, who were uncomfortable. I realized why; I had to pretend to be a goody-guy again. That meant... "Yeah, About that," I said to Chuundar coming up to the desk. "I'm kinda sorry about all that, it wasn't part of the plan. This whole thing is the Sith's fault, though you gotta realize. And I _did_ do what you asked and killed them all and the Czerka, so youv'e got nothing against me. So I figure that if you wanna be reasonable we can finish up our business here and be on our way."

Bastila punched me in the arm, and I glared at her. "Oh yeah, and I'm sorry I killed your Vice President to Jolee BIndo. He was a Jedi but he turned to the dak side and stuff so I had to do it. So yeah, I'd like the Ebon Hawk back, and the Star Map as you promised."

Zaalbar turned toward me. "I am not sorry Jaden, and your creims against Kashyyyk cannot be ignored so I will give neither things away to you. Is there anything else you must ask before you die?"

"Yeah actually," I said shoving Edgar in chains up to the front. "This guy spilled his guts to me a while ago about your innocent little deal to Sell the Star Map to the Sith. So tell me the rest and tell me why you have Black Vulkars and Exchange guys working for you! And tell me what's going on with your bitch here," I added shoving Edgar onto the floor in front o fus and kicking him a few times.

"Where... did _you_ find him?" Chuundar asked.

"I'm sorry sir," Edgar started, " The Mandos captured me while I was on my lunchbreak, and then I-"

But Chuundar stopped him, kicking him so fast with superhuman speed that poart of the leg exploded off of his fur, and aside from kicking out two of Edgar's teeth giving him a mouthful of teeth bits and wookiee fur, and he was rolling around gagging loudly. "_ENOUGH WORDS FROM YOU_, off-worlder." He proclaimed royally. "Youru _failures_ will be rewarded as is deserved to your just desserts.""

"He said he's working for you to help him kill the Conspiracist. Aside from the Star Map and my ship, I wanna know everything you know about that guy. Play ball and I'll be out of your hair forever here." I looked at my watch after that and then out the window. "And decide if you will soon. Like, within a minute please."

Chuundar pointed at a screen, where the Ebon Hawk was still welded to explosives. "You _**still**_ believe you can order _**me**_ around while I have your precious _spaceship_ hostages?" He boomed. "**I** _am_ _**the**_ _**KING!**_**"**

I looked at the galaxy map of Chuundar's influence again, then was hit again as I realized it marked Taris and a dozen other planets as important for him. Then I got thinking again. "Wait a minute," I said. "You and Edgar, trying to get the Conspiracist? This is all some kinda reverse psychology bullshit, isn't it – it's actually _you_. Right? There's no other reason you'd be ready for us when we first showed up on KaSHYYYk, and then you also turn out to be doing stuff with other planets _including_ Taris."

"The real answer to _**that**_ question," said Chuundar as 300 Wookiee Troopers, Czerka Troopers, and Black Fulkar Troopers and Mandalorian Troopers all ran into the room, "May surpsei you or reather it _**w**__**ould**_ have if you'd live to hear _the answer to _it which you now will **not**." They got up on the stairs and had us covered with machine guns and rocket guns, and it looked like we were screwed again. Obviously though I smiled.

Chuundar looked angry at me for the smile. "Why are you so funny, human?" He said. "I promise I shall hve the guards kill you last so you can see your precious starship exploded before you die."

"Because I can see out your window," I said so everyone else looked out the window and there was my ace in the hool: an entire _FLEET_ of stolen Czerka Hovercopters that I'd programmed beforehand! And they were all flying straight toward the Wookiee Government Treecenter!

"SHIT!"J Chuundar roared at me. He grabbing two swords and a third one in his powerful wookiee jaws. He was just about to come at me when the Hovercopters hit, plowing into the side of the tree and exploding in blasts of hundredfold. The room lurched and everyone including me fell over, but that was fine. None of them had crashed into this room, but the impact had tilted the entire building, and it would fall over into the lava soon.

As my dudes and the guards started slaughtering each other again I went to duel Chuundar. Even using my lightsaber and darksaber I was having a hard time keeping up with his three-sworded attack, and his Strength was at least twice as high as mine even without the Force. It was the sword in his teeth that got to me the most – its placement meant that half the time it was inside my guard, so he kept cutting out parts of my suit, and my greaying hair kept still falling out for some reason.

I jumped back and saw that my gang was getting minorly shot up, and explosions were blasting splinters and craters all over the place. "Hey Chuundar, watch _this_," I said and killed half of the guards with another Super-Mega Fear wave. They all half of them fell over dead and rolled around into the flames because the Fear was killing their bodies to. That and the floor was tilting to getting steeper and steeper since the Building was falling over.

"Mprssv," Chuundar admitted, not able to talk to good with his three swrords. "BT NT MPRSSV NFF!" And he Master Power Attacked me again. I was able to avoid direct wounds, but he kept smashing me into cabinets and tables, and my ribs started hurting. After he threw me over his desk to smack into the window, I dropped my lightsaber and had an idea.

I looked over to the Wookiee Flag that was actually a small tree, just in the pot next to the Wookiee King's Desk and smiled. Chuundar saw what I was thinking but too slow, I fired up my darksaber and smashed the pot, then cut the tree itself into log bits, and threw them into the garbage with the Force.

"**NO! NOT THE REMAINING UNSOILED TREE THAT WSA THE HUMBLE SYNBOL OF WOOKIE NATIONAL INDEPEDENCE!**" Chuundar howled in pain, dropping his third sword. "**YOU HAVE DESECRATED THE PATRIOTISM OF MY HOME! FOR THIS THERE CAN BE NO ATTONEMENT**"

And he charged me, but I was ready with a Double Improved Critical Strike, and stabbed him with my lightsaber and darksaber into his heart, and he fell over.

I looked around. Almost all the guards were dead and the rest were running. I put my weapons away and leaned over Chuundar. "All right you furry magic carpetal dude," I growled. "Talk! Where's the Star Map! Whose really the Conspiracist!"

Chuundar looked behind me and so did I. The Star Map was sitting where the desk had been – I guess it was a disguise, and one ofhte missiles had destroyed it. Also the Ebon Hawk was hovering outside the big window – Ahm'niysaa had done it! Then I looked behind me. Chuundar had a remote in his head.

" **! ! ! **" I screamed but it was too late. He hit the button and the bombs went off, and the Ebon Hawk exploded in half like a firecracker, smashing all the windwos and throwing us into the wall. The tree started falling over even faster now.

I rolled around until I found myself next to Edgar's corpse – he had be shot in the crossfire. But his briefcase was still intact... And now my ears felt weird. Like there was too much air next to them. ;MY HEAIR!" I yelled as half of it fell out. "WHY IS MY HAIR GOING AWAY!" And my gooey brains were starting to leak out of the ears too, pink stuff. That wasn't good.

Carth & Bastila and the rest ran up behind me as I snapped open the briefcase, and I Gasped. It was the head of... The man who I saw in the mirror every day!

"**GRRRAAAAAHHRRRRGH!**" I shrieked because now i realized why it was all about Taris and Edgar had recognized me. "_**I'M DAVIK KING! IM THE COINSPIRACIST! I HAVE AMNESIA! III-**_" aND Then I got sick and fell unconscious, but I could still see. Couldnt hear anything though. Everyone was running in circles around me and trying not to fall over on the slanted wood floor.

Couldnt move a muscle... Then I saw the damaged Ebon Hawk fly in from outside, the ramp open, and somebody I think it was Zaalbar grab me and pull me into the ship before I blacked out...

* * *

...

...

...

;

I woke up in the Ebon Hawk with a bigass headache from like the weirdest dream _ever_ when suddenly I heard Carth shrieking at me thru the door. "**JADEN!**" He shrieked banging the dormintory doors. "**THE SHOWER'S OUTTA HOT WATER AND WE'RE LANDING ON KASHYYYK IN THIRTY MIUNTES! WHAT DO i DO?**"

I groaned and threw up over the side of the bed – this time the stuff was more yellowish than usual, but less thick. I looked at it in confusion... Hadn't this happened already? Wasn't it supposed to be runnier? And why did I think that? I'd been dreaming that I was... Like, a fight in an office or something? It felt like I'd had that dream before... Whatever that was. "**It's a **_**sonic shower**_**, you retard**," I yelled back. "**It works like off of sonic waves and science and electromagnets and shit, and it doesnt **_**get**_** hot or cold!**"

Silence for a few seconds. "Oh right. Sorry," Carth said, and he slunk away to dry himself off.

"Geeze," i muttered and tried to get back to sleep... No dice, though. I'd been sick like this ever since we left Tatooine. Figured there was no point but to get dressed and ready for landing on Kashyyyk. That Star Map wasn't gonna find itself. If only I coudl have remembered me dream, though, something told me it was interesting.

* * *

We staggered off of the Ebon Hawk's ramp with Bastila, Carth, T3, Mission, Zaalbar, and HK_477 behind me. It turned out that the planet was owned by Czerka because one of their men came stumbling out from the woods and into the clearing and talking to us about boarding fees.

What a minute. Where _is_ I? I thought I was at the...

I wasn't about to spend even more money after having bought the assassin droid so I used a mind trick to make him go away and pay our docking fee himself. Then we figured out that we needed to scout around and figure out where the Star Map was.

"Im sorry sir but that is illegal," said the Czerka man as the place flooded with green knockout gas.

"GUYS! IT"S A TRICK! IT'S A TRAP!" I roared as I tried to hold my breath and we drew our weapons. Too late, though, before we could kill the Czerka man we were all bam asleep on the ground...

* * *

I woke up with a hangover inside the bar with about sixty beat-up or dead Czerka around me, and tons of spilled booze and smashed bottles and other stuff. The headache was bad, but I smiled because a good fight could always cheer _me_ up, yessir.

I stood up and hobbled over to Carth, Bastila, and the others who were surveying the devastated room. "Heh," I laughed. "Sure did a number on the place, huh?"

"Ya know, we could get arrested for this," Carth whined. "And then where'll we be with the Star Maps, huh? We wasted an hour to come here anyway so you could get durnk, and-"

"_Relax,_" Carth. I said. "Now that I'm good and loosened up, I have a plan and this time we'll be able to find the Star Map without any hasselings like getting swallowed by a Krayt Dragon or skinned alive by Tusken Raiders. But first, we gotta get this place cleaned up and be on our way to Kachiraho..."

Still couldnt shake the feeling that I'd been dreaming too much, though.

* * *

A/N: y\


	24. The Bachelor Party

I looked around myself and surveyed the bar that I had conquored. The three dozen Czerkas I had beaten to death for trying to tell me my tab was full were strown all over the place. Half the tables and chairs were in pieces, smkashed bottles and cups were covering the floor, and the big thing of drinks behind the bar was completely smashed and had flooded the bartender's place behind the counter waste-deep in alchool. The bartender himself was drowned dead in there from alcohol poisoning.

I was smelling pretty rank so we couldn't leave just yet. I had Canderous and Carth go around and close the windows, and hang the "CLOSED" sign on the door so nobody would come in and discover us. While we were undisturbed I went into the back and looked in the mirror. I was all dirty and sticky with booze and so was my suite, so I took a bath in the sink. It only sorta worked since there was no soap, but at least the smell was gone. There was a hair-dryer in there too so I took it and dried myself off in less than ten minutes.

After that I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered who I really was supposed to be.

And after that I realized that I still had a beard of manly stubble. I didn't care much for general facial hair but I didn't have a razor, and there wasn't a sonic shaver either. I took out my darksaber and considered shaving with it, but I still was hanged over so I didn't trust myself to be at my sharpest and I put it away.

So I walked back out into the bar. Carth came up to me and his face was all scrunched up because I knew he had found something new to bitch about. "Isn't there _anything_ you like to do more than hurt people!?" He exploded but sadly not literally.

I checked the blaster pistol in my pocket, then my two lightsabers and darknaber. Then I thought for a second. "No, actually," I said. Normally I wouldve said that I enjoy shagging fair young lasses such as his Wife, Mum, or Sister provided they were hot, but then it occurred to me that I hadn't screwed anyone in years, not since Penny when my smuggling partner Howler Breck had ditched us. And on this ridiculous adventure in particular I'd had way more fun killing the people who got in my way than I ever had with chicks, so that's why I said that to answer the quesiton.

Carht was sohcked. "I!~ _I u-h... _**BWUH! You **would _seriously_ just like not even be... Hffrhrr! Nng" He spluttered.

"Yeah, and you really shouldn't be surprised by now," I said slapping him on the shoulder as I went back into the bar. "You seriously wanna tell me any of these Czerka _shits_ didn't deserve it?"

"Hwo can you even know that!?" Carth gurgled, stepping on someone's crotch with a crunch.

"Doesn't even matter, they started the fight. Self-defense is always justifiable, isn't that right Bastila!? " I called over to her.

She perked up at once. "Why yes indeed dear sir! A true Jedi uses the Force onoly to kill in righteous and detached self-defense for otherwise is th path of Dark Side and Evil!"

I looked into Carth's ugly crying face and smirked. "See? Nothing to worry about, sonny. Now then, let's get going into Kachirago."

* * *

The walk to Kachiraho was tense. I felt good after telling Carth off like he deserved and also after the barfight, but there were other things going on. We walked past a lot of parties of Czerka troopers, cutting down the far-off tees with their huge bulldozers. There were smaller groups of wookiees wailing at them an anger from the distance before they'd get taken away and enslaved too. Zaalbar was getting antsy and I was afraid he'd act out soon.

"That wont help. We shouldnt have come back here." Zaalbar grumbled.

We kept going and eventually came to the city, but got lost. "We're lost!" I yelled. But this time Carth never got a map so it wasn't his fault for once. But we found a map on the wall which pointed us to the train station.

"No sweat, Jadaen," HK-47 explained. "Let's just go there, and we can take a train to the Wookiee Government Tree. Then we can ask them about the Strar Maps."

So we headed over there and bought some train tickets, but as we headed to the train we were surrounded by Wookiee Police, and they arrested Zaalbar for not having a passport and took him away to a Police Train and he was gone.

"Well that sucked! Now we don't have a wookie!" Canderous howled.

"Calm down, we'll catch up with him at the Station. Right now though we gotta ask about the Star Map thing."

* * *

So we went to the Wookiee Tree. The Wookiee Continental Congress wasnt in session so they were taking visitors, and so we took the long escalator up to the 100th floor whewre the Wookiee King had his Wookiee Officer.

"Very clever little operation you've got going on here, Mister... Chuundar?" I asked as we all sat down. He was sitting behind his desk, with the Flag of Kashyyyk which was actually a shrub in a potted plant to the right of it.

"_KING_ Chuundar." He growled back. He was a black wookiee easily twice my height in head-straength, and he wore a corn of gold upon his hairy heads. "You offworlders would dare to show me more royal **respect,** else it'll go _bad_ for thee." And the Czerka guards all over the room looked at us itchily with their blaster rifles.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I said. Listen, we're explorers and stuff, me and my gang, and we'ew on Kashyyyk looking for a thing called a Star Map. I figured since you rule the planet you'd be a good person to ask."

Chuundar fumed for a minute under his throne, but I could sell he was lying when he said "I Hav eno knowledge of any such things. _**Wookiees**_ are not like puny _human offworlders_ and as such we have no _need_ for _maps_ to find out ways around."

I leaned forward into his desk. "Really?" I asked hardly.

"Really," Chuundar said back.

Mission hit me in the arm and then I remmbered about some thing.

"Well then I guess we'll have to talk about something else that reminds me, our gang has a wookiee member. His name's Zaalbar, and he got arrested at the Train Station by some sorta misunderstanding. Any chance you coiuld just like get him out of jail for us and we'll be on our way?"

Chuundar sat back down on his desk that the whole thing was smashed beneath his gigantic hairy weight, and he sat down in the computer chair instead. "**Xaalbar...** The name is _very_ familiar to me. Your insane friend was apprehended for having no passport. And also for affiliation with another dcrime that was committed namely the _**slaughter**_ of twenty Czerka employees at a bar... Is thera any chance _you_ might know something about that occurance?"

I stood up angrily. "That's _**thirty**_ Czerkas I killed to _**you**_, you hairy _schmuck_."

"_more_ than that actually," Chuundar said pushing abutton on the computer chairwhich make the screen light up. "So I'm afraid you and Zaalbar are undeed under arrest as well for such a crime."

"Excuse me now but I say," Bastila piped up "It's a very ruddy embearassment but wot say you?"

"Yes, woman," Said Zaalbar. And to me: ;Anyway my scoundral outsider friend, I knew who you were even as you landed your precious ship. My Czerka allies on Tatooine warned me that you were a trouble-maker."

_**"!"**_ I shouted. "_**Ungratedul sons of btichtces!**_ I wiped out the entire Tusken Enclave for them so they could mine the unobtanium on there!"

"Mine evidence says otherwise," Chuundar replied. "And in any case you are in no good position." For on the screen there was the Ebon Hawk... And there were a buncha Czerka dudes on it planting explosives. "So unless you agree to my own terms_ your ship will be destroyed_ and _**you**_ will b etrapped here, and then _**executed to death as is our Wookiee Customs!**_" And he bark-laughed at the ceiling for a full-straight minute.

"Terms?" Canderous asked.

"You son of a bitch," I growled. "I swear I'll kill you for this, you fat-haired fuck. I _**NEVER**_ forget assholes like _**you**_ until after I've _**KILLED them which is always because nobody crosses me ever and gets away to tell anyone else about it ever happening because they're ****DEAD**** and can't tell ****NOBODY****.**_"

"Hurf, make threats all you want Mister Amnesia with your stupidhuman name," Chuundar squandered. "But _IF_ you complete a favor for me in exchange for pardon, you may be allowed to leave."

"Yeah, what favor then?"

"Down in the deep Shadowlands of Kashyyyyk is a wookiee named Freyyr. He s a madman-wookieeman and has been killing my Czerka allies down there. ind him, destroy him, and bring back proof. Aftfer that you shall be pardoned of youru crimes, and your ship and Zaalbar will be returned to you."

I looked at him hard. "That's it? Kill one wookiee?":

"you're unlikely to survive the deaths of the Shadowlands to get to him," Chuundar replied. "But yes, kill that one wookiee so my slavery options can go on."

"Guess I don't have a choice then, so sure, you got a deal. Anything else?"

"**Yes,**" Chuundar roared. "**Get the fuck out of my tree!**"

And he threw us out himself."


	25. Walls In My Way

It was a nice walk down onto the way with Carth, Mission, Bastilita, T3, HK, Canderous, Carth, and Zaalbar.

"Hey Mission," Said Carth squeezing his way up to her. "How you hlding up? Zaalbar's may be a hostage but don't worry, we'll get 'im back soon."

She was sad. "Yeah, I guess so." She muttered.

"Well, okay, that's good, then," Carth said, smiling, and he patted Mission on the back, and went to the back of the group again where he belonged. Mission twitched as he did it.

Then Bastila started walking and talking next to Mission because Carth's a douchebag and doesn't actually know how to talk to girls. I still didn't believe that he ever actually had a wife. "I just can't stop thinking about my poor brother," Mission whined as we turned around a tree and walked over a huge wooden bridge. Underneath us the torchlight died ands we could only see into the huge expanse of darkness from the trees down there in the shadowy depths of those dark Shadow Lands.

We asked her why so then Mission told us all about like "His name was Griff and he's like my older brother but actually an asshole. Like most older brothers. When Mom and Dad and Him and Me got stranded on Telos he took charge, since Dad got sick and Mom was Dead. He got out Dad fired from his Sith Office job so that we could steal money from them to support ourselves, and was always trying to find ways to invent new products or gimmicks or do new things like clean droids so that we could make a steady income. But he just kept leading us into more and more crime, until Our Dad got killed and sent to jail by the Sith, so it was just me and Griff now."

"Bloody crock-puffing hell!" expunged Bastila angrily. "Your brother shore is a bahstard. Oi hope he died at the end of _this_ story."

"Hey hey now, he wasn't _that_ bad," Mission 'explained', he had a heart in the good place he just didn't know what to do with it. It didn't go downhill until he started meeting this businesswoman from Uphrades who started helping him with Tarisian Stock Market Options. They also started dating so that he could scam her and make off with her Stock Exchanges, ut the problem was that she was a better scam artist than he was. Her name was Lenna. She stole all of the Stock that we got and left Taris, and Griff ditched me and Big Z on there. Said he'd be back as soon as he stole all of our stock back and then we'd be rich. But I think they were actually in love and that that was why he left me, he forgot about me." Mission looked sad at the ground of the bridge as we came to the other side of it.

For a while nobody said not much. We just kept walking across those woody playforms and catawalks of Kashyyyk until we finally found the elevator from the map, the one that would take us down into the Shadowlands. We had to be careful of the Kath hounds scampering down the tree-trunks, butnone came close to us.

As we climbed aboard I just shook my head at Mission. "What did I tell you guys back on Taris?" I said. "Love sucks. Canderous, get going on those lift controls."

"Aye-aye," Candy grunted, and soon we were sliding down the hydralics and into the dark, with just one lantern with us on the elevator.

"Hey now," said Carth because he can't _ever_ keep his damn mouth shit. "That ain't right, the power of love is what keeps us all together even when we can't do anything!"

I leaned backwards against the railing to let the passing leaves massage my itching back. "Yeah, sure," i said. "Listen, Carthy, _nobody_ here wants to hear about your imaginary dead '_OH LOOK AT ME PEOPLE I HAVE A SAD STORY_' wife and son, okay? I can do without you idealistic morons and your sweety-love crunk – I saw what it did to my partner, Howler Breck. It turned _him_ into a son of a bitch who tried to throw me under the bus to the Sith. And on Dantooine when I killed Juhani, if that Jedi bitch Belaya wasn't _in love_ with her then it wouldnt have been such a bigass problem for her, and _**I**_ wouldn't have gotten blamed for what she pulled after that. And _then_ on Tatooine we just figured out that Bastila's Dad was soooo in love with her Wife that he would keep trying to support her with, what is it, treasure hunting? I glanced at Bassie, but she was glaring back at me because she's all stuck-up and never actually wants to debate anything. "Whatever. Point is, his name was Gregory Shan, and look where _his_ love got 'im: his wife was a psychopath and left him for the Tuskens, and abandoned their kid."

"You're _wrong,"_ Carth said because that's his favorite thing to say to people.

"Oh yeah? Well let's put it to a vote. What do you all say, guys? Is love real or does it suck?"

I voted that it sucked.

Carth voted that it was truth or something.

Bastila who was all red-faced glared at all of us and said: "Jedi say that there is no emotion but peace in the Jedi Code so I vote no, love is bollocks."

Mission voted that love was real, "But my brother Griff's a bastard who didnt love anyone."

HK-$& said that love's killing dudes with a grenade, so I guess that counted as a yes-vote.

T3 beeped that love doesn't compute.

Canderous just barked. "Hah! Mandalroians don't believe in love _or_ marriage, but we do believe in group-celebration-sex in the clans after battles of victuorious honor!" He laughed again and shot a strength-stimpack into his neck for strength in the Shadowlands.

uhani voted no, because she was a Jedi like Bastila.

**TOTALS**

**LOVE IS REAL: 3**

**LOVE IS STUPID: 6**

"See, Carth?" I said pointing at the tally. "You're wrong. Get over it."

The elevator took us down into the Shadows.

**-?-**

I stepped off the elevator and onto the dirty ground of Kashyyyk, hundreds meters down. There was so little sunlight because very little grass grew down here, and it wqas easy to make out tracks of thousands of travellers who had came before us into the thick jungle fulls of dangerous predator. Most of them looked like they had died.

Well, time to break that tradition then.

"Okay guys," I said as they followed me. "We're looking for one Wookiee Crazy Man down here in the Shadowlands. This place is supposedly real mysterious and forbidden so in all probability there ain't gonna be many wookiees to confuse us. T3, HK, turn your scanners up. Bastila and I will use the Force to sense ahead of us and look for the wookiee. Freyyr was his name, right?"

"Right," Said Canderous, straightening his battle-pants. His pockets were full of dozens of ammo clips and grenades so they sagged down a lot which was a problem because apparently Mandalorian commandos don't believe in underwear. Whatever, I'd just not lookat him. And he was still better company than Carth or Bastila.

"So that's what we're going with?" Asked Mission. "We're gonna do Chuundar's dirtywork? I wouldn't trust that walking fruitstand with a space-pole a parsec wide."

I took out a cigarrette and lit it. Smoked it a bit. "Yeah, well, until we find some clue as to the Star Map we don't got anything else to do, that stupid machine could be anywhere in this nightmare of a planet. Once Freyyr's dead we get the Wookie back and Chuundar might be willing to tell us what he knows. But if we find the Map before Feryr, we'll ditch that quest, spring Zaalbar ourselves, and skip town, fuck-all to Chuundar's dirtywork. Sound good?"

"I still don't like it," Mission said. "That Black Wookie's not going to just let us leave after seeing his fortune."

"Mission is roit," Sniffed Bastila. "We have a dodgy-dangerous line we're wolking here, Jaden, a nd it's only a matter of time before we all get too blasted heavy and that line _breaks._"

I gave her a hard look but said nothing. Once again appeared the great gap between me and my crew: Half of them were idiots and the other half were honorbound goody-two-shoed morons.

And the other half of them was Ahm'niisyah. Actually though I hadn't seen him in a while.

We started hiking ahead to the west, scanning with the Force and our sensoirs for any trace of the mad wookiee they called Freyyr. I wondered if there was a way I could get all these people killed, and get away with it, and still be able to find out enough to get that bounty on the Conspiracist.

I groaned and puffed my cigarrette into the darkness. Probably not.

* * *

I led the way into the Shadlowands. It was dangerous. We had to be careful because we kept getting ambushed by Kath hounds again, and they'd spring out at you from the bushes. Forutnately we were sensing so it was easy to see them coming, but I was worried about weapons-fire attracing more predators to us. It was bad enough as it is that we had no better way of looking for one damned wookie than to just wander through the giant forest-sized planet. I couldn't help but wonder if Chuundar had just sent us on a wild Goa lawah chase.

Plus, there was a shitton of bugs buzzing around out there, so loud that we actually had to yell half the time to hear each other talk. Whatever.

After some more walking east I suddenly sensed something weird up agead... Moving... and fighting... And the _Force._

Behind me Bastila pricked her hears up. "Jaden, do you soid that?" she called from thirty yards back.

"Yeah, hang on!" I yelled behind ,e. "I'll take point!" And I dived into the through the bushces. They were full of thorns and leaves and needles and pine needles and stickers and pollen and gnats and worms and mosquitoes and ticks and tocks and birds and branches and roots and they all cracked and squawked as I smashed through them. They tasted gross too and I had to keep spitting them out or else cover my face which case I smashed into small tree trunks and other hazards, but I had to get to that weird thing going on up ahead before my gang did. In case my hunch was right...

I tripped and fell face-into the dirt of a clearing, and jumped back up, spitting out dirt and what was left of my cigarrete. Up ahead of me was a man fighting against several Kith hounds with a flashiing green lightsaber. In a couple of slashes he had killed them and put the blue weapon away. It was... J. Goa lawah! I mean it was AHM'NIISYAH!

" Ahm'niisyah!" I hissed. "Wiat up! What are you doin' here!"

He lookat me and puts the lightsabre away. "Oh hey man, what's up?"

"DUDE!" I grumbled loudly. Then I explained what we were doing down here. "Please tell me you've got some good nws for me, some kind of a clue, or at least that you've seen Freyyr or something."

He looked sad. "Yeah I actually havent," he said. "But I mean, sorta. I did sense a wookiee not far ahead, in this direction in fact, but I lost him when these damn Kinrath ambushed me. Also. It turns out there's other people down here in this forest. Czerka men."

"Czerka!" What are they doing here?":

"I dunno why, but it's gotta be something special," Ahm'niisyah answered. "More than just hunting."

"Yeah, whatever-"

Suddenly there was a crashing explosion of twigs and bushes, and Bastila and the rest of my gang burrowed out through a giant tree trunk with their bare dirt hands. "_JAYDEN, YOU BLOODY BUSHWACKING WANKER!_" roared the British Jedi padawa'an. "Just _**wot**_ in the name of moi strawberry cream _**bangers**_ are you _doing_, stiffing us in the woods to run off into this clearing?! Ahnd who the duce are yew talking to? Are you on the pull for some forest animal or something?"

I was so shocked that all I could do was look at Ahm'niisyah. "Don't look at me!" he hissed. "I'm cloaked from their senses, remember!? Just act natural."

Lookinged back at Bastila and the guys. "I, uhh..."

Then I remembered. "Geeze, Bastila, I'm just scouting ahead, what's _your_ problem? Get off your period sometime so the rest of us can breath, for fuck sake." And before she could bitch me out again I spun on my heel and stomped my way through another wall of shrubs and bushers. Ahm'niisyah followed me, and so did the crew.

"Bloody motherfuck," i said under my breath. "How the hell did I get myself into this stupid mission?"

"Don't ask me," he replied. "Listen, I already told you what I do know. Just keep going northwest this way. I'm gonna go ahead again and see if I can track down that wookie. If I see him again, I'll make sure she stays put 'till you can catch up with us."

"All right, thanks-" I started to say but he was already disappeared.

* * *

I was clustered into the bushes in front of the first Czerka camp with Carth, Canderous, Mission, Bastila, T3, and HK-47 staring at the Czerka men.

"Pretty weird," said Canderous. "Wonder what they're up to down here."

"Yeah me too," I said. "Sooner we take 'em down the sooner we can find out and move on. There's no way around them."

And with that we put our plans into action. There were ten Czerkas at this base.

The first Czerka man was named Tommy. When he went ten yards over to the east bushes to take a piss I ambushed him from directly ahead when his pants were down and vulnerable. One Force punch to the adbomen collapsed his ribcage and painlessly killed him instantly.

Meanwhile Canderous dug a tunnel under the other side of the camp, and then upwards to find himself in a tent. The two men inside were engsings, Ja'an Kidaver and Erik Tuk. He slashed them both with his Mandalorian kombat cnife.

The northernmost sentry was named Matthew Anderwin, but most people just called him _Spit._ Spit was smoking a cigarrete when his lamp went out, and when he went back to go check the batteries Mission was waiting for him, and she kicked him in the balls and then flashed him with the lamp, and he died immediately from an epilepctic shock.

Not far to the south of Spit was his cousin Anthony, who was from Corellia and who had gotten Spit the job with Czerka but they always hated each other anyway. Too bad though because HK-47 sniped him in the head from the bushes with his laser rifle, and he was die.

On the southernmost perimeter was three Czerka guys, Hairy B. Eleazar, Richard Chew, and a corporal named Isaac, and they were all armed. Carth bull-rushed all of them from the darkness and beat them to death with a big tree branch that he had found in the woods, but it broke and he finished them all off with a rock after that.

In the northeast corner, guarding one of six antennae-looking things that was beeping and collecting science stuff, was the second-in-command of the camp. His name was Wraw Droosh, and instead of human he was only a Bothan. Being the only alien in his unit, he was disliked by the others because Czerkas are racists, and he also had two bastard sons in his care who lived on the nearby forest farthest moon of Alaris Prime, on the closest edge of the Kashyyyk system. Wraw liked to play card games (mostly Pazaak, but occasionally Dejarik, which sadly are the only two card games played in the galaxy) and also to talk about the Horticulture industries in Mid-Rim sectors. Too bad though because when he turned to look at the sciencey thing again he didn't hear the villainous treads of T3-M4 approaching him from behind. The utility droid knocked him onto his face and his blaster fell out of reach. He scrambled for it but to late, the droid ran him over a few times and killed him for good.

Last of all was the commander of the camp, and his name was Tooka Jouett, who stood in the approximate middle of the camp on a chair with his blaster drawn and the lamp next to him brightly. He was paging his officers one by one to ask them why they were all dead when Bastila came up to him. He studdenly stood up. He had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life before but too bad because I came out of the nearby storage container and shanked him in the back with my knife, and that was the last of them.

My gang and I regrouped in the camp. "All right guys, start searching the place. Take weapons, ammo, medpacks, whatever else we need. And keep an eye out for any maps or special or unusual stuff."

So my guys started going through the place, including me. I took my time, found a tent where I switched out the light and started bandaging myself up. I still wasn't very good with Force Heal yet, so I mostly had to rely on the medpacks we still had, with the kolto and red stuff that could help my injuries heal faster.

Then I drank some booze that was in the captain's tent, ate his leftover crackers, and went out to search somewhere else.

As I was looting some containers of food and batteries, Ahm'niisyah showed up and made me jump, but Carth and Mission were nearby so I didn't say anything. "Sorry," he whispered. "Nice to see you catching up to me. I'm still working my way east, but a word of warning: The Czerka, they're working on weird science stuff. The gadgets you keep seeing?" And he pointed at them, which my guys were looking at suspiciously as they buzzed and made humming noises into the dirts with. "The'yre using it to harvest weird residual energies from somewhere – The Star map, I think. So that's good news, we might find the Star Map soon. But whatever you guys do, don't muck with the devices. I got a bad feeling about them."

And then he was gone.

This explanation gave me only more questions, but whatever. We finished looting the Czerka camp and found a data that said some more information. It turned out that there was _another_ Czerka camp somewhere further into the Shadowlands where they were storing some kinda special technology. In the same directgion we was gonna to go, in fact.

So it looked like there was more loot coming up. Plus we were gonna find Freyyr _and_ the Star Map soon. Things were looking good, maybe. "Okay guys, let's move out." I said.

* * *

I exploded out of the bushes like a charging bull-elephant zakkeg from he lava-jungles of Machis 3. The giant smelly wookiee who was olod and gray-furred still packed a mean-punch because his punch was mean by which I mean it smashed me in the jaw into another tree and it broke and fell over, but i survived because I was touch.

Freyyyr roared and came at me drawing his sword, and as I got up I used my sleeve-flamethrower on him. A jet of white fire shot across his furr and spread fast, but I asn't taking chances. After that I got out my heavy blaster pistil and fired six times, catching him in the head every time. He shrivelled and stumbled, then went onto his knees, and fell over woofing sadly.

Then the woofing became electronic. I gasped – down on the Shadowland of Kashyyyyk where once had been the wookie freedom fighter Freyyr was... a robot decoy body made of machines!

Then the _REAL_ Freyyr jumped me and knocked my blaster away. He was just about to claw my face off when CANDEROUS jumped into the way and took the claw to his face, and he laughed. Then he and Freyyr got into a boxing mach, which was deadly. Freyyr was unfortunately too fast for Candy, who kept missing and punching huge chunks of dirt out of the Earth.

I circled around the two as Canderous started biting his opponent, but unfortnateuyl Chuundar was so thick that all Canderous got was his fur, and he just kept eating the hulking opponent's fur until he got punched off of his back and he had to retreat.

After that it was Mission and Juhanis' turn, who attacked together because they're both the girls. Juhani ran up at Freyyr but stopped and ducked over, so Mission used her as a springboard to jump at Freyyr. Unfortunately the wookie rebel was more nimble than her, and Mission wetn soaring past and burrowed into a Wroshyr tree, and she was stuck into the trunk from her head into her waist. Juhani tried using some teras kasi against Freyyr which hurt him and made his drop his sword, but she didn't stand a chance – with one punch Freyyr pulverized her arm bones and then cracked the cat-woman's skull against his fists.

The rest of my gang came up to attack him, and while they were distracted him I cycled thru my inventory to see what weapon would be best. I had dropped my blaster pistol, and my other one was out of ammo...

When Juhani had stopped struggling and finished dying, HK-47 and T3 came running out from the bushes on opposite sides of Chuundar. HK had his heavy-powerful robotic fists and T3 had his treads, so the wookiee didnt know how ot defend both at once. HK punched him in the arms as revenge for Juhani and T3 ran into his legs, which knocked him down. They were kicking and karate chopping (karate's an Echanise martial art that was founded on the planet Bishop), and the wookie seemed ot be running out of steam, he was rolling back and forth kicking and helplessly.

"FREYYR!" I roared as I came closer. I'd gotten my favorite weapon – my darksaber, and it was crackling with blackness. "WE'VE TAKEN YOU DOWN! Give it up!"

But he still had a lot of fight left in me and he said back, "Who are you upworlders?! And why are you hear to attack me!?"

HK got smashed in the transistor box, but I used an Advanced Repair Kit on him and he was good for back the fight again. "The name's Jaden Amnesia, and I'm the best Jedi in the galaxy, Freyyr. Your pal Chuundar sent us down here to kill you, and then we'll find the Star Map and save Zaalbar."

Freyyr was suddenly shocked and with a shocking scream was back on his feet and blasted T3 and HK across the forest where I couldn't even _see_ them anymore. "**CHUUNDAR**!" He has my **SON!**

I held up the darksaber. "Wait, so _Zaalbar_ is your son!?"

He got his sword again and came at me. "And _CHUUNDAR is my other son!_ He banished me for my ill madnesses and took my crown so that he could take my crown and become rich from cooperating with the Czerkas! If you are on his side then yo are an enemy of Kashyyk! Prepare to die!"

"'Fraid not, crazy-boy," I said. "I just want my wookiee pal back and the Star Map, and we'll be on our way." And I cut off his sword arm with a stroke of my darksaber and followed up with a blast of Force Lightning that set the clouds and some branches above us on fire, and they fell down to the Earth in smoke. Forgot I could do that.

Chuundar looked at the stump. "Hah! You think you can do to _me_ what the Czerka slavers do to the forests!" He looked glaringly with his wookie dog-cheeks at me, and I looked down to see that his furry feet were starting to sink into the mud.

"I'll do ya _worse_ than that if ya want, pal," I laughed, "Now that you're stuck in this quicksand-mud!"

But the wookiee laughed louder and he voice sounded like the rustling of trees. "**HURRR!** That is where you are wrong I'm afraid, human puny man!" And as the rest of my gang (Carth and Bastila and a wounded Canderous) came back to back me up, Freyyr started to grow taller before our eyes, and his legs stretched and merged into one, and more arms started to grow out from beneath his elongated torso, and even the furr started to drift away... And in their palce sprouted more arms that jutted off from other arms like the trees' branches, and _more_ arms came off of _those_ arms like leaves.

My eyes practically exploded out of my skull as I looked up at the triumphant wooden face of Freyyr, the Fallen King of All Kashyyyk who had now turned into a giant tree. "You came down here thinking to fight a mere madclaw!" He crowed. "**BUT **_**THIS**_** IS MY TRUUUUE FOOOOOOORRRRM! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO COME DOWN HERE ON FREYYR'S SIDE JADEN AMNESIA, WITHOUT KNOWING WHO YOUR ENEMY IN THIS KASHYTYYK CIVIL WAR WAS! MY TRUE NAME IS CHUUNDAR**** FREYYR BAR-FREY ROTHRRRAWR THE THIRTEENTH**** AND I HAVE INHERITED THE MAGIC POWERS OF MY GRANDFATHER, ****MELKOR-CHIZIDEK DAMOR-DE MONTEZUMA**** WHO WEAS THE GREAT ****HIGH PRIEST**** OF THE ****SEVEN-HUNDREDTH AND FORTY-SECOND ORDER OF THE SORCERERS-MAGES OF KING CHEWBAR BAR-CHEW CHEWBACCA,**** WHO WAS THE GREAT KING OF ****THE FIRST WOOKIEE EMPIRE OF KORROKRRAYYO MOUNTAIN**** WHICH WAS BUILT WHEN THE FIRST OUTSIDER SPACESHIP THAT WAS FULL OF ROCKS FROM THE QUARRY PLANET OF GROMAS 16 WHICH IS CALLED THE MOON OF BLOOD CRASHED UNDERNEATH THESE FORESTS, AND THE GREAT KING BEGAN HIS EMPIRE THERE, BY WHICH I MEAN HE BEGAN IT ON THAT MOUNTAIN THAT HAPPENED HERE ON KASHYYYYK ! ! ! ANBD THE HIGH PRIEST GAVE ME THE POWERS OF THE GREATER SPIRITS OF THE WESTERN FORESTS SO THAT AS YOU OUTSIDERS COME TO DESTROY OUR HOMES THE VERY SOULS OF THE TREE THAT THE GREAT ****HIGH PRIEST**** OF THE ****SEVEN-HUNDREDTH AND FORTY-SECOND ORDER OF THE SORCERERS-MAGES OF KING CHEWBAR BAR-CHEW BACCA**** WAS BORN UNDER SHALL ITSELF RISE UP AGAINST YOU AND YOU WILL BE DESTROYED BY THE TREE THAT IS ME ! ! ! ! ! ! !"** hE SAID.

And at once his dozen tree-branch arms attacked us smashing into the ground, and as we ducked under them his roots poked out of the dirt to punch us too. I had to cut against them with my darksaber, and so did Bastila with her lightsaber, but Carth just got the crap beaten out of him because he doesn't know how to use a lightsaber and he doens't even have one of his own in anyways.

I ran up past the giant trunk of Freyyr and cut it with my darksaber.

"HAH!" he boomed. "YOU THUNK THAT PUNY WEAPON CAN HARM ME!"

And I tried to stabbed it again but only got a face-full of leaves and twigs which sent me stumbling back. He also started to grow thorns and stickers, and we started to get tangled up. I even dropped my darksaber! But Canderous was doing his own good job, he was punching and ripping off tree branches left and right and had torn off his shirt to cover himself with mud for camoflauge. When his arms were occupied and he got attacked too much for punching or kicks he used his Mandalorian Bite attacks against Freyyr's branches, which were even more powerful than his fists.

Bastila had run away into a bush, and she was using the Force to make us fight harder or something it's not that important.

I was hopping around furoiusly trying to get the stickers and thistles out of my coat and ears. I was gonna get pissed if I needed to buy a new suit _again._ I looked up at Freyyr's wooden face again. What was gonna work? I didn't have any more grenades, and none of my regular waepons were _more_ powerful than lightsabers...

I raised my hands and started shocking him with more Force Lightning. It got his attention at least as leaves started burning off of him, an d I kept it up more and more till he started to shrink down a bit. But then it was growing back!

My gang was rallying. Bastila came out of the bushes again because she was done using the bathroom, and Carth had gotten back up with a bloody nose, and he had gotten the pine cones out of his ears. Juhani, Mission, and the droids were still out for the count.

I looked down and realized how Freyyr was so quickly healing. "GUYS! THE ROOTING SYSTEMS! THAT'S THE TREE WEAKNESS!"

Freyyr boomed downa tr me in a rage. "**NO ITS NOT PREPARE TO DIE**" but he was too late. We started grabbing those roots and ripping 'em out of the ground. Canderous got the most and was so angry and hungry that he started eating them, grinding them up in his powerful Mandalorian jaws. When the giant flailing wookiee-tree monster was out of roots for nutrients, I came at him again , shooting lightning between my hands to charge them up.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED OUT OFTHE DANGEROUS WOODS LIKE MOMMY SAID!" I yelled and took him down with a super-electric Force double-punch in midair because I jumped in order to do it. Electrical fire waves exploded out and into the sky and would've gone out elsewhere too but I needed to keep my crew alive, so I funneled the rest of the energy into the ground. It went thryu the planet's crust and out the other side, where it blew up 240 million trees on the other side of the planet, but nobody knew it except me.

In the center of the explosion there was now a wounded Freyyr, whow as lying in the crater smoking and full of dead tree bark. We all surrounded him and I took out my knife.

"Nooo..." He grunted. "I... must not... die like... this..!"

I was just about to cut him in half when Bassie grabbed my arm. "No Jaden, wait!" she said. She looked a bit scared. "You cahn't do this! It isn't the Jedi way to kill!"

"Yeah, sure, lady," I said. "Tell that to those ten Czerkas you helped me kill back there.

"Wait," Chuundar barked in the dirt beneath us. "You know Chuundar! You know that he is evil, don't you? And I am a rebel leader! If you want his Star Map and to save my other son, I can help you. If you let me I can rally the wookiees against him for war!"

"Jaden, you must nawt act in your anger!" Bastila complained. "That's all bobbly."

I thought for a minute. What Bastila was saying was obviously bullshit, but there was another thing, I started thinking about what _ Ahm'niisyah_ would do in my predicament.

Come to think of it, he probably _wouldn't_ kill Freyyr just yet. He'd let him rally the wookiees for a rebellion against Chuundar. That'd shut Bastila and Carth up for a while, too, and when it came down to the final fight with Chuundar, I'd have more meat shields to throw at him.

So I went fine, Freyyry, we'll let you go. But how will you do this whole rebellion thing?

"

* * *

So it turned out that the rightful ruler of the Wookiee Empire had to own something called the Sword of Bacca that had once been built by the first King of the Wookiees, whose name was Bacca. Chuundar apparently had one of his own but it was a face and Freyyr knew where it really was, it was swallowed inside the stomach of the vicious ravenous beast that roamed the Shadow Lands and that was called... ... ... ... .. . THE TENTAREK!

So we had to go find this thing and kill it.

We found it by hanging a dead Kath Hound from a tree, and the thing came slaverating lumbering out of the forest to eat it. It looked kinda like a rancor but with more claws and tusks kind of like a bull-elephant rancor, but not the mutant kind that Black Vulkars create in secret military science labs on Taris before it was gotten destroyed by the SIth.

Anyway I snuck up on the thing as it was chowing and broke its neck. Then I had to cut open its stomach with my lightsaber, and sure enough, inside was the Sword of Bac.

So we took it back to Freyyr who made sure it was real, and he went up to rally the rebellion.

"Now what?" Carth asked.

"Well now that we have that set in motion, we've still got the Star Map to deal with." I explained. "It's got to be not far from here, and I bet the Czerkas know where it is."

Canderous scratched his head. "Good thinking. So where do we start?"

I smiled. First we find the second Czerka camp which we learned existed earlier, when we took out the first one. And we'll go from there."

I scraped some sap off of my tie. "And then we'll see if the Star Map really lives up to his name."


	26. IT'S A MAP

We was sneaking aroud a lot in the forests of the Shadow Shadowlands of the planet of forests that is Kashyyyk. It was just before midnight and we could hear all the crows howling and rustling in the bushes. The moon was out casting its norhtern lights across the entire sky of the planet and all the bugs were waiting silently because they knew I was about to strike again.

I thundered at a crouch-run through the bushes of the Shadowlands, leading my gang. Canderous was going ahead of me, chopping and slashing with his hands ahead of him and also chomping to get the bush branches out of the way because they were to thick tooo go thru otherwise. Bastila, Mission, Carth, HK-47, and T3 were all crouch-running behind me making not any noise because we had to get this done fast. There was no telling how long it would be before Chuundar stirred up the revolt in the cities above and I didn't want to miss a thing going on up there.

T3's scanners picked up alot of weird energies. Some in the other Czerka base, and some more out in the woods. The one in the woods had to be the Star Map.

Cnaderous stopped to rest, and spat up some pine needles. "This is hard work," he grunted, "But not _too_ hard work for a man of _honor!_" He leaned back and smiled at us. He had shaved his head so that the many predatory bugs of Kashyyyk wouldn't be able to hide in it and suck his blood or something, and his shirtless top-half part of his torso was still covered in mud. I still had all of my hair including this strubbly beardthing but I was able to sense if bugs came near me with the Force and fry them but none of them did so I was okay either way.

"Nice job, then," I said, and we were stopping to rest.

Suddenly two dudes ran out of the forest and inside. They didn't see us and were wearing Czerka jumpsuits.

"Renoldson!" Barked the older man thru his cigar. "What's goin' on now!"

"I"m sorry sir, but it looks like another patrol got killed by something."

"GARHF! By _what!?_ Flipdarters again?"

"No sir, they used swords and stuff. It was someone else. I heard their distress call... Said the attackers were invisible or something?"

The officer smacked Renoldson in the knackers. "You gullible little _spat_." He growled. "They're probly just doing drugs on their patrol as usual. You get on back to base and let's move on. What, you think we're getting kiled off by _Mandalorians_ or something? What a chump you are!"

Then they were gone, and after that... so were we.

* * *

We foundthe Star Map eventually and got the rest of the coordinates except for the rest of them which were with the Maps on Korriban and ManaaN, we hoped.

* * *

"Well that was weird," I said as we came back to the Czerka camp but it was desserted! all the Czerka guys there were dead and gone. "Fine by me," I said and I had my gang start looting the place. We found a lot of money in Republican creditors, plus more ammo, medpacks (I used these and they helped my cracked arm and leg bones a bit), plus Repair Kits for the droids. Also in the captin's tent I found a sandwich and ate it.

The rest of that whole thing went pretty normal, actually. We all finished eating the Czerka's food, and then after that we started hiking back through the forest. We had to hurry because of the trees, and the whole Freyyr thing.

We got to the Elevator of Trees up0 to Kachiraho. Gorwooken was still there waiting for us and he started up the thing once we all got on it. After we were about 20,000 feet up I saw he was about to pull a knife on us so I shoved him off the platform to his death. And he went splat and was eaten by the Wrroshyr trees.

We got back up to the city and we walked back through the streets. The War was already going full-speed, with wookiees and Czerkas all running aroud shooting each other. We had to pass through the Wookiee Airport and smoke was everywhere from fires and explosions and smokers because nobody was enforcing the no-smoking rule anymore.

I checked my lightsaber and Bastila's. Our batteries were low, and the rest of us were low on ammo for our guns, so we would have to not waste what we had had little right before we got tro the Boss Battle against Chuundar. But now we were trapped in the luggage claim checkpoint thing with everyone screaming and running aroud on us, thousands of passengers of many species getting shot up by the Czerkas. "**NO FLIGHTS ARE BEING ALLOWED OFF KASHYYYK! REMAIN CALM!**" screeched a tall Czerka Office through a laser-proof megaphone.

My gang and I dived behind a pile of suitcases. "Okay guys, the Wookiee Goverment Tree is njust north out of this airport." I explained.

"Right," intoned T3-M4, "But how do we get there through all this carnage?"

"Roit," askefd Bastila. "Especially without fuckign killoing all the innocent buggers in our way?"

I glanced out from our cover. The civilians had gotten out their riot geer and were throwing tear grenades and ice grenades and riot shields and riot sticks at the Cerkas, and were even starting killing each other and the wookiees were eating their opponents. I grimaced and went back.

"I don't think we got a choice, Bastila."

"Interjection: I have a plan, Master. If you allow it," Mumbled HK-47.

I realized that HK hadn't gotten enough screen time yet or gotten to done anything so I was open to a suggestion as laong as it was for an idea of coming to him. "Yeah?" I said scratching the beardly thing on my shin.

"Answer: If the Master requires the use of no ammo, then that limits our options. But if we use our fists and other things as weapons then we have unlimited a,mmo to clear the way to the Wookiee Tree Centre."

I smiled. "You're right, HK! You're a genius."

"Stament: Then **LET'S MOTHERFUCKERING DO IT!**" HK scaticced and he smashed our suitcase cover apart and bull-rushed into the crowd puhsing and spinning crazily. With every punch he either scattered a dozen wookiees or else smashed down duracrete walls which flew and smashed a hundred humans or other species we didn't care about. He also had a electrical shield on that zapped anyone who came after him and tazed them. We we ran after him as he let the way into the Government Tree. But Canderous wasn' tbaout to let himself get outdone and raced HK there, also bulldozinvg people with his Mandalorian drugged-up fissts of RAGE, and he ripped his pants off to be manlier since his shirt and hair was already gone, and soon we were following the two through the lobby past a sea of bone-shattered people and wookiees and luggage and occasional security robot parts.

"Well this is nice," Mission said. "A nice relaxing stroll for once instead of a fight for our lives."

"I do wish there waws another way thru other than this skullduggery, not all the killing," Bastila pouted as we crawled through the hole that Canderous had punched through the Space-McDonalds in the Concession Sector.

"Bassie darling, how many times have I told you before" and I ate some french fries (France is the name of One of the Moons of Taris but since Taris is destroyed so are its moons and French products will soon disappear from the Invisible Galactic Food Market) "Sometimes yo uhave to get your hands dirty. I never do more than I have to to get the job done and I wish you other Jedi could otherstand that."

I was lying of course, I didnt care about if other morons got in my way and got trampled, but I needed to make it look like I was the "gooder guy" like Bassie and Carth were, and besides Bastila was pretty hot and I was hoping I'd get to screw her before this adventure was done and I'd never see these weirdos ever again. I hoped. I think.

Anyway we were halfway thru the airpotr and still had a long way to go. Now though Security was Locking Downa lll the doors and laser beams over the gateways, and there was also a Space-Airplane parked in our way. Space-Airplanes are like Ancient Air-Travelling passenger things from Coruscant and other wealthy planets that got converted into Starships by Atique men and used for passenger transport on far-flung alien worlds in the Mid-Rim sectors like the Kashyyyk sector because Wookiees don't have many republican credits so they can't afford to buy or make original starships of their own otherwise they'd go bankrupt and that was probably pone of the reasons Chuundar had resorted iunto selling his own Wookiee peoples into slavery to off-world evil conglomerates like the Czerkas and the Mandalorians and _et ceteras_.

Anyway we needed to get through the Space-Airplane. So HK and Canderous picked it up and I cried with pride over them as they threw it across the lobby and it smashed into the ground, and slid across it and the wings cut through all the other Concession sections and the Ticket Office and the Passport Office and the Cart Storage and the Terminal and the Wookiee RailwayTrain Station and it hit the Seating Deck midway down, so the plane flipped and doubled over, and kept rolling down the lobby without its wings and on fire leaving blood trails and oil behind it. There was also a Fuel Tanker at the end of the lobby, so when the Space-Plane's cabin finally hit it it it went up itno a huge fireball that blew the roof off and incinerated the Security Checkpoint Gate Door (and its lasers too) at the Norht Wall of the airport. The ceiling was make of antique Chinese wood that had been carved from the same Wroshry tree that King Bacca had been born under (China is the region where the tree is from on Kashyk) and it had the Genieology of Wookiee Royal Heritage carved into it from the last ten thousand years, and Canderous and HK-47 had just destroyed all of it by throwing a Space-Plane into the fuel tank, which exploded and blasted that cultural treasure into oblivion, and I cheered and so did the Czerkas who were still alive because they hated the wookiees, and Canderous looked up and did this roar of rage and triumph and covered himself with more mud and with tickets to camoflage himself furhter.

But now we were out of the Airport and into the Government Tree for the final showdown over Kashyyyk... And the Star Map.

* * *

We walked into the Wookiee Tree. We walked up the stairs and to the Wookiee Presidential Office where Freyyr was waiting behind his desk and the little potted tree that was their Empire's flag, and Zaalbar and the Czerkas Guards and the Wookiee Guards and the Rebel Wookiee Squadron Guards that was leeed by Freyyr. I walked up ahead of them.

"Hi Chuundar I said scratching my beard. I pulled out a few of the hairs. So you just kinda noticed maybe, but I got myself a Wookiee Rebel Army out to kill ya, led by your old Dead Dad. You shouldve known better than to send me down there to die. So any chance you'll give up the Star Map?'

"You don't have any evidence that I have the Star Map!"

"That is where you are wrong, my Black-Furred Madclaw Son! " I know that you had the Starmap all along and you were going to sell it to the Cith!

"Yeah, see? What do you know about Star Maps anyway, you've never even been out of this planet and just in woods for twenty years of exiled foolishness."

"Stop this madness! We're a family. You're my brother and you'e my father, why shouldnt we figure out a way to do this?"

"Dont listen to him Zaalbar-man, Chuundar's a killer of slavery, and hes with the Czerkas. You gotta fight his Power!"

"Do I really?"

"Yes my son I promise it will be all right!"

Thanks Dad

"So what's it gonna be, Chuundar?" I asked with my purple lightsaber out, and my palls did the same behiind me. "Gonna surrender and give up the map? Or die?"

Chuundar looked up at the spinny ceiling fan above us and so did I. "I GASPED' It was the Star Map! Cleverly hidden! We thought it had been in the Shadlowlands but in reality it was right here all along! We didnt even notice it before! I was so fucking angry at being so easily tricked that I stomped my foot down onto the floorboards and that one shattered into splinters. "You twisty _fucker_." I laughed. "I should've thought of that. Well anyway though now that the Star Map is there I don't need you anymore, and Freyyr and I might as well finish wasting you. Any last words?"

Chuundar reached under his desk and pulled out a sword the size of a himself. "Actually Mister Jaden," He grunted. "I think youwiill find that _you_ who is the one is at a disadvantage."

Carth laughed and for once I didn't want to beat him to death. "Oh, _really_?" he gurgled. "In case you didn't notice we've got Jaden and _me_ and the rest of us on our side, plus twice as many Rebel Wookiees and Freyyr as you have yourself and your Czerka Guards. How are you gonna beat us?"

"A good question, young one. But what if Freyyr wasn't even on your side anymore?"

Zaalbar lurched up from the floor. "NEVER!" he barked. "My father is an honorable Wookiee-Man and he would never betray us to you!"

Chuundar's furry dog-face smiled back at him. "But what if it _wasn't_ your father? _**Or**_ even _mine?_"

I looked around us suspiciously and started to sense some danger. "What... You mean-" And we all looked at Frerry as he suddenly he pulled off his mask! So did the other Rebel Wookiees. We all staggered around in shock! NONE of them was REALLY a wookiee! **IT WAS... **_**CALO NORD**_** AND THE FIRE BOYS!**

Calo spat out some fake wookiee hair and laughed. "I tricked you all, Jaden Amnesia!" He laughed. "You thought I would give up on you after your spiffing from me on Tatooine but you were wrong. NOBODY gets away from Calo Nord and the Fire Boys in the end! I knew that you'd go down into the Shadlowlands looking for Freyyr as an ally, so me and my boys let you guys get distracted by the Czerka and the Mandalorians, and while they were heading up here to lead the Rebellion we killed them all and impersonated him! There _is_ no rebellion Jaden, it was all a ploy to get you in here and surrounded by us and the guards! And now... ... ... YOU WILL DIE!"

So Calo Nord got ready for combat. His whole gang was there it was Colton Two-Hander, Uraih Ronny, Cheerio SLAM, Schtirlund Himmellierch, Hintsty "The Rock" Bender, Draco Algeirfhi but everyone just called him "_Fush_", and Buck, and they wereall cyborged up with glowing laser eyes and other parts since of that beating we'd given them on Tatooine. And they all took out guns and so did the Czerkas and Wookiees, and my gang tried to take out guns too but even wqith double the guns in each hands we still were outgunned. I was still so shocked that I had been so enormously outwitted that I almost forgot to shout "KILL THEM ALL" and deflect the first barrage of Laser Fires.

It was a huge melee with lasers and sonic blasts all explodering all over the room at once, and Chuundar's desk got ripped to shreds, and all the costly paintings on the walls got blown apart into fire. I pretty much wasn't able to move but deflected alot of shots and killsed many wookiees and Czerkas who deserved it because they got in my way. Canderous was slugging it out with Buck and they were punching each other so hard that the entire building was shaking and swinging around from the shockwaves of each blow. Bastila was meanwhile dueling against Chuundar with Zaalbar backing her up, Carth and HK-47 were blasting around us at the guards and the other Fire Boys especially Fish, who was using his arm cannon alot. Meanwhile T3 was rolling around underneath everyone's line of sight because he was short, and he was tazing our enemies in the nutsacks so that we could kill them while they were down. Then there was Mission who was in a knifefight against Schtirlunch and that was my whole gang! I had to do something before we got overwhelmed.

I used the Force to throw Chuundar's desk at Hintsty Bender. He punched it away because he's a Rock, but too bad for him because he can't punch away lightsabers, and I cut his head off. His cyborg head rolled across the floor and I send it like a missile into Cheerio Slam's back, he turned around to attack me which left him vulnerable to my lightsaber in his face, and he was died.

HK-47 was blasting the Fire Boys up a lot even though they had armor, but soon he ran out of Ammo and had to use his Fists of Robotics, which was actually better and he smashed Wookiee Heads and also he punched off Colton Two-Hander's Two Hands in the hands, so now he was just called Colton and he iran away.

I ran to lightsaber at Chuundar because most of the nameless guards were now dead, and it was three-on-one of me and Bastila adn Zaalbar, but Chuundar's sword was the size of a bus and he could block and attack all three of us in one slice alone, but we had the Force and stood a chance.

Meanwhile Canderous was still in a punching match with Buck, who was the size of a tank and twice as strong, but Canderous was a Mandalorian and _EVEN TOUGHER._ He was about to use his Master Critical Strike Bare-Handed, but Hk-47 came up beside him and did it too so it was combined into a **DOUBLE-MASTER CRITICAL BARE-HANDED STRIKE** that smsahed Buck so hard in the chest that he went flying up and back and smashed through the ceiling and the wall, and when he came back down they double-kicked him again to smash tthrough a wall and a transparisteel window and then another wall, and out over the city where he smashed into a tree, and it was a Fuel Tree used to power the city so they both exploded, and the city's power went out and Hk and Canderous high-fived.

Meanwhile Carth had shot Fish in the face and he was surely dead for good this time, and he headed for Calonderous Nord who had been trying to shoot me in the back. He circled around shooting with his blasters and kept missing and runing out of ammo so he picked up more guns from the dead guys and it's the thought that counts anyway. Canderous was so exhausted from the fight against Buck that he fell asleep against the floor with a minor heart attack, but HK was a robot so he never got tired and went right into the fight again. Missino was about to get shanked by Schtirlund Himmellierch with his Germanic Vibro-knife, but T3 rolled past and shocked him in the balls, which was so bad that it killed him instantly.

But then Calo shot Mission in the head and she dropped like a stone from his double-blasts.

Meanwhile me and bassie and Zaalbar were still dueling Chuundar. Colton came at us from behind and tried to kick me, but I had to keep spinning to block his kick with my own kicks and at the same time block Chuundar's Massive Power Attacks. But then Colton kicked too hard and missed, and he flew into the Chuundar sword and got chopped in half. But his lower half was robotic so he was still alive and tried to bite me, so I blasted him with Force lightning and finsieshed him off.

"Brother you are a monster and have betrayed our family and you must DIE!"  
Zaalbar roared as he took out his other swrord.

"**NO YOU FOOL,**" Chuundar roared even louds. "**THERE IS A BETRAYED OF FAMILY AND IT IS YOU!**"

"NO! THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" Zaalbar roared.

"**YES IT IS POSSIBAL!**" Roared Chuundar even louder. "**BECAUSE I AM PART OF YOUR FAMILY AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO KILL ME BEFORE BUT YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND AND AM TRYING TO KILL ME SO THAT IS A BRETRAYAL OF FAMILY!**"

Zaalbar was so shocked that he had betrayed his own family that he passed out in into an catactonic coma. And Carth went berserk with rage. "_**YOU MONSTER CHUUNDAR YOU MADE HIM BETRAY! THAT IS UNFORGIVEABLE!**_"

"**HURR**," Chuundar giggled. "**AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOT BEYRTAYING, LITTLE MAN?**"

"_**MmmmYYEEEEAAAAAAUUURRRRGH!**_" Carth said and ran at Chuundar shooting madly. But Chuundar took the shot and kicked him in the torso, which smashed him into and through a filing Cabinet. Papers flew everywhere. But that was good as a distraction! Bastila jumped sexily on top of Chuunder's shoulders with her legs and did a backwards flip that threw him over her face and into the huge glass window behind the desk, and it cracked hard, and Chuundar fell off onto the floor, which cracked too. He got back up. I kicked his sword away.

"**nNOT SO FAST!" he barked and held up a thing. "WHOLE YOU WERE DOWNSTAIRS I ATTACKED A PILE DOF EXPLOSIVES INTO YOUR SHIPS CARGO BAY!" IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP THEY WILL EXPLODE AND YOU WILL BE STANDED HERE ON KASHYYYK FOREVER AND BE MY BITCH IN PRISON!" He roared.**

"NO! NOT MY SHIP!"

**"DO YOU SURRENDER"**

"Surrender _this_," I said and threw all three of my mightsabers on and into his face. They stabbed him in the face and he exploded, and the detonator flew across the room and landed somewhere. The battle was over. Except...

"**JADEN AMNESIA YOU****SON OF A BITCH ****M****Y WHOLE GANG ****IS DAD!**" Calo yelled from behind me getting out even more blaster guns from under the coat of his suite. "_**I"LL GET YOU IF**__**IT'S THE LAST**__**THING I DO'!**_

"Yeah, well now it _is_ gonna be the last thing you do!?" I yelled back through the smoke and the clouds and the even the rain, and I got out my Tusken lightsaber so it was the red one. I rallied my gang. Only Bastila, HK, and Carth were still in the fight since Carth had gotten out of the cabinet and found another gun, and it was just us against them.

Calo was shooting at us with two blaster rifles a sniper-gun and a double-heavy pistol but Bastila nd I had lightsabers so we could deflect them. HK couldn't do that but he had heavy armor and just power-walked toward Calo. And Carth had neither but Calo missed him and shot him, back, but Calo had that orange enrgy shield so he took a lot of hits.

But when Carth got closer he had to reload, and Calo shot a poisoned dart out of his sleeve! It hit Carth in the throat and straight away he fell over and started to go into contractions. Bastila came at him after that and tried an Improved Critical Strike with her lightsaber, but Calo used his Constitution to dodge it, and he KO'ed her with a Shielded Gravitonic Knee Strike that knocked her saber away and send her spiraling across the building into a fish tank so hard that all the water and fish inside were explosioned and vaporized. She wasn't cut thourgh because the glass was soft glass.

"**BASSIE!**" I yelled. "!"

"Plenty more where _that_ came from, Jaden!" Calo whooped as he fired more poison darts from his thing. I dodged them, but one stabbed into HK right in the middle of his armoured torso thing, but he kept walking toward Calo.

"HK!" I yelled. "Are you OK?"

"Answer: Yes Master, I am a robot so I can't die from poisoned darts," But it turned out he was wrong because it was a rocket dart and he exploded. Atomic fire gushed out against me and set my beard and suit-coat on fire, but I still went for Calo deflecting his blaster shots.

"How are you still ALIVE!?" I said tryng and failing to put out the fire on my face, I could barely see. "You're just a dude with guns! We're Jedi with Force powers and shitj!"

"Just ebcause you're a Jedi doesn't make you harder to kill like me," said.

I stepped over Carth who was hemmoragging his liver all over the ground, but I didn't have time to help him and sliced at Calo with two Improved Flurries and a Master Critical Strike which took down his shields and sliced apart his guns. But then suddenly I got smacked from behind by a log! I fell to the ground and rolled away, and as I got up I saw that Calo's flour-bag hat had fallen away to be replaced by a huge outgrowth of leaves and branches... And his torso had turned into a trunk and his arms in branches and his face was now wooden... He... He had **TURNED INTO A TREE****...**** JUST LIKE FREYYR HAD!**

"No,... It's impossible." I said in amazement.

"That's what YOU think, Jaden," Calo burked through the bark. "When I took Freyyrs head I took his tree-powers as well... But _THIS_ time I'm not afraid to use their full potential like he was!" And even as he spoke his branches assailed me and Ihad to chop madly against them alone. I looked for his root system in the floor but he didn't seem to have one because of nuetrient absorbers in the leaves of his branches.

He started smashing me around like crazy with his heavy limbs of hard oak and I couldn't get close to his trunk. But I knew what to do now... Trees had only one weakness. But i had to get to it first.

He attacked me real fast by shooting splinter-bullets at me. I was able to throwing them away with the Force, but he followed up with more laser shots and poison darts and rocket darts and super darts, and they stabbed all over the place. Worse yet I was still on fire and having trouble concentrate, and I still needed tro get through his defenses before my face burned off to death.

"Hey CALO" I yelled. "GUESS WHAT"

"WHAT"

"If you're a tree then what is the source o fyour power!" I yelled as I jumped onto the ceiling. He send his second-biggest branch to pulverize me but I was able to slice it off in time, and I jumped back down. I thrrew my saber like a buzsaw and it got some more branches, and I went up to do a super-Force punch at his trunk-torso, but he grabbed it and we were straining against each other manly-like.

"My POWER?" Calo said and his goggles were raging. "Why, if I'm a tree then my power comes from the dirt roots and photosynthesis! Who cares?!"

"Because," I "You don't have roots..."

He headbutted me. "So what!? I don't need them, I've optimized my wooden body so tht I only need sunlight energy..."

Then I grinned. "But it's nighttime so there IS no sun so you lose your power!"

He was shocked. "WHAT?! HOW DID YOU-"

"IT'S BARBEQUE TIME!~" I said and I used the Force to grab the fire off my face and throw it at his. He screamed as his wooden dried face and trunk caught fire, and his goggles burned off and it started spreading to his limbs. I used Force Speed and ran up to him, and with my VAPAAD SLASH CHOPPED HIM IN HALF.

The tree trunk fall in two and explintered across the room and collapsed, and Calo turned back to normal but still on fire. I just kept running up to him and kick-punting him in the stomach, which sent him back for about twenty feet per kick. Finally I kicked him into the window behind the desk and it shattered, and then I grabbed him with the Force and oulled him up face to face. I looked into my eyes in his eyes googles. "It's enough time for you, little man," I said.

But he had a dart-launcher in his eyeballsand it shot a dart at me! I had to use my reflexes and missed, and then I chopped him in half and he fell screaming and in flames into the bottom of the Shadowlands, and I heard him explode because it was too muched solar power for him.

And _this_ time... Calo Nord was **DEAD.**

I turned off my lightsaber, got my other ones, and went back inside. Then I realized Carth was poisoned and went over to where he was. Bastila was there too. "AUGHH AUGH" he was saying nd all convulsing and rolling around. He had pissed his pants already.

"Jaden, what will we do!?" Bassie said.

I pulled the dart out of Carth's neck and looked at it. "I recognize this, it's Kaminoan." And I reached into my pocket and got out a vial of water and a thing of salt too. "I know what to do next but I hope it works" I had bassie hold the water near some of the fire because the room was starting to be on fire, until it was boiling.

Carth's face had turned white and then blue and he was had purple vein things sticking out of his face, and his ears were bleeding too. I pulled open his jaw. "Okay Carth, down the hatch" I said and I dumped the boiling water and salt down his throat at once. He gurghled and tried to scream but I pinched a nerve in his neck that induces swallowing and it all went down.

Then I picked him up by the hsoulder and walked him over to the smashed window, and he vomited hard out into the Kashyyyk Shadowlands. The stuff was purple at first so now I knew it had worked, he was vomiting the poisons out. After about two minutes he was done and it was just a brownish-yellow thickness dribbling down the front of his beard and his jacket, and he had survived.

I brought him back to where he was before. Bastila was still limping around. After that I realized the building was still on fire. "Okay Bastila, we need to get the rest of our guys."

We found Mission and Zaalbar and Canderous and threw them in a pile on Carth. I looked at the stairs but they were on fire and we were trapped. I looked out the window. It was a sheer sixty-story drop down to the nearest tree or building. There was a ton of explosions and dead people and smoke and fire and swirling floods and devastation down there from the riotings and the war-rebellion that Chuundar had started... Even if we could get out of this destructioning tree we wouldn't be able to fight the whole way back to the ship with half of us dead.

We needed to get to the Ebon Hawk, but we couldn't. There was one way though.

The only way out was to get the _Ebon Hawk_ to come _here._ And there was only one way to do that... But nobody would be able to know.

I called Ahm'niisyah on the comlink and said "Hey man, you know what's going on up here?"

His Hevoice crackered back. "Yeah kinda."

"Good. Listen, any chance you're near the Ebon Hawk"

"Yeah, whay?"

"Because the building's gonna explode and we need to get outta here."

We argued for a minute because nobody in my crew was supposed to know he existed, but I was able to convince him.

"Just dont worry about it okay, Ill take care of it by the time you're here but make it fast, my beard got burnt off"

"Fine, fine!" CLICK

"Thanks."

"JADEN, **WHO** the **WANK** wereyou just chomping the bit with!?" Bastila thundered from in the room.

I put the colmink away. "What are you talking about?" And she then thought she had iimagined it. "Im gettnoghthing but static, I think we're trapped up here. And no fire extinguishers."

She sat down sadly on the floor and pouted. "Then we're ruddying doomed." She was really sweaty and looked good with fire making her redder, and her hair was all messed up and stuff.

"Yeah, I guess so..." I muttered and checked my pockets. I still had my lightsabersand darksaber, a blaster or two, grenades, my knife, my flamethrower... But all of those were non-lethal. I didn't want to kill Bastila, just put her to sleep.

'Jaden... Do you eveh feel up for it in a bungy sort of way?"

I frowned. "Uh... What? Listen Bassie, the fire's spreading this way, we gotta get to the window.

And we used the Force to pull our guys over to the smashed window. But Bassie got a bit closer and grabbed my suit coat, which was still on fire but she wouldn't let me put it out. "JADEN, we bodged this whole mission up!" She BRITHSHED "We are BLOODY WELL gonna put a sock in it tonight. So this may sound _crazy_ since Oi'm a jedi and we're not soddying well supposed to feel but _wot_ if just _this_ time..."

And she kept saying weird shit like that pullin' me closer. She was on fire too and was pretty hot anyway. The jist of it seemed to be she wanted to screw since we were about to die, but right outside the window behind her I saw a light coming closer form far waway and it looked exactly like the Ebon Hawk.

Shit. Caght between two good things. Die happy with the woman I sorta like, or escape to live, get outta this mission, and go my own way like I did before.

Before i knew it she was lip-suckering her face onto mine. We were still both on fire, and she had her lady bits and she was so wet and hot that the night sky caught fire, and her sweat tasted like powdered sugar made out of carbonite.

So we just kinda did that for a while.

It was nice.

But then... I realized the Ebon Hawk was halfway close. I couldn't let Bastila see Ahm'niisyah or the jig was up. Or could I? What if...

She pulled us closer and we were sorta now standing in a puddle and we were thick. And I knew what I had to do. I reached my right hand into my right sleeve and found a sleep-gas capsule. Bros before ho's, man.

Bassie grabbed my head and started sucking on my face badder now, but _too_ bad because as she did it I made like I was gonna be real suave and instead before she knew it I had stuffed the capsule down her nostril and the gas went POOF. She coughted but I had held my breath and she dropped like a beautiful angelic rock onto the floor, and her fire went out. I patted my jacket and put mine out too.

Nothing could be done for the sky and clouds, though. They were still burning gold like the streets below.

"Sorry, darlin'." I said. "But I'm a smuggler and you're a British Jedi. Itd never work out."

Meanwhile the Ebon Hawk was "**BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK YOU JEDI-MJINDED FOOL!**" roared an echoing voice from immediately above me so loud I jumped and fell over but got back up. I looked up.

Standing on the ceiling was a MANDALORIAN in yellow armour, and he jumped down. He had a black cape. "I am Bendack STARKILLER, Jaden, and I challenge you upon a battle to the deaths!" He said.

"Oh great, YOU guys again!? Where'd you come from?"

"You _UNDER-estimated_ us Mandalorians, Amnesia," Bendack said and a dozen blue Mandalorians jumped out of the walls. They all had swords. "I've been following youe ever since you dishonorably murdered my brother-in-law, JAGI STARKILLER on ATTOOINE. For THAT you must PAY!"

And he took out a double-bladed red lightsaber and spun it at me like nunchucks. I had to block it using my red Tusken lightsaber but the building was still on fire and I had no room to maneuver, especially since Mandalorian armour is fireproof so as they attacked they kept retreating into the fire and hiding in the fire and stuff.

Actually before I knew it I had killed all the Blue Mandalorians so only Bendak remained and he was the baddest. He spun his saber around a lot and sent me cartwheeling and rolling away to dodge it, and it was crazy. I was super-low on Force energy now and he had cut off my gloves, which reduced my strength and there was so much smoke in my lungs that I was having trouble breathing. I used all my lightsaber tricks on him but he was to good and blocked them.

What to do? Fire wouldn't help, obviously. And I was out of water. What too do?

_Now_ I knew. Mandalorians were too good at fighting... But they were _always_ vulnerable to _words._ I ran backwards for a bit to the wall next to the window. "Hey Bendak!" I yelled. "You Mandalorians just _suck._ Always fighting and never _enjoying_ life to use your heads!"

His voice steamed into his visor. "Yeah, maybe not our heads," he said. "But my HELMET is a different story." Andhe bowed his head downward so it was facing me, and he pushed a button on his leg and usddenly his HELMET rocketed off of his head straight toward me! It smashed my ribs and into the wall and I dropped my lightsaber again.

He charged me for his FINAL ATTACK to spear me into the wall with the saber but I grabbed him and I step-spinned him for a bit. We just kept spinning and spinning andspinning. I had to keep his lightsabner hilt pinned under my armpit else he'd chop me in half. We were screaming at each other a lot and his face was scarred up and had brown hair in a crewcut and "AAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAA! ! " he screamed at me.

We spun some more and I let him go, then did a hammer-kick that shattered his chestplate open just as I heard headlights starting to shine right behind me, and _now_ I knew I was gonna be all right as I was in front of the window.

Bendack tried to run away but I grabbed him with the Force. "Don't go away man," I said.

And Ahm'niisyah shot him with the Ebon Hawk, and he exploded his blood all over me and the rest of the room. It got even into my suit and the Hawk's windshield,a nd I turned around and just screamed at Ahm'niisyah with my eyeballs all grossed out like **AAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAR** and then I stumbled over to the edge-wall and threw up for a bit. It was thin, pale-yellow liquid stuff and it didnt go far enough to not get on my tie. At least my beard was gone now tho so it couldn't get caught in that.

The Hawk hovered just next to me and open the ramp. And standing on the edge was... Ahm'niisyah! And he started dragging guys onto the ship up the ramp as the Giant Government Tree began to tilt... "JADEN!" he yelled at me. "ARE YOU OKAY!?" And he grabbed me.

I shook my head. Things were all fuzzy, my back was kinda hot and burnt up, I was all sweaty and bloody, and something itched on my neck. I pulled it off and my neck started bleeding. "What's that?" I GASPED.

"Amnisah." I said. "Calo Nord didnt miss." It was a POISON DART! And it went all black and asleep because I was poisoned dead.

**TO**

**BE**

**CLIFFHUNG**


	27. Bastila GETS ALL WET

wA/N: Sorry its been so long guys! :O I was trapped in a box on the moon.

* * *

"**JAAAAAAADENNNN!**" Exploded Carth's voice through the dormintory doors so hard that I lurched up and smashed my head against the ceiling above my bunk, and it cracked. "AARGH!" i screamed back. "WHAT IS IT!?"

"**HEY JADEN"** Carth Said. "**IS IT OKAY IF I TAKE A MAGNETIC SHOWER**!?"

Before I could answer I heard Bastila shrieking behind him, and there was a BANG as Carth jumped headfirst against the door. "**CAWTH RAWBERT WILKINGSON ONAWSI FOR THE LAST BLASTFOUNDED STRAW YOU MUST NOT REPEAT **_**NAWT**_** USE THE SAWNIC SHOWAHR IN HYPERSPACE! IT USES ANTIMATTER FROM THE SLIPPING PYLON CONDUITS AND IT WOUD IMBALANCE THE FUSION REACTION IN THE GENARAYTORS AND THEN WE'D BE HANKY-PANKYING WITH A SODDING SUPERNOVA! NOW LEAVE JAYDEN THE SULK ALONE WE JUST BLOODY LEFT KASHYYYK AFTER JADEN SAFED YOUR LIFE AND NOW YOU'RE WOBBLING HIM AGAIN!**"

ik HEARD Carth scampering away and Bastila came in the room briefly. I was still in my bloody wet suit but it had all dried and it was now crinkly like plastic and construction paper. "Ugh... Bassie?" I asked. "How you doing?"

I had expected her to be in a good mood but she was suddenly cold again. And fidgety. She had showered and looked back to normal instead of hot on Kashyyyk. "We're awl fine here, Jaden. Everyone's just zonked from the battle we left behind so Mission and oi got us on the way to Manaan without any trouble. Figgered we'd let you kip for a while. Now oi gotta go check the... reaktor."

And she was gone. I realized that what had happened on kashyyyk between us had never happened for real – it was only a dream. Or it might have happened for me, but only a dream for Bastila – a bad one. And even then maybe it was less than a dream, but a figment of our dollecting imagination together, or alone, but what the fuck ever. Jedi bitch, just used me as a milkshake cuz she thought we were gonna burn to death. How could she have done it, not even cares!?

I crawled over to the oter bed and pouted in it. It was actually Canderous, so under the mattress was a few of his stimpacks. I took two red ones and snorted them to calm down, then I got out of my suit and into the bed. "Bloody hell," I mumbled, high as an Iridonian space-kite. Nothing had changed. Important thing was, get to Manaan. Get that Star Map. And get the other one. And take this ship and get away from these people. And Bastila.

I tied myself up in my bedsheets and went to sleep.

* * *

My dream was weird.

I was seeing a big gray room in the tar Forge. Around the room were counters, and stools, and chairs, and computers with huge masses of tubes and glass cases and beakers and pitchers and stuff with sciencey fluids being pumped through them. And also a doohicky that made smoke-fire, and also pylons that did sparking. There was also books a wall of measurementers and energy scanners and electrical cables from the ceilings and a blender and a toaster and a sparking balls.

It looked like some kind of a science lab.

Darth Bandon walked into a room. I knew it was him because he was bald and had a beard sort of like I had had before I had shaved it on Kashyyyk. He thundered into the room and double-slammed the door behind him. "MASTER!" he whispered excitedly.

Darth Malak were the man he was speaking to, he was standing with his arms crossed staring down at a gray bench in front of him, with a ton of science components and tools cattered around on it. He turned around when Brandon entered. He was bald, to.

"Look what _I_ got!" And Brandon took out a brick of shining silver metal.

Malak snatched it from him with a snort. "It's _my_ metal now! Now what is it?" And he looked at the thing in the his hands. "Czerka has sent in the first shipment of _Unobtanium_ from Tatooine."

"It's not a very good name" Bandon said.

"No," replied Malak. "Because it's

He put the bar under an atomic-microscope and started looking at it. Darth Bandon walked into his shoulder. "The Czerka spies have told me that a single hogshead of the material contains enough instructive power to powerate an entire _Sector Fleet_," He said: "Butr _**I**_ have seen no evidence of such power."

"Their testimonay is not enough evidence!" He gruggled, shoving the microscope away. "_**We must TEST!**_" And Malak took the bar over to another bench and put it down on it. Her took some wired microscope battery-things out of the ceiling and turned them on, so they started to spock and fizzle with energy-sensing.

"**NOW!**" roared Malak. "**SEE!**" and he stabbed the diodes into the brick so that electrical silver lightning started shooting up the cables and into the ceiling. The lights went on and off all crazy-like, and they started zooming into different colors like red, yellow, cyan, green, and even black! And then back to normal and then they exploded, and the cables caught fire.

The spark things kept going after that though, and after shooting up into and bouncing off of Malak's jaw-plate they bounced around the room, smashing beakewrs and spilling science liquids onto the floor, and more pylons and power conduits exploded, the blender turned itself on and chopped itself to pieces, and the fire-gadet caught fire on the fire so it melted and turned into cold fire. So now it was frozen and brokened.

Malak took the cables away from the unobtanium brick. Darth Bandon was hacking out stuff onto the floor. "It's incredible." He said.

"_**IT's MAGNIFAMAZING!**__" Malak howled. "WE HAVE IT NOW! THE MOST POWERFUL SOURCE OF ENERGY IN THE GALAXY! AND THE SMUG REPUBLICANS KNOWS NONTHING ABOUT IT!_"

Bandon got up and looked around at the damaged lab. The science fluids had leaked and ankle-flooded the floor. "Imagine what we could do with this" He said. To HimselF. "Imagine speeders powered by this material... Think of _tanks..._ Think of _spaceships!_"

Malak glared at him, then laughed and stabbed the science things into the brick again. Electricals flared again and this time the entire lab exploded as he laughed again...

* * *

...

...

...When I finally woke up I didn't have a headache, but I did have such the craziest dream that I soon forgot it. I foud a spare suit in the closet and put it on, a tag on it said that it was a president from Ahm'niisyah. So I put it on and it fit just fine. I looked at myself in mirror. Nice black shoes, black dress pants, black suitcoat, white shirt, black gloves and a black tie. "Damn the whole wide galaxy if I don't look like a _boss!_" my mirror self said to me from the mirror.

I started smoking a cigarrette then went into the main hold to see what we had to eat. The ride to Manaan wasn't very eventful, but there was a few events.

After I had eaten breakfast (scrambled eggs and my cigarrette). Most everyone else was asleep or being sluggish. Like Carth was just sitting in the cockpit talking to himself so I left him alone, Canderous was in the garage sleeping in the swoop bike's pilot seat, Zaalbar was asleep in the hyperdrive room... "Wait a minute" I said to the generator. "Bastila had said she'd be here! I was getting suspicious."

Another cigarrette, two more eggs, and a shot glass of maple syrup later, I was ready to continue the search. I stretched out with the Force and let it walk me with my eyes closed. After a minute I walked into a metal door. "GAH" I said because it hurt, butr i could hear breathing and groans and stuff on the other side. I had a bad feeling about this so I lit another ciagarrete, so I was smoking two at once now. "I got a bad feeling about this..." I muttered as I pressed the button and the door opened, but then...

WHAT! I Gasped! Bastila _was_ there, screwing... _**MISSION!**_ AND THEY WERE NAKED AND EVERYTHING WITH BLANKETS ON THE FLOORE!

"Whhaaat THA _**FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!**_" I yelled flailing my arms and one of my cigarrettes fell outta my mouth. "MY _**CREWMEMBERS**_ HAVING **SECRET ****SEX...** ON _MY_ SHIP! IN ONE OF MY BEDROOMS!?" It wasn't _quite_ as bad as it looked because Mission fortunately was at least twenty-one years old but at the time that didn't help. Bastila had dumped me and now she _was_ cheating on me! I was spitting with rage and shockshth!

Mission did this girlish screech and Bastila gasped. Her face flushed and she got up furiously at me, her hair scrackling like a wip. "**WELL IF THIS DOESNT JUST ABOUT TAKE THE GIDDY BISCUIT**" she bellowed at me with British fury so hard that I didn't even get turned on when she back-smacked me across the face, and my face was bleeding. "**DOES NO ONE AWN THIS BLISTER-DASHED SHIP KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WANKING WORD PRIVECY!? OUT! OUT!**" And she smacked me again so hard that the last cigarrette went flying, and my blood hit the other wall because she was using the Force. She was about to do it again when I slammed the door in her face, and she dented it out.

For a few minutes I just stood there staring at my blood as it stained its way down the wall and down ym face. When I heard them start having sex again I stormed off fast into the main hold. I was so pissed off. Seriously, a female human chick lesbianing with a blue twi'lek, what the _fuck?_ And Bastila with _Mission!?_ What happened to all that Jedi noncommitance crap about never having sex and never getting naked in front of aliens!? Bastila S. Shan was a hypocrite and a tease who deserved a beating _at least_. I checked my pockets for anymore cigarrettes. There were none, but I did still have my lightsabers... And I had an idea. There _was_ an air vent leading into the west dorm. Maybe those bitches could _use_ a lightsaber to set 'em straight in there... _literally._

No. I decided against it. That'd cause a mutiny and honestly I was so mad I couldnt even let myself think about it anymore. I went back to the main hold, drank a glass of syrup for a sugar rush, then ran to the cockpit. It was empty because we weer on auto-warp drive to Manaan, woualdnt' take us long to get there from Tatooine. Carth was apparently asleep somewhere else, but that was fine with me.

* * *

Ahm'niisyah actually turned out to be hiding on the ship. On the way to Manaan he taught me how to Breath Underwater using nothing but the Force. Said that'd be handy, apparently Manaan has a big ocean on it. I tested out the power during my shower, and it seemed to work fine.

Zaalbar walked in. "Whatcha doin', Jaden?" He asked.

My muscles tensed, and resisted I the urge to ask him about Mission, Instead I wiped grease off myself with my tie. "What does it look like?" And I picked up the hydro-spammer. "I'm rebuilding HK-47.

Because I had the droid skeleton all lined up in pieces in front of me. "Calo Nord blew him up while you were awake, but I know more about machines than anybody. I'll have this thing back together in a couple hours. With the tool in my hand I reconnected the secondary-servo motors, and checked his batteries. "Yeah, he'll be more badass then ever now," I said with a chuckle in the Cargo Hold. "He's gonna have sonic guns built into his torso, swords in his knees, rocket-jets in his feet, and also a portable oven with bacon, sausages, and pancake batter in special containers so he can cook me dinner or breakfast when we're out far away from home in these long missions. Pretty cool, huh!?"

Zaalbar looked over at the scavenged machine. "Yeah."

I used a wrench to put on a couple of bolts. Zaalbar was just kinda standing around. "What's up, big man?" I asked. I didn't usually spend time on machines but Missigno was still banging Bastila in the other Cargo hold, and I needed something to take my mind off them. And I'd think about getting my revenge later. But anyway she wasn't here which was probably why Zalbarr was talking to me.

He peicked it up a robot hand and started fixing the fingers with a wrench and a flashlight in his mouthes. "I'm just thinking about everything happening on Kashyyyk," He Said.

"Oh..." My component sparked but I put it out. "_Cliinnk, cliiiiink,"_ it said. "Yeah... Listen, I'm sorry it had to go down that way. None of us couldve realized the Chiss were involved and had your brother working for them all along."

"And now they're all dead, he remarked."

"Only the ones we saw on Kashyyyk."

"Yeah," he grumbled. "But if only my father Freyyr had still been alive. He might've been ablew to help us save Kashyyyk."

I sighed and put another lithium battery into the sonic storage unit. "Yeah, probably. But there's nothign we couldve done. He got eaten by the Tentarek long before we showed up. Not even Jolee had been able to save him. We just gotta move on."

"I guess you're right." He muttered with the hand and left.

I kept working on HK. Just occurred to me that I was a psychiatrist for my entire crew and didn't know it. I needed to get away from this damn mission before it drove me nuts.

Porblem was, my plan to do that all hinged on collecting that 60 Billion Credits from Malak for the Conspiracist... And we hadn't had a lead on the Conspiracist since before Taris. The trail seemd to be going cold. Plus, how was I gonna convince Malak Ijust wanted the bounty when I was stuck working for the Republic? I would have to ask him when we finally met again.

"Hey young whippersnapper" Said Jolee as he walked into the Cargo hold. Startled me, and I almost cut myself with the fusioncutter. "DAMN IT OLD MAN" I gurued. "WHAT I IS IT"

"Thought you could use some help, you little snot," the Black Old Jedi Man grunted and he started working on another robot hand. But he was so bad at seeing that he was putting the fingers in backwards and welding them with the welder when he was supposed to screw them in with the magnetic screwdriver.

"Jolee!" I snapped. "The fuck do you think you're doing!? Why don't you have glasses!"

"I don't _need_ any glasses thank you very much young Jaden" He muttered as he stuffed raw bacon into the finger-holes, then attached the hand to the main chassis – in the foot part. "I know what I am! How many times do I have to tell you that I can see _fine with just the Force? And he took out his __**lightsaber**__ and used it to weld the hand onto there._"

I slumped down into defeat over the floor. "For fuck's _sake,_ Jolee..."

He stood up. "Hmph! So I saved your life on Kashyyyk from those Mandalorians _and_ helped you find the Star Map, and now this! That's gratitude for you then!"

Actually Ahm'niisyah was the one who'd saved me, but Jolee Wasn't supposed to know about that so I didnt' say anything. And he stomped out angrily. By the time I finished undoing the damage we had already landed on Manaan.

"Time to stretch our legs!" Carth hollarred from the shower, and I sighed as I put down the wrench because I _knew_ this was gonna be a long planet...

* * *

I stomped down into the Manaan landing pad in the city of Attoo with Bastila, Candeorus, Carth, T3, Zaalbar, Mission, Jolee, Ahm'niisyah (but nobody else could see him) and Carth all walking out behind me. Mission and Bastila were being all girly smiling at each other and giggling and I just wanted to beat the shit out of them. Even more than Carth which is a lot. Funnily enough most of the others even Carth seemed uncomfortable with their girliness antics like holding hands and stuff, even Carth, who didn't look uncomfortable but I had begun to learn how to read people's brains with the Force and I could read his brain to tell that he was.

Whatever. There was a Czerka officer down there so I payed him the docking fee and told him to fuck off. Then we started to expore the city.

Atoo city was a floating city out in the planet's ocean. It was the only city where people were allowed to live. The aliens who owned this planet were the fish-Like Selkath, who snorted a lot and were racist, which was why the Czerkas liked them so much I guess.

We walked out into the hallway. There was two guys arguing, one was Republican and the other was a Sith Military Office. "Hah!" He said. "You republic shits suck because you work for the Senate! And your mothers are all ugly."

"Leave my mother out of this you Sith bloodscum!" The other man mumbled. "We work for the good of the extisetence of everybody around us in the-"

"Fuck you" He said and shoved the stupid Republican man onto his ass. "Don't even think about throwing the first punch you fool," He sneared down at him with his spittle. "Because the Selkath are wathcing us everywhere, and with their neutrality laws you'd be exectued for assault! And your Republic would pay for the Kolto."

And he walked away. The Republican got up and growled.

We walked up to him.

"Yeah, who the fuck do you want?" He asked.

"Hey man!" Carth said slapping his hand. "What you doing, taking that from that Sith!? Why didn't you kill him?! Why are Sith and Republics here anyway not fighting?"

The soldier was weird. "What do you mean, sir?! Manaan is starkly neutral. You must have noticed those huge Sith and Republic fleets in orbit," he said pointing up. We looked at them. "Wow, really," i said because Carth's an idiot who doesn't notice anything important.

"Yeah, the Selkath Empire rules this planet, and we can't fight beause they own all the Kolto, and sell it to us in a joint arrangement with the Czerka Empire to both of us at their own prices."

Carth scratched his head. "But what's Kolto?"

"It's the magic healing juice, Einstine." I muttered.

"Yeah, that's right,"" Said the Republic trooper. "But there's lways people trying to stir up fights among us, so the Selkath punish us with more kolto prices. And also the offenders get executed by drowning."

"Bloody crumpets!" Said Bastila stupidly. "That's barbaric!"

"Yeah, but it's the law and we gotta follow it." The soldiers said. "Well anyway I gotta get back on my patrol, this hallway ain't gonna guard itself." And he walked away.

We wandered around the city for a while after that, trying to find a way out of the docking bay. Just as we left though some lady came out of the crowd and looked at Bastila. "Bastila!" Bastila! She said. She was wearing a labcoat and two ties (one glowing red and one sparkling blue) and glasses, and had a clipboard with a big X on the sheet of flimsiplast "paper" that it had.

"Oh, I'm sawry," Said Bastila sipping some tea from a cup that Mission had brewed for her. "But have we met?"

"No," Said the Lady. I wasn't interested in any of this bullshit with Bastila – why the fuck was _she_ getting all the attention today? I stomped off angrily into another courtyard and started staring at a map on the wall. I was so fucking angry.

I was next to a pool with a fountain in it. My gang was just milling around, but Ahm'niisyah rfan after me. "Jaden, what's gotten into you!?" he said. "You need to be paying attention to what's happening! How are you gonna find that Star Map again if you're always running off? It's booze, isn't it. You need some _booze_ before you can start looking right? You doofus." He was chomping on a brown paper bag full of greesy French fries and it ketchup was dripping up his chin.

I glared back at him in that stupid shadowy hood. "It's none of your business-" I started as my gang started catching up to me. Bastila was at the front. "What was that all about?!" I shouted before she could ask me who I was talking to.

"That... That lady knows my mother. Said she's a blooming _scientist_ working for the Republic somewhere here on Manaan and that she wonts to see me!"

"Well look-at-_DAT_, Stanley Manly," Ahm'niisyah mumbled through his french fries. "Sounds like someone else has a wacky sidequest to do with her past! And it's _The Great Bassie_ with her green lights and girly bits_!_ Better get right on it, that Star Map stuff can _wait_."

I glared at Ahm'niisyah but it looked like I was glared at nothing os i stopped. "Well then we'll keep a lookout for her then." I said. "We need to talk to the Republic embassy anway, to see fi they know about the Star Map." I said. I made sure Ahm'niisyah was watching me. Then I shoved Bastila into the fountain where she got drenched, her tea was spilled, and I laughed as I led the way to the street, not listening to whoever was talking to me after. Eventually I knew they'd follow after me.

That made me feel a little better, but I knew Ahm'niisyah was right. I _was_ letting this thing get to me too much, stealing too much of my focus – it was agonna make me make a fatal mistake sooner or later if I didn't find some way to take off this stress first... but _how?_

* * *

A Selkath man stopped us with a hoverdesk. "HALT, offworlder," he slathered slobbering all over his desk. His desk had a drainage system at the top which caught the spit to recycle it back into the sewers. That's when I realized that ALL the floors had those drains because those disgusting fish people always drooled. Like Carth. "Ther docking fee of 500 credits every time you land here. You muyst pay or you will not be allowed into The City."

I... Are you fucking _kidding_ me!? Every _time!?_

I fished around in my wallet. "For fucks _sake_," I grumbled.

"WAT did you say!?" Said the Selkath growlingly.

"Huh? Nothing."

"I HEARD THAT." he declared. "700 credits now!"

"Shit," I said at my wallet. "Carth, you got any extra?"

Carth hunted through his wallet, then Canderous's, then Jolee's. "Geeze Jaden," He said as I paid. "When are you gonna learn to be respectful to people?"

I paid the guard and walked over the desk. "Shut up, Carth," I said as we headed out into the city. It was a big city, with lots of big white buildings. It was a good sight. The sun was pretty high up there in the blue sky, and there was no clouds. The city was actually pretty advanced – Manaan had six moons, called Moononn, Alarm Clock, Drink, Comp, The, Bossman, and Three, and there were giant freight train railways – space trains, actually, that connecting each of those moons to Ahto City. I could see the hovering-tracks stretching way off into the night sky, and reaching those moons with tohusands of trains of goods and passengers, and the Sith and Republic fleets milling about in the space. It was kinda okay.

While my gang was busy shopping for medkits and antidute kits and Repair Kits for the droids I snuck back to the Guard and hid behind him. He was charging more people as they came in to the city. It turned out that there was a "special tax" on the landings of anyone who was human who handed – if you were a _Selkath_ landing you got to do it for _free_.

I tightened my fists and waited until everyone was gone except the guard. He was sitting with his flipper-legs up on the desk dripping water everywhere as he counted the dozens of dozen thousands of credits taht he has exthorted from people. He was counting them out loud to himself in that fucking ugly language of his.

Well, time to teach him a lesson. I grabbed the roller-chair out from under him, and the smashed it into his torso and broke his shoulders. He tried to run away but couldn't get up because I was stomping on his face. After about six or seven stomps I started rummaging thru his desk. Inside I found a switch and flipped it. And a hologram projector popped out of the desk and created a hologram nightstik, which is a flashlight that you can hit people with. And I caved his skull in with it and took all 200,000 of his credits and got away before anyone could see me.

Back at the shop I bought some more medkits, and an Advanced Repair Kit for HK-47. And also a bacon egg and cheese sandwich and then I ate it as the gang bougtht the rest of the stuff. Jolee and Carth were haggling with a Selkath Missionary Merchant over the prices, and he was wearing a Red Fez to attract the ladies.

As I ate it Bastila was looking at me oddly. "Thet's a mighty-wee expensive widdle foody-thing yew gawt there, Jayden." She said slowly. "Where'd you get the beefing money for such a good foody oitem?"

I paused for a minute and coughed up some of the grated cheese. It was fine Amerian Greddar. "I found a stash of money in my pocket that I forgot about.

"Oh, well all ruddy fine then." Said Bassie. Carth and Jolee were done arguing with the Selkath. And Carth had bought his Red Fez and was wearing it too! "So not what?" He said.

I finished my sandwich and threw it away. "The Republic Building. We gotta find it. Before it's TOO LATE!" I screamed and ran off in search of it thru the crowds.

* * *

Later I was drunk and in a bar by myself. I woke up aslerep, and around me were some bar people but none of them were people I knew so I didnt care. Everyone had ditched me even Bastila because they all sucked, and my onyl real friend was this drink of Alderaanian Scotch Beer. It would neverbetray me.

A dude sat down next to me. I slammed up. "_What's 'it now!?_" I shrieked through my bottle and it cracked and spilled.

But it wasn't Ahm'niisyah at all! It was... ... ... ... A rodian dude I never met before.

"Hi there sir," He said. He was eating some dead bugs. When he was done eating them he said, "Hello. My name is Hulas. Are you are Jaden Amnesia."

I sat up straighter. This was another hi-tech bar, with the swirling anti-gravitated strands of booze and syrup and lickorish and other tasty things winding through the air, but none of them were near our table so I did not care. "Yeah, who wants to know?"

"My name is Hulas... _Mister_ Amnesia." He Said. I hear you're looking to collect that bounty on... the CONSPIRACIST.

I put my bottle down. "Maybe. What's it to you?"

"Well as it happens the Conspiracist is an enemy of mine. I've heard of you... Mister... Amnesia... And I know by now that you're just about the only person in the galaxy who's bad enough to take him down. And I'd be willing to help you do that. _IF_ youre willing ot help _me_ first."

"Maybe. Depends on if you're pulling my legs or not. How do I trust you? Why you so hate on the Conspiracist anyways?"

"The Cnospiracist is a dangerous man Mister Amensia. You see I'm the leader of the GenoHaradan, who is a secret society of bounty hunters. We've existed for over a hundred million years and we keep the galaxy stable by killing certain people so that certain stuff happens. The problem is, this _Conspiracist_ fellow wants to take us over. He's the centre of a big network of crime and he practically already controls the Republic, Sith Empire, and the Exchange _already_. I can't get to him alone. But you can if I help you, and I gelp you if you help me. This is straight-up preservation. He wants to take over the GenoHaradan to. So I need to stop him. You're how I will."

"Alright..."

"So would you boys liek something else to drink?"

"Ueah more booze idont care how much, here's 600 credits and a tup."

"Coming right up!"

"So what I gotta do to help you then?"

"Simple. You just have to kill three people. They're underlings of the Conspiracist. You kill them, I pay you 20,000 credits each and then when all three's dead I'll tell you everythign I know about him. And also where he lives."

I sat up and looked into the shadows with the Force. There were tons of people around including the bartender, but I couldn't see his face... I wondered if it was Ahm'niisyah spying on us. No way of knowing, even I couldnt sense Ahm'niisyah for some reason.

Whatever.

"So are you in, Amnesia? Keep in mind, nobody knows we exist. And noone ill believe you if you tell us. You say no now, we'll disappear and never meet again"

I did some thinking inside of my head. Really, it was no decision at all. Killing people for money was about as natural to me as breathing and it made sense. What's more, this was good – This Hulas character was the first guy I've met since Taris who seems to _actually_ know anything about the Conspiracist. And he was willing to give it to me just for killing some dudes? Easy as Zoochberry pie to say yes to _that_ decision, my friend! I'd bag these three bounties, get 60,000 credits easy, which would easily pay for whatever else I had to deal with on this crazy Jedi mission like upgrades to the Ebon Hawk – and a cloaking device for the ship so the Jedi wouldn't be able to find me after I'd ditched them – and then the Conspiracist would be _mine_, and so would the Sixty Billion credits bounty from Darth Malak Himself. I'd be set for life, probably get myself pardoned for my crimes against the Sith, and be on my merry way.

Naturally, I'd also kill Hulas once he finished giving me all his information. No sense letting someone who knew too much walk away.

"You got yourself a deal," I said finishing my drink. "Now who'se these three-"

But he was gone already. But he had left a note, and it said:

"**1. VORN DAASRAD: HUMAN – LIVES ON MANAAN**

**2. RULAN PROLIK: SHAPESHIFTER – LIVES IN SPACE OF TATOOINE SYSTEM**

** GULDAR: SELKATH – LIVES ON KORRIBAN.**

**20,000 credits each. Kill them, call me on comlink number 555-000-SALUH. You get pay in your account. Tell no one or I am gone. Good luck. SIGHNED, ~HULAS**"

I put the peice of paper in my pocket and went over to the bar and ordered a shot of Survapierre. The bartender had it mixed up in no time. I looked at him out the corner of my eyeballs as I downed it, and sure enough... he was Ahm'Nissyah.

"I KNOW IT!" i screencehd getting over in his face. "Knew you guys were following me!"

He washed his hands nonchalantly, then spat into the sink for good measure. AN d he started usin gthe Force to mix five drinks in six different ways for seven people at once. "Yeah, so? I gotta keep an eye on you, make sure you're safe and I know what you know."

"Then you know I've just made a breakthrough with Hulas over there!" I said pointing to the empty table.

"Yeah, I know it," he said passing the drinks down and getting paid. "Listen though, we gotta get to that Republic Building soon. The Star Map comes first, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah..." I said drinking some wine. It was red and tasted like strawberry syrup like on pancakes or something from my favorite restaurant, the Intergalactic Fortress of Pancakeries. "Just lemme finish drinking."

Then the rest of my gang was there. I was in a good mood so I shared some drinks with Canderous and Carth and Jolee as we talked about stories. Carth & Canderous argued about the war for a bit, but soon enough they stopped caring. Then Jolee told me a story of when he was a young Jedi...

"About forty-six years ago," he said scrumbling his beard, "I was a Jedi. A Jedi padawan. And my Master had a problem. He had lost hsi entire space ship! We were in a spaceport ya see and he forgot where he left it. So we went from docking bay to docking bay trying to find the space ship. The docking officials, the port officials, the guards, the other Jedi, and the police all knew nothing about where my master's ship was. And do ya wanna know where we eventually found it?"

Carth & Canderous & I leaned forward expectantly. Carth was licking his lips.

"IN SPACE!" Jolee howled with laughter. "MY MASTER NEVER PARKED HIS SPACE-SHIP IN THE SPACE-PORT SO THAT'S WHY NOONE KNEW WHERE IT WAS! WE HAD TO GET A TOW-SPACE-SHIP JUST TO GET IT DOWN HERE SO WE COULD LEAVE CORELLIA! BAAA-HA HA HA HAR HARRRRRR!" He guffawed for over a minute, so loud that peoples' glasses cracked and started spilling booze onto the tables and the foods and the fans and the floor, and Carth & Canderous and I just winced in pain at such a stupid story.

Then a dude came in and talked to Jolee alone and then he left. Jolee hobbled back over to the table and then slammed his fists down on it because he was crazy. "DID YOU HEAR THAT!?" he bellowed to us. "MY FRIEND BENEDICT SUNNY IS HERE! IN MANAAN! AND HE'S IN JAIL FOR MURDER! WE NEED TO FIND HIM AT THE COURTHOUSE AND BAIL HIM OUT!"

So I told Jolee we would at some point. Depended on where it was relative to the Republic Building.

Then I ralized that Bastila was missing, so I took out my nightstik and clicked it on, and wnbt looking for her in the dark, gloomy, noisy bar. It was made of holograms so the batteries wouldn't run out. The rest of the gang was still at the bar, except for HK-47 who was still half-rebuilt on the ship.

After a while I found Bastila. She was sitting in a corner booth by herself, with the light off, still soaked from the fountain... On the table in front of her was her lightsaber, a glass of Geonosian beer, and a little box of something I couldn't read the words on it. She was... odd. She was drinking the beer and retching, squirming in her seat, talking to herself, and doing something weird with her free hand to herself. I thought _that_ was something else Jedi didn't believe in...

I hid behind the cushion.

"Bloody fast-bending _WANKERS_," she was growling to herself, spitting across the table and onto the oppsite chair of the booth. Water or something like it was also seeping off of her and getting a puddle on the booth where she was sitting and then the floor but forunately for the bar there was a drain under it. "Awlways important, _**TOO**_ important that we need to find a bar isn't it Amnesia? ALWAYS booze, never _TEA_ and _CRUMPETS_ like we used to have on Corulag! But now Mother is here, DEAR old MOTHER. Oi hahv hahf a fiddlestick to give HER a piece awf moi mind while we're here, that foul blister..."

She looked like she was miserable and trying and failing to take off stress. Served the Jedi bitch right for using me like she did on Kashyyyk, then turning around and screwed a random member of my crew. I'd have more revenge on them both yet.

I slunk back to the bar and got another drink from Survapierre Ahm'niisyah. And this time I didn't stop drinking it until after I had passed out.


	28. Like a Fish In a Trap

A/N: GUYS, it's Chapter 28! I been working extra hard and extra long on this one. It's the sexiest, awesomest, most emotional, and most action-packed one _YET!_ Better bring some tranquilizers... ;P Also im thinking of making a tumblr for me to have fanart of myself for my fic, maybe more people will be intrested in it then, what do YOU think?

* * *

I was still on manaan again. After I woke up from my hangover I rounded up my gang in the courtyard. "Okay guys," I said smiling at Bastila who was still wet and miserable and Mission who was also in a bad mood. "About time we got around to the Republican Office Building so that we can ask about the Star Map. The Man's name is the Admiral, so he's the one to talk to... And also we need to be on the lookout for a human dude named Vorn Daasrard because he might know something to." I added seriously. I couldn't tell him that Vorn was actually one of the dudes that Hulas had hired me to kill because it was a secret.

"Okay" Said Carht. "I sure hope we don't have to swim for it!" And nobody laughed because it was a terrible joke, so we moved on after that.

* * *

"**Don't** fore-_geeeeeet!_" shrieked Ahm'niisyah at the door to the Building, prancing from one leg to the other. He was still eating his french fries and getting grease all over his face except I couldnt see his face but it was okay because so much grease was there that it dripped down his hood and onto his robe, and he licked it off his fingers too becaus ehe was out of catsup. "We gotta find Bastila's Mum, too! And Jolee's friend, Benedict Sunny. He's in the courthouse two blocks down from here after we're done."

"Yeah, thanks," I whispered angrily as we walked through the laser detectors and found the elevator to the Republic Building Floor. "I know this is gonna be fun because Bastila's a bitch so her Mom will probably be even worse, sand then Jolee's gonna expect me to care about his problems.

"Yeah," said Ahm'niisyah as the gang piled into the lift after me and turned on the Force Field walls so the elevator could go up safely. "But you gotta keep them happy if you want so many Jedi helping you."

"Lovely," I said slamming the button.

"And I agree!" Canderolous said.

* * *

"Can I _HELP_ you, persons?"

I stared up at the green light on the ceiling, and then looked down. The Admiral dude was still sitting behind his hologram desk, holding a coffee cup. He wasn't able to put it on the desk because the desk was holograms, so he could only get energy files and stuff out of it and it was really just a waste of Republican credits for money.

I looked at him. The Admiral Dude was Admiral Ruland Holaris according to his Office Door, and he was dressed in the fancy Republican Navy army Admirality uniforms, with the silky red crovawts and the navy hats, and the dueling sword on his hip, a ton of medals jangling off of his torso, pips on his shoulder pads, all that jazz. He had a red face with a bristling mustache and looked up at me expectantly. "I have many files to file and other work so hurry this up."

"Oh, sorry dude." I said and stopped looking up at the green light. "Liusten, my name's Jaden Amnesia. I happen to be a Jedi and I'm on a mission here." I showed him my lightsabers so that was the proof of I'm Jedi. "What can you tell me about what's going on here on Manaan, first of all?"

And he told me. "Well the Selkath are being quite racist," he said thoughtfully. "Churging us exuberant fees for the Kolto as well as for landing and leaving fees, and even feese for just keeping our Defense Fleet in Orbit of their airspace! Maybe you didn't notice on your way in, Mister Jedi, but Manaan doesn't even _use_ its space for spaceships – just the space railwaysand trains they use to move around between this planet and its moons. Honestly I can't wait until the neutrality breaks down and we can invade the place for its Kolto ourselves. We know the Sith are gonna do the same thing anyhow so we might as well get that over with."

I walked over to the window and looked out at the waves thru it. High Admiral Ruland Holaris sipped his coffee cup, then set his it down on the desk and looked behind me at my gang. They were standing around in his office looking at all the trinkets he kept lying around, like his bookcase and his holobookcase, and his board games and desks and filing cabinets, and the paintings on his wall, the clothes in his swim-in closet because the Selkath keep their clothes closets in pools and stuff, and other odds and ends, but Carth was just sitting in another chair and T3 was rolling around scanning the carpet for secrets like I had told him to do beforehand. And Ahm'nissayar was there too, but he was just visiting and he wasn't eating any more food.

"Quite a motley crew of dudes you got here." The Admiral said. "Think I even recognize some a you. Like Carth Onasi, right? What's a Jedi doing with a bunch of random companions – and another Jedi? : I He aidded noticing Bastila Shan sitting angrily dripping water onto the Admiral's minirefridgerator. Mission was sitting on her lap and she jumped off embarassed when the Admiral said the thing he had said.

"Like I said," I said, "I'm on a pretty special-like mission. A weird one. So something else I need to know is, do you guys here on the Republic know anything about, say, an _Ancient Star Map_ here on Manaan?" I glanced at Ahm'Nisraya, who was sitting next to Bastila. He nodded at me. "Oh yeah, and do you guys have someone named Helen Shan working for you?"

Admiral Huland Holaris rubbed his clean-shaven face. "Hrmmmm, yes actually we do have a Mrs. Shan in the Science Department. One of our top women, too. But she's on a secret project and so is taht Star Map."

I walked over. "But I'm top-secret, too. Just ask the Jedi Council back on Dantooine, and they'll vouch for me."

"I'm afraid that's not an option, Mister Jaden, because the Star Map and Helen Shan is both _Double-_Top-Secret Priority Number-Negative One, this is above the Jedi order & not even _I'm_ supposed to know about it except that I'm in charge of that stuff since I lead the entire Republican Navy so I am..."

"So you _do_ know where the Map is?" Asked Bastila.

"..._but_ I _may_ be able to break the rules for you _if_ you _do_ something for _me__**..**__.__**.**__"_

"Oh, great."

"Yeah, no kidding?" Said Ahm'nissyah coming up to my shoulder. "What an asshole, saying 'Oh well maybe I can help you if you help me help you with my ridiculous bol-shit. Sound familiar at all, Jaden?"

I shook him off. "What do you want, Admiral?"

He pushed a button on his desk. All the lights turned off in the room and Carth jumped out of his chair in surprise, but we coulds see neough from the natural light of the Admiral's Hologram-Desk thing. But then the desk turned intoa hologram of the City. And it highlighted another building. "Do you see this?" He said. "It's the Sith Empire Building here in manaan. Diplomatic immunity and all that jazz. Problem is, you see, the Sith have stolen something from _here_ and hidden it _there._"

We all crowded around the thing and looked at it, which also had a hologram of a little doohickey that looked like a high-tech shoebox. "What is it?" Jolee asked. "A shoebox?"

"Yeah," said the Admiral. "A box of the most hi-tech shoes the Republic has ever constructed."

"Wow, no kidding!" exclaimed Jolee. A golden smile flickered across his wrinkly older face. "I bet the shoebox is really important then!"

"Yeah it sure is" The Admiral intoned irritatedly "Because it's not full of shoes, you retard, it's a shoebox that we converted into a prototype Matter Replicator. We've had our best science teams working on this since the Great Hyperspace War. And we finally got one working. Any object put inside it will get instantly duplicated by superscience with the mere touch of a science button. But the Sith stole it from us and are holding it in their building."

"Let me guess..." I said.

"I need you to break in and steal it back. I would send an army in after it myself, but we need to keep up the Selkath neutrality thing. If we brought the war to Manaan now the kolot would be lost. So I need it stolen back."

The lights came back on but I didn't care.

"Okay." I said. "This is retarded, but whatever. I mean, this isn't the first time I've had to do this. Is there any information or assistane you can give us ot get in and out?"

The Admiral looked sad. "Nope. The only way this thing is going to work is if you do it entirely on your own – any of my people helping you out is a breech of security. But I can give you this map of the Sith Base." And he handed it to me. "But there's nothing else to go on I'm afraid. You bring that Matter Replicator Machine back to me, I put you in touch witrh Dr. Chan and the Star Map. Sound good?"

"I-"

But then the Secretary ran sexily into the room and pushed us all out.

* * *

We walked down the stairs and to the city. We needed to go to the Sith Base and find a way to break inside, but first we needed to go to the courthouse and see Benedict Sunny. We found a map and stuff and got to the same block, but it was full of people!

"What's all these people doing here!?" Canderous shouted over the noise. They were all holding signs and bats and rainbows and scarves and pieces of cloth and bullhorns and other stuff too, like tents and water bottles. And there were throwing tuns of stuff at the Courthouse liek bottles and bears and sticks and whatever else they had like matches or even baseballs. Police Drones hovered around overhead taking pictures of people.

"Hmph, All this racket" Jolee said over the shouting. "WE NEED TO GET THE ZORK THROUGH IF WE'RE EVER GONNA REACH BEENDICT SUNNY!"

"BUT HOW!?" Shouted Carth back.

"I HAVE A PLAN"

And Jolee snapped on his green lightsaber. Bassie and I saw what he was gonna do and we did so to. He ran off ahead of us toward the crowd shouting with Force-enhanced sonic waves and waving the lightsaber around a lot, chopping up the floor in front of him and sending sparks in bit heated circle-waves around him. The crowd screamed and everyone shoved each other out of his way. Bastila and I ran after him doing the same thing, and behind us the rest of our gang did the same thing except they didn't have lightsabers so they just waved their arms around alot and screeched like a wild pack of Tatooinian Bonegnawers. We were so good at it that it was even louder than the protestors.

As we ran past I noticed that most of them were chicks, most of them mostly undressed, but some were dudes. I couldnt read the signs through because they weren't in Galactic Basic.

In any case we got through the crowds and to a line of Selkath Police Cops in motorcycle hlemets with big glass shields and nightsticks kinda like my own except they probably weren't made out of hologram energy and they weren't flashlights so they could only hit people and they also got out of our way.

We ran inside the courthouse's main door and slammed it behind us. There were some lawyers and clerks and other people miling around and they were shocked to see us but just kept walking around with their suitcases and stuff, but faster than before we had come in. Our lightsabers suddenly then started beeping and the red lights came on on the ends of them. We turned them off.

"Wot a load of piss!" Bastila whined. "Low on sodding battery power awl-ready?!"

I didn't say anything but I was mad at my lightsaber too, but it was okay for me becaue I still had my Tusken one and my black Darksaber that I had taken from Sherruck on Dantooine, and it still had good charge in it. Well, anyway we had to find benedict Sunny now. I led the way and the guards didn't question us because I was wearing a suite too, and I looked like a lawyer who was supposed to be there.

Eventually we found a Judge in the prison block of the courthouse in the south-western wing. "Oh hello there!" He had wiskers and extra ears but otherwise was normal, and wore a black-purple judge's robe like a nobel from the lava-cities of the remote planet of Gargolyn IV in Wild Space, which is crazy far away. But I knew that. "What can I do for you mister sirs and women?" he bowed respectfully. Nice ot know somebody gave a rat's ass about that.

"Hi there, my name's Jaden Amnesia and I'm a Jedi Knight. My crew and I are here to investigate the Murder Case of Benedict Sunny." I explained.

He suddenly looked very serious, and cast a glance at Jolee Bindo while licking the inside of his cheek. "Ahhhh, hrmmm... I suppose you're acting on behalf of his defense?"

"Yes," explained Jolee.

"Maybe," I said. "Right now we just need to talk to him and figure out his side of the story."

The Mayor bit his lips. "Well, if you say so, Jedi Knight... Amnesia? That's an odd name but I suppose I've met weirder ones in my time. Well anyway, he's in Cell Number 2187102766, and it is open for visitors at this time... But I'd suggest that you treat lightly in this case, Muster Jaden. It's a hot one."

"Why do you say that?"

He rolled his eyes. "Surely you saw those rioters out there?" He pointed to the empty wall because behind it was eventually the riot, but none of us couldn't see through it (the wall) so we had to just imagine it for ourselves. "They're here because of Mister Sunny and his case. It's sensational! And vile. Those protestors are representing the budding sex worker industry here of Manaan, which has been monopolized by the Sith ever since they built their embassy. Mr. Sunny has been accused of murdering hundreds of Sith prostitutes, and their comrades are demanding that he be sentenced to death by drowning, which in case you didn't know is the traditional local punishment for such crimes." He rubbed his whiskers and took a shot of Whisker Whiskey, which he had been holding in his hand since before we had first begun to spoke to he. "Being a water planet and all. I advise you to tread lightly in the case because, as you can see, Benny's detractors are very serious, and violent. If they learn that you're trying to prove him innocent then they'll easily get violent with you."

I noddedn. "I understand," I said. "Do you think I should prove him innocent, Mister Judge?"

"Dunno how you could do that," he said. "There's evidence and everything. Hundreds of victims. But honestly as long as peace is restored soon I don't mind what happens to him. You'd better hurry if you want to talk to him, though, visitor's hours are closing soon."

And we walked rightly away.

"It looks like this situation is even mroe serious than we thought!" creaked Jolee from over my shoulder. "Benedict Sunny was a famous war hero from the Mandalorian Wars and the Outer Rim Wars and the Great Hyperspace Wars! If it's ever proven that he did this then Manaan might ban the Republic from the kolto forever! And then where'll we be!"

"Dude, the Great Hyperspace was was like two thousand years ago. Are you telling me he's _that_ old?"

"Yeah, no kidding!" Carth said. "We need to figure this out soon as we can."

"Yeah," added Canderous. "Long as he's actually innocent." He was looking around the room at all the prison records.

Carth spun onto him. "Come on Canderous, you can't be serious. The Republic's the most important thing."

Enough of this guys i said holding up a hand. "Let's jsut find him first."

* * *

We stepped inside the room with Benedict Sunny's cell. "You get ten minutes," Said the Selkath slobbering guard. I glared at him but didn't say anything and slammed the door in his face.

Benedict Sunny's cage was dark at the far end so we couldn't see him. "Benny?!" shouted Jolee. "It's me! Jolee Bindo! We're gonna help you-"

"**YEEEEERRRRRAAAAARGHHH!**" shrieked a salivating balded old man who hobbled at sonic speeds across from the dark and slammed himself against the bars, and Jolee and Carth and Mission jumped back. "JOLEE JOLEE JOLEE! MINE LEE JEDI JOE JOLEE! You gotta get me _outta_ here_!_ I CANT TAKE IT ANYMOAR!."

The bars dented as he impacted them with a clang. But then blue-white electricals whiskered and flashed through them and sizzled some of the flesh off of Benedict Sunny's face and arm skin. "_REEEAARRREEEEER!"_ he shrieked and hurled himself onto his back. Then Mission watched in awe as the bars fixed themselves back into straightness. They were actually robot bars! Powerful security they had there.

Jolee ran up to the bars but not too close and grabbed them. "Hold your Klatooinian space-horses, Sunny!" he said back. "Nobody here is your enemy. Nevermind where I got here from, your case is important. We're gonna make sure you're innocent but first you need to tell us your story." He pointed at me. "Jaden Amneisa's taken charge of the Jedi investigation here and he's gonna get you out."

I grimaced and Ahm'nisyaaa saw my grimacing. "Simmer down, Jaden," he whispered. He reeked off the grease stench of those greasy French fries, and he still held its empty bag crunched up in his hand. "You've got time for a few sidequests here on manaan. And a little helping out your... gang-members as you call them won't hurt. Besides, in all probably Mister Sunnyshine's case is gonna turn out to be related to the Star Map anyway."

You know what, he was right. I nodded and stepped forward into the only light in the centre of the room, that cast a harsh white light in the room's middle, half in the cage and half outside of it, and now I was standing under it so I could see Benedict's face. I looked at him. Aside from his fresh burns, he was a horrendously ogly but heroic looking man. He probably had used to look like me in his glory days under the War.

His face was battered and dirty, and he had some badass scarfs on his face and his cheeks and one going across his forehead, from the shape it looked like it had been cut there by the blade of an Arkanian sonic blaster used by death-matchers in the blood pits of Naarr Shhhaadaa. He only had a bit of white burned hair growing from around his ears, his eyes were blue, and he had a quivering lip and jawline.

He was wearing a scruffy brown, mottled thing I recognized was the remains of a uniform of a Republic Armyman. Actually it was more than that, it was the sort of jacket worn by soldiers who had served more than a hundred and fifty years. Once it was red, unlike Carth's which was puke-yellow and looked like it too, this was now worn down to brown and it had been torn up a lot and it barely even existed unto itself anymore.

I also looked at him (Benedict Sunny) and saw that his legs were banged-up robot legs with water tubes in them. "What's that?" Carth asked pointing.

"MRR-_HRRRRGGFF_!" Benedict shouted and he foamed at the mouth. "**IDIOT JACKAL-HEADED YOUNGSTERS SONS OF BITCHES POINT AT THE CRIPPLED FREAK-MAN AND ASK WHATS WRONG WITH THAT MAN MOMMY WHY WAS HE BORN A CYBORG ABOMIMINATION!? **_**HAUAA**__**H**_**!**" And he reached throught the bars and extended a punch, that missed Carth but it hit him, in the front of his hair so it knocked his hair out of wack and he'd have to comb it again some other time. Jolee also shoved Carth for being insensitiev to disabled war veterans. "Clumsy dolt."

Then Sunry calmed down. "But it's okay. I got these legs because my original ones are destroyed. They were bitten off by a Sith marauder years ago during the war... During the Second Battle of Dxun. It was a bloodbath. And I gave up my legs to push an entire platoon of my fellow wounded souleirs out of harms way." He said proudly and saluted the Republican flag on the wall behind us.

"first off I need to ask. Everyone says that you killed, what?" I looked at The Report. "Four hundred and thirty-five Sith prostitutes?." I asked.

"Blipers," Ahm'niisyah said. "This guy's a regular Jack the Killer-man if he's guilty. And if he's not there's gonna be one helluva story behin' dit."

"And it says here they all occurred in the dead of night... Three nights in a row... In the Red distracts near the Sith Building... Last week. Is that all accurate?"

"Accurate to the _LIES_, maybe! It wasn't me! I SWEAT IT"

I frowned adn twisted my lips up alot. "...But it says here that you were caught on public security cameras doing it," i noted. "Like, all of it. All 353 of the murders. Voice-recognition, DNA scanners, fingerprints, pheremones, everything. All of the victims mutilated, some cut to pieces, with vibro-knives and other blade weapons. What's this all mean, Sunny? How do you disgard the video tapes?"

"never never _never_," Sunny went on. "I don't murder Sith hookers. Only trhe Sith are so barbarous! The iSith_ have _done it all! I Swear it! I know it for truth but I can't tell anyone how I know..."

Carth leaned in closely. "What do you _mean_, you know it for truth? We have all this evidence, they know it was you with the cameras!"

"Pa-hahr!" Benedict moaned and swayed on top of his mechanical legs, wincing in pain because they hadn't been cleaned recently so they hurt with rusting, and the water tubes in them didn't help. "These Selkath with all their special science cameras! So overconfident. Little do they **SUSPECT!** that cameras can tell you _everything_ about what a situation _looks_ like but very _little_ about what is hidden!"

"He's right!" Canderous interjected. "The citizens of Manaan need to wake up and see that they are living in a nanny-state, one that is hurling with disturbing speed toward the same kind of totalitarian nightmares that science fiction holo-novels have been predicting since well before the dawn of these new forms of survelliance and communication technology. They've successfully fooled the majortiy of the unwashed masses into believing that putting cameras on every block is making them safer, when all it really does is supply the powermongering regime with endless ammunition which they can use to manufacture propagandistic reasons for arresting and imprisoning targetted "dangeorus" citizens for any reason they choose without due process or amendment!"

"What are you talking about with stuff being hidden though?" I asked.

Sunny looked at the floor. "Hmph! What do you care? I'll drown in the execution pool soon enough anyway. You wouldn't even believe me if I told you!"

Jolee's crinkled complexion got all flushed out. "Benny, you can't be serious!" he protested. "Listen to me old friend, I know we haven't seen each other in twenty years and this looks bad. But you're _**my**_ old friend and I'll believe in your innocence and fight for it in the Manaan Supreme Courts _myself_ if I have to! You need to trust us and tell us everything! If the Sith did this, then how do you know?"

"I'm not listenin' to you!" Benedict said waving randomly his arms like space-windmills. "Yer just like all the rest, laughin' at the _freak_ with the mechno-legs and the no hair left!" He scrubbed the baldness on the top of his head.

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Jolee burst passionately. "BECAUSE _**I'M**_** BALD WITH YOU TOGETHER TOO NOW!"**

"Jayden, we're wasting our dashed time here with this babbling fogged old man!" Complained Bastila with a toss of her soaked hair. "Could we _please_ perhaps get _AWN_ with AW-ORE _mission_?"

Then Mission giggled and started tickling Bastila because she said her name. My knuckles clenched as my fists began to clench and crackle.

"Jaden, this is getting out of hand," Ahm'niisyah says loudly. "This cretin is dragging his feet, you need to shake him up!"

"Bassie, mission crawled, "You don't have to be so-"

"BE QUIET!" thundered the pantsless old war veteran man pacuing in his cage with such furious steps that he left dents inside of the ceiling floor. "**GET OFF MY LAWN! WHERE AM I!? WHERE'S THE SQUAD!" **He began traipsing and marching to each of the walls and feeling them up. "**COLONEL WE NEED AIRSS SUPPORT AND MY SNIPER GUN'S MISSING! IM UNDERGROUND WITH SEVEN BOGIES COMING AT SIX O'CLOLKC AT THE LZ CHARLIE-BIXBY ALPHA WHOOOP WHOOP WHOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPP-!-!-!-!**"

"Oh _Jaaaaaaaaden_, do something maybe now that the old military veteran man's having a crazy flashback maybe?" Asked Ahm'niisyah.

So I grabbed Benedict Sunny with the Force and banged his head into the bars a few times. He were electrified and concussioned in the face hard and knocked out, and when he woke up I asked him again. I made sure to ask him nicely again but just to be sure I used Force Persuasion so that he wouldn't be able to refuse again, and I threatened to kill him with Force Grip if he didn't.

"Okay... You've convinced me." He explained. "You see back in the war the Mandalorians foiught against us with deadly covert weapons called... Mandalorian _Brain-controllers_. I know because they used one on me once, at the Battle of Lucazec... It forced me to give them classified passcodes and then tear my own arm off!" We were shocked and looked at his arms. He had two of them. "Fortunately my boys were able to reattached it later after growing a cloned one," he added as an afterthought. "When yer under those machines, they put your eyeballs into a redding haze... And that's what I had when I killed those Sith whores! Obviously the only reason those Selkath bigots are calssifying it as a 'crime' is because they believe the Sith are equal to Republicans! They forced me to commit this infantile '_crime_' so that they can then get me guiltied and have the Republic run off of Manaan for good!"

I took in this new development carefully. "So that's your story? The Sith _mind-controlled_ you into doing it?"

He blinked a lot. "Well, I also have no actual memories of any of the murders. So either that, or they knocked me out and sent a robot body double to do the murders as a frame-up. Either way the only way to prove my 'innocence' is to find the technologuy they used to frame me inside their Sith Base Building here on Manaan! It _has_ to be theirs!"

"What a crazy coincidence," Mission put in.

"Yeah," added Ahm'niiisya. "Turns out Mister Sunny is connected to the Sith Base, which is connected to the Republic, Which is connected to the Star Map, which is connected to Bastila's Mum."

That was pretty much the end of the useful information, so we headed out of the prison block quickly. On the way to the next place we talked about Benedict Sunny's case and who wanted to prove him innocent. Bastila really pissed me off when she said he needed to be proven innocent because Jedi don't believe in sex, so killing hookers was justified. She was a dang hypocrite and I was just about to punch her in the face but she was at the back of the group so I decided to another time. Anyway Carth agreed too beacuse he said killing Sith is okay, which I guess I agreed with since the Sith always were trying to kill me. Mission agreed with Bastila because they were screwing each other and I was so damn mad because of it that I started sweating like crazy as we looked for the exit. T3 and HK0-47 didn't care what happened with Benedict Sunny, and Canderous was actually miffed at the Srepublci Solderi Veteran because he used to fight the Republic in the Wars because he's a Mandalorian but he disagreed with the Selkath Empire's use of over-intrusive and unconstitutional usees of new technology to violate the privacy of private citizens, so he agreed that Benedict deserved to go free too, and that's everyone's opinion on that.

* * *

With a burning hunger of inner caramel appetite I pushed my way out through the Riot Police and into courtyard, srtaight into the heart of the midst of the screaming angry crowd of Sith whores and pimps whom were calling for the execution of the cyborg Republican Army war veteran whom I had now sworn to clear the fine name of: _BENEDICT SUNNY._

This mission would not be easy.

But I wasn't easy, either. I used the Force to form a barrier around me, with my hands crossed in the Jedi Secret X-Factor symbol, which is good for harnessing power. And as I waded through the crowd the Force thrusthed out in front of me and pushed the rioters away. Halfway thru the crowd I paused to rest and let my gang catch-up. Bastila was at the front of them.

"Jaden!" She shouted over the crowd. The hookers had gotten so mad while being kept out by the Selkath cops that they started having sex with each other really loud, so the screaming and yelling of obscenities and oaths was even louder and grosser than before. Frankly I never was much of a guy for orgies. Two, maybe three chicks at a time was _always_ enough, but not all the time so I got really distracted by their unholy doings and looked around me alot at the flashing churning meltpot of chicks doing stuff and I realized that I'd forgotten which way was North. "Oi've just heard thet the bloody Selkath po-police awr gonna bung their way in here with another whole spiffing BATTALLION of roit police cawps! With tear gas! We need to get the wank out of here before they do and before the Sith discover our mission!"

I dropped onto my knees on the concrete in the little clearing I had made in the crowd. I concentrated with the Force and started to float a few inches, and a little aura of pink pixie dust swirled around my ankles. I got angry at that and tried to make them go away, but they'd only do that if I stopped making the Secret Jedi X-Factor Sign with my arms. SO I stopped and just let my arms sag. My insides were throbbing around me and needed to get out of the steam quick.

Suddenly Bastila showed up, with Carth and the others, but then a chick in a Sith hooker's robe and purple hair came outta the crowd and threw her arm real suave around Bastila's shoulder. She said something dead sexy to her but I couldnt hear because it was whispered in Bassie's ear. "How yew spiffy doing there, my gorgeous dashed bird!" she asked talking British like Bastila in order to hit on her. "Oi's wondering if yew'd loik to find a dumpster somewhere to have a... pinch or two." She winked.

Bassie's face went all red and she punched the chick in the mouth and knocked out two of her teeth, and they went smackling bloodily across the pavent and into the crowd. I was watching this with my head over my shoulder. "GET YOUR SOILED CONFOUNDING SITH CONFLATION AWAY FROM ME YOU BLOODY WANKER!" she roared and Force-shoved her into a trash can. Then Mission showed up and I looked away. Bastila was such a bitch and a hypocrite that I couldn't take it anymore. I sped off into the crowd, still using the Force to hover in the same position, and it was kinda like driving through the sexiness in a little invisible motorcart made for a kid that I had stolen or something.

When I ahd leftthe courtyards and hopefully Bastila behind I was in the Sith Discrict, a good number of blocks still off from the Sith building. As I stopped hovering in place to catch my breath I saw the purple-haired chick again leaning up against the wall of the buildings smiling at me. Her mouth was bloody but the teeth were back because they were hologram teeth and she were able to put them back in.

I glanced behind me and used the Force to look super-far. The gang was just coming out of the crowd, except for Ahm'niisyah who was buying a hotdog from a Sith pimp in the crowd. Then I looked back at the chick earnestly. "How much, lady?"

"Six hundred Republican credits-" She said but couldn't say it because I had already jumped her and we were snogging in a security locker. I slammed the door adfter us and make sure the lights were off so there was only the small vent things in the top of the door – when its dark it's easier to loose track of time and also I don't like to see myself when I'm with a gal.

I took about twenty minutes with whoever this lady was. She didn't taste very good at first because of the blood but soon enogh it was gone and then she was all right. But all I could think about was Bastila and how she'd burned me on Kashyyyk and then turned around and jumped Mission like it was mean nothing. I was getting so mad that the Force started shooting outta me in random directions, and the Security Locker we were in started rocking back and forth on its durasteel bolts, and electrical discharges started to spark around through the nearby business establishments.

Suddenl there were footsteps outside! And people talking. "He was right here!" Said a wrinkly old man voice – Jolee.

"Wait a minute – said" another one. But this time it was Canderous. "So was Carth. Both of them are missing! But there's only two directions to go in! How could they have gotten away so far?"

I started going at it more exquisitely than before, but this time I was _**fucking**__ mad_ and started chewing furiously on my tie. Could I not even get thirty freaking seconds to myself and a purple-haired chick that I'd never met before!? Why did I care so much what one stupid Jedi thought of me? **WHY WOULDN'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE!?**

"Well doesn't _that_ just take the piss!?" fumed angrily Bastila right outside the door... "That codger is so ungrateful and irritating that I simply cahn't _believe_ that the Jedi Council chose such a selfish, buggering _**blighter**_ like _**him**_ to save the galaxy!"

Above them the streetlights exploded and molten glass came down to the sidewalk in a brief torrential storm. Were it not for Jolee using a Force bubble shield thing their clothes might've cuaght on fire. "BLIMEY WOT THE CRINKLECOT WAS THET" Bastila squawked.

"I don't know but we need to go find him and Carth real quick. Bassie, Jolee, you use the Force, the droids can start scanning for heat signatures..." The voices then started to fade and I was still stuck in that metal security closet thing with a Sith whore and a torn, messed-up suit.

I reminded myself to start breathing again, and to help me get my bearings again I lit a cigarrette and started to smoke. I batted at the purple chick's hair – except I couldn't see it so I think I hit her in the ear instead. "Hey," I said. "Ever have one of those weeks where it seems like the whole dang galaxy's out to get you?"

She didn't say anything. That unnerved me for a sec. Blowing more smoke out of my nostrils, I reached over into the dark & felt for a pulse. It was flat, and she was still breathing at an extremely base rhythm – I had screwed her so hard that she had fallen asleep from sheer exhautstoin.

I finished my cigarrette and got myself dressed again – I felt a bit back to normal now, so no sense waiting around in a dark security locker with a sleeping Sith hooker. When I had gotten my suit and tie and other clothes back on I searched through her robe and found 700 credits. Then I tied her up in the robe, opened the closet door latch, and flopped out face-first into the harsh temperate daylight of Manaan, and I slammed into the duracrete pavement.

Then another dude did the exact same thing in the security locker next to mine! He fell out of it backwards and banged his head into a pole, and he didn't have his pants on. As he pulled them back on I recognized him. It was... ... ... ... ... ... . ... ... . ... . .. . .. CARTH!

"Carth!?" I gasped. "The hell are you doing here!? Everyone's looking for you!"

" I know," he grumbled. "But then I met this chick named Minny, and I was feeling really stressed out, so I..."

I glanced into the other locker at the shadowed figure sprawled unconscious within. "Carth, that's not a chick."

Carth's drool-slicked complexion turned blue-milky white-blue in colour. "What- **DAMMIT!**" he yelled. "**FUCK!"**

He went on like that for a wile thrashing about disgustingly on the sidewalk, then got up. He looked a lot more loosened out than before, and I myself was in a better mood so I didn't deck him in the face this time. "Ah, well," he said at length. "My wife's dead, so she'd understand."

Then Bastila, Ahm'niiisya, and the others came around the corner. "THERE YOU ARE!" she screeched like a Tarisian hawk-bat. "WHAT THE BLIMEY DO YOU TWO HAVE THE SAY FOR YOURSELVES!"

I turned around and slammed the security lockers shut, and used the Force to lock them inside. "We were catching up, sorry about that."

And we headed on our way further into the Sith District, on the way to the Sith Base.

* * *

Inside the dead of night my gang and I were camped outside the Sith Base. It was a big building with spotlights, barbed wire over all the windows, laser turrets and cameras, force fields over the windows and doors too, and snipers on the roof. We circled the place about a dozen times but it was absolutely impregnable. We couldn't find any weak point to get inside through. Not even T3 was able to slice through the doors.

But there _was_ a plan, and Ahm'niisyya told it to me: "Hey Jaden, I'm an expert in Sith Bases. So I'm gonna go shut down the defenses for a while."

"What!" I asked quietly so the others didn't hear me. "How!?"

"You can leave that to me, my clever friend," he said slickly. "Just wait outside the front entrance for a little bit. When there's a thunderstorm, that's your signal."

"What do you mean a thudnersto-" I started but he had already disappeared. "Motherfucker."

"That's a mighty weird thing to be talking to yourself about," Jolee observed. "The weather on Manaan is tightly controlled by science stations in orbit, so there never are thunderstorms unelss they're speciall scheduled... And they never do since the Selkath don't need to grow crops or go to the beach or anything."

I looked at him awkward. "Yeah, well... I have a hunch here." So we camped outside the Sith Base again for two more hours until the sun had set... We were all sitting behind some dumpsters in an alley across the street. The road between us and the Sith Base was a six-lane speeder highway with all kinds of vehicles zooming up and down it at like 60 mph because the Selkath don't do speed limits. Apparently since most people who live on this floating-boat city aren't Selkath because they live underwater, they don't mind off-worlders getting killed in car accidents, the bastards.

Anyway past the road was the Sith Building and the front door, guarded by two Sith troopers with double-laser rifles. They were advanced models and could be set to fire kill and stun blasts at the same time from their two optimized proton barrels.

They couldn't see us though because we were hiding behind some dumpsters in an alely across the street. Most of us were playing pazaak (no one knew how to play Sabaac except me because they're boring) and talking about random crap. "You know why I'm so good at Pazaak?" Mission asked excitedly sitting between to Bastila and Carth and across from Canderous and T3 and me.

I rolled my eyes. She had only won half as many games as me.

"Because my brother Griff taught me hwo to play when I was just a kid," Explained Mission who was definitely at least twenty-one years old in case anyone was confused. "That was the only good thing he did for me, though. You see, he met this girl named Neela, and they-"

"Come on, girl!" barked Canderous so loudly that the Sith snipers across the street jumped startledly but they couldn't see us so it was funny. "You've already told us this story! Give it a rest. Your stupid brother dumped you and is gone. All of us have baggage."

"I do not have _baggage!_" Mission shot back. She dealt a green card. Then it was my turn. I put down a green seven, then folded. "I'm telling you, Candy, we're gonna meet Griff at some point on this adventure and I'm gonna solve stuff with him. It's what normal people do when they have family problems."

"Har harr harrr!" crowed the Mandalorian, dealing two red fours and a Jackal. "You weirdos and your _normal people_ Ronto skrag! _We Mandalorians_ have no such silly qualms about dealing with our problems as you do! We have _honor systems_ with dueling and stuff. A blaster can solve _**any**_ mere family dispute!"

Carth piped up. "Jaden, are you sure we're waiting here for the _weather_ to change? That doesn't really make any sense considering-"

But then we noticed that it was super-dark up there in the sky because it was black clouds! And rain was starting to stream down. Lightning crashed about among the hundreds of Manaan rooftops like thin crooked turbolasers, blasting top floors of empty skyscrapers into sand. The humungeous gusts of rainwater and wind smashed around the streets, and we could hear car accidents happening. "Guys thats' our cue!" I yelled grabbing everything.

"YEAAAAHHHHH!" yelled Carth getting out his blasters.

"**YEAAAHHHHHHH**!" screamed Canderous cracking his knuckles.

"_**YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH**_!" everyone else roared with their other stuff.

I looked across the street. The two Sith guards had to concentrate real hard to stand in place with all that wind and rain, slicking up our clothes, and now had our chance. I drew my purple lightsaber and led the way to run across the street. The speeders were still zooming back and forth so we had to make sure not to run into them.

We crossed the first three lanes. Ahead of me a speeder whooshed past at what looked to be a hundred and fifty – but not fast enough. I slashed at it and my saber left a long molten cut along its hull that reached the gas tank. Just under a second later it exploded a crater across the road just a short distance down – but it was okay because it was only being driven by a robot. Now no more traffic could come at us from that direction! But we were only halfway across the road, and there was a bigger problem that I hadn't anticipated.

Flash-flooding.

I looked to the right. No more incoming speeders, but there was a six-foot wall of brown water full of sewage and smoke and garbage and droids and even some people who had been swept up in its watery wake was zooming down the road straight toward us! It was coming too fast to make it in time, and worse, there were eight landspeeders and a double-decked speeder-_bus_ like they have in Britian I guess trying to out-run it. They were screaming their horns and blaring headlights and it was one of the scariest things I've ever seen in my life coming at my face.

There was no time – so the only chance was to _make_ some time because I'm Jaden Amnesia and I don't _believe_ in **impossible.** I reached back with the Force, grabbed the entire crew, and threw us all forward in an arc upward and forward. We soared just over the speeder-bus, and me, Bassie, and Jolee all landed running while everyone else tumbled in the torrential storm. I killed the two Sith guards and ran in through the front door to the Sith Base. Everyone else just managed to get in after me and we slammed the door shut just as the flood swooshed past. A bit of water leaked in through the door cracks but we'd be okay for now.

It was an elevator and we needed a way to get it working. The problem was apparently the Sith were ready for us, and they turned the thing off so it was all dark. The heavy pounding of our breathing was a terrifying fing in my ears.

"Hang on guys," I said as I an idea and clicked on my hologram nightstick. It was nice and bright, and we were able to find the elevator panel. Canderous ripped it off with his teeth, and we let T3 start fiddling with the wires for a bit. After that the lights came back on, and the elavator whirred down to the fifth floor. Water dripped ominously from the elevator's ceiling as the flood resentfully followed us down.

"Okay," Carth said reloading his blasters. "The plan?"

I played with my lightsaber whirling in my hand. "The easiest one," I said because we didn't have a map of the Sith base so it was a waste of time. "Kill everyone. Find the Matter Replicator thing. Find the Mandalorian Brain-Device. Get out."

Everyone nodded as the elevator dinged. I snapped on my purple lightsaber, watching its energy static up my hair and make it all stand out in all directions, and I slammed my foot into the door and it opened.

Behind it was a reception security thing with a desk and a Sith woman officer in it. She was tpying at the desk and looked up. She was blond and had a British accent like Bastila. "_Wot –_ who the blast are you?! I don't recognize you! Lewtenant Grumm to the Reception NAOW"

And Mister Grumm walked in from the elevator as well, carrying a vibro-dueling sword. He was shirtless because he had been taking a shower or sparring in the training room or something. I didn't actually know what he had been doing before – I was just guessing.

"General Grum!" Thundered the Sith Receptionist. These people are not aurhotized to be in here! They must be spice!"

Admiral Grumm's face went white with shock, and glistenign sweat pored out of his face to run in slickened sheets of saltiness down his rippling abs. "What! Impossible!"

I turned around to look him straight in the face and smiled the biggest smile of my life. "Wrong answer, chump," I say. "No such thing as impossible when Jaden Amnesia's the culprit!" And I grabbed him by the collar and did an awesome over-whip throw that shot him like a missile over my head, and he smashed head-first into the Sith receptionist, collapsoing both of them into a tangled heap inside the desk, which was like a low-style cubicle thing made out of metal more than a proper desk. His vibro-sword went spinning up into the air, and fell point-down into the console stabbing the circuitbreaker, which sent sparks bizzling into the main control matrix, and without the safety circuits functioning it all started a chain reaction that turned the entire desk into a gigantic taser, and the whole thing exploded into an electrical discharge of deadly, killing both Sith.

I coughed as I led the way thru the blood-hazed smoke and into the hallways. The red alarms started going and Sith troopers started flooding in around us. "Time for the fun!" I whooped. We charged them in Combat Formation as the Sith started spraying all the corridors and all the rooms and all the walls with all their lasers, and they kept bouncing off of each other beacuse to save money the walls were all made out of holograms! So they couldn't get damaged by laser energy and just kept reflecting them back and around themselves.

But that wasn't enough to stop us, and definitely not me, and I just kept mowing them all down with my lightsaber, and my gang killed some of them too.

That was actually pretty boring this time so I'm gonna skip to the cooler parts.

I ran into a room with the Sith. But there were no Sith in it, they were Selkath. They were all holding training lightsabers. "FREEAEZE WHERE YOU ARE HU-MAN! WE ARE THE MISSING SELKATH YOUTHS LEAGUE AND WE HAVE JOINED THE SITH! SOMEONE CALL THE GUARDS!"

"Wait, Shaleesh!" One of them said. "Whatever this is we should handle it alone, we can't always wait for the Sith others. Who are you human, are you a test for us from the Masters?"

"YOU SHOULDnT TAKE THESE CHANCES SHASA" said the other one taking out his training saber. But then they realized their lightsabers were no good for combat so I hacked them all to pieces. And on one of them I found the key to the next room and a Health power-up, which was good because some of my injuries from Kashyyyk still hadn't been healed yet.

"Good fork!" Ahm'niiisya said from behind me making me jump. "You've eliminated a group of Force users who would potentailly be dangerous for you someday."

"Wow. I never thought of that!" I said and moved on. "Guess you're right."

In the next room I found a shoebox stuffed under the janitor's closet. It turned out to be a regular one full of drugs. Also it had a twi'lek severed ear inside of it, and a label that said "GRIFF VAO" in unreadable scrawl. I took some of the stimulant drugs (Canderous would appreciate them, he does drugs all the time which is probably how he's so tough) and threw the rest into the plasma garbage.

After a while of that I was running down a big red hallway with other people but then we all had to stop because boiling hot steam began to gush out of the panels, and we had to stop and not run into the steam or else it would cook the skin right off of our bones – just like fat smooshing its way out of a beefy nerfherder stake patty beneath the hard-pressing of a durasteel spatula or other kitchen utensil.

I coughed and hacked as we helplessly were about to breath in the steamy hot steam, but then I remembered – I was going to survive! Because Ahm'niiisya had taught me how to use the Force to breath in unbreathable environments. So I started doing that for a bit and was okay. And so was Bastila.

"Well it's a good thing we have the Force!" she breathed. "Shore saved us from the scaffolding tonoit!"

"Yeah," i said after fifteen seconds. "Guess we just gotta wait until the steam vents are emptied."

SSSSSSssssssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssSssssSSS sSSSSsssss... ... .. ... s. ... ... .. ...

It was like an unseeable wall of white-hot steam in front of us and behind us. I figured there was nothing to do except stay calm.

Suddenly Bastila started to cry.

"Bastila, what the FROTZ is wrong with you!?" I said. "You think I dunno what's going on with you and Mission huh, having weird-ass alien sex in my ship!?" I tried to light a cigarrete but i was so grossed out that I dropped it accidentally into the steam and it was incinerated.

"_Wot?_ I-"

"Seriously! After what we did on Kashyyyk?!" I started to cry too because I was sad and also I figure di twas appropriate since we were talking about boring stuff now. "Bassie, I thought that we were doing something special in that tree! I thought that MEANT something to you!"

I turned around dramatically to stare into the steam wall because it was a metaphor for my life. "Because it meant something to _me_," I hisspered.

Bastila was crying now. "Jaden, I... The Jedi say that there's no such ruddying things as emotion, but..; Oim nawt shore I bulieave them... Ahnd if it helps Oim just being casual with Mission, it's not anything too serious."

I stopped cring. "Wait, really?"

"WHAT BASTILA YOU MOTHERFUCKER HOW COUDL YOU DO THIS TO ME" shrieked Mission and made us both jump because she was in the steam box behind us!

Bastila's already red face went all so redder."Oh Mission! Oi didn't realize yew were there! I'm sorry if you thought we were oh so bunging-"

But she couldn't finish. "WE'RE THROUGH BASTILA! YOU HEAR ME, WE'RE THROUGH!" And Mission stormed off back down the hallway.

Bastila wiped off some tears and smiled sadly at me. "She's just loik a whee-nipper that one. In the bed and out of it. It's loik she stopped growing when she reached fourteen or some soupy thing."

I stopped crying too because it was boring. "Yeah, I guess. Hope she gets over it, though, she and Big Z are some of our best crewmembers."

Bastila wiped her damp hair in a nice-looking way. But then... ... ... Ahm'niiisya poked his hooded head out of the steam behind her! My eyes went all super-wide and I had to cough and scratch my head and dig through my pockets and stratch an itch on one leg with another leg to make it look natural. "Oh dear, be I crassly inturrupting your emotional scene?" asked the Invisible Jedi Knight.

"Sorta, but I hope we can move on," I said without thinking.

"Jaden, wot- Who are yew-" Bastila flushed kinda whitely.

Ahm'niiisya shook his head. "Not a smart move, Jaden. Look, I'm gonna go find the steam controls. Just make sure you don't stumble into the steam while having sex standing up or whatever." And he disappeared.

To compensate I ran into Bastila and started sucking on her face. After about twenty seconds of that I heard a _beeeeeep-beep beep_ from somewhere in the air vents and the steam all got sucked back into the ventalations. And we stopped.

I kinda stepped back and wiped myself with my sleeve. Strange thing was, I felt even better now than when I had screwed the Sith Hooker in that security closet. Bastila kept brushing her hair awkwardly.

"Hey guys!" Suddenly yelled Carth as he ran up to us from the start of the Red Hallway. "There you are! Come on, we haven't got much more time. We gotta get to the Sith Executive Office and find that Matter Machine!" he was smiling very widely and spinning his guns around in his fingers like a pro.

"Then let's do it!" I said and we charged down the corridor.

* * *

The Sith Dude in charge of Manaan was a Sith Master with a double-bladed red lightsaber and six Selkath Force-users like I had fought earlier, but they didn't have wepons. He was wearing black and gray with a hood and also a desert-mask thing over his mouth that made his speech mufflered. "Lord Mawak wuz most _dispeezed_ when he wurned you had escaped Taris awive!" Then he loosened the face mask for better. "He has promised a great reward to whomever destroys you!"

"Yeah," i said spinning my saber around. "But it's a better reward just to _be_ me," And we attacked. Bassie and I ran around the Sith master chopping at him, but he kept blocking us even though he was at the disadvantage of two saber blades to our three. Meanwhile Carth had to deal with the Sith Selkath; they charged out their sonic blasters and started spraying him and the wall behind him with sound shots which were white in color, but he switched on this glowy blue energy shield thing so he could take it, and shot them back a lot. "WEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOO!" Carth whooped as he dropped two of them with heavy shots to the eyeballs. "HEY GUYS!" he yelled at me. "KNOCK KNOCK!"

I kicked the Sith Master in the face but he only flew into the wall and came back out of the wall behind us. "WHAT?" I yelled back dodging.

"IT'S JUST LIKE BEIN' ON DA FARM ON TELOS BACK HOME, WHERE MA AND PA ARE MAKIN' DINNER! YOU KNOW WHAT'S FOR DINNER!?" And Carth was grinning so wide, and he ran up to the next Selkath immune to their sonic shots and pistol-whipped him in the face, then shot him up on the floor. "FRIED SUSHI!" And he laughed.

Well that got the four remaining Selkath FURIOUS and they threw down their sonic guns and ran to the closet, where they grabbed out each a SONIC SWORD and charged toward Carth slashing like crazy everywhere, and sonic wave-slashes went across the room and ear-drummed everyone with their blows but Carth still stood up to them. I got bored of him having so much fun though and just fried the last Selkath with a burst of Force Lightning.

"Hey, no fair!"

"You puny Republicans and Jedi fools!" Suddenly rumbled the deep voice of the Sith Master. "You think that _I_ shall be such an easy defeat! YOU WILL BE WRONG" and he reached out his hands, gray energy pulsing around him... And suddenly he started to fade away... And the familiar smell of water vapor and whisps of cloud began to waft around his limbs... We looked in shock.

In seconds the Sith was gone... And in his place was a big cloud of steam with a HUGE MOUTH OF GRINNING TEETH MADE OUT OF ICE! "**Ha ha HAAAAAAA!**" he boomed in his office with a whispy gassed-out voice, and charged at us biting through the air.

I dodged and as he roared past shot at him with my sleeve-flamethrower but that only minorly damaged him. Carth shot at the Sith Steam Master Monster like mad but the shots only went through him!

A tentacle of steam snapped at my pelvis and hit home, flailing me onto the floor, and my lightsaber rolled out of reach. Before I knew it the thing was behind me now and bit down on my right leg. "AAAAAAAAUHHHHHH!" I screamed. "BASSIE CARTHY HE'S GOT MY LEG! DO SOMETHIN NOWWWWWWW" And the laughing monster started dragging me out toward the Red Steam Hallway. I clawed crazily at the floor but it was no good. And all Carth kept doing was shoot more at the monster. Bastila came to help too but the Steam Monster spat ice cubs at her and they bruised her up bad to keep her at bay.

I grabbed to the doorway jus tbefore the red hall. "_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_" I yelled. But there was one chance... I saw the red steam hallway emptier lever way far away across on the other side of the Sith Office Room... Nothing for it. I reached with the Force and yanked, so hard that the level ripped its way outta the wall. And the Hallway Jettisonned all of its steam... Including the steam that was biting my leg.

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I MUST NOT DIE LIKE THIS**" he yelled as he got sucked into the vents and disappeared. Eventually he'd be deposited into the ocean floors of Manaan like all the other steam, and there he would be crushed into oblivion by all the super-pressure.

I got back up exhaustedly and found my lightsaber again. "What a crazy way to die," i muttered.

* * *

That was about the last major enemy in the building. We searched this Sith Base from top to bottom and found the Matter Replicator, which was good... But no sign of a Mandalorian Brain-Controller, or a robot clone, or anything else which indicated anything about the case of Benedict Sunny.

Jolee BIndo stared out the window at the raging inferno of water storm that was still splattering the City of Manaan. "I almost can't believe it..." he whispered. "Benedict Sunny must be guilty after all! He was lying! He's a psychopath. My friend from the Republican army... And he shed a tear."

I waited with him in that room for a long time sadly. It was a shame. Benedict Sunny did kinda remind me of myself in his badassery... But nothing could save the facts from being real.

The door slid open behind us. It was Juhani. "Come on Jaden, Jolee," she said reservedly. "There's nothing more for us here. And the Selkath police are on our way. We've done all we can."

I nodded. "She's right, Jolee. We gotta get outta here and face the musical symphony of our screwed-up lives." But I was still happy enough, for now. The quest was marching on, and I had Bastila... For now.

* * *

We got hit by a ton of sunlight glare as we headed back out the front door to the Sith Base – and straight into a line of six Selkath Cops in riot gear and eight Humanoid Robot Droids with blaster rifles. The cops had their glass shields, motorcycle helmets, and hitting-sticks. Water was leaking out of their helmets because the Selkath liked water.

The Officer, a Particularly Big and muscular Selkath with a red stripe in his helmet, marched up to me. "Hold it right there!" he boomed through the speakers.

"I got this guys, just do as I do," I whispered. Then I slicked up my hair, tasted my breath, cleared my throat, and gave a respectful smile. "Something the matter, officer? Anything I can do to help?"

"Thew old innocent routine, eh? Well, we'll just have to see about that!" The officer declared. "We've detected weapons munitions going off inside the Sith Base and they have not responded to our calls! You are under immediate suspicion, you see."

"What?! How come, officer! What proof do you have?"

"We don't need proof to arrest you, we have enough suspiciouns and scanners and distress calls and stuff. Now come with us at once to the Selkath Police Station or we will _make_ you come!"

I made myself look afraid – with the Force, it was a simple matter to add a stutter to my voice, and to make some of the colour leave my face. "I... You're serious! Me?"

He poked me in the tie with his baton. "Yes, you."

I glanced back at my gang and winked. Then I looked back at the Officer and tapped myself "What, _all_ of us? Or just me?"

"Your companions are also under as much suspicion since they are with you. You will be stripped of your weapons and other things and placed in separate holding blocks." He sounded like a fish-radio, if such a thing were to ever exist. Behind him the other Selkath cops were fidgetting anxiously.

"Even... Even my _droids?_ What about them?"

"The droids too!" coughed the Officer. "Now stop talking! We won't accept anymore funny business from you off-worlder scum!"

And I pretended to struggle as they arrested us all and put us in handcuffs. They put Carth in three pairs of cuffs, plus a garbage bag over his head. "**MWWMMM-FFFFF**!" he said, struggling authentically.

"Call the Police Station!" ordered the officer. "Tell them we have them arrested and we need a helicopter right now! They could be dangerous." The other officer mumbled something and pulled out his aqua-phone, started talking to the people in Selkathese...

"Officer, you can't be serious," I said as his boys started to rough us up and take our things. "Our names are Jaden Amnesia, Bastila Shan, and Jolee Bindo, and _we_ are licensed members of the Jedi Order! We are on a very important mission of top-secret mercy and we cannot afford to be delayed like this! Tell 'em, guys!"

Bastila had out her pouty lips. "Office-uh, oi simply _must_ implore that you let us go! The entire bloody _galaxy's_ in the soup and if you just called up the Jedi Council and had a beef with them then they'd corroborate our story, and if you don't then you're just wasting your sodding time!"

"Hrmm," added Jolee. "Don't make us resist, officers! We don't want to."

"Hahr!" laughed the Officer. "Yeah, that's what they all say. I'm a Jedi I can do wahtever I want! Save it for the juries. You'll probably be sentenced to drowning if you had anything to do with whatever the hell happened in that building!"

I was a little disappointed in Bastila and Jolee, but that would be okay. I still had a way out of this. "Listen officer, I have to warn you guys that wihle we might come quietly... My _droids_ don't take kindly to getting arrested. You should maybe, like, get a restraining bolt or two to keep 'em chill."

"Already got one here, sir," said one of the cops and he plugged it into HK-47's torso. And suddenly he got tazed because I had installed a special tazer to keep him from getting restrained by bolting! The cop fell twitching mad and siezed. "RENOLDSON!" Barked the officer. "What the-"

Before he could say that though my red lightsaber was in my hand and I had already cut myself free of the handcuffs. "Sucker!" I said to the shocked Officer. "Not so good at searching, are you, seeing as you missed one!"

HK looked at me and I nodded. And he went into full-combat mode, drew his two heavy blaster rifles, the sonic guns popped out of his torso, and the swordblades slashed out of his knees against another cop and two of the Selkath droids, and then he opened fire.

The Selkath ran around crazily alot. HK pummelled against their glass shields until they broke, and then he mowed them down pretty fast. My lightsaber took care of the droids easily enough. The whole thing took about four and a half seconds, and then we set about getting our stuff back, including the Matter Replicator.

"Ja- Jaden! I can't believe you!" cried Carth. "They were innocent police officers!"

"There's no such thing as an innocent police officer, Carth," I explained as I handed him his blasters. "Every cop I've ever met is a corrupt bribe-taking brutalizing arsehole, and these ones were no better. They were racist fascist Selkath booticking carpetbaggers, and what's more, what should we have done? They were gonna throw us in jail, and then where'd our Star Map quest be?"

"I don't know," Carth admitted.

"But we didn't sodding need to kill them _all!_" Bastila complained. "Did we?"

I reached into the dead Officer's pants and pulled out a piece of flimsiplast (also called 'paper' in some parts of the galaxy). It was the warrant for our arrest and it saod: "IF THEY RESIST FIGHT TO THE DEATH STOP". "I dunno, you tell me," I said as I folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it out into the oceans of Manaan.

Canderous sucked on a stimpack behind me. "Yeah, Jaden's right. Besides," he said between sips of the tasty red medicalness. "Police are nothing but thugs with badges. That's another thing that people in space-nations like Manaan and the Republic don't realize – we put all of this money into agencies of law enforcement, giving them equipment, resources, and authority, wichout even realizing the double-edgedness of the sword that is a fighting force of men who are in charge of catching criminals who are protected by the law, and are always believed first when asked after the fact about what happened in a situation – and if you happen to be a racial minority, and a cop's out to get you, he can easily ruin your life. That's why **on Mandalore**, we _Mandalorians_ don't have police – everyone's honest, smart, looks out for their own interests, good lookings, and owns a gun. If criminals come after us we're more than able to defend ourselves and dispense civilized justices."

"Thanks, Canderous," i said as I smoked another cigarrette. "Now if there's no other trouble, I think it's time we walked away real fast before that helicopter gets here, and get this special machine back to Admiral Ruland Holaris.

So we did that.

* * *

I clunked the heavy Matter Replicator machine down onto the sturdy wooden desk of High Republican Navy Admiral Ruland Holaris the First. He immediately put his coffee cup into it, pushed the button on the side, and took it out again – and there was some orange electrical discharges inside of it, and another cup of coffee appeared inside of it. Smiling he took it out and enjoyed his two cups of coffee.

"Looks like it still works!" he said happily. "Dunno how you boys did it, but you have the Republic's utmost thanks." He then had his Republican guards take it out of the room. I was kinda miffed that he didn't let me keep it because I wanted to replicate some of my stuff, like extra suits, and guns, and lightsabers and sandwiches. But ah well. Money was no object when it came to a guy like me.

"And as I said," the Admiral went on, "You now get to know what's going on with this 'Star Map' you asked about... And Helen Shan."

And he talked to us for a while. It turned out that the Republic, in violation of the Treaty of Three, had built a secret underwater Kolto-Facility deep under the oceans of Manaan to harvest Kolto of their own, faster than the idiotic, greedy Selkath would sell it to them. Problem is, there were some weird energy things being detected next to the facility, and then they lost contact – Ruland thinks the Ancient Star Map is the source of the energies. Also, Bastila's Mum was last seen working for the Republic down there in that facility as one of the lead scientists.

So he'd be happy to give us a submarine to go down there and find the Star Map and Bastila's Mum, if we would report back and tell him what had happened to the facility. So we were all like, "No problem."

And he put a button in his desk, that made his bookcase turn into a door. He opened the door and walked us down a super-long dark corridor and into a room with a pool... And his personalized submarine. It had comfortable seating, a microwave, floodlights, advanced sensors and turbo-propellors, plus torpedo guns and bomb guns and prototype aqua-laser cannons that could fire lasers through the dense ocean saltwater. The whole thing was colored jet black and it had a red painting of the Republic logo over a skull and crossbones on the side of the hull, not to mention custom-made fins and a starboard side with deflector and particle shields.

Ruland threw the keys to me, and I caught them. "Don't scratch the paint," he smiled, and disappeared behind the secret door.

I looked around at my gang. "Well what are we waiting for, guys? Let's get wet."


	29. Mad Science

A/N 29: TWO PEOPLE have UN-favorited my story. **A POX UPON YOUR HOUSES **_**BOTH**_** OF YOU!**

* * *

A/N 30: WARNING. Pulling out ALL the stops on this chapter! It has ROMANCE and VIOLENCE and HORROR and SEX and DRAMA... So you better WATCH OUT!

* * *

Manaan had been turning out to be a pretty good planet. The water being everywhere sucked, and so did the Selkath, and so did the Sith hookers, and so did most of hte other people, but stuff was still going pretty well for me.

Little did I know that my trip into the sea deptshs of Maanan would be the longest and most dangerous day of my Life!

* * *

Bastila was helping me drive Admiral Ruland Holaris' badass submarine-ship that could go underwater down into the murky depths of the Hk'rrakart Rift, which was the ocean floor beneath a large deposit of coral reef that rimmed the mysterious oceanic region of Esfahan. There were millions of gallons of water here, so it was unusually dense and mysterious... An ideal place for the special healing liquid called _kolta_ to be naturally occurring here.

I was in the pilot seat thing of the submersivle. Carth wanted to help me fly the ship but I made him sit in the back beacuse Bastila was my girlfriend now, so she was helping me instead. It felt nice.

The water bubbled past us out in the ocean. Everyone was in the back seat (except me and Bastila obvbiously because someone had to drive the boat!) and they were talking about the crazy stuff we'd all done lately.

"Can you really believe Taris is gone?" Mission was gaping while looking up at the stars. "I mean, one minute it was there, and the next...'' She disappeared off in her voice with.

"...And the next the Sith _blow it to __**smithereens!"**_Canderous howled, smacking the window with his hand. "I had a lot ofr old mates whom I used to like to drink and fight and talk about the Old War with and now they're all blasted well dead and destroyed! it's not _too_ bad though," he added after a few seconds, "Because Taris was never _really_ a planet to begin with, remember? It's actually a giant city that's the _size_ of a planet. Well, before it exploded obvciously." He mumbled. "Now it's not really that much of an anything."

"Is that _really_ what Taris was?" asked Carth scratching his head-first. "I could've just- I mean, how were we able to drink any of the water if it wasn't _really_ aplanet? Or use repulsorlifting hovercraft craft?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Carth" I said flying the ship through a hole in the ocean. "Taris was build thousands of years ago by the Thyferran Alliance to help deal with a burgening overpopulations crisis in The Fifties, and they knew how to generate atmospheres that aren't real using giant subspace electromagnets and science and space-gasses. It was way more advanced than the technology they ahve on Coruscant. What _I'm_ confused about is, if Taris is a huge city the size of a planet, why didn't anyone else ever make another one? I mean, if _I_ ruled the galaxy I'd build like a million of em. Hell, you could make an entire artificial galaxy and have it to yourself!"

This the coolest idea that had ever been spoken aloud in Carths presents and it was so mind-blowing that he fell asleep out of shock.

"Heh heh heh," i said. "Such a sheltered man." And we drove on.

After a while I glanced back over my shoulder. Jolee Bindo was staring at the back seat. I could tell he was brooding and thinking about Benedict Sunny and about how he had turned out to be a guilty woman-murderer maniac with robot legs and a mean sweet tooth. He was also occasionally muttering to himself too and was seeming kinda jumpy. I decided not to bother him yet – people sometimes need time for grieving when they learn that their friends are crazy.

Two hours later the computer was beeping and a red thing was glowing from the screens. "Coming up on Hrrakart Station," I announced.

Carth suddenly woke up and yawned. "Hugaburrggg a lerg, Jaden!" he snored. "So what's the plan?"

"Well, it's what the Admiral Told us to," Ahm'Niiisya put in but nobody could see or hear him except me, remember? He was sitting in the other co-pilot seat which was broken so that nobody else would try to sit on top of him. "Right?"

"Yeah, we're supposed to check up on the place and see why they haven't called that Admiral guy back. And find Helen Shan and see why she was looking for Bastila. And find the Star Map which must be in the ocean somewhere."

We came up to a big udnerwater tanker facility thing. I flew into and then up in a hangar for submarines, and we splashed up inside of the docking hangar. The cockpit door whooshed open and I slammed it shut after we had all gotten out of the way. Then I looked around the room around us and sniffed.

The place stank of awful water and darkness, and there was no one to meet us. There was white lights but they were half-off so it was a pretty creepy place. I had all my dudes take out their guns excvept the Jedi who used lightsabers. Meanwhile I got out my hologram nightstick and turned it on, to shine it around places.

"Stay sharp," I said going over to a footlocker and opening it. "I don't like this."

Inside was three medkits but they were actually Antidote Kits because they were Green. I actually had started to feel pretty sick on the way there, so I opened one of them and started sucking out the minty green antidote juice on the inside as I continued to walk around with the nightstick. Everyone else was being jittery and I was to.

"Let's go," i said leading our way into the next room. And behind it was a hallway with a puddle, but the next door SWOOSHED open and a green twi'lek dude ran in from the other side. He was wide-eyed and unarmed and wore battered green-gunked up armour. "WHO ARE YOU!?" he gurbled. "They sent another sub!? Hurr hurr hurr, we have to get backinto it! We have to get awayyyyyy!"

I shined my light into his face and he stopped and cried. "Hold up there, you!" I barked. "What are you talking about? Get away from what?"

"There's no time!" He said. "I got the door shut but I dunno if they know how to open doors again!"

"Don't know if _who_ knows?" Carth demanded waving his gun in the man's face because he was serious.

"THE SELLLLLLLLLKAAAAAAAATHHHHH!": he hissed quiety. "They were all working at the facility, but they all went crazy and they're killing everything that moves! The Republic sent me and m dudes down here to investigate, and everyone else got killed! And the Salkath stole _my_ submarine-ship! But you have one, we need to get out of here NAOW!"

"I don't think so, pal," I replied cooly, throwing the empty Antidote Juice Kit into the plasma garbage. "There's an Ancient Star Map here with my name on it and I'm not leaving without it. I'm not scared of a couple selkath, in case you haven't heard of me I'm jaden Amneisa and we're pretty much the baddest dudes in the galaxy especially me so we don't have anything to worry about." To sike him out I shined the flashlight up from under my chin so that my face looked all shadowy and spooked. "We's gonna kill _**everything**_ that looks cross-eyed at us in this base just for _**fun**_. How do ya like _**tehm**_ space-apples? I mean, you're welcome to come along," I added.

"NO, NO, nononononoooo nooo—no-noo-OOOooOOooO NOOOO noooo NOOnooo OOONNNOO NOOO NOOOO MOOO NOOOO NOOO NOOooOOooOOO!" He shrieked spazzing his arms around in midair and having a total freakout. "I'm not goin' back in there for nothin'! LEMME GO!" he screamed and tried to run past us, but Canderous and Carth tackled him, thrashed him a little, and handcuffed him.

"We're taking him along with us for safety," I explained to Carth Mission Bastila and Jolee who were lightsided and always needed a stupid explanation for everything, and then we headed through the next door. I still had my flashlight out.

In the next room there was another footlocker with some grenades and an Antidote kit. Also there was a bantha ham sandwich and Carth ate it. In the next room it was actually a hallway with walls made of glass. Outside there was water and sharkes and fishes swimming around in it. They didn't see us because we crouch-ran down to the next door.

"I wonder what the friggin dig happened to all the Republic people working here!" I mumbled as I sliced through the door with my lightsabré.

"I _told_ you," whined the pants-pissing alien green psycho in chains, "They're all _dead._"

We looked around us. "There's only a couple dead dudes in this facility so far," epxlained Carth. "And so far there's no evidence for _anything_ of your crazy Selkath story. Not that we don't believe you," he added as an afterthought. But we're just trying to make sense here.

The door exploded inward and we walked through. Inside it was full dark so my nightstick was extra important as we walked through the floor full of dead wires and smashed glass and water and other debris. And creepy sounds.

I stepped in something and shined my light down into it. It was a dead Selkath dude's head! It was spilled full of into water because the Selkath are made of water. "Ewww." I said.

Suddenly there was nothing in front of us but just a big wall. "What the hell!" I said. "Guys-"

I turned around and shined my flashlight into the gang, but suddenly there was danger! Suddenly I sensed with the Force... ... ... ... ... Something was about to happen!

The twi'lek dude sneared at me and broke his handcuffs. Carth and Canderous and Zaalbar came at him but he punched them all out at once and laughed, and then as we watched in shock the mercenary pulled off his mask and he _wasn't_ a mercanary at all, he was... ... _**A MANDALORIAN! ADN HE HAD A GUN! AND ANOTHER GUN! AND HE OPENED THE DOOR... AND A HUGE TORRENT OF WATER EXPLODED IN AND RUSHED UPON US ALL..... ... ... ..... .... .. ... ...**_

* * *

When I woke up I spat out my water. I was in a white room with windows around in it into other rooms like it, and in this one I was trapped to an operating table with chains and handcuffs and straps and seatbelts and wope and cables and wires. They were all super-strong and no way I could break free of them. Ourside I heard the screamings of the damned.

I struggled in the ropes and other things that had been use to tied me ups. But itwas hopeless. All my pockets had been ransacked too – at least they'd let me keep my clothes. That made this better than some times I'd been captured.

_"NO NEED TO STRUGGLE WITH YOURSELF, MISTER AMNESIA!"_ said a high-pitched msyery voice from behind me. _"IVE DONE EVERY THING I CAN TO MAKE YOU AS COMFORTABLE AS YOU CAN."_

And then he stepped into view. He was a very thin man wiht seven feet tall, wearing light Madalorian Armour that was green, plus a hermet to match that had a magnifying glass thing sticking off of it, and hoses and tubes in a few places on his suite. He was holding up a big-ass needle and looked pretty fang diabolicle. "_WELCOME TO MY HOME UNDER THE SAE, JEDI._" he shrieked. "_ITS BEEN AGES SINCE I CAPTURED TWO OF YOU._"

I tried to crush his head with the Force but instead puked orange stuff onto my shirt. "_HA HE HA YES INDEED_" he laughed. "_I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF DRINKING YOU WITH MY SPECIAL __**FORCE-SUPPRESSION JUICE**__ SO THAT YOU CANT TRY AND __FUNNY__-__BUSNIESS__ YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE_"

I struggled some more. There was good news – he said he captured threeof us – that had to mean Ahm'niiisya was still around somewhere. "And you are?" I mumbled.

He stuck the syringe into his own arm to test it, and flexed his musckled abbs before rolling up the sleave again. "_MY NAME IS DEMAGOL FETT._" he shrilled. "_AND HOU ARE M PRISONER OF THE MANDALORIANS OF MANAAN. I HEARD THAT YOU KILLED MY UNCLE BANDACK STARKILLER ON KASHYYYYK AND IT IS LIKE A GRAT BIRTHDAY PRESENT THAT YOU HAVE COME INTO MY PLACE OF SCIENCE!_"

hE Pulled out the needle and put it away, and started rifling through a huge desk of his full of other needles and liquids and plastic bags of blood and latex gloves and hazardarous stuff. "A Mandalorian scientist? I never heard of it," I said.

_THATS WHAT YOU THINK_," screeched the Mandalorian Man a lot. "_WE MAY NOT BE SEEN AS MUCH AS THE WARRIOR MEN BUT WE ARE NO LESS NUMEROUS AND NO LESS EFFECTIVE AT THE KILLING OF PESTKY JUEUDI LIKE UNOT THE LIKES OF YOU."_

I looked around the room. I couldn't see any ovvious weapons to take him out with. "Really? AND what am I doing here? Last thign I remember I was in the Republic fascility..."

"_INDEED! IT WAS AN EASY TASK TO CAPTURE YOU HERE,_" HE WENT ON. "_YOU SEE THE REPOUBLIC THINKS THEY OWN THIS FACILITY BUT THEY DO NOT. THEY ORIGNALLY BUILT IT BUT WE CAPTURED IT DECADES AGO DURING THE GREAT MANDALORIAN EXCISION WHEN YOU SUPOSEDLY PEACABLE REPUBLIC BOMBED HUNDREDS OF INNOCENT CHILDREN MANDALORIANS INTO OBLIVION ON THE DESERT-SWEPT MASSACRE-PLAINS OF KOL HURO 5. ANYWAY WE CONTROL THIS FACILITY NOW AND IT NO LONGER HARVESTS KOLTO FOR YOU BUT RATHER SCEINTIFIC EXPERIMENTS FOR ME. WE SAW YOU LANDING YOUR SUBMARINE SO IT WAS AN EASY TASK FOR ONE OF MY MEN TO LURE YOU UNWITTEDLY INTO THE DRUGGED WATER TRAP WHICH KNOCKED YOU ALL OUT IN SECONDS AND ALLOWED ME TO NEUTRALIZE YOUR ENTIRE COMPANIONS WITH EAST._"

Woah. That was really bad. I mean, for the Republic. It was only bad for me because I was tired up. But before I could say anything else he turned around and jabbed my neck with another syringe, a red glowing one. "OW" I yelled. "MOTHVERUNCKER"

"_THAT IS ANOTHER SPECIAL PRESENT FOR YOU, MISTER AMNESIA," Deamagol creeped. "I HAVE INJECTED YOU WITH MY HUMAN IRRRADIATED BLOOD WHICH HAS BEEN STOORED FOR TWENTY-FIVE HALF-LIFE CYCLES IN MY SPECIAL BLOOD PROTON-NEUTRALIZER WHICH MEANS THAT YOUR BLOOD WILL SLOWLY BE ASSIMILATED AND TURNED INTO PROTONS, WHICH WEILL EVENTUALLY STERILIZE YOU FOR LIFE AND ASLO PERPARE YOU FOR THE FIRST PART OF MY EXPERIMENTS. IN THE MEANTIME I ALSO HAVE SOME INTERESTING STUFF TO SHOW YOU._" aND he slammed a button that jerked my table upward onto wheels, and almost all the way up, and he clicked his fingers so two Mandalorians in White Surgical Armor ran into the room and took positions behind my bed-thing. Demagol walked out of the room and the other two Mandos started to wheel me after him down the hall. It was starkly-bleached white duraplast that glittered, and the floor had a big fat black stripe going down the middle that shined and shimmered, and there were huge windows in the walls too.

Demagol walked infront of my gesturing with grand sweeops of his hands and shoes. "_I DESIGNED AND DECORATED THE INTERIOR OF THIS FACILITY MYSELF,"_ HE SCREECHED. "_AND EVERY DAY WE HAVE AN ENTIRE DIVISON OF TRAINED MANDALORIAN CLEANING SERVICEMEN TO RE-POLISH THE WALLS AND FLOORS TO DOUBLE-PERFECTION FOR GREAT HONOR_" aND AS we walked past various other Mandalorians I noticed the guards wore the blue armor, and the cleaners I supposed were the green ones. "_OUTSIDERS AND PEOPLE THINK THAT WE MANDALORIANS ARE ALL SAVAGE EFFICIENT KILLERS BUT IN FACT SOMEOF US WERE NOT BORN THAT WAY, OTHERS' PASSIONS LIE IN LESS GLAMOROUS FIELDSW OF EXPERTISE BUT EXCELLENCE IN AHTEVER WE WERE BORN THE WAY OF TO BEING IS A PATH TO GREAT MANDALORIAN **HONOR**. SO SOME ARE ARCHITECTS WHILE OTHERS LIKE ME AS YOU NOW KNOW ARE SCEINTISTS. ANYWAY I HOPE YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE IT IS THE FINEST INTERIOR LABORATORY ARCHITECUTRE IN THE OUTER RIM AND YOU WILL BE HERE FOR SOME TIME_"

_"IF YOU TURN YOUR ATTENTION TO THE WINDOWS YOU CAN SEE MY SCIENTISTIC MASTERY IN IS VARIOUS STAGES FOR THIS PROJECT COMPLETION," he explaiend_ and I looked. In every window was a room that looked like mine one, most of them with a dude or lady in it strapped to a bed-cart like mine and having hideous stuff done to them by Mandalorians or droids. In the first one a dude in Republican Soldiery uniform was screaming and grumbling and talking backwards with and his the was head spinning and rotating and tumbling around above his shoulders, and the medial droid was laughing at him. The Mandalorian Doctor next to him was washing his thick-gloved hands in the sink.

"_THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU IN AN HOUR OR TWO AFTER THE PROTON-BLOOD TRANSPLANT KICKS IN,_" dEMAGOL GUFFAWED. "_IT IS MY SECOND-FAVORITE PART OF THE PROCUDURE AFTER THE END-RESULT,"_ HE ADDed.

That looked mighty unfun to have happen to you so I wasn't really excited.

In the next window there was somebody face-down in a coffin-sized tank of blue liquid water, and he seemd to be melting into it! There was a lamp above him of a green light. "_THAT,_" Demagol explained, "_IS THE OMEGA RADIATION LIGHT, ONE OF MY FINEST INVENTIONS. IT'S AN INTEGRAL PART OF THE MUTINATION PROCESS"_

"Mutation into _what?"_ I asked. "It looks like you're just turning people into water vapor."

"_YOU'LL SEE MY MOUSETRAPPED JEDI FRIEND, YOU'LL SEE."_

He took us into the next hallway which looked the same. The next windwos we went past showed the same kinda tanks of water, but with no people in them, and no green lights. Instead droids were moving them in carefully-timed sequences between sparking pylons and getting the water electrified.

"...What's the point of this?" I asked.

"_FOOL,_" said Demagol. _"THAT IS NO ORDINARY ELECTRICITY. SEE HOW IT'S PURPLE? THAT SHOUDL BE A CLUYE IF YOU JEDI WERE INTO SCIECNE INSTEAD OF YOUR PUNY SILLY FORCE MYSTICISM. THE ELECTRICAL BOLTS ARE ONLY THE CARRYING MECHANISM FOR A NEW BREED OF GENETIC MICRO-ORGAMISMS THAT I HAVE PERSONALLY ENGINEERED... I EVOLVED THEM FROM FOSSILIZED REMAINS OF THE FIRST LIFE TO APPEAR ON THE PLANET VAKKAR IN THE FAKIR SECTOR... ONCE MY PRETTIES ARE INTRODUCED TO THE SPECIAL 'WATER' AS YOU CALLED IT THE TRUE BIO-NUCLEAR REACTION CAN BEGIN... ON THE __**MOLECULAR LEVEL..."**_

I had a bad feeling about this... "The _molecular_ level? That's impossible!"

We kept going on. _"HAH! JUST LIKE YOU JEDI SORT OF SAY... NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH ENOUGH __**SCIENCE!**__"_

On we went. In the next set of rooms there was more floating droids, this time dumping the water tanks into a giant single tank, with survelliance drones swimming through it, and also some firaxan sharks swimming through it too and I forgot to mention firaxan sharks are a very common predatory fish in the dampf, watery oceans of manaan. In fact the only one at all.

"Okay," I said. "I'm starting to piece this whole shindig together, but that's the point of _this_ one? Mixing it all together?"

"_IT ACCOMPLISHES TWOFORLD PURPOSES WITH ONE BREWING PROCESS."_ Demagol howled into the ceiling. "_DON'T YOU JEDI KNOW ANAYTHING ABOUT __THE __**SCIENTIFIC METHOD?**__ WE MIX TRHEM ALL TOGETHER TO ERASE ALL OF THE SUBJECTS MENTAL TRACES OF INDIVIDUALITY SOTHAT WHEN THE PROCESS IS DONE WE DON'T HAVE TO BRAINWASH THEM ALL OVER AGAIN LATER. BESIDES THAT FOR THE ARTIFICIAL EVOLUTION PROCESS TO COMPLETE PROPERLY WE NBEED TO LET THEM ALL... COOK, SO TO SPEAK, AT TEMPERATURES WELL APPROACHING THE MAGNETIC FIELD OF MANAAN'S PRIMARY STAR._" We all sweltered in the residual heat. "_NO ONE EVER DREAMED THAT SCIENCE LIKE THIS WAS POSSIBLE. UNTIL ME. AND ALSO THE FIRAXAN SHARKS ARE JUST IN THERE TO BE COOL, THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ACTUAL EXPERIMENT"_

In the next section was an identical tank... Except there was naked people climbing out of the water tank and into bunk beds. SELKATH people. I was shocked. "_**WHAT-**_"

_"OF COURSE, NOW YOU VBEGIN TO UNDERSTAND. THIS EXPERIMENT TOOK MANY YEARS FOR ME TO FIGURE OUT."_ We beganto pass thru a section where we could see the Selkath being strapped to operating tables and their brains exposed and hooked up to needles, and their teeth removed to be replaced with electrical drill parts, and other modifications to be made for them. "_YOU SEE WE ARE TURNING THE HAPLESS TEST SUBJECTS INTO NO **ORDINARY** WATER, BUT OF A VERY SPECIAL KIND THAT I FOUND ON AN OCEANIC PLANET IN THE DOMINUS SECTOR. THAT PLANET IS CALLED SOLANUS AND IT IS ALSO AL OCEAN PLANET BUT IT HAS NOITHING IN COMMON WITH MANAAN... DID YOU KNOW THAT THE OCEAN ON SOLANUS IS ACTUALLY SENTIENT? PROBABLY NOT... MARINE BIOLOGY IS NOTHING THAT **YOU** WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT. IT IS ACTUALLY INTENSELEY RICH IN THOUSANDS OF SPECIAL CHEMICALS THAT MAKE IT ABLE TO THINK... BILLIONS AND BILLIONS OF TIME PER MICROSECOND. FIGURING OUT HOW TO REPLICATE ITS PROPERTIES WAS THE MISSING KEY TO THE PERFECTION OF MY EXPERIMENT HERE. NOW THAT WE KNOW HOW TO DO IT THE BIO-MERGIFORMATION PROCESS COULD BEW PERFECTED... AND AS YOU CAN SEEE..."_

In the next section the Selkath were decked out in power armour that was even bigger and badder than regular Mando armour, with hundreds of gadgets such as wrist-chainsaws, cluster rocket-darts, poison guns, gas guns, machine guns, rocket guns, jet boots, jet packs, flamethrowers, cable guns, and even more than that. But that wasn't the most dangerous things about them... They had buzz-saws instead of teeth, extra eyes, sometimes extra arms or legs, sparring with swords and other weapons at incredible speeds so fast i had to use the Force just to keep track of them, and they were naturally generating personal shield bubbles with their electricsal brain waves and testing them by getting shot with assault energy cannons and surviving unscathed, and breathing bright blue-white fire at droid targets that froze them in place, then melted.

"_MY FAVORITE PART IS THEIR UNSTOPPABLE COLD-FIRE BREATH,_" dEMAGOL ADDED. "_WE HAVE TESTED IT AGAINST A THOUSAND DIFFERENT MATERIALS EVEN IMPERVIUM WHICH IS THE STRONGEST MASS-PRODUCED MATERIAL KNOWN TO THE REPUBLIC AND NOTHING IS ABLE TO WITHSTAND IT. EVEN IF SOMETHING CAN WITHSTAND THE COLDNESS WHICH LOWERS TEMPERATURES TO THOSE EVEN LOWER THAN THAT OF COLD-FUSION REACTIONS OF THE LIKES USED TO MAKE LIQUID NITROGEN, THE DELAYED-EFFECT HEAT INCREASE FINISHES IT OFF – EVEN RED SUPERGIANT STARS DON'T GET AS HOT AAS THEY DO. THESE SELKATH MANDALORIAN SUPER-WARRIORS ARE THE DEADLIEST KILLING MACHINES EVER DEVISED AND SOON ENOUGH AN ENTIRE ARMY OF THEM WILL BE AT OUR NOW YOU'LL BE ABLE TO APPRECIATE THE HONORABLE POWER OF **SCIENCE**._ _THE SITH AND REPUBLICAN EMPIRES CERATINLY WILL ONCE WE CRUSH THEM BOTH"_

I looked at one of the mutant Selkath as he punched a titanium ray-shielded computer in half, AND DEVOURED IT IN HIS VIBRO-JAWS. "Yeah, wee bit."

We went through more sections and they were like the other stages we'd seen but in reverse. At the end it was the first stage of the blood-injection thing, and in those rooms I saw...

"MY GUYS! YOU SON OF A BITCH DEMAGOL" I screamed. "AND WHERE'S BASTILA!?" because she wasn't there.

"_NOT TO WORRY, MISTER AMNESIA,_" Demagol said meanly as he ordered the droids to give Carth a double-dosage of the blood proton serum, and he got a siezure. "_BOTH YOU AND THE WOMAN SHAN ARE SPECIAL CASES AND I HAVE SOMETHING DOUBLE-SUPER SPECIAL IN MIND FOR YOU. SHE ON THE OTHER HAND IS OF INTEREST TO MY PARTNER-IN-SCIENCE, WHOM I HAVE NO QUARREL WITH AND WILL THEREFORE GRANT THE RESQESTION OF TO TURN HER OVER TO HER, ONCE IVE GIVEN SOME PREPARATORY CRAZINESS INJECTIONS TO KEEP HER OUT OF TROUBLE FIRST"_

wAIT A MINUTE. "To _her?_"

Cough. "_I QUITE MISSPOKE, IN SAYING THE GENDER WORD,"_ Demagol muttered. "_BUT IN ANY CASE BASTILA SHAN IS IN COLD STORAGE FOR THE MOMENT, BUT NOT FOR LONG... AND YOU, MY FRIEND... BWA-HA HA. HAA HA HA... HA HA __**HAAA**__ HA HA __**HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**_"

And he wheeled me away into another dangerous door.

We went down another super-long dark hallway with a spotlight every four feet and no good lighting otherwise. "Where are you taking me!?" I roared. "Tell me or I'll tear off your face and make it into a burger with your helmet as the bun and your liver juice as the catsup!"

"_YOU CANNOT MAKE DEMANDS OF ME MISTER AMNESIA, NOT WHILE YOU REMAIN UNDER THE EFFECTS OF THE FORCE-NULLIFIER JUISE YOU DRANK,_" Demagol replied. "_AND I MUST WARN YOU THAT IF YOU CONTINUED TO INSULKT ME THEN I WILL DEPOSIT YOU INTO THE CAGE WHERE I KEEP MY SPECIAL __**RAPE-AKLAY**__ WHICH I GENERITICALLY ENGINEERED AND BRED MYSELF. HE IS MORE VICIOUS THAN ANY NORMAL AKLAY IN THE GALAXY... BUT HE ALSO KNOWS HOW TO NOT KILL YOU BECUASE I DESIGNED HIMTO BE __EVEN SMARTER THAN__** I **__AM.__ HIS NAME IS... DOCTOR BARTHOLOMEW, PHD. AND AFTER A ROUND OR TWO WITH THE HIM YOU WILL BE IN NO MORE POSITION TO COMPLAIN TO ME, AND THEN I WILL BEGIN MY MORE PROPER EXPERIMENTS WITH YOU. OR WE CAN JUST GO TO THE EXPERIMENT ROOM STRAIGHT OFF, EH?_"

I've faced death before, and a lot of horrible other stuffs. Id fight againdst aliens and smugglers, monsters of every kind. I'd fight Sith and Jedi, rancors, krat dragons, entire squads of bounty hunters, Czerka mercenaries and wookiee bandits, tusken raiders and Mandalorians, police officers and unarmed random people, killer robos of every kind, and i'd raced a thousand racing tracks across the galaxy. I'd survived on every kind of planet imaginable – deserts, cities, and cities the size of planets, a big ol' forest thing, lava worlds, the vaccuum of space, farming worlds, and id' crossed an entire ocean in nothing except a submarine. I'd survived gettin' drunk, shot, blasted, poisoned, punched, stabbed, blown by wind, eaten alive, overeating, starvation, falling from really high, dehydratiuons, teleportation, kicking, electrified, burned, bones broken, and everything in between. And I dont take crap from nobody.

But at the mention that this dude owned a fucking _**Rape Aklay**_**,** I decided to quiet down a bit.

_"YES I THUOGHT YOU MIGHT_" dEMAGOL SAID as we wheeled our way into a room the size and shape of a circle. The walls were black with pipes and cables made out of force field snaking all over the ceiling and the half-circle pits in the floor. There was three more chairs made of holograms near the middle but nobody was going to sit in them ever. A ton of dim orange lights lit up the place and it was an ominous atmosphere. The two white-armoured Mandos pushed me into another circle in the middle then left me alone with Demagol.

Suddenly there was a huge ding of hysterical screaming and creaturous roaring, and thumping crazy against a wall somewhere. It echoed everywhere in the room so I had no idea where it came from and it freaked me out. "_YES INDEED._" Demagol shrieked with a hop. "_I AM SO EXCITED, AS YOU CAN HEAR DOCTOR BARTHOLOMEW HAS HAD HIS WAY WITH IS NEXT VICTIM. I WISH I COULD REMEMBER WEHJO IT WAS... WAS HE ONE OF **YOUR** COMPANIONS? OR NOT?_" Despite meself I hoped it wasn't, not even Carth. He'd already gotten sorta-raped by that Sith Hooker-Dude up in the city so he'd probly had enough for one day.

"So what's this place now" I asked grossly. I was very faint & thirsty, like you normally do after drinking two cups of cofee but no water in the mornign right after getting up. "Is it an experiment room, or just another torture room?"

_"YES"_ Demagol wumbled as he pushed some buttons on a computer that made steam start to shoot out of the walls, and mechanical whines issue out of other bits of science machinery. "_YOU SEE IF YOU KNEW NYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE THEN YOU WOULD KNOW THAT ACROSS THE GALAXY WE USE THE PROCERSS CALLED CARBONITE-FREEZING TO TRANSPORT TIBANNA GAS USED FOR BLASTERS WHICH IS ONLY FOUND ON THE CRUSTED SURFACE OF GAS GIANTS LIKE BESPIN TALORAAN, KRIL'DOR, RENDILI, AND MORE. AND ANYWAY WEVE TRANSPORTED THAT GAS BY CARBONITING IT FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS IN THE CIVILIZED GALAXY, BUT NOBODY HAS EVER DREAMED OF PUTTING **PEOPLE** INTO CARBONITE FREEZE UNTIL ME OF COURSE. WEHN YOU HAVE BEEN FROZEN ALIVE I WILL HAVE TO THINK OF WHAT TO DO WITH YOU... I WAS THINKING OF TURNIGN YOU INTO A FROZEN CARBONITE-STATUE WARRIOR... OR MAYBE SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY. LIKE I SAID I NEED TO THINK SO I FIGURE WHILE I MAKE UP MY LMIND I LEAVE YOU HEAR TO SLEEP OFFF THE STRESSS AFTER THE PROTON BLOOD SEARUM KICKS IN... BURIED ALIVE... BURIED ALIVE" And he threw_a super-lever that activated the carbonite machine.

"NO WAY YOU SON OF A BTICH" i screamed and tried to grab him with the Force again, but I threw up again, and he walked pout the door. This was crazy. There had to be something I could do! But I had no weapons or itesms... I couldn't move... And I couldn't use the Force. My vision went blue and hazy too as my blood started to disintegrate into protons... Exactly as he said...

Suddenly the entire table and chains and wires and stuff I was strapped to broke to pieces and I found myself laying down on a big pile of junk. "BWHAAAA?" i said.

"HEY YOU THIS IS A RESTRICTED AREA" yelled the White-armoured Mando guard running up to me with his gun. He held it at me but I couldn't move so it didn't matter. I saw a digital clock ticking down to the carbonite machine.

**10**

**9**

**8**

**7**

**6**

**5**

**4**

**3**

**2**

**1**

**0.5**

And suddenly I got yanked outta the way as CARBONITE GASSES _WHOOSHED_ up from the vents, but the Mando was too slow and he got frozen into the block of carbonite. A dude stood me up and it was... ... ... ... ... Ahm'niisyah!

"JADEN" he hissed holding mne up by my sleaves. "Sorry I'm late but I had to sneak through some stuff! Dang good thing you're awake!"

"Yeah, I muttered looking around at him. "Did you see what Demagol's doin' here?! It's crazy!"

"Yeah, I know right." Ahm'niisyah said. "But there's no time for that now. Here drink this" And he gave me an antidote kit and I drank it fast. "We gotta move fast if we're gonna get thru this. If we want the Star Map we'll have to take out this base to get our way through it. The Republic kolto facility's right next door and It's connected by a pipeline. I'm gonna go findit wihle you get the rest of the dudes. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure-" I said but he was already gone. "_**DAMNIT**_!" I screamed. "_**WHY COULND'T YOU GIVE ME SOETHING TO FIGHT WITH**_" But he was gone and didn't hear me.

"Fuck it," I growled. I tried to take the Mando guard's blaster but it was frozen too so I just stumbled out of the carbonite chamber and back into that creepy hallway. It was a good thing Ahm'niisyah had the antodite thing because it saved me from the blood proton thing, and it turned out it'd taken out the Force-weakening juice because I had the Force back again. That'd be enough for now I suppose.

The spotlights were creepy as I walked under them.

* * *

Stumbling sleep-deprived thru a giant underawater mad science lab surrounded by sharks and constantly hearing the zappings of science and shrieks of the damned was a littl eunpleasant. But I kept a cool head as long as I snuck around in the dark past the Mandalorian guards. I had to use the dark because Ahm'niisyah still hadnt caught me how to be Invisible like him with teh Force. But it was okay. The onyl thign I was scared of was that Rape-Aklay that Demagol had talked about. It could be anywhere!

But not here yet... Yet...

I decided to stop thinking abot it for now. He'd said I had about an hour before that blood serum kicked in on my gang, so I'd have to bust them out... But first it was high time I dished out some chaos in revenge upon these Mandalorians scum. Just like my invisible friend ahd said, we'd need to wipe out all of these dudes befoer leaving Manaan, for good. I didnt really care who ruled the galaxy persey as long as i got a ship to fly wherever I wantted, but if the Mandalorians took over, I didnt want that. Theyd be way harder to outrun than the Republic or anywone else I was used to out-smuggling...

Funny, I thinked as I crouch-ran into another room that was full of benches + tables that were covered in test tubes and plastic hoses full of hundreds of colored liquids and jars and also some gyros and some hovering science droids. It hadbeen like forever since I was smuggling anything... .Had to havebeen since before Taris where I wa son the Endar Spire... And now I was being tricked by my problems into saving everyone else's bacon _again._

I snuck under one of the tables to get to a footlocker. My Security Skill was at 25 so I could open int. Inside I found my knife and one of our blaster pistols. I knew because my name was on it. Better than nothing.

In the other half of the room was a ton of carbonite blocks, and Mandalorians sculpting stuff out of it. And also blast furnaces and forges and stuff – and ll the chemicals were differnt stuff used for Carbonite. Also along one of the big long walls were windows showing carbonite chambers like I had been in, freezing stuff and ioccasionally people.

"SIOR" said a Mandalorian Blue Soldier to a Mandaliran Red Commander.

"YESSIR" he replied "WHAT TO REPORT?"

"PRODUCIOTN IS ON SCHEDULE," thudnered the first man. "SO FAR OUR STORAGE UNITS HAVE 20000 CARBONITE TONS and WE'LL GET THEM TO THE TRAINIG AREAS OF THE SELKATH AT ONCE"

"GOOD! I DO WANT TO KNOW IF THE SELKATH CAN EAT CARBONITE LIKE THEY SAY THEY CAN! AND ALSO IF THOSE NEW PRISONERS WILL GET IT AS GOOD AS WE HEARD THEY ARE"

"YEAH BUT I HEARD ONE OF THEM'S A BRITISH CHICK AND SOMETHING IS SPECIAL IN MIND FOR HER"

And they laughed, but too bad for them because I ran outta my cover and slashed the red dude with my knife. His neck was armoured by I slashed so hard that it was no good and his helmet head went rolling off. His blue buddy tried to shoot me but he got the same treatment. All the mandalorian scientists started shouting and pointing at me in German and ran to get alarms but I was all like "BRING EM ON BUCKETFUCKS" and started shoaoting the room up wildly.

Cases of chemicals went explosioning and because they were high-pressured it splattered multicolors all over the walls and the ceiling and drenching the floor, and a couple more good shots hit them with fire and a fire was starting! A Mandalorian Sciencist in White Armour ran up to one of the fires with a fire extinguisher and I shot him in the head. But them I picked it up myself and saw a row of ten lockers, where ten more were getting ten fire extinguishers out!

"NO ONE PUTS OUT A FIRE IN YM LAB WHEN I START IT BITCHES" i yelled and stabbed the side of my fire extinguisher with my knife so it started leaking, and I lobbed it at the ten guys. When it ruptured all ten of them exploded into a huge cloud of white stuff and the Mandos themselves went flying and smashed more science tanks and other gadtes like computers apart. The computers gave me an idea.

I ran down to the other end of the long rectango-shaped room potshotting at the droids and other mandos who tried to fire back but I was too fast. At the end I found a Master Computer that was undamaged. I turned it on. "_Computer!_" I barked. "Is this unit uploaded into the central mainframe? With data and cables and everything!?"

A Mando came at me with a wrench from behind but I sensed him coming. My knife cut through the wrench and his helmet and his brain, and he went down like a chump. "Tell me now!" I yelled.

The giant screen buzzed black with blue words "YES".

"Thank you," I said putting away my weapons and ripping open the motherboard with my bare heands that had black gloves on them still. Thehn I shoved my hands into the circuitboard and the microchips and the firewall and grabbed onto the wires, and started blasting Force Lightning into them. The lights all over the room blinked and sparked and dimmed out, and some of them exploded into glass that broke more science fluid things. In all the carbonite rooms lightning started blasting out of the hoses and the carbonite melted instantly into streams of melty molten gunk because that's how unfinished carbonite reacts to weird electrical discharges. I kept going and tried to funnel the lightning into other computers and circuitbreakers across the facility. On a map on the wall i saw a buncha little sections of the building and rooms and plugs get turned red or orange or yellow to report damage, and I heard stuff exploding and people screaming and not from the experiments or the Rape-Aklay's victem(s).

After a minute or two I needed to recharge to I stepepd away from the computer and shot it in the screen for it looked at me funny.

Now that alarms were going off and I'd upset things a bit, it was time to move again. I kicked the door to the left and it slid open, then ran down the halls. On one of them was a giant screen with a Mandalorian head showing a damage report. "MANDALORE DEMAGOL!" he was shrieking through static and electricals. "WE HAVE DAMAGE AND THE FAILSAFES ARE FAILING! THE ELECTRIC SNAKES ARE STARTING TO ESCAPE IN SECTOR BETA WE NEED BACKUP! WE DONT HAVE TIME" something smashed behind him "WE DONT HAVE TIME THEYRE BREAKING OUT WE'RE ALL BREAKING OUT AAAARRRRRRGHHHHGH" he screamed as an electric snake bit him in the elbow and electrified him to death and the screen cut out.

In another hallway was another footlocker. It was locked with 65 Security but I just based it open. My nightstick and my sleeve flamethrower were in it. "We're jettisoning sector beta I think," said a voice over the intercom. It was demagols.

I looked up at the speaker into the PA system and opened my mouth with rage.

**"DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE****MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL IIIIII'M BAAAAAAAAAAACK AND IM GONNA FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"**

AND MY RAGE WAS SO LOUD AND SUPREME that it went into the speakers and blew up every single speaker in the entire facility into sparks and sharpnel, and it was so loud that it made all the firaxan sharks outside get startled and even Ahto City way back on the surface shook a bit on the waves, but noone knew what cause it except us down here. And I Force-Speed ran down the hallway and onto the main concourse which was this section with a buncha catwalks and stairs and doors and stuff. Mandalorians were runnign back and forth and occasionally there were mutant half-Selkath and electrical snakes and other biological horrors breaking through the walls, and the Mandos were shooting them. I had to get to the door on the other side of the hub so I got to the top catwalk and ran around it.

Above me there were Mandalorians aiming down into the hub everywhere blasting hails of missiles and rockets and bombs into the hordes of mutant creations and explosions like deadly Republican Independence Day Fireworks and mini-supernovas and napalm grenades, and sparks and shrapnel and debris and explosive gasses blasted all around me, but **I ****DIDN'T **_**CARE!**_ I ran through the next doorexploding it, and kept going.

* * *

Carth belched as he finished drinking the antidoe kit, and everyone else had too. "Blast it"! He said. "I thougt for sure we were all goners here! But now what?"

"Now we have to get our gear back," I said with my nightstick in one hand and my knife in the other. "Everyone stay behind me and follow my lead."

I ran down a few twisty corridors away fromthe rooms where the Selkath experiments were. On the way to the cells I had been found a seven-foot thick blast-doored room, and behind it was our gear - I coudl tell because I recgonized how my stuff felt in the Force. On the way to backtrack there were some Mando guards, but I could crush them or zap them with the Force before they got any shots off. Some ignored us and were repairing holes in the walls from my damage and I shanked them too.

"Oh, wow," Mission said dejectedly. "_That's_ the door in front of all our weapons and stuff?"

Immediately Zaalbar took some metal and began rubbing it together on the door but i said: "Don't bother Zaalbar, it's magnetically sealed. There's only one chance."

"What?"

"Do what I do," I said and I charged screaming at the door and slammed my elbow into it. My gang did the same thing and the door disintegrated into an exploding cloud of steel confetti around us, and behind was all of our gear. I like dmy knife and my nightstick, but it felt good to have the lightsabers again. I picked the red one be"cause I wasn't in the mood for mypurple one or my black one because I was in a very dark-sided mood! Bastila was missing and there was gonna be hell to pay if I didn't find her!"

"Okay guys, fan out! Find the pipeline leading to eh Republic kolto building facility and establish a perimeter! I'm gonna go find Bastikla. Jolee, you with me!"

Things got more tense and worrying and then there was laser fighting against the Mandos, and also some Selkath who were not the expierments but just crazy ones they were keeping in prison cells for some reason had broken out and now they were attacking and eating whoever they ran into that wasn't dead or selkath! One of the Mandalorian Commanders came at me but I shoved him down a trash vent into the air-cycler, and it chopped him to bits. I didn't feel better though, to get this uglier!

Jolee and I headed through the hallway where we could see the Selkath Mutants Experiment going on. "Back-tracking again, eh my youngin dude?" he asked.

"Yeah," i muttered. "Demagol told me that Bassie's in cold storage or something... I think that actually might mean the carbonite chambers where I was! We need ot find her!"

So on we went. Science liquids form up ahead had leaked into the floor and flowed into with multicolored ominous streams... "watch out for snakes." But there were none so it didn't matter. It wouldnt have anyway because I was that crazy-mad. There were a lot of selkath cannibans and Mandalorian guards and other horrors of the labs between us and the carbonite rooms but Jolee and me were two of the baddest dudes in the galaxy. We fought awesomely against the people in our way and I got madder and madder and I chopped and splattered them more and more furiously against the walls.

"Son, I can sense the dark side in you!" Jolee wheezed after we had killed a giant tick. "It's dangerous."

My bloody red lightsaber seemed bigger than the universe to me. "Yeah, why? And what is the dark side anyway?"

"It's teh side of the Force that's more powerful and shadowy mystery and it runs off of your anger and rage."

I looked at him angrily with a smile that was bloody because I'd just accidentaly bit my lip. "Then if Bastila's gone then that side's where I wanna _be!_ And if its so bad I can just walk back to the other frikkin side when we have her bac!"

And I smashed the door down with my head and charged in. An entire squad of Mandalorians had been on the other side and I was chopping them like mad because _**I WAS, REMEMbER? **_In fact I was so mad that I missed them quite a lot, and more than once they zinged me with blaster bolts but I was okay because Jolee was bacing me up.

"Your anger is making you miss!" Jolee chasshed me as I ran at the next door and hacked it apart.

"I'm not missing THIS DOOR" I roared as it fell into a molten heap. On the other side was more Mandalorians, but this time they were different... Their armour was _black_ and had yellow sun emblems on the helmets, and their guns were super high-tech looking. "**STOP ****WHERE YOU ARE AND SURRENDER!**" The leader bellowed from his super-speakers. "**YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR THE MANDALORIAN SUN BRIGADE!**"

I smashed him across the room with the Force and his other dudes opened fire. The danger through was those new weapons – they fired these funny yellow beam things, and when I tried to deflect one away from my face it just went past the blade and blasted a sunburn onto my face. "AARRRGHHGH!" I yelled licking at my burnt faces.

"**HA HA HA! OUR ADVANCED SUN GUNS ARE MORE THAN A MATCH FOR YEW JEDI**" said another and they intensified the shining assault. They were super agile for jumping around and running across the walls and stuff and were hard to hit, but eventually we reached them all and cut them up. I took one of their solar pistols though for later. And I retched and stretched and "AAAAaaaAAAuuuHHHH my face is burned up!" I screeched.

Jolee hadn't done so well either. Every single hair left on his head and face were gone even his eyebrows, and he had no choice but to move on from it all. "Well dont just stand there staring at me ya yelly-bellied whippersnapper!" he squawked. "You said we gotta find yer girlfriend!"

"She's not my girlfriend," I growled even though she was. "I didn't want these morons to know and start jabbering about us behind my back but the ipmoirtant thing right now was finding Bassie and making sure she was okay. What if she was frozen in carbonite! What if the _**Rape-Alkay had-**_

I spread some kolto on my sunburn and let Jolee lead the way for a bit. Nuh-uh. Still not gonna think about the Rape-Aklay.

We kept going, but unfortunatelty Jolee fell down a trap door when I wasn't looking so I forgot about him.

I looked around the devastated carbonite lab. All of the science gunk things had been smashed so it was completely flooded the carbonite chambers themselves, but I didn't sense anyone alive there... Not yet...

A lot of time later there was the room with the window. And Bastila was in it! I ran into the door and then opened it and ran into the the room behind it. Sje was tied onto a bed andwas staring with her eyes all spazzed out into the ceiling and he had a UV tube sticking out of her arm and science computers and machineries hooked up elsewhere with a heart rate monitor and a blood thinner and stuff. "Bassie! Bassie yoy okay!" I yelled. I swung my lightsaber around over her face, then put it away and snapped my fingers in front of her face. She kinda twitched a bit but said nothing and she was drooling on herself in a way that was sexy but also creepy because we weren't having sex we were in a mad science lab!

"What's wrong with ya, Bassie! You can't die on me like this!"

And I shook her a lot too and started scanning her with the Force... But nothing was in there!

Suddenly I saw somehing in Bastila's pocket... Itook it out and looked at it. I gasped because then it all made sense.

It was a plastic ID Badge of a Republican Certified doctor. The face on it was a woman who looked like a lot Bastila but older and with crazy hair and crazy eyes and a creepy toothered grin... And a big red words were stamped across it saying "**DISBARRED FOR MADNESS AND CRIMES**"... And the name under it said... HELEN SHAN!

That's when I realized why the computers all said Bastila's vitals were mostly fine except for the brain... And she was catactonic... And why she hated to talk about her Mum so much... Her Mum was crazy! Helen Shan had been a maniac who experimented on her child daughter like a biological thing she made to experiment on! And prodded her with needles and other fucked-up stuff. And Demagol's tinkering had brought all those repressered memories back and now she wouldn't wake up!.

**NO BASTILA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i Shrieked. "BASTILA YOU CANT DO THIS YOUR MOM WAS A CRAZY MANIAC BUT YOUHAVE NSO MUCH TO LIVE FORR!" I was spazzing out and flipped my shite!**

**Suddenly Ahm'niisyah ran in! "Where's the- There you are Jaden! What' sGOING ON?"**

**"What's going on is I'm flippin' shit like pancakes! BASTILA'S MIND HAS BEEN FLUSHED! WE GOTTA SAVE HER"**

**Ahm'niisyah did some brain-scanning f her own adn there was explosions somewhere else. And some water dripped from the ceiling. "Jaden we don't got time for this. The facility's gonna sink, your zappy-antics on the comptuer did a number on the whole damn thing! Leave her behind!"**

**"WHAT" NOOOOOOOO!" IN NTOT LEAVING MT GIRLFRIEND BEHIND TO BE DROWNED" I SCREAMMED INTO HIS GOODED FACE "I THOUGH TYOU WERE A JEDI"**

**"I AM," he gorlwed back. "And I'm also _smart._ LOOK at her Jaden, she's _dead._Her brain has been _cooked_. _LITERALLY"_ Now let's _GOO THERE's NOTHING WE CAN DO!"_**

**_"NooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOO!"_** And I shoved him awaay and started giving Bassie mouth-to-mouth CPR and cring.I couldn't believe it! She couldn't be dead and I would then be sadder than ever but I dsidn't know why but what was the point I needed to do this.

"JADEN!" Ahm'niisyah screamed into my EARS grabbing all of my shoulders. "PART OF BEING A JEDI MEANS LEARNIGN TO LET GO OF PEOPLE WHEN THEIR BRAINS DIE!"

"THEN I DUNT WANNA _BE_ NO JEDI_!_"

"FINE! THEN JUST SAY IT'S PART OF BEING A LIFE NOW SHUT UP AND LET'S GO BEFORE WE ALL DROWN! THE OTHERS STILL NEED HELP WITH THE FINDING THE PIEPLINE"

_**:FUUUUUUCKK****YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"**_ and I kept going.

Suddenly I heard footsteps running away with a girlish screech, and the sounds of wet leg things crackling down the hallway, and then stopping in the door, way. I turned around standing over me slobbering with viciousness was a huge seventeen-foot clawed green-skinned repile dino-spidercrab monstrosity. It had claws and pincers and super-sharp feeth and fishioniss appendages of spiky terrorization. It slobbered all over the floor nasty spit stuff and it was wearing a huge white labcoat across its back and sleeved into its six crab-legs. It snarled and poked at the air in front of me on its front hind legs, and then poked at the still-comatoasted Bastila behind me, and I knew that this fuckin thing was none other than the Rape-Aklay that Demagol had told me about. It pointed at bastila behind me and growled.

I growled back. "Uh-uh. No fuckin' way, man." And it was on.

The Rape-Aklay came crabbing at me with its from two pinces. I yanked out my red saber and sliced at them, but the Aklay had been expecting that – his pincers were covered in a shiny silve rmetal that my lightsaber coudnlt' penetrate! We were just kinda wackin each other like that for a while, till he swung forward and hit me with Bite Attack. Half of my health was gone just from that so I used a Life Support Pack real quick. He tried to Bite me again but I used my Contitution and dodged, and attacked again. This time after batting his front leg things outta the way I ran up to try and slice at his belly, but he reached real-fast into his labcoat and pulled out a thing. It was a GUN! A slugthrower gun and he pulled the trigger with Master Sniper Shot feat! I was just barely able to dodge, and as the ultra-high caliper bullet zoomed past I saw that it was shaped vaguely like a dude's "little blaster", if ya know what I mean... But I could only tell because the Force meant I can see in slow-motion if I have to. Gross, huh?

**BAM! BAM! BAM! BMAM!"** Four moure Sniper shots and I barely missed. I had to run like crazy with Force Speed back and forth, it was all I could do with that monster's ridiculous marksmanship as the super-titanium bullets gouged out chunks of the walls and they fell so I had to dodge them to. Fortunately he turned out to only have six bullets, so if he stopped to releoad I had my chance. I charged him and sliced off the gun, but then he started screechiing and stabbing at me like flailing crazy with the pincers again, they was stabbing into the metal floor and hitting me sometimes in the head and clawing off bits of my hair and face and throwing me back. Before I knew it I fell onto my ass on top of Bastila's tummy and I was almost beaten!

The Rape-Aklay turned its head sideways and guffawed at me with its superteeth that I realized were made out of something so strong and sharp I didn't even know what is were. I was freaking out so mad! This miserable freak of scientific nature may have been super-brainy and dangerous but I wasn't gonan let it gt thru me and man-handle my brain-dead girlfriend EVEN IF IT COST ME MY LIFE and i reared up with heroical resolving! I charged up the Force and with "Huhrrrr_**RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_" I smashed him with a Force blow that exploded all four of the walls and the windows and he went crashing into backwards, and as he blew across the walls I ran after him! I had to keep him away from bastila dn finish him right the fuck off.

We were strafing across a bridge over a bottomless pit into the ocean. I took out my other lightsaber and spinned them alot. "WHAT ELSE YOU GOT FOR ME, HUH!?" I yelled.

The Rape-Aklay hsised and reached into his labcoat again. Out of it he pulled two weapons, a set of nunchucks and a flaming whip made out of lightsaber energy. He screeched and ran full-force at me, and I ran too. We did a running Jump-Attack and cut at each other _en passant._ But we were equal power and blockled each other's attack! So we turned around and did it again!

After that he got even angrier. He held the nunducks in front of him and started spinning them around super-duper fast and so fast that the fast and fast spinning started making a gust of wind that knocked me off-blanace, and with some adjusting to the angle he turned it into a tornado that gusted me toward the edge! I slammed off the safety ral and was holding on for dear life. But I pusehed back wiht a wind of my own and he was so mad he threw his weapons over into the abyss. He ran back to the end of the bridge and from the good distance started shooting _throwing-lightsabers_ at me from inside of his labcoat. They were spinning like chainsaws and slicing into the bridge and I had to contortion jump to cover the distance.

The throwing-lightsabers were leaving superheated markes in the bridge that were even deeper and _EVEN HOTTER_ than reglar sabers, so that kept slowing me down to avoid stepping in them and burning off my feet. TO get over it I Force Jumped with Super Power Attack for a Crit on his head. Things got even awesomer with slo-motion and lense flares, and as my saber swung down _**HE GRABBED THE**__**BLADE IN HIS TEETHS**_ and tried to yank it out! My arm got yanked out of the socket ut I exbected that and followed up with an electrified Force ultra-ponch, whch I landed square on his head.

The shockwaves blew the bridge apart and we started to fall toward the bottemless ocean. I swun ginto the safety of an air vent while the Rape-Aklay fell, but grabbed onto the wall and started to crawl up after me. I crouch-ran back into the toward base. Then I realized I was bleading fom the shoulder! My punch had hit out one of his teeth and he stabbed me with it! I yanked it out and tied a medkit around the wound – no time to do anything else.

The Rape-Aklay roared at me again, and i siad "**COME ON AND GET IT AGAIN MOIUTHERFUCKGINER IF YOU WANT IT**" and got ready to throw something at him but he threw a smoke grenade and it disappeared.

Bleeding, I ran some more back to Bastila. And she was awake! I HAVE SAVED HER!

"Oi me... Jayden?" she asked looking sick and dead sexy. "Wot the tottering-"

"There's no time to question it now!" I yelled picking her up. I sprinted down the hallways as behind me I saw the tanks holding the mutant Selkath Mandalorian Warriors start to bust opena dht the supersoldiers came out. A huge mob of regular Mandalorians ran out with laser miniguns and started salting them with laser fire but it barely even slowed them down. And I sure didn't slow down either.

I foud all the guys eccept Ahm'niisyah at the pipeline. But it was closed!

"It's no use!" Jolee quirked. "There are no contreols for it here, and there's no way to cut it open without also flooding the entire compartment!"

"_TIATHAT IS NO ACCIDENT MY SMALL BALD JEDI FRIEND,_" exploded the voice of Demagol Fett from the loudspeakers. "_I HAVE TURN THE PIPELINE OFF AND RE-SLAVE LINKED ITS CONTROLS IN FROM MAIN THE HUBB, SO THE ONLU WAY IT CAN OPEN IS IF I TELL IT TO WITH MY WRITST COMPUTER THING. IF YOU WANT IT YOU'LL HAVE TO COME AND GET IT FROM ME IN THE BASE."_

I handed Bastila to Canderous. "Keep her alive, she can't want. Now okay, you guys still stay put. I'm gonna find that Demagol dude and turn him into roast chili sause and open this fucking doot." And I Force-zoomed back up the corridors leaving dust and flames and smoke and electrical sparks behind me on the floor.

"No Jaden wait! Its too dangerous!" Carth tried to say but all that was the reply was the fire.

* * *

I ran past the hundreds of Mandalorians as they tried to fight the Ravenous Mutant Mandalorian Selkath Monstrosities of but they didnt stand a chance, the mutans ravens were way faster and deadlier. I didnt bother with them but just jumped over and occasionally on them as ruunned baspt.

I found Demagol in another sciencey lab room behind huge blast doors full of chemicals and smokers, and he was fiddling with a little device and sparking it with two electro-wire that hanged from the ceilings. He glanced up at me. "_I KNEW YOU WEOULD MAKE IT HEAR BECAUSE YOU JEDI ALWAYS HAVE TO DO YOUR THINGS YOUR SELF AND CANNOT MAKE THE HARD DICISIONS FOR SURVIVAL_," he screamed and the chemical bekers a rattled.

I checked the blast doors to make sure they were triple-locked out the chaos behind me, and then I scanned the room with the Force and noone else was there "I'm not a Jedi, you _bitch_. I'm a guy with three lightsabers some Force powers and other stuff and I'm gonna kill your ass _dead_ fer funkin' with Bastila's brain."

"_YOU JEWDI GETS ALWAYS SO CAUGHT UP IN MARTIAL SUPERIORITY THAT YOU FORGET HOW THE IMMATERIAL DIVERSITY OF THE WORKS OF __**SCIENCE.",**_ dEMAGOLD REPLIED. "_NOT EVEN YOU ARE A MATCH FOR ME HERE._"

I swung my red ligthwsaber around and slashed at some of his precious science, and it dsparked and was broken. "You and yer fuckin' _science_," I spat on his helmet from across the room and he whipped it off. "You do realize we've _all_ broken out of your deathtraps, right? And I blew up half the power in this base? And your Seklath maniacs have busten out too and are _wrecking_ what's left and all of your guards with it? You're screwed."

"_ACTUALLY MISTER AMENSIA WE MANDALORIANS ARE THE ONES WHO CHOOSE WHEN WE SEXUALLY ACT, ANDN MOREOVER I HAVE COMPLETE CONTORL OFVER THE SELKATH EXPERIMENTS, I AM LEETTING THEM RUN RAMPANT AS AN EXPERIMENT TO SEE HOW THEY OULD FAIR IN AN ACTUAL BREAKOUT SCENARIO IN THIS FACILITY AND BESIDES ALL MY GUARRDS KNOW TOO MUCH SO I NED TO HAVE THEM KILLED & LATER REPLACED ANYWAY. __AND THE FACILITY ITSELF I HAV EMORE THAN ENOUGH REPUBLICAN CREDITS NAD RESOURCES TO USE TO REBUILD IT AGAIN EVEN BETTER THAN BEFORE ANYONEWAY NOW THAT ITS DESTROYED AND THE NEWXTBATCH OF SELKATH WILL BE EVEN DEADLIER...i"_ he sparked the thing on the bench again with his sparky bits and then pointed to a big paper drawing he had on the wall. It had a ton of math and science equations and diagrams and stuff. "_WHEN I HZVE FINISHED THE NEXT PHASE OF THE SCIENCE PROJECT THES E __SUPERWARRIORS WILL BE SO POWERFUL THAT A SINGLE SELKATH MUTANT MANDALORIAN SUPERSOLDIERS WILL BE ABLE TO CAPTURE AND HOLD AN ENTIRE HOSTILE PLANET SINGLE-HANDEDLY. THAT IS THE TRUE POWER OF THE UNLEASHED MANDLORIAN PRIDE AND SKILLS THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SCIENTIFICALLY UNLOCK. BUT NOW. GTHERE IS NO MORE FORTHER ADUE..."_

"You got that right," i said waling toward him angrily. "You're no fighter, just an ordinary genius dude. So unless you're gonna pull some kinda fighter-specialness outta yer ass, I'm gonna splatter your guts all over this lab "

"_THEN I'M AFRIAD WE MUST THEREFORE __**HRRRAAAAAAAHHHHUUUUUHHHHH**__..._" Demagold roared and raised up the sparkly cables and trhey shot a lightning bolt the size of a building at me. I was fast tnough though to catch it in my hand with the Force.

"HAH! Best you can do, boy!? Controlling lightnign was one of the first Force tricks I ever ;learned!" I hooped.

Degamol stopped the lighting and a bit of smoke started to fill the air between us. "_MAYBE SO" he screached."BTU DID YOUR PRECIOUS JEDI MASTERS TEACH YOU HOW... TO STOP ABUSE?_"

Suddenly the smoke had turned into a huge cloud and I couldn't see him... And I saw a terrifying spindly towering greenish shadowy whisping slobbering growling labcoat-wearing shape looming into it. IG ASPEDF

No time to think. I cycled thru my inventory for my best waepon... Lightsabers. I drew my purple one so I had that and the red one too. I wanted to try the flamethrower also but it was outta gas. And I had the Force, of course. I flipped my sabers and got ready to do a Master Critical Strike to kill it in one blow when I realized the Rape-Aklay was holding something in two pincers... And it looked like a canon.

It pulled the trigger and out of the smoke there came a roaring flying FIRAXAN SHARK WITH JAWS WIDE OPEN COMING STRAIGHT AT ME! I screamed and did the Master Critical Strike at that instead but a bit too slow, he hit me and I got stuck holding his jaws open so it couldn't bit me as I rocketed back and smashed through two tables full of science gunk, a giant computer screen, and a glass of water and I dented the wall behidn that too even though I didn't did it. Then the shark exploded.

When I woke up I was coughing and purple gas was around me. "_A BRILLIANT ATTACK IF I MAY SAY SO, MISTER AMNESIA. ALSO MY FEAR GAS WHICH YOU HAV JUST IN HALED WIN MAKE EVERYTHING SCARRIER FOR YOU WHICH I THINK IS APPROPRIATE. MY FAVORITE THING IS THOUGH THAT THE FIRAXAN SHARK CANNON WASN'T MY INVENTION, IT WAS DR. BARTHOLOMEW'S. IM SO PROUD OF HIM"_

Demagoll pointed to me. "_BARTHOLOMEW, RAPE._"

TH emonster dropped the shark cannon after reloading it and started to walk after me. I couldn't move, that explosion had nearly killed me... But why? I had taken worse blows before. But then I realized my heart wasn't beating! The explosion had stopped my heart! And I was about to get raped by an Rape-Aklay! But then... I looked at the Demagol's swhock cables and lookeda t what he'd been using them on. It was... KOLTO. Then I realized what to do.

I reached out wht the Force and pulled the cables toward me, grabbed them and "_WHAT ARE __YOU DOING YOU FOOL_" AND I stabbed them into my heart. Electrical volts zoomed into me and restarted my heart and my muscles expanded thousandfold strength of energized tissue growth and I got back up. Bartholomew had already leaped at me for a Master Midair-Rape Attack but I was strong enuogh tol counter-attack... There was only one way to counter _that_ kind of attack so I

"_MIDAIR PELVIC-THRUST ATTACK!_" and it smashed him across the room and into a huge fish tank, and he was so mad he ate all the fish and the water, and "HOW DO YA LIKE THAT SIHHT" pulled out his Firaxan Shark Cannon again and another cannon that shot regular ice and glue grenades. Demagol had run off into a corner so I had to use my super-reflexes to dodge the grenades and exploding sharks, and ice cubes and bits of glue and shark guts splattered across the room until he was out of ammo.

I attacked him again with master Critgicl Strike, and _this _time I aimed just above those Imperviun sheeaths of his front pincer things and cut them off! he screechiing and lunged at me to bite with those diamend teeth of his so I had to drop my sabers and grab his neck. He ran all over the room biting the air and smashing me through electical pylons and power conduits and computers and chemical measurers and other stuff, and I got soaked and my suit was getting crispy. Finally I explosioned a Force punch at him and smashed his super-sharp teeth down the back of his throat, and they started cutting up the Rape-Aklay's insides.

But then i emembered I was doped up on Demagols' Fear Gas and started screaming my head off because it looked like he still had his Teeth! AN di let do and fell. He started stabbing the floor so I was rolling around a lot.

But then I realized... I couldn't be afraid enough. Not enough to give up. Just because I had been disarmed and was on tyhe floor under a Rape-Aklay DIDNT MEAN I HAD TO GIVE UP! When he came down with his face at me I rtolled over then grabbed his neck and started chewing on it. He swung me around crazy, smashed me into the floor alot but I just kept gnawing like Canderous would until I was two thirds of the way thru his neck. After that I shot into him a buncha Force lightning and then with my flamethrower and stabbing wiht my lightsabers and Force pushes and my Knife and blasted alot with my blasters and the electro-dart gun I'd stolen from Calo Nord, and then some frag grenades and plasma grenades and some more lasers and a bunch of other stuff too and at some point the Rape-Aklay was finally dead, a burned up mess of ashes and flesh on the floor. I picked up his somewhat torn labcoat – it was made out of armorweave which is way tuogher than ordinary cloth) and put it on in the smoky haze of the lab.

I looked so badass walking around through the smoke and the fire and stuff with that big white labcoat trailing behind me and my blasters out. "Okay Doc," i yelled. "Your turn."

_"NO... DOCTOR BARTHOLOMEW WAS THE ONLY FRRIEND AND COLLEAGUE OF DOCTORSHIP WHO WAS TRULY AS SMART AS I AM, NOBODY ELSE UNDERSTOOD ME LIKE HIM AND NOW HE IS DEAD AND YOU WIULL SUFFER FOR THIS JADEN AMNESIA,,,, I MAY NOT BE A WARRIOR MAN BUT I WILL HAVE ENOUGH TO REVENGE MY HONOR UPON YOU LIKE UNTO NEVER BEFOREEEEEEEEE,,,,,,_" dAMEGOL SAID and this time I knew he was serious because it was the first time he had shouted at me. And he walked out of the swistly smoke smoking a cigarrette out of hsi helmet and he had a blaster in one hand and a special hyperdernic needle with the other. I started smoking to too bee more tramatic.

"Whatcha got there?" I asked.

"_IS MY LASTEST INVENTION_" HE explained squirting it out a bit. It was a green liquid. "_IT IS MY SPECIAL JEDI POISON, WHEN YOUR INJECTED WITH IT IF YOURE A JEDI YOU DIE, IT WILL DO JUST FINE FOR YOU_"

I blew mroe smoke into the air to make myself harder to see. "Not if I kill you first." I said and it was totally on again, like even more so than when I'd challenged his Rape-Aklay but anyway now were onto the combat.

We both had out our blasters and started shooting at each other up alot. We both knew Master Rapid Shot attack so we did that a lot and spraying the entire room with red lasers that melted all the paint off the walls and it began to sink and drain away into the floor. We coughed because there was running out of air as we strafed and circled around each other shotting up our lazers and explosioning science gadgets and pretty much everything in the room got melted or destroyed except for the doors, and we ran out of ammo after that.

"_Well_ then, now!" I gagged on the steam and gas fumes, throwing my blaster pistols away. "You're stronger than I thought Demagol! Thought you said you weren't a warrior."

_"I DID SAY THAT,_" HE SAID dropping his blaster on his foot but it was armoured so it didn't hurt him. "_I AM IN REATHER A MAN OF SCIENCE, BUT THAT ONLY MAKES ME ALL THE DEADLIER, AND NOW,,,,,,, IT IS TIME FOR THE NEXT ROUND: **ROUND TWO,**_" And he put his dukes up which means he made fists at me with his gloves and looking real dangerous.

"Oh, I see how it is," I said crackling my knuckles and making likewise. "Jokes on you," I chuckled "I don't need to hit you in order to hit you!"

"_JUST TRY IT THEN_"

And I punched him with the Force but he parried it! "WHAT?! HOW-"

"_AS YOU CAN SEE SCIENCE HAS MORE THEN ENOGH SURPRISES FOR THE FORCE_" Demagol said and he bum-rushed me. We punched and kicked the crap out of each other literally, neither of us had gone to the bathroom in ages since before this entire battle had begun. And now it was down to the second stage of our boss fight, and it was bare-gloved brawling in the destroyed inner sanctum of the lab. There was nothing to throw at each other or to throw each other into so we just kept punching us until I was really bruised up and his armor was cracked and breaking in a buncha places and sparking and smoking even more, but I was at the advantage because my armourweave labcoat was giving me extra protection strength.

"_EVEN THOUGH YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SCIENCE, I HAVE OT SAY YOU ARE THE WORTHIEST OPPONENT I HAVE EVER FOUGHTED AGAINST IN SINGLE KOMBAT,_" Demagol hurled. "_IT WAS A SHAME THAT YOU WERE NEVER BORNE AS A MANDALORIAN, IN ANTOTHER GALAXY AND ANOTHER TIME, PERHAPS FAR, FAR, AWAY,,,,,, ,,,,, ,,,,, WE COULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS AND HAVE CONQUORED THE GALAXY TOGETHER,,, A SHAME ISN'T IT, DON'T YOU THINK"_

I thought about it. "Nah, I think I just wanna kill you," i said and hammer-punched him again in the helmet, and he slid across the floor that was flooded with paint and water, and he hit the far wall and got up. "_WELL THEN NOW'S YOUR CHANCE," he said getting up, "UNLESS IT'S ACTUALLY MINE,"_ And with a swoosh he had the needle of Jedi-killing poison out. "_AND WHAT SHALL YOUR WEAPON BE?_"

I pulled my knife outta my sleeve. He inclined his head. "_A MERE METAL BLADE? YOU DISAPPOINT ME,_" And we started circling around to closer to each other. Only one of the lights was working so now the place was darker and the smoke was gray instead of white.

"Yeah, truth be told I prefer guns or lightsabers," I said thoughtlessly, "But I have a certain... _nostaglia_ for this particular knife. Ya see, I took it off of Taris before it exploded – and did you know_ I'm_ the reason Taris exploded to begin with? – but anyway I have it because I was in this bar, and some bitch started hassling me 'cause she thinks I'm a waiter. So I punched her out and took this knife from her. Wanna know why I have it now?"

"_NO, WHY?_"

"Cuz to me, _you're_ a bitch too. _All_ of you are," and we attacked each other again in **THE****FINAL ROUND!** We kept poking at each other with our respective weapons, but we stayed out of reach and only stabbed the air between us, and sometimes we just stood still trying to sike each other out. It was really tense because I was so tired I sometimes coulndn't afraid of to fight but I had to keep going if I wanted to get out alive...

Suddenly Demagol sprang forwards, and we attacked at once! I slashed my knife across his helmet leaving a mark, but he stabbed the needle into my neck and injected me with the "**AAARRRAAAAAAUUUGHHH**" I screamed and he pulled it out but I was too late, I was injected...

I stumbled around and he ran over to the spark cables, and used them to shoot another lightning bolt at me but I was able to catch it and just kinda kept it sparking there.

"_WHAT – IMPOSSIBLE,,,, IMPOSSIBLE,, _**IMPOSSSSSIBLE...**HOW ARE YOU STILL AIVEEEEE,,?" he roared. "MY JEDI-KILLING SERUM WAS PERFECT.,.,. ANY JEDI SHOLD BE POISONED AND KILLED IN SECONDS_**!**_**"**

I wasn't sure why eaither... but then I realized and I smiled the evilest smile of triumph in my life. "Because I'm not a Jedi, _sucker_. I've _slipped..._ into the _**dark side**_ if you will! Maybe that's why..." Then I walked closer and stabbed him to death. And looked around at the destroyed room around me. "Bloody hell, am I _hungry_."

So I found the button to open the pipeline, beeped it, and headed back to rejoin the gang before could get even worse. I Force-ran _real_ fast through the walls and stuff leaving a cloud of destruction behind me, along with tons of those Seklath Mutants and the Mandalorians getting splattered all over the place. When I got back to the pipeline I found my gang including Ahm'niisyah and the big circle door just starting to steam its way open.

I guffed and wheezed and collapsed with a small aneurusm onto the floor. But then I remembered I wasn't safe and got back up. Canderous had stolen an archaic stretcher-thing with wheels from the closet and put Bastila on it, and she was drooling on herself sexily. "_**BY THE MANDALORE'S BALLSACK!**_" He boomed. "_**YOU'RE ALIVE!**_ We could hear that fight from all the way over there! Guess Demagol's dead then?"

Pulling some fabric out of my pocket – the pocket was actually disintegrating from chemicals or something – I wiped blood from my face but that only made it worese of a smear so bad idea. "Yeah, he's pretty dead. Just like he deserves."

"It's a **shame** that he tried to kill us all instead of joining forces!" Candy howled. "He had to have been the greatest _Mandalorian __Scientist_ in history! With an army of Selkath Mandalorians and his genius behind us we would have been unstoppable against the Sithh! But it is all right, I am sure he died an dhonorable death and so shall we eventually. :)"

"Yeah, well, if the door won't take anymore time..." I started but had to turn around. There was one of the Mutant Ravenous Selkath Mandalorian Superdupercommando Soldiers. And he was coming straight for us! He was drooling and barking at us and had a sword.

Mission looked at him "Uh-oh."

"Don't worry!" Carth hooped. "I got this!" And he pulled out an atomic rocket-grenade launcher. This was a special weapon he'd built himself on the EEbon Hawk, it shot rockets that were attached to atomic grenades like the one that the Sith ahd used on Tatooine to blow up a city block in Anchorshead. "**KISS YER PROTONS GOODBYE FREAKO!**" he yelled and used Secondary-Fire to fire all the rockets at once! They streaked and hit the Selkath straight-up and the entire floor in that direction was vaporized.

But he was still coming at us. !~! He wasn't even slowed down and in fact running fastering on fire, and he had given birth to a dozen more of him and they were all running at us to!

Carth's jaw flapped out and he dropped the missile launcher on his feet, but he was so schocked that he didn't even feel it. "Guys..." he croaked.

"WE

HAVE

TOOOO

**RRRUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"** he screamed and we did, I was in the behind pushing Bastila on the stretcher as we zoomed at like a million miles an hour down the pipeline toward the safety of whereever the hell we were going to next.

There was a huge crowd of Mandalorian survivers and the Selkath Ravenous Mutant Mandalorians and robots and custodians all running screaming their heads off after us and we were all scared as hell except me because I was only a little scared and more of other things but later.

Anyway we got to the end of the pipeline and were in another base, also still under the water. I slammed a button that closed about a hundred blast doors after us according to the screen but it wouldn't hold them all for long. Already we could hear those abominations knawing on the first blast door from the inside.

Problem was, it turned out all the Republican dudes at this facility were already dead for some reason. One more load of crap to figure out. In the meantime we found another submarine room and I had the gang barricade the hell out of it.

I looked sadly as Bastila sat flat on her back on the stretcher twitching and shuddering and crying. But there was no time to do anything about it. "Listen guys" I said. "You all stay here and keep this place ready, I can sence that Star Map close. I'm gonna go find it, maybe figure out what happened here, and be back soon as I can." And I replaced my lightsaber batteries and other stuff.

"What, you're crazy!" Carth said. "Going into that madhouse by yourself!?"

"Not thrilled either, but I'm the fastest runner here. I can't let you guys slow me down. Just keep this sub intact, and I'll be back in no time."

And before anyone else could bitch at me I Force-ran away. The corridors of the Republic facility were darker and even spookier than in the last one, and I made sure to stick to the shadows when I couldn't. There were some Republican guards but they didn't see me yet which was fine. In one ofthe hallways I looked out the window into the damp ocean and saw some funny stuff. I used the Force to look further than my macrobinoculars could, and I saw another Star Map way out on the ocean floor! And a Giant Firaxan Shark the size of a corellian bulk freighter! And closer, stucking out the rest of the facility, a buncha sparking electrical discharge systems, and antennas, and other weird stuff I couldn't figure out.

I broke into some dude's office while he was on a coffee break, locked the door, and rifled through a bunch of his papers. But then it turned out that he was just sleeping under his desk so I beat the shit out of him by throwing him into his walls a few times, and then questioned him to fill in the blanks. It turned out that the science thing I'd seen outisde (in the water) was actually a weather control device they'd been working on.

"TALK!" I barked into his face. "WHAT'S THAT THING OUT THERE WITH THE SCIENCE?"

"Grrahhhgghhg!" he said bloodily. "It's our secret project – the HARP Machine! The Repiblic's best people have been working on it for years... A weather control device! It could turn the tide of the war into our favor if it's completed on time!"

I talked to him some more. Apparenlty the Republic knew about the Giant Shark and the Star Map but they hadn't gotten around to messing around with it yet. And the facility was being attacked by the Selkath Mutants breaking in from the Mando facility. I stopped choking the guy and threw his butt onto the desk. And I asked him who was in charge of this facility.

"Well yes," he croaked rubbing his hands. "It is a top-secret project after all so naturally it's well guarded..." And he was trying to look all innocent... But I saw him! He was reaching for an alarm buttoN!

_**"DIIIIIEEEEE"**_ and I smashed his face into the desk and blew up his skull. But before I left I turned off the light and closed the door so nobody would see his body in there. After that I found a map or something and it showed me more about the place. Apparently some of the scientists had been working on building a poison machine to kill the Giant Shark with. And also there were some Underwater Suits that I could use to get to the Star Map, but they were up in the Command Deck, which was also Top Secret and the highest sceince lab in the base.

So that's where I gotta go next. I was still in a very darksided mood so I took out me red lightsaber as I headed down the clean hallways. The Republican troops attacked me on sight and they were the elite kinds, not those pansies you see in the game. They had homing rocket-grenades, blaster rifles with directional phase-capacitors so they could shoot lasers around corners at me, and also top-notch martial skills like Gun Fu and othre stuff (taught at the Royal Academy on Anaxes) but they didn't stand a chance against me, especially now.

Everything in the past day had revved me up so hard that i was in total combat mode 100% of the time now. Every single time I looked at something, even if it was just a wall or a dude or a robot or a door or a piece of paint or a dust speck, i though tabout how many different ways I could kill it. Felt like I'd never get off of this until maybe I'd killed everyone still on Manaan except Bastila and I suppose the rest of my crew and maybe Carth. I wondered if I really had time for that, though.

The elevator had another Elite Republic guard, so I cut his faces off and stepped inside before more could show up and slamming the button for the top floor. As it went up I had my plan. I needed to get out otth eocean floor but to keep myself from getting eaten I'd had to kill that bigass shark out there first... And before I did that I would get my revenge on whoever was in charge of _this_ facility. Demagol had just been a lacky, I was now convinced. And it was time to dish out some _real_ vengeance on whoever he'd been working for.

I looked out the window into the ocean and there was the Giant Firaxan Shark, yelling at me.

"_**YOU HEAAAAAR MEEE.**_" I screamed back. "_**STAY RIGHT THERE MOTHERFUCKER BECAUSE YOU'RE NEXT!**_"

But it wasn't... It was only _one_ of the _last!_


End file.
